2014年高考英語短文寫作分析

王幼平++馮建國

【真題呈現(xiàn)】

請根據(jù)以下提示，并結(jié)合具體事例，用英語寫一篇短文。

Small things make a big difference. The small things we do can make us a responsible member of the society.

注意：①無須寫標(biāo)題；②除詩歌外，文體不限；③內(nèi)容必須結(jié)合你生活中的具體事例；④文中不得透漏個人姓名和學(xué)校名稱； ⑤詞數(shù)不少于120，如引用提示語則不計入總次數(shù)。

【審題謀篇】

提示語意為：小事情有大的影響，我們所做的小事情能使我們成為這個社會中有責(zé)任感的一員。提示語的落腳點(diǎn)在第二句話，因此我們要把小事情和社會責(zé)任感這兩個點(diǎn)有機(jī)結(jié)合起來。一個人的社會責(zé)任也許并不起眼，一件事情上體現(xiàn)的社會責(zé)任也許并不驚天動地。但是，無數(shù)人擔(dān)負(fù)共同的社會責(zé)任，無數(shù)小事情上匯集的社會責(zé)任舉動，就能形成推動社會進(jìn)步的巨大力量。在日常生活中，我們會遇到很多小事情，比如在災(zāi)難面前伸出援助之手，參加志愿者活動，節(jié)約水電，保護(hù)環(huán)境等，都能體現(xiàn)出我們的責(zé)任意識。因此，從我做起，從小事做起，盡到自己的社會責(zé)任是這篇文章的立意所在。

對于這種話題作文，我們依然采取引題、記敘、總結(jié)的三段式。把握了立意后，就可以謀篇布局了。第一段提出話題；第二段例舉自己生活中遇到的一件體現(xiàn)自己社會責(zé)任感的小事；第三段寫這個經(jīng)歷給自己的體會和啟示，再次點(diǎn)明主題，首尾呼應(yīng)。

習(xí)作一

As is known to us all， small things can make a big difference. In our daily life， even if the things we do are very small， we still can make us a responsible member of the society.

For example， one weekend， our teachers took us to a park where we were about to plant trees. With the help of our teachers， everyone at least planted one tree. Some enthusiastic students planted more. Every one of us was really happy to do something for our society. In the meanwhile， we were confident that there would be a forest in the park many years later. Last week， I went to the park. Those trees we planted ten years ago have been taller than I. What a exciting thing！ We do make us a responsible member of the society.

Although we just did a small thing， but it did make a big difference. Dont hesitate to do small thing just because they are small. Do it， and you will see the big change you make. Let us be a responsible member of the society.

點(diǎn)評 這是一篇中檔習(xí)作。其優(yōu)點(diǎn)是：

1.內(nèi)容切題，語言表達(dá)清楚流暢。

2.運(yùn)用了一些好的短語。如be about to， with the help of， in the meanwhile， hesitate to do sth.

3.運(yùn)用了一些高級句式。如非限制性定語從句As is known to all，…；讓步狀語從句even if the things we do are very small， …；定語從句…a park where we were about to plant trees；感嘆句What an exciting thing；祈使句+and+一般將來時Do it and you will see the big change you make.

不足之處是：

1. 冠詞的錯誤。a exciting thing應(yīng)該為an exciting thing.

2. 有個別嚴(yán)重的結(jié)構(gòu)性錯誤。如Although we just did a small thing， but it did make a big difference. Although是從屬連詞引導(dǎo)從句，后面應(yīng)該是主句，but是并列連詞連接兩個并列的簡單句，因此but要去掉。

3. 語句表達(dá)錯誤。如Let us be a responsible member of the society. 這里應(yīng)該包括聽話人，因此應(yīng)該說Lets be a responsible member of the society. 這是一種表示建議的句型，如Lets go home. 我們回家吧！Let sb do sth是表示請求對方允許去做某事，如Let me in， ok？ 請讓我進(jìn)去，好嗎？

習(xí)作二

As a tiny spot in the enormous world， there is no denying that something happening is out of control. Nevertheless， life is a stage established for everyone， where the small things we do can make us shine， becoming a responsible member of the city.endprint

Walking down my memory lane， I can recall one thing lingering in my mind. One day， I was walking on my way to school when I heard a cry. It occurred to me that something terrible must have happened. Running to the spot of the accident， I found an old man left alone. Depressed and frustrated， he was longing for help. Much to my surprise， there was no one he could turn to！ Without hesitation， I came up to him， helping him stand up. The old man rewarded me with a warm smile， which made me aware of the responsibility of a social member.

From my perspective， it cant be emphasized too much that were supposed to do kind things as opposed to ignoring them. However small the tings are， only when we attach significance to these can we make a big difference and embrace the vast sky.

點(diǎn)評：這是一篇滿分作文。本文有以下優(yōu)點(diǎn)：

1. 內(nèi)容切題，記敘具體，中心突出，語言表達(dá)流暢自然。

2. 運(yùn)用了大量高級詞匯和短語。如enormous， nevertheless， establish， lane， recall， linger， spot， depressed， frustrated， embrace， vast， out of control， be left alone， long for， much to my surprise， turn to， without hesitation， reward me with a warm smile， be aware of， from my perspective， be supposed to， as opposed to， attach importance to.

3. 運(yùn)用了多樣化的高級句型。

Nevertheless， life is a stage established for everyone， where the small things we do can make us shine， becoming a responsible member of the city.（非限制性定語從句和現(xiàn)在分詞作結(jié)果狀語）

Walking down my memory lane， I can recall one thing lingering in my mind.（現(xiàn)在分詞作時間狀語和后置定語）

One day， I was walking on my way to school when I heard a cry.（when作并列連詞表示“這時”，相當(dāng)于and at that time.）

It occurred to me that something terrible must have happened.（主語從句和情態(tài)動詞表示推測的用法）

Depressed and frustrated，…（形容詞作狀語）

…， it cant be emphasized too much that…（主語從句以及否定詞not， never和too連用表示肯定的意思）

However small the tings are， only when we attach significance to these can we make a big difference and embrace the vast sky. （讓步狀語從句和倒裝句）

【拓展語料】

相關(guān)詞匯：

make a contribution to 為……做貢獻(xiàn)

sense of responsibility 責(zé)任感

regardless of 不管，不顧

be devoted to 致力于

set about doing sth 著手做某事

pave the way to... 為……鋪平道路

be sufficient/adequate to do sth 足以……

dawn on sb 使某人明白

assist sb to do sth/in doing sth/with sth 幫助某人做某事

bend ones efforts to do sth/make every endeavor to do sth 努力做某事

burden the responsibility of the society 肩負(fù)社會的責(zé)任

attach importance/significance to 認(rèn)為……重要endprint

take action 采取行動

be determined to do sth 決心做某事

inspire sb to do sth 鼓舞某人做某事

相關(guān)語句：

1. A small thing is to life what a drop is to ocean.

2. When it comes to the meaning of small things， I assume that there is no other evidence more persuasive than my own experience.

3. Now that the little efforts we pay can make such a big difference， why dont we all set about doing it？

4. It is universally acknowledged that small things make a difference， which helps us become a responsible member of the society.

5. As far as I am concerned， we should start from small things， which I believe will pave the way to our future development.

6. When it comes to the effect of the small things to me， an example which is sufficient to illustrate the point above dawns on me.

7. Never will I forget the period when I went to the nursery to help those who were in need.

8. Having cleaned up the room， I chatted with people to assist them to get rid of loneliness.

9. No sooner had I noticed the waste than I threw it into the box.

10. Having learned from the volunteer experience， I was aware of the fact that small things can accelerate the speed of becoming a responsible member of society.

11. Here comes my conclusion that tiny things make a difference and only when we bend our efforts to tiny things will we burden the responsibility of the society， which cant be attached more significance to.

12. Its high time that we should start from small things.

13. As is emphasized in the sentence， the small things we do can make a great difference.

14. Here is my own experience from which the importance of small things can be illustrated.

15. Simple as the story is， it shows the fact that a small thing can make a big difference too.

16. It was our comfort and encouragement as well as their own strength that helped them live a happier life.

17. It wasnt long before our action was reported by a local newspaper and we were praised by the society.

18. Deeply rooted in my mind is the experience that is related to my voluntary work.

19. Hearing his words， I felt very guilty and was determined to do every small thing carefully.

20. We were about to cross the road when Tom noticed a piece of waste paper lying on the road.endprint