在中國(guó)，我們約會(huì)吧！

By Anastasia Sukhoretskaya 譯 / 左娜

“閃電約會(huì)”現(xiàn)場(chǎng)

“并非是地球引力使人墜入愛(ài)河?！贝竺ΧΦ奈锢韺W(xué)家愛(ài)因斯坦經(jīng)歷過(guò)兩次婚姻，晚年還有伊人相伴，他對(duì)愛(ài)情的這番解讀格外精辟。如同萬(wàn)有引力一樣，地理距離對(duì)兩個(gè)相愛(ài)的人來(lái)說(shuō)也并非障礙。

如今外國(guó)人因各種各樣的原因來(lái)到中國(guó)，他們未曾料想到，愛(ài)情就在異國(guó)轉(zhuǎn)角處等待。對(duì)一些外國(guó)人來(lái)說(shuō)，異國(guó)戀曲只是一次冒險(xiǎn)，或是一種排遣寂寞的手段；而另一些人則借此遇上了相伴終生的幸?；橐??！斑@就是‘緣分’！”中國(guó)人總會(huì)如此總結(jié)。但誰(shuí)又能否認(rèn)，其實(shí)是我們自己主宰了自己的命運(yùn)？這里我為那些渴望在中國(guó)找到另一半的“老外”們總結(jié)了五種方法，希望他們能成功收獲愛(ài)情，無(wú)論對(duì)方是中國(guó)人還是另一個(gè)尋覓幸福的“老外”。

如果你自己沒(méi)能解決“個(gè)人問(wèn)題”，別擔(dān)心，總會(huì)有人向你伸出援手，甚至是提供約會(huì)場(chǎng)所和潛在對(duì)象讓你接觸。比如說(shuō)，“閃電約會(huì)”。在像北京這樣的大城市，“閃電約會(huì)”的出現(xiàn)滿足了大城市年輕、未婚的“打拼者”們的交友需求，因此頗受歡迎。中國(guó)人楊旭是北京“閃電約會(huì)”活動(dòng)最早的發(fā)起者之一?！霸诒本?，‘閃電約會(huì)’同時(shí)面向本地人和外國(guó)人?！睏钚窠M織的活動(dòng)主要針對(duì)外國(guó)人，但本地人也可參與。要參加“閃電約會(huì)”非常簡(jiǎn)單。你只需搜索微信公眾號(hào)“北京閃電約會(huì)”，發(fā)送包括愛(ài)好、職業(yè)等信息在內(nèi)的個(gè)人簡(jiǎn)介，然后等待組織者的回復(fù)即可。該賬號(hào)還會(huì)及時(shí)將最新的活動(dòng)公告推送給用戶?！伴W電約會(huì)”通常在周末舉行，每個(gè)參與者都有一個(gè)號(hào)碼牌，男女相對(duì)而坐。男士每隔三分鐘換一次座位，與下一位女士交談，直到每?jī)扇硕冀徽勥^(guò)一遍才結(jié)束。整個(gè)活動(dòng)是用英語(yǔ)進(jìn)行的，所以對(duì)那些年輕、渴望國(guó)際化的中國(guó)本地人來(lái)說(shuō)，“閃電約會(huì)”不失為一次鍛煉英語(yǔ)能力的好機(jī)會(huì)。但是，中文流利的老外還享有另外的機(jī)會(huì)?！疤枪挥丫W(wǎng)”和該網(wǎng)站組織的“閃電約會(huì)”活動(dòng)完全是中式的，至今已有三年歷史。要參加他們的活動(dòng)，你需要在網(wǎng)站上注冊(cè)。網(wǎng)站創(chuàng)始人之一朱云濤先生說(shuō)該網(wǎng)站每場(chǎng)活動(dòng)至少能召集到70人，最多則可以召集200人左右。他們的活動(dòng)每周末將舉行兩次，并有可能安排私人間的約會(huì)。朱云濤認(rèn)為中、西式的“閃電約會(huì)”大不一樣，西方主要是閑聊，愉快即可；但如果要參加中式速配，你得準(zhǔn)備好回答以下問(wèn)題：“你是干什么工作的？”“你的工資有多少？”“你有兄弟姐妹嗎？”和最重要的問(wèn)題“你有房有車(chē)嗎？”這些問(wèn)題無(wú)論是男性還是女性都得面對(duì)。然而，盡管中西方對(duì)婚姻的看法迥然不同，朱云濤表示仍有“天不怕地不怕”的老外來(lái)參加活動(dòng)，希望找到中國(guó)伴侶?！岸砹_斯、美國(guó)、澳大利亞和其他國(guó)家的外籍人士都有來(lái)參加的。”

除了“閃電約會(huì)”，還有英語(yǔ)角這個(gè)好去處。北京的英語(yǔ)角多到泛濫，主要功能是讓大家聚在一起練習(xí)英語(yǔ)。誰(shuí)知道你會(huì)在英語(yǔ)角遇到什么緣分？說(shuō)不定在這里你能碰到命運(yùn)中的“那個(gè)人”，40年后，你們還會(huì)坐在一起回憶當(dāng)年相遇的那個(gè)英語(yǔ)角呢。

如果你工作繁忙、性格靦腆，“閃電約會(huì)”你也不感冒，網(wǎng)絡(luò)則會(huì)為身在中國(guó)、患“缺愛(ài)癥”的你提供更多的“治療手段”。每個(gè)在北京的單身漢都不能忽略著名約會(huì)網(wǎng)站如badoo中文版、“城市周末”網(wǎng)、“北京人”社區(qū)和“我們?cè)诒本本W(wǎng)站。當(dāng)然，約會(huì)網(wǎng)站的可信度趕不上“閃電約會(huì)”，因?yàn)槟悴恢谰W(wǎng)頁(yè)上那些漂亮的照片背后到底躲的是誰(shuí)。但我們也看到確實(shí)有從網(wǎng)上交友發(fā)展到一段穩(wěn)定感情，最后走向婚姻的正面例子。米婭，一個(gè)美麗的金發(fā)拉脫維亞女孩，和中國(guó)出生的羅伯特，一個(gè)互聯(lián)網(wǎng)市場(chǎng)專(zhuān)家相識(shí)于尋找旅伴的交友網(wǎng)站。幾次接觸后，兩人發(fā)現(xiàn)彼此之間有很多共同點(diǎn)。在前往美國(guó)的旅途中，米婭和羅伯特的感情日益深厚，漸漸變得難舍難分。

米婭與羅伯特

有人說(shuō)，如果你就坐在家里，愛(ài)情是不會(huì)找上門(mén)來(lái)的。去酒吧、夜店來(lái)次“探險(xiǎn)”是再簡(jiǎn)單不過(guò)的辦法了。北京、上海、廣州這樣的大城市都號(hào)稱(chēng)有“最時(shí)髦”的酒吧，且很多都坐落于城市中心，很容易找到。但酒精的刺激很難與認(rèn)真的感情畫(huà)等號(hào)，大多時(shí)候只是為了排遣寂寞而已。

工作中的社交和大學(xué)里的同學(xué)交往也是公認(rèn)的“找對(duì)象”途徑。有什么人能比和你一同學(xué)習(xí)、工作，彼此扶持、知根知底的同伴更適合交往呢？對(duì)那些還單身的人提個(gè)意見(jiàn)，請(qǐng)留心周?chē)f(shuō)不定“緣分”早已躲在你的身邊，而你卻忽略了。

最后一個(gè)找到真愛(ài)的秘訣是，盡可能在閑暇時(shí)間多參加各種各樣的社交活動(dòng)，無(wú)論是朋友的婚禮、三里屯“老書(shū)蟲(chóng)”書(shū)店的智力競(jìng)賽或是北京首都劇院的表演。曾參加首都劇院中文表演的加拿大女孩珍妮弗與中國(guó)男孩鋼鋼相識(shí)一年了。“我們是在首都劇院的后臺(tái)認(rèn)識(shí)的，之后我倆的感情‘螺旋式上升’，在經(jīng)歷了一系列事情后，如今我們已是一對(duì)幸福的夫妻了?！闭淠莞M臉甜蜜地回憶說(shuō)。她曾在北京做過(guò)4年英語(yǔ)和法語(yǔ)培訓(xùn)老師，現(xiàn)在她當(dāng)起了老板，開(kāi)了一家自己的語(yǔ)言培訓(xùn)學(xué)校。她沒(méi)想到自己在戲劇公司工作的同事會(huì)請(qǐng)她出演一場(chǎng)戲，“我是個(gè)開(kāi)朗、喜歡社交的人，我很快和劇場(chǎng)的工作人員‘打成一片’。我對(duì)其中那個(gè)負(fù)責(zé)舞臺(tái)換場(chǎng)的男孩最有感覺(jué)，他每次都會(huì)在我上場(chǎng)前確認(rèn)我的服裝已經(jīng)準(zhǔn)備好。我們的第一次約會(huì)是在三里屯的一間酒吧，之后我們一直保持交往，最后墜入愛(ài)河?！闭淠莞ビ盅a(bǔ)充到：“因?yàn)檎Z(yǔ)言障礙，我們學(xué)會(huì)了如何耐心地相處，我們還感悟到不要將誤會(huì)看得太嚴(yán)重，兩個(gè)人在一起高高興興最好。盡管我們有開(kāi)放的心態(tài)決定在一起，我倆還明白不能僅僅是去發(fā)現(xiàn)一種新的文化，還要融入這種文化，這樣才更了解彼此。我倆這種情況并不常見(jiàn)，尤其是在中國(guó)，所以我們的愛(ài)情證明了文化可以‘和而不同’，一切皆有可能！”

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love”, said a well-known physicist and scientist Albert Einstein who, being a father and a twice-married man with a mistress accompanying him in the twilight of his life, definitely had an eye for love affairs.Geography, just like gravitation, is not an obstacle for two loving hearts.People come to China, on different reasons,not expecting that love is awaiting them at the corner.For some,a love affair in China means an adventure, an antidote for boredom, but for the rest, and I’m glad to point out, for a solid part of China’s expat society, it leads to a long-life and happy marriage.“It’s yuanfen!” the Chinese will exclaim.But who said that it’s not us who is responsible for our fate? I have resumed the five most possible ways that can help the desperate expats in China to meet their significant ones, be it Chinese or another seeking for love foreigner.

If you can’t solve the problem on your own, fortunately, there is always someone who is ready to give a hand, or better – to provide a place and potential partners to choose from.For a small consideration.Speed dating, as it is dubbed in English,proves that love is not blind.In big cities like Beijing speed dating events are very popular.This is the latest trend that has emerged as the reaction to the demand of society, especially of the young unmarried megapolis dwellers.Yang Xu, a Chinese by nationality, is a founder of the earliest speed dating events in Beijing.As Mr.Yang Xu emphasizes, “Beijing speed dating shoots its arrow at both locals and expats” as the event is intended mostly for foreigners but locals can also participate.The procedure of registration is simple.One needs to find a public page in WeChat under the name “BeijingSpeedDating”and send a short description of himself, not forgetting to mention hobbies and job occupation, and wait for the response from the moderator.The news about the upcoming events can also be easily found inside the account.The time of the events falls on the weekend.On the appointed day the participants who have their own number are seated in pairs.Gentlemen change their seats every three minutes and go to the next lady until everyone is finished.The conversation is held in English so the Chinese-born participants stand a perfect chance to practice their English as well as to find a partner from another country which has become a trend among young, perspective and international-minded locals.However, there is another option for those foreigners who are fluent in Chinese.The website tangguolove.com and corresponding speed dating events in the Chinese style were established three years ago.To get into this event, one needs to register on their website.According to one of its co-founders, Mr.Zhu Yuntao, every time the events gathers at least 70 participants and 200 and more at most.The events are held twice on the weekends with the possibility of arranging private match-making.As Mr.Zhu Yuntao explained, there is a difference between Chinese and Western style speed dating.The Western speed dating is mostly the chitchat, meet for fun.But if one wants to take part in the Chinese speed dating, he should be prepared to be snowed under the questions like“What is your job?”, “How much do you earn?”, “Do you have brothers or sisters?”, and, the king of all questions, “Do you have an apartment and a car?” addressed both to male and female participants.However, notwithstanding the frightening differences between the Chinese and Western way of seeing marriage, Mr.Zhu Yuntao said, there are fearless foreigners who come to his events specially to find a Chinese partner.There used to be participants from Australia, the USA, Russia and other countries.

Apart from speed dating, there are English corners, which is a plethora in Beijing.The main aim is to gather together and speak English.I was introduced into one English corner that was held in CBD on Saturday evenings.But this is only one of many around Beijing.Who knows, whom you will meet there.There is a possibility that after 40 years from a fatal encounter you will be sitting together one day and reflecting about that very English corner where you met each other.

If you are that busy or shy and speed dating is not your cup of tea, the Internet offers many other ways to cure your absenceof-love sickness in China.Everyone who is still single in China cannot ignore the well-known dating websites like badoo.com(the Chinese version), cityweekend.com.cn, thebeijinger.com and most likely weliveinbeijing.com.Of course, they lose points to speed dating events, as you never know who’s hiding behind a pretty face on the photo on a website.However, there are cases when the internet encounter resulted into long and strong relationships that led to marriage eventually.Mia, a stunning blond girl from Latvia, and Robert, a Chinese born, Internet marketing expert, got acquainted on one of the websites that offers the service of finding a travelling companion.After a few meetings and talks they discovered they had much in common.Their mutual affection grew stronger when Mia and Robert went to the USA to travel.Since then, they are inseparable.

Some people say if you sit at home, your love won’t be able to discover you.Searching for adventures in bars and clubs is as easy as ABC.Big cities like Beijing, Shanghai or Guangzhou can boast of the “funkiest” clubs in China.Many of them are concentrated in the city centers which makes them easy to find.But the alcohol has never been a friend of serious relationships.However, it can be a temporary cure of loneliness.

No one should exclude social contacts at work or university as the potential place to find your true love.What can be better than someone you know very well, with whom you worked or studied shoulder to shoulder, who helped you or whom you helped in troublesome situations.A message for those who are still lonely – probably you should just look around.What if your yuanfen is hiding under your very nose?And the last but not the least path to finding a true love is to take part in every social event that your time can afford be it friend’s wedding, Quiz night somewhere in the Bookworm on Sanlitun, or even performing in a Chinese play in Beijing Capital Theatre that happened to Jennifer from Canada and Gang Gang from China.As Jennifer said, they know each other for over a year now.“Since our first encounter backstage, during a Chinese play in Beijing Capital Theatre, we have been through a spiral of emotions and events that brought us to the happily married couple we are today.” said Jennifer.She was working as an English and French teacher in Beijing for four years until she decided to open her own language training center.She didn’t expect her colleague from the drama company she was working for would call and ask her to act in a play.She says, “Being the bubbly and social girl as I am, I befriended the theatre staff and the crew, particularly the one that made the décor changes and made sure I was OK before going on stage.After our first date in a bar in Sanlitun, we kept talking and seeing each other and eventually, fell in love”.Later she adds, “Because of the language barrier we learned how to be patient with each other.We also learned not to take misunderstandings too seriously and just be happy.Although we already had an open mind to start even as a couple, we learn to not only discover about a new culture but also live it, which makes each of us more aware of who we are.In our case, the match that we have is quite rarely seen, at least in China, so just by 'being' we are a testimony that celebrates differences and shows that everything is possible!”

本文作者特別感謝楊旭先生（北京“閃電約會(huì)”的創(chuàng)始人）、朱云濤先生（“糖果果交友網(wǎng)”創(chuàng)始人），米婭和羅伯特，以及珍妮弗和鋼鋼向我們講述他們的經(jīng)歷。

At the end, the author of the article wants to express special gratitude to Mr.Yang Xu (founder of “Speed Dating Beijing”), Mr.Zhu Yuntao (founder of tangguolove.com, Chinese speed dating events), Mia and Robert, as well as Jennifer and Gang Gang for their amazing and full of love stories and experiences.