A Traffic Accident

姜經(jīng)志 男，中學(xué)英語高級教師、安徽省骨干教師、淮北市優(yōu)秀教師、中國外語學(xué)習(xí)研究會(huì)會(huì)員、《中學(xué)生英語》特約編委、《學(xué)英語》和《英語周報(bào)》特約編輯。多年來，在省級以上報(bào)刊發(fā)表文章800余篇，并有多篇論文獲獎(jiǎng);曾主編《初中生英語滿分作文大全》、《英語奧林匹克》、《新目標(biāo)英語八年級暑假作業(yè)》，參編《高中英語知識(shí)點(diǎn)反饋與閱讀》、《初中英語題典大全》、《21世紀(jì)英語學(xué)習(xí)指南》等;多次輔導(dǎo)學(xué)生在國家和省級英語競賽中獲獎(jiǎng)。

A Traffic Accident

One afternoon， on my way to home①， I saw an accident： a car knocked an old man down.

I shouted to the passers-by for help. When the car driver saw this， he was afraid and he quickly closed his window and drives② away. “What shall I do？ The old man needs help，” I thought.

At that time， a truck stopped and the driver came out. “Whats wrong with the old man， boy？ What can I do for him？” the driver asked me. “Uncle， please help the old man. A car hit him and he is badly injured！” I said. “Well， dont worry. Let me take him to a hospital，” the driver said.

A few minutes after③， the driver took the old man to a hospital and I telephoned the police station. I told the police whole the story④ and the number of the car. The policemen said to me， “Well done， boy！Leave it to

us. That car driver will be punished！” Then I went to the hospital to see the old man.

When I got home， it was 7：30. Though I was a little tired， but⑤ I felt very happy.

安徽省濉溪縣四鋪中心學(xué)校 ? 胡安楠

1. 優(yōu)點(diǎn)：

作者以簡潔的筆法記敘了放學(xué)回家的路上親歷的一次交通事故。習(xí)作遵循了記敘文的寫作要求，點(diǎn)明了故事發(fā)生的時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)、人物、經(jīng)過和結(jié)果。短文的語言規(guī)范、表達(dá)準(zhǔn)確，體現(xiàn)出作者扎實(shí)的語言基本功。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① 改為on my way home。on my way home意為“在回家的路上”，home 在這里是副詞，前面不能加介詞to。

② 改為drove。根據(jù)上下文，此處應(yīng)用一般過去時(shí)。drive的過去式為drove。

③ 改為later。在一般過去時(shí)的句子中，表示在一段時(shí)間以后，應(yīng)用later。

④ 改為the whole story或all the story。whole 應(yīng)放在定冠詞the之后，all應(yīng)放在定冠詞the之前。

⑤ 去掉but。漢語的“雖然……但是……”翻譯成英語時(shí)，用了though就不能用but;同樣，用了but就不能用though。

3. 評分：

按中考英語作文滿分20分的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得17分。