習(xí)作點評

朱章丹

“開放式”作文的命題形式給同學(xué)們很大的自由發(fā)揮空間，對寫作的布局謀篇提出了較高的要求，要求同學(xué)們既要會發(fā)表觀點，又要會進行描寫敘述。這種題材要求采用三段式成文，即第一段引出話題，第二段舉例說明，第三段得出結(jié)論。并且要熟練掌握一些語法規(guī)則和句型變換，恰到好處的用詞，這些都把握好了會使文章增色不少。下面來看看這個實例。

題目：請根據(jù)以下提示，結(jié)合你生活中的一個事例用英語寫一篇短文

We all know that “chances favor the prepared mind. Only if you are well prepared， will you be able to seize them.

注意：1. 無須寫標題，不得照抄英語提示語。

2. 除詩歌外，文體不限。

3.字數(shù)為120。

習(xí)作一

As is widely acknowledged， preparation is to us what ambition is to success， I learned this from one of my experience during my middle school life.

When it comes to it， my memories come flooding into my mind. One day， what surprised me most was that I failed my first English test for English is my favorite and advantage. I was so frustrated that I almost accepted the fact that I would never learn it well. Luckily， it was my fathers encouragement and advice helped me to prepare for the difficulty in my life. Then I was determined to devote myself to preparing fully for the English an finishing the task given by teacher more patiently. Finally， it wasnt long before English again became my favorite and advantage.

So from my own experience， Im definitely convinced that you will always be successful when you are fully prepared. And only if you are well prepared， will you be able to catch the chances.

點評 這篇作文屬于五檔作文，得分27分。

文章具有較強的語言運用能力，表述準確，行文流暢，邏輯性強，雖然有個別小錯誤，但不影響意義的表達。文章中所舉的例子很好地體現(xiàn)了主題，使得文章結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊安排合理。開頭第一段使用了A is to B what C is to D這個句型，第二段使用了以下句型：when it comes to...， so...that...， it was...that...，it wasnt long before...，另外還有主語從句what surprised me most was that...， 同位語從軍 I almost accepted the fact that I would ...，第三段點題肯定了chances favor the prepared mind，并在文章結(jié)尾使用了倒裝結(jié)構(gòu)only if you are well prepared， will you be...通篇文章恰當?shù)氖褂昧藦?fù)雜句式和語法，高級詞匯和短語，令文章語言豐富，內(nèi)容嚴謹。對此可看出該生有很好的功底。

習(xí)作二

As someone puts it， “chances favor the prepared mind”. Faced with the equal chances， not everyone can seize the opportunity， It belongs to the person who is prepared well. I learned this from one of my experiences during primary school life.

I took part in a competition as many students around me did， in order to be admitted to a key high school. Because of my good study， I didnt make any preparations even the day before the competition. Looking at the students around me studying hard， I wasnt anxious about it at all. Certainly， I didnt do well in it but the students around me succeeded. Obviously， it is my ignorance that led to such consequence. I should have studied hard and prepared as they did.endprint

Not until then did I realize that nothing can be achieved without preparation. I am definitely convinced that chances belong to the people who are well prepared.

點評 這篇作文屬于四檔作文，22分。

首先從段落層次上來看，也是個三段式文章：主題―舉例―強調(diào)主題。層次清晰，行文較流暢。例如文章開頭as someone puts it 用得很好，第二段第一句如果改為“In order to be admitted to a key high school， I took part in a competition...”不定式作目的狀語位于句首，再就是主句，這樣文章讀起來更通順。第二句“Because of my good study...”改為“ on account of the fact that I am a top a student in our class”就更好了，后面這個句子既使用了高級詞匯還使用了同位語從句；后面那句“Looking at the students around me studying hard...”，連續(xù)使用了兩次非謂語，looking和studying如改為“l(fā)ooking at the students who are studying hard around me”改成定語從句避免重復(fù)使用非謂語，這樣是不是要顯得句式靈活通俗易懂些呢？第二段最后一句雖然用到了強調(diào)句型，但是前后時態(tài)又不一致，當然這是個小語法錯誤，但從整體上讀起來感覺不夠流暢，所以只能歸入第四檔。

綜上所述，同學(xué)們寫這樣的開放性作文是要結(jié)合一個例子來寫一個話題，這種作文一般采取議論，記敘，再總結(jié)議論的形式。因此同學(xué)們在選取話題的時候一定要與自己的校園生活有關(guān)，話題符合生活實際，要有話可說，同時還要注意使用高級詞匯和靈活變換的語法句。當然，書面表達能力的培養(yǎng)重在平時，絕非一朝一夕之功，要使自己的文章出彩，需要在長期的語言學(xué)習(xí)過程中打好語法與詞匯運用的基礎(chǔ)，通過廣泛閱讀，注重積累，切實提高語言表達能力，堅持練習(xí)才是唯一出路。合理安排，仔細閱讀，保證短文緊扣提示，內(nèi)容完整連貫，語言表達盡可能準確得體，一定可以寫出佳作。

范文欣賞

There is no denying that we are eager for golden chances to be successful in life. However， many people are not aware that chances are always for those who get well prepared. I didnt realize it until I went to high school.

Soon after I became senior one student， a singing competition was to be held in school. I love singing but I was very shy then and had never sung at the top of my voice in public. I could only sing to myself most of the time. Somehow， I wanted to have a try. When I talked about it with my parents， they inspired me to follow my inner voice and told me as long as I got well prepared， I would make it. With their encouragement， I became confident and practiced hard after class. Sometimes， I would turn to my music teacher for help. When I felt I was ready， the day came. Standing on the stage， I took a deep breath and began to sing with my full emotions. It turned out that I won the first prize.

This experience has taught me a precious lesson in my life. If you are not successful yet， most probably you havent been well prepared. Once you have， chances will surely favor you.endprint