作文優(yōu)化六大原則

龔磊 陳慈明

首先讓我們來(lái)看一道作文題：

假定你是李華，暑期時(shí)間到尼泊爾（Nepal）參假國(guó)際志愿者支教活動(dòng)，請(qǐng)用英文給國(guó)際志愿者組織網(wǎng)站www.volunteerheq.org寫信介紹支教情況。主要內(nèi)容包括：

1. 擔(dān)任化學(xué)教師，實(shí)驗(yàn)課讓同學(xué)們了解了很多神秘的現(xiàn)象；

2. 盡管當(dāng)?shù)貨]有電，也沒有自來(lái)水，沒有課本，但是你適應(yīng)了艱苦的生活條件；

3. 支教活動(dòng)讓你收益，讓你更懂得理解和幫助別人；

4. 號(hào)召更多的同學(xué)參加志愿者活動(dòng)。

注意：1. 詞數(shù)不少于100；

2. 書信格式及開頭均已給出；

3. 適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

請(qǐng)同學(xué)們比較以下兩篇作文：

Dear Sir and Madam，

Im a high school student from China， I worked as a volunteer teacher in Chemistry in Nepal during this summer vacation. This experience made me learn about the local life in Nepal. Now， Im writing this e-mail to show you my unforgettable experience there.

Although there is no tap water， electricity or textbooks， I managed to adapt myself to the poor living conditions and teaching. Im proud that I taught some useful knowledge in my chemistry experiment lessons. In fact， my voluntary job not only rewarded the local people but also improved myself. It has helped me understand the meaning of helping the others in need.

The voluntary job has benefited me a lot， so I call on more and more students to join in this activity and more voluntary activities should be organized by www.volunteerheq.org.

Im looking forward to sharing more voluntary experiences.

Yours，

LiHua

Dear Sir and Madam，

Im a high school student from China， Its a privilege for me to serve as a volunteer teacher in Chemistry in Nepal during this summer vacation. Honestly speaking， this impressive experience made it possible for me to learn about the local life in Nepal in the flesh. Now， Im writing the E-mail to picture my unforgettable life there.

Faced with the fact that there is no rap water， electricity or even no textbooks， I managed to adapt myself to the poor living and teaching conditions. Actually， what made me proud was that I introduced them to some practical problems in my chemistry experiment lesson， which used to be mysteries to the local students. Their thrilled and amazed expressions will never fade away from my memory. In reality， not only did my voluntary job reward the local people but also improved myself， which is what people say “mutual progress”. Moreover， it has promoted my awareness and understanding of assisting the others in need. Accordingly， I also have a better understanding of the saying： Rose given， fragrance in hand.

The voluntary job has benefited me a lot， and therefore I advocate that more and more students should participate in this career and more voluntary activities be organized by www.volunteerheq.org.

Im looking forward to sharing some more voluntary experiences.

Yours

Li Hua

通過對(duì)比，同學(xué)們可以明顯發(fā)現(xiàn)修改后的第二篇文章涵蓋的要點(diǎn)更全面，語(yǔ)言更地道、流暢。那我們要如何做到這一點(diǎn)呢？筆者認(rèn)為，我們?cè)趯懽髦凶裱韵聨讞l原則，能夠讓作文質(zhì)量快速提升，抓住閱卷老師的眼球：

1. 小詞語(yǔ)原則。所謂小詞語(yǔ)原則，就是少用那些空泛的大詞，如一說(shuō)到“好”就是nice， good等，多用能表達(dá)特定意義的小詞（高級(jí)詞匯）。意義范圍越小，詞語(yǔ)越高級(jí)，表達(dá)意義也就越準(zhǔn)確。如表達(dá)“美麗的”時(shí)候，fantastic，superb， awesome， impressive， breathtaking， spectacular， splendid都是不錯(cuò)的選擇。而學(xué)會(huì)靈活地使用不同詞語(yǔ)來(lái)表達(dá)同一含義，也會(huì)讓你的文章更高級(jí)。如下例：

有人對(duì)林書豪（Jeremy Lin）的未來(lái)發(fā)展進(jìn)行了一項(xiàng)社會(huì)調(diào)查。請(qǐng)你根據(jù)調(diào)查結(jié)果寫一篇150 詞的英語(yǔ)短文：

[為什么能成功？＼&有人認(rèn)為是因?yàn)榍趭^；

有人認(rèn)為是因?yàn)樘熨x；

有人認(rèn)為是因?yàn)榻逃?/p>

有人認(rèn)為是因?yàn)檫\(yùn)氣。＼&是否會(huì)超越姚明？＼&你的觀點(diǎn)及理由。＼&]

這篇書面表達(dá)的一大難點(diǎn)在于用不同詞語(yǔ)表達(dá)“有人認(rèn)為是因?yàn)榍趭^；有人認(rèn)為是因?yàn)樘熨x；有人認(rèn)為是因?yàn)榻逃?；有人認(rèn)為是因?yàn)檫\(yùn)氣?！蔽覀儊?lái)回顧一下表達(dá)同一個(gè)意思的不同表達(dá)方式：

有人認(rèn)為 Some people think/consider/argue ... its believed that ...

因?yàn)?because of/owing to/due to/on account of ... because ...

例文 Some people think he is successful owing to his hard work. However， Some people consider his talent as a main factor of his success. And its also believed that the good education he has received leads to his success. But some people argue that he has achieved success just because he is lucky.

2. 巧用特殊句式原則。英語(yǔ)中的有不少漂亮的句式結(jié)構(gòu)，如強(qiáng)調(diào)句，倒裝句，雙重否定句等。恰當(dāng)使用這些句式，能夠讓文章氣場(chǎng)強(qiáng)大，脫穎而出。按照句式不同，以下一個(gè)順口溜可以幫助同學(xué)們快速記住使用這些帥呆了的“靚句”。

（1）肯定不如雙否好

You can pass the exam with effort.

→You cant pass the exam without effort.

（2）主動(dòng)不如被動(dòng)高

Some people say this kind of milk contains different levels of nutrients.

→Some people say different levels of nutrients are contained in this kind of milk.

（3）陳述不如倒裝巧

Su not only said many mean words to Li but also he shouted at the top of his voice.

→Not only did Su say many mean words to Li but also he shouted at the top of his voice.

（4）單句不如復(fù)句妙

Su Hua and Li Jiang played basketball on the playground. They both jumped up to catch the flying ball.

→Su Hua and Li Jiang were playing basketball on the playground when they both jumped up to catch the flying ball.

（5）從句不如短句傲

After I finished my homework， I often relaxed myself by playing computer games.

→Having finished my homework， I often relaxed myself by playing computer games.

注意以上句式使用要根據(jù)實(shí)際需要選用，使用時(shí)要與上下文協(xié)調(diào)。不可盲目堆砌。

3. 長(zhǎng)短句交替原則。在寫作當(dāng)中，交替使用長(zhǎng)短句、簡(jiǎn)單句和復(fù)合句，可以使句子讀起來(lái)朗朗上口，看上去錯(cuò)落有致，可以提升文章的節(jié)奏感和可讀性，而多樣化的句式能夠顯示出作者較強(qiáng)的語(yǔ)言基本功，達(dá)到提升作文檔次的目的。如下面這篇根據(jù)2015年新課標(biāo)Ⅰ卷作文題所寫的作文：

Dear Peter，

Recently，in order to broaden our horizons， our school newspaper， which is very popular among us students， will start a column about western life and culture. We are in great need of such articles. Thats why Im writing to you.

The “foreign cultures” section carries articles written by foreign friends about the cultures of their countries. And we would especially welcome articles about the life of Americans senior-high and how Americans spend their holidays as well as festivals. In addition， you can introduce a western festival， such as Christmas， the Independence Day and so on. In a word， you can write anything relevant so long as its is interesting and informative. Whats more， your article should be at least 400 words. I would appreciate it if you could send it to us before June 28th， so that it can be published in time.

Looking forward to your replay.

Yours

Li Hua

本篇習(xí)作除注意到使用諸如broaden ones horizons， in great need of等短語(yǔ)，從詞語(yǔ)搭配上提高層次外，在句子搭配上也頗費(fèi)心思。如開頭一句Recently，in order to broaden our horizons， our school newspaper， which is very popular among us students， will start a column about western life and culture.”將副詞、目的狀語(yǔ)、定語(yǔ)從句等有機(jī)結(jié)合起來(lái)，讀起來(lái)朗朗上口；再如文章結(jié)尾Whats more， your article should be at least 400 words. I would appreciate it if you could send it to us before June 28th， so that it can be published in time. 采用簡(jiǎn)單句加固定句式would appreciate it if ... 以及so that ... 從句的方式，可以算是“閃亮收官”。

4. 銜接緊湊原則。英語(yǔ)作文中，句與句、段與段之間，缺少必要的銜接詞語(yǔ)會(huì)使文章顯得結(jié)構(gòu)松散，前后關(guān)系不清，影響文章的流暢性和完整性。根據(jù)英語(yǔ)銜接詞的特點(diǎn)，我們可以重點(diǎn)掌握一些，并常換常新，如以下一些銜接詞：

起 first of all， to begin/start with， in the first place， first and foremost ...

承 second（ly）， furthermore， moreover， whats more， in addition， besides ...

轉(zhuǎn) but， however， on the contrary， nonetheless， in contrast/comparison， nevertheless ...

合 hence， therefore， in conclusion， to conclude， in a word， last but not least ...

插入語(yǔ) that is to say， to a certain extent， to some degree， as a matter of fact ...

下面這篇短文便是恰如其分地使用銜接詞的一個(gè)典范：

Nowadays， many students are puzzled by a problem， that is， how could we improve the composition？ Here are my suggestions.

First of all， we should accumulate as many advanced words as possible. Secondly， applying them to our composition properly. However， that doesnt mean we should always adopt the same word. Sometimes， using diverse words to express the same meaning can brighten our composition.

Besides， some advanced sentences are necessary. But some students think the more advanced sentences， the better. Thats not ture. Only by combining various sentence patterns appropriately can we create excellent compositions.

In a word， making use of “cohesion” is essential. Last but not least， practice makes perfect！

5. 活用格言習(xí)語(yǔ)原則。在英語(yǔ)寫作當(dāng)中，使用與文章主題相一致的名人名言習(xí)語(yǔ)、諺語(yǔ)，亦或是發(fā)人深省的哲理警句，往往對(duì)文章起著畫龍點(diǎn)睛的作用。如以下作文片段：

Our future is determined by many things， such as opportunities and help from others， but our own attitude， determination and hard work play the most important role. Were the master of our own future. Just as the saying goes， “God helps those who help themselves.”

6. 整潔分段原則。為使文章條理清晰，文章應(yīng)有明確的段落劃分。高考作文一般分成三到四段即可。落實(shí)到書面上，則要求書寫整齊美觀，卷面整潔，給閱卷老師留下好的第一印象。

總而言之，優(yōu)秀作文的產(chǎn)生在于平時(shí)的日積月累和有效的寫作方法。而以上幾條原則，可有效提升作文檔次，令你取得滿意的考試成績(jī)。