停車場里的小插曲

This valley is at times like an empty desert with its silence. Around the middle of the day， the only summer sounds are the insects. Birds are resting in the heat of day， though they usually start the day off and return by mid-afternoon.

Last night we were watching the antics of different birds claiming territories from each other. I commented that even birds seem to have egos at times， though I prefer to see it as protective motherly instincts， giving them 1）the benefit of the doubt.

For us humans though， life is a constant lesson of dissolving the ego and cultivating the heart. A prime opportunity to grow in this department was given to me the other day in a car park.

After a wonderful but very brief overnight trip to Sydney， I was heading home tired but happy. Stopping at the fruit market， I chose a parking space and proceeded to reverse into it. I drive a van，which is 2）cumbersome， but having learnt to drive on a tractor at age seven， I consider myself a pretty good and patient driver.

I saw a couple of people walking by， but I had my 3）blinker on and was in the driving part of the car park， so I reversed in. Next thing I knew I was being abused by one of these pedestrians for almost running her daughter over. Receiving anger out of nowhere took me by surprise， as she then stormed off still yelling abuse at me. The daughter was actually a teenager pushing a shopping cart， old enough to possess some common sense. It’s not the same as seeing a toddler running around a car park， where you’d obviously stop， especially if they were in your way.

So I walked over fairly calmly to the lady’s car. Her husband was there and 4）puffed up in defense the moment he saw me coming. Sadly， the teenage girl did the same， a product of her angry parents. I asked the lady， calmly， what else could I have done？ When she pointed out that I was heading into one car space but changed my mind， I gladly told her that I， honestly， never intended to park ahead and mentioned I had my blinker on and reverse lights.

“So let’s just put it down to a misunderstanding， shall we？” I suggested， rather than fighting fire with fire. She was so 5）enraged over such a small incident that she just screamed some 6）obscenity in reply， then said， “Yes let’s”， all the while showing me her very best 7）scowl.

While my heart was beating like crazy by the time I walked away， I was glad to have addressed it. An elderly couple nearby had seen it all， saying I had handled it well and that the angry woman 8）was in the wrong. This offered some comfort， though it only reinforced how much we use 9）validation from others to justify our actions—just as her validation from her husband justified her own.

Nearby， a guy about my own age was sitting in his 10）ute. He also commented along similar lines， with understanding and respect. I said thank you， smiled and headed into the shop.

Within about ten minutes I was back on the road， when a rush of compassion for the angry family suddenly came over me. I felt sad for the teenage girl who had already become such a product of her parents. Then I thought of the woman in sisterhood and felt sorry for her as well. She was obviously having a bad day， but I sensed she was probably also having a bad life. And the man did what any father and husband would do， by protecting those he loved.

I couldn’t escape the image of them driving off so angrily. I’d managed to remove nearly all the angry people from my life over the years. My life had exposed me to enough 11）animosity to last over ten lifetimes. So it wasn’t like I was new to anger.

I guess I could have just said nothing and developed compassion for them regardless. That would have been a noble act， totally 12）devoid of ego if done with the right intention. But I’m still human too， and found the whole incident to be a lesson in self-love for me more than a lesson in compassion.

Had I responded to her in anger， I would have ended up taking on her poison too. But by managing to stay calm and collected， a totally different outcome came about.

Car parks in summer are never the most joyous places to be anyway. Fuses run short in the heat and bustle. People lose patience and are under more financial pressure than usual. But if we can dissolve our egos a little， even if not completely， it saves us from adding more fuel to the fire.

That evening I was able to sleep rather soundly. The car park felt like a lifetime behind me. Yet I wonder now， as I remember the incident， whether the not-so-happy family also slept well. Or did they use each other’s anger to further justify themselves， carrying the memory much longer than necessary？

On this occasion， there was a fine line between dissolving the ego， by coming from a place of compassion， to also treating oneself with love.

Dissolving the ego and cultivating the heart is an ongoing lesson for everyone， peeling layer after layer. But the further along I get， the more natural this becomes， as negative reactions thankfully weaken and disappear. And while it obviously benefits everyone， even the angry person， being compassionate towards each other， the biggest rewards as always are left with the giver of said compassion.

So during this busy time， I hope your egos don’t rule too much. But may you also remember that you too deserve your own love and compassion. And if this sometimes means speaking up， so be it.

The car park incident left me with peace and self-love. It left the other people with anger.

I know which I would prefer.

有時候，這山谷寂靜得像一個空空如也的沙漠。約莫正午的時候，唯一昭示著夏天的聲音便是蟲鳴。鳥兒通常一早出動，下午三點左右才回巢，但一天中最熱的時候也會歇息一會兒。

昨晚，我們觀察著不同的鳥類爭奪領地時所做出的各種滑稽動作。我評論說，即使是鳥兒，有時候也似乎擁有自我意識，雖然我更傾向于把那看作是防護性的母性本能，在沒有充分證據之前，我只好這么說了。

而對于我們人類而言，生命是一堂不斷化去自我、修養(yǎng)心靈的課程。前幾天，在一個停車場里，上天給了我在這門學問上成長的一次大好機會。

我在悉尼度過的一日一夜美好而短暫，隨后回家時雖感疲倦但心滿意足。我在一個水果市場停下來，選了一個停車位便倒車進去。我駕駛的是一輛貨車，比較笨重，不過我七歲時就學會了開拖拉機，因此我自認為自己是一個技術不錯又有耐心的司機。

我看見幾個人走過，但是因為我亮了閃光燈，也處在停車場的駕駛區(qū)域，所以我便倒車進去了。接下來我知道的就是一位行人沖著我謾罵不休，稱我差點兒就把她的女兒撞倒了。無故被投來的怒火包圍，我驚呆了，她隨后氣沖沖地快步走了，但嘴里依然罵罵咧咧。她的女兒實際上是一個推著購物車的十幾歲少女，這個年紀足以擁有一點常識。這與看見一個學步的小孩在停車場里四處亂跑不一樣，那種情況下你絕對會停車，尤其是如果他們站在你的去路上。

于是，我非常冷靜地走到那位女士的車子前。她的丈夫也在那里，一看到我走過來就開啟防御模式，傲氣十足?？杀氖牵莻€少女也擺出同樣的架勢，完完全全是她那對憤怒父母的產物。我平靜地問那位女士，我還做錯了什么嗎？她指出說我本來正朝著一個停車位駛去，卻改變了主意，這時，我笑著告訴她，坦白地說，我從未打算把車停到前面，也提到我已經亮起了閃光燈和倒車燈。

“那我們把這當成誤會平息了吧，好嗎？”我提議說，而不是向她開火。她對這樣一件小事感到暴怒不已，以至于尖叫著罵出一些臟話來回應我，然后說“好，就這樣吧” ，期間一直對我展示著她最憤怒的一面。

我走開時心臟瘋狂地跳動著，但我很高興自己總算處理了這事。附近一對老夫婦目睹了整件事的經過，稱贊我處理得很好，是那位怒氣沖沖的女士理虧。這多少讓我感到安慰，然而這也只是說明了這一點：我們是多么依賴通過他人的肯定來證明自己的行為正當——就像她丈夫的認同讓她的行為變得正當一樣。

不遠處，一位與我年齡相仿的男子坐在他的輕便貨車里。他也用了相似的對白給予評論，表示理解和尊重。我說，謝謝你，微笑著往商店走去。

不到十分鐘，我再次回到這路上，此時我心里涌起一股對這憤怒一家人的同情。我為那個少女感到難過，她已經跟其父母如出一轍。接著我想到了同為女人的那位女士，也為她感到難過。很明顯，她那天心情糟糕，不過我感覺到，也許她的生活也挺糟糕的。而那個男人做了每一個為人父、為人夫者都會做的事——保護那些他愛著的人。

他們怒氣沖沖地驅車離去的景象在我腦海里揮之不去。這些年來，我成功地抹去了幾乎所有出現在我生命里的憤怒者。我的人生讓我遭遇了太多的敵意，足夠持續(xù)十輩子。因而我對憤怒也不陌生了。

我想，我本可以一句話都不說，只管對他們心生憐憫便罷了。那也許來得更高尚，如果用意恰當，完全褪去自我。不過我也是一個普通人，我認為整個事件教我學會自愛，更甚于學會同情。

如果我以怨氣回敬她，我最終也會喝下她的毒藥。但是成功地保持冷靜、泰然自若，事情就出現了一個截然不同的結果。

畢竟夏日里的停車場從來就不是最討喜的地方。在熱氣和嘈雜聲中，導火線很短。人們容易失去耐性，并且比平時承受著更大的財政壓力。然而，只要我們能稍微化去自我，即便不是完全丟棄，也足以讓我們不再往火上澆油。

那天夜里，我睡得很沉。那個停車場事件感覺像是上輩子的事情。不過現在我想知道，在我想起這個事件之時，那不太快樂的一家是否也一夜好眠。抑或是他們利用彼此的憤怒來進一步證明自己的行為合情合理，把本沒必要的記憶記存得過于長久呢？

在這件事里，以同情心化去自我與友愛對待他人這兩者之間有著細微的差別。

化去自我和修養(yǎng)心靈對于每一個人來說都是一門沒有課間休息的課程，一層一層地抽絲剝繭。而隨著我越發(fā)深入，這一切也變得更加自然而然，負面反應也很幸運地隨之弱化和消失。放下自我，顯然能令大家受益，甚至是那個生氣的人；而互相憐憫，最大的回報總是歸于那個道出憐憫之心的人。

所以，在這個忙碌的時代，我希望你的自我意識不要獨攬大權。同時愿你記得，你也應該得到自己的愛和憐憫。如果這有時意味著說出來，那就大聲說出來吧。

停車場事件給我?guī)砹税矊幒妥詯邸＝o其他人帶去了憤怒。

我清楚自己更想要哪一個。