Arranged Marriage in China

Ming Zhao

Marriage is an important institution in our society， which binds men and women the most frequently.When men and women are together， the gender relationship becomes obvious.Most societies in the world are patriarchal， so mens power penetrates everywhere， including the marriage institution.Marriage institution is built on mens power， and at the same time， it contributes to mens power.Arranged marriage is a good example to illustrate how mens power is over women， which was prevailing in China.China also has arranged marriage today， but particularly in rural areas.Urban China develops a new form of arranged marriage recently， but whether traditional arranged marriage or progressive arranged marriage， they both reveal gender inequality and enhance gender inequality.

Traditional arranged marriage， which parents arrange for their child to marry a person that he or she does not even have a chance to know ， has been performed less than before because more people are well educated， especially in urban China， but it is replaced by an ideological form of arranged marriage， which I call forced voluntary-marriage.It refers to the phenomenon that some people， always women， who reach marriage age but do not get married， randomly choose a man by themselves to marry， simply because their parents force them to do so.Voluntary forced-marriage starts because of marriage pressure from parents.Parents in urban China no longer arrange their children to marry as before， but since higher education is a strong predictor for delaying marriage， the parents feel anxious about that.Although Chinese people have more choices of whom they want to marry today， marriage is still required rather than optional.Therefore， when children do not marry “on time，” parents begin to worry.

When is “on time？” Currently， the minimum legal marriage age is 22 for males and 20 for females （Li 2012）.Parents in rural areas usually expect their children to marry at least at the minimum legal age， while parents in urban areas hope their children could get married right after college graduation.However， the truth is that men and women in the urban areas get married much later than what parents expect.The average marriage age in urban China is 29.2 for males and 27.1 for females （360doc 2013）.For years， women who are single in their middle to late 20s have been labeled as “l(fā)eftover women，” which implies the message that “marry， ideally by 25” （Tatlow 2013）.When women are left over， their parents endlessly complain to them why they are still not married yet or constantly tell them that they are supposed to marry.This brings much marriage pressure to women who are at the “l(fā)ate marriage age，” and it is the main reason why many Chinese women commit forced voluntary-marriage.

Exerting pressure is a new way for parents to force their daughters to marry in the urban areas.Many women feel that they have to marry because they believe marriage is a filial piety， which is an essential part of Chinese culture （Reese 2003）.Filial piety requires children to respect their parents extremely， because parents give children everything and children should repay their goodness （Reese 2003）.Since parents strongly express that they expect their daughters to marry as soon as possible， their daughters finally find a way to meet their expectation by marrying a man who is available rather than lovable.To fulfill filial piety， women neglect their own happiness.Women probably will be not happy after marrying a man they do not love.Although psychologist Pamela Regan found that arranged marriage members， like free marriage members， also have “high rates of love， satisfaction and commitment” about their marriage， the results need more evidence to be proved.More importantly， even if arranged marriages could be happy， the happiness should not be built on the deprivation of willingness.

Besides the commitment to forced voluntary-marriage， marriage pressure from parents also reduces the chance that children connect with their parents， and encourages children to lie to their parents.When parents give their children too much pressure， children are afraid of encountering their parents or they do not know how to encounter their parents.For example， because parents talk about marriage too much， many children do not even go back home during the Chinese New Year， which is the most important festival in China.Xiaoxiao， who was 29 years old， comes from Jinzhou and has been a white collar in Shenzhen for six years （Dayuenet 2013）.She went back home each year to celebrate the Chinese New Year， but this year， she did not， because her parents， relatives， and neighbors always asked her when she could have a boyfriend or when she could get married （Dayuenet 2013）.She had had already three blind dates even before she went back.She did not plan to go back home because she did not want to be urged to marry by other people （Dayuenet 2013）.

Another example is that many children who are single go back home to celebrate the Chinese Yew Year， but they choose to lie to their parents saying that they have a girlfriend or boyfriend.How do they lie to their parents？ They rent a boyfriend or a girlfriend to go back home with them.Ding Na， who was almost 30 and still single， planned to use this strategy to comfort her parents or avoid her parentscomplaint （Hatton 2013）.Every demand can be met.Some men posted the rental fees of a boyfriend： “charging $5 an hour to accompany a girl to dinner and $8 for a kiss on the cheek.If the fake boyfriend stays overnight with his clients family for Chinese New Year， he charged $80 a night to sleep in his own bed， and $95 to sleep on the couch” （Hatton 2013）.Li Le， who was a boyfriend to be hired， said， “I might find someone who shares my interests and it would make both of us happy” （Hatton 2013）.This is how children deal with the marriage pressure from their parents.It seems an extreme method， but this extreme method lives up to the extreme pressure.

Why do parents insist to press their children， particularly their daughters， to marry at an “early” age？ It can be explained by the cultural gender roles in China， at the most parts.China is a patriarchal society.Men have power over women， so women have to comply with men.Men are supposed to support their family to maintain their status， while women are supposed to take care of their husbands and their children to trap them in the lower status.Since Chinese men and women have different tasks， they receive different expectations.In the ancient time， men were supposed to farm to feed their family members and women were supposed to weave to provide daily necessities.It is clear that men should work outside of the home， and women should work inside of the home.They were fixed to their own roles， and were not allowed to cross.There is an old saying that “ignorance is a womens virtue，” which means women are expected to do nothing except being inferior.However， men are a familys hope， so they are expected to do anything to show their superiority.As a consequence， in a traditional perspective， womens only commitment is to their family， while men could do almost whatever they want.

Gender roles reveal gender inequality through arranged marriage.Gender roles indicate that men should be powerful and strong and then to support their families and women should be soft and submissive and then to serve men， which fix men to masculinity while fix women to femininity.Arranged marriage is based on the relationship between masculinity and femininity， which forces women to step in the relationship and to practice femininity.The relationship of masculinity and femininity itself is unequal， because it is established on distribution of power.Social institutions assign men more power than women through their different social roles.Marriage is a way to display the inequality through gender roles.Arranged marriage is more severe because women are completely thrown into passivity.

Gender roles do not only reveal gender inequality but also contribute to gender inequality.Different gender roles lead to different gender expectations， then lead to different source distributions， and finally lead to gender inequality.For example， women are supposed to be a housewife， then they are expected to learn housework， next they are not given a chance to go to school， and finally they are less likely to be educated than men.Take arranged marriage as an example.Arranged marriage reveals womens lower social status than men， but at the same time， it enhanced the relationship between men and women.Arranged marriage is a strategy used to maintain mens social status.Because men have higher social status， arranged marriage emerges as a sign to differentiate men and women social status.When arranged marriage is practiced， it is based on higher social status of men and lower social status of women， so the more arranged marriage is practiced， the more clear the relationship between men and women is， or specifically， the more growing the polarization between men and womens social status is.That is to say gender roles contribute to gender inequality.

賞析

《一個(gè)人的和平》以第二次世界大戰(zhàn)陰霾籠罩下的德文學(xué)校為背景，采用第一人稱倒敘的手法娓娓講述了一段令人唏噓的少年友誼和沉重惶然的青春歲月。故事從成年后的吉恩重返校園開始講起。時(shí)光荏苒，物是人非，踏上這片印著青春足跡的土地，他的感受是復(fù)雜的：一方面為曾經(jīng)造成的那無法彌補(bǔ)的傷害深感自責(zé)，一方面又升騰起長大成人的自豪感。懷著這種愧疚而又釋然的復(fù)雜心情，吉恩展開了他對(duì)往事的無限追憶。

那是1942年的夏天，戰(zhàn)爭的硝煙尚未打破德文學(xué)校的寧靜。吉恩和菲尼亞斯都是學(xué)校里出類拔萃的學(xué)生：前者是班里的優(yōu)等生，一心想獲得學(xué)業(yè)特別成就獎(jiǎng)，期待著能夠在畢業(yè)典禮上以學(xué)生代表身份發(fā)表演講；后者則擁有過人的運(yùn)動(dòng)天賦，獲得的體育獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)不計(jì)其數(shù)，并非專業(yè)游泳選手的他甚至輕而易舉地就刷新了學(xué)校多年未破的游泳紀(jì)錄。更為難能可貴的是，16歲的菲尼亞斯是“一個(gè)少有的能在1942年的夏天還自由快樂的男孩”。他思想獨(dú)立，帶有鮮明的理想主義色彩；他同情弱者，敢于蔑視權(quán)威，具有強(qiáng)大的人格魅力。菲尼亞斯別出心裁地想出從樹上跳水、打“閃電球”等幾個(gè)游戲，作為好朋友的吉恩也一直參與其中。這是戰(zhàn)火紛飛的歲月里難得的歡愉時(shí)光，如果時(shí)間能夠像這樣一直靜靜地流淌下去，一切原本應(yīng)如輕風(fēng)拂水不著痕跡。但是，一件事像石子投入湖中一般在青春的湖面上激起了層層漣漪。節(jié)選部分描述的正是這件事。吉恩對(duì)菲尼亞斯瀟灑率性的性格和行為方式既羨慕又嫉妒，以致產(chǎn)生猜疑，認(rèn)為菲尼亞斯拉著自己參加各種活動(dòng)只是因?yàn)榧刀首约撼煽兒?，想要影響自己學(xué)習(xí)。然而菲尼亞斯卻真誠地告訴吉恩，他希望吉恩能夠認(rèn)真地做自己擅長的事情。吉恩這才意識(shí)到自己在胡亂猜疑，進(jìn)而更加怨恨菲尼亞斯身上所擁有的坦蕩和純真。就在兩人都爬上樹枝準(zhǔn)備進(jìn)行雙人跳時(shí)，吉恩暗暗晃動(dòng)樹枝，致使菲尼亞斯失去平衡跌落致殘。一時(shí)的沖動(dòng)造就了終生無法彌補(bǔ)的傷害。從那一刻開始，兩人的命運(yùn)因?yàn)檫@個(gè)偶然事件而徹底改變。故事一改最初的輕松基調(diào)，沉重的灰色如霧霾般在剩下的大半本小說中蔓延。吉恩為什么這樣做？原因似乎是嫉妒——因?yàn)閮?nèi)心莫名其妙的嫉妒，他親手摧毀了世界上最美好的友情。但實(shí)際上，就連吉恩自己也無法說清楚真正的原因——因?yàn)椤懊つ康囊粫r(shí)沖動(dòng)”，事情就在稀里糊涂中“鬼使神差”地發(fā)生了。滿心歉疚的吉恩一再懺悔，想向菲尼亞斯說明原委尋求原諒，而菲尼亞斯卻懷著對(duì)好朋友無比的信賴有意回避著事情的真相——他不愿承認(rèn)好友對(duì)他的背叛，因?yàn)楸槐撑训耐纯噙h(yuǎn)比身體的痛楚更能折磨他的內(nèi)心。后來，在一次由同學(xué)們組織的探求這起事故真相的“審判”中，寬容大度的菲尼亞斯為維護(hù)吉恩，在倉促離開時(shí)又一次摔斷了腿。在病房里，兩人終于敞開心扉，達(dá)成諒解，但命運(yùn)卻無情地捉弄了他們——菲尼亞斯在手術(shù)中骨髓意外順血液流入心臟，不治而亡。這在吉恩心中留下難以愈合的創(chuàng)傷和恒久的煎熬。

隨著長大成人，競爭精神漸漸取代了少年們天真爛漫的游戲，矛盾與敵對(duì)開始凸顯。人們假想出自己的敵人，然后與他開戰(zhàn)，每個(gè)人“都以無限的代價(jià)筑造自己的馬其諾防線，抵擋自以為看見的越過防線的敵人”。對(duì)吉恩來說，菲尼亞斯就是他的一個(gè)沒有實(shí)現(xiàn)的自我，一個(gè)因欠缺而產(chǎn)生的欲望。因?yàn)檫@個(gè)假想敵，吉恩迷失了自我，其實(shí)他真正的敵人一直是自己。他發(fā)動(dòng)了一場自我的戰(zhàn)爭，卻導(dǎo)致了兩敗俱傷的結(jié)局——吉恩毀了菲尼亞斯的肉身，而菲尼亞斯的死瓦解了吉恩的靈魂。在菲尼亞斯的葬禮上，吉恩沒有哭泣，因?yàn)樗冀K“無法擺脫一種感覺：這是我自己的葬禮，人在自己的葬禮上是無法哭的”。菲尼亞斯的葬禮可以看作一個(gè)隱喻，隨著菲尼亞斯一起埋葬的還有吉恩的純真和青春。

菲尼亞斯死后，他高貴的人格更加引人追思。“他擁有超乎尋常的活力、不斷增強(qiáng)的自信，以及一種平靜的愛的能力?！薄爸挥蟹颇醽喫箯牟缓ε?，只有菲尼亞斯從不仇恨任何人?！币?yàn)闊o所仇恨，也就“沒有任何東西能打破他那和諧與自然的完整性”。菲尼亞斯的死亡在某種程度上是注定的：相對(duì)于戰(zhàn)爭的冰冷殘酷以及其他人幽暗的內(nèi)心世界，他的善良和純真顯得那么格格不入。正如吉恩所說，菲尼亞斯“在戰(zhàn)爭中是不會(huì)有優(yōu)異的表現(xiàn)的”，因?yàn)樗粫?huì)為敵對(duì)情緒所蠱惑，也不懂得什么是敵人，以至于在那戰(zhàn)火紛飛的年代他也倔強(qiáng)地否認(rèn)著戰(zhàn)爭的真實(shí)存在。菲尼亞斯這一形象代表了作者美好的烏托邦理想，是純真與和平的象征。

《一個(gè)人的和平》問世于20世紀(jì)50年代，那正是一個(gè)對(duì)二戰(zhàn)進(jìn)行深刻反思的年代。雖然戰(zhàn)爭的烽火尚未燃燒至靜謐的校園，但每個(gè)人、每顆心都早已騷動(dòng)不安。在官方的宣傳中，戰(zhàn)爭被浪漫化，其荒謬性和殘酷性從而被掩蓋，連最缺乏男子氣概的萊珀也在謊言的蠱惑下上了戰(zhàn)場，卻被戰(zhàn)爭的夢魘折磨得精神錯(cuò)亂。迫使萊珀逃離軍隊(duì)的那些可怕的幻想——男人的頭長在女人的身體上，椅子扶手變成人的胳膊——正體現(xiàn)了戰(zhàn)爭對(duì)人的摧殘和異化。任何人看到萊珀的變化都會(huì)心生驚駭，就連一直認(rèn)定戰(zhàn)爭是庸俗的胖老頭編造的笑話和謊言的菲尼亞斯都不得不承認(rèn)：“不管怎么說，隨后我便知道真的在打仗?！边@正是戰(zhàn)爭的威嚴(yán)與冷峻之處，它不允許任何人輕視它，也不允許任何人否認(rèn)它的客觀存在。戰(zhàn)爭的硝煙無處不在，它剝奪了少年的純真、幻想和青春。沒有人能夠真正地逃離，除了死亡——唯一得到和平的，是逝去的菲尼亞斯。