我的路，我做主

One of my favorite animated movies is 2）The Emperor’s New Groove.I know， I know， it’s no “3）Frozen，” but I personally prefer a 4）pudgy Egyptian 5）Elvis voiced by Tom Jones 6）belting out a 7）catchy tune about Prince Kuzco while he does the moonwalk， rather than frigid Queen Elsa’s 8）indulgent overplayed 9）anthem about letting go.

Besides the memorable 10）one-liners， 11）quick-witted humor and 12）endearing characters， I like the underlying message of the 13）flick about finding your “groove” in life， which is sometimes hard to do.

Now being well into middle age and full of the sage wisdom that can only come from doing many stupid things over several years， I’ve come to the conclusion that how you do something can be more important than what you do. You can do something exactly the same way as another successful person and fail miserably. I speak from experience.

Years ago， I met SuperMom — yes， the real deal. She was organized， cheerful， fit， cute， clean， smart， strict yet fun and her methods produced impressive results. I wanted to be just like her. I picked her brain continually about parenting methods， cleaning schedule， fitness， meal planning， and on and on. I worked tirelessly to implement her 14）regime into my life to earn the big “S” on my chest. I earned an “S” emblem， but it stood for StuperMom because the same methods applied in my life left me defeated and my family flailing. I finally realized that her methods worked for her because she was “her.” Her way of doing things fits her personality， pace and family. I had to find my own groove.

A few years ago I took a workshop where a presenter discussed various writing methods. He explained how some authors 15）meticulously outline before they start writing a story. Some start in the middle with the core of the story then work both ways out from there. Others have a basic concept in mind and start from the beginning to see where the story takes them spontaneously. Some start with the ending and work backwards. Each method has produced literary masterpiece. While there are common components that make up successful writing， the method in accomplishing it is variable.

Then the presenter said something that has become a 16）motto for me， “Find your formula and honor it.” He talked about discovering what works for you， then being the best at it. This advice has come in handy in my life way beyond writing.

For example， my daughter called the other day from her summer sales job far from home in tears because she hadn’t had much success and is discouraged. She said she’s giving her 17）sales pitch exactly like the successful saleswoman who trained her， but not getting the same results. I replied， “Sweetie， her pitch works for her because she’s ‘her.’” She was confused until I said， “Remember the time I was trying to be just like Krissy？” She shuddered as childhood scars resurfaced， “Yeah， I try to block that part of our life out.” Then we talked about her unique personality traits and how they could be adapted for a persuasive pitch. And I sang her a few 18）bars in Egyptian Elvis.

我最喜歡的動畫片之一是《變身國王》。我知道，那并不是《冰雪奇緣》，但我個人更喜歡湯姆·瓊斯配音的矮胖“埃及貓王”，一邊高聲唱出關于庫茲克王子的朗朗上口的曲調，一邊跳著月球舞步，勝過冷艷的埃爾莎冰雪女王夸張縱情地演唱主題曲“一切隨緣”。

除了令人難忘的俏皮話、機智靈敏的幽默橋段和惹人喜愛的角色，我還很喜歡這部影片所隱含的寓意：在生活中找到適合自己的路——有時候，這是很難做到的事情。

現(xiàn)在人到中年，得以明智，這僅僅是由這些年做過的傻事積累感悟所得。我總結出來的經(jīng)驗是：怎么樣去做一件事情，比做這件事本身更重要。你可以完全按照某成功人士的方法去做同樣的事情，但最后卻慘淡收場。這完全是來自于我的經(jīng)驗。

幾年前，我遇到“超級媽媽”——是的，貨真價實的超級媽媽。她做事有條不紊、為人開朗、身材健美、可愛、整潔、聰明、嚴格但有趣。她的做事方法總能產(chǎn)生顯著的成果。我想要做到她那樣。我不斷地學習她的育兒方法、清潔時間表、健身和進食計劃等等。我不知疲倦地將她的生活管理體制貫徹到自己的生活中，就為了贏得胸前的那個“超級”的稱號。我確實贏得了“超級”的徽章，但是這個“超級”代表的是“超級傻瓜媽媽”，因為同樣的方法運用在我的生活中只能讓我和我的家庭感覺挫敗。我終于意識到她的方法之所以適合她，是因為她就是“她的方法”的那個“她”。她做事的方法適合她的性格、節(jié)奏和家庭。我必須找對自己的路子。

前幾年，我參加過一個寫作工作坊，那里的一位演講者探討了各種寫作方法。他闡釋一些作者如何在開始寫作前一絲不茍地列出大綱。一些則是從中間切入，先從故事的核心寫起，然后往兩頭寫。其他的人則是先在腦海中對故事有個大概的構思，然后開始從頭寫起，看看故事會把他們帶往何處，即興發(fā)揮。有一些則從故事結局開始往前寫。每一個方法都曾創(chuàng)作出文學巨著。雖然成功的作品包含一些共同的要素，但完成作品的方法卻是多變的。

接著這位演講者說的一句話成了我的座右銘——“找到你自己的方式，然后以身踐行?！彼v到發(fā)現(xiàn)適合自己的方法，然后全力以赴。這個建議在我生活中大派用場，遠甚于寫作。

打個比方，幾天前我那離家很遠、在外面做暑期銷售工作的女兒打電話回家，她流著淚說，因為做得不夠成功而大受打擊。她說自己正是按照那位成功的銷售員訓練的方式去推銷產(chǎn)品的，但結果卻大不相同。我回答說，“親愛的，她的銷售說辭適合她，因為她是那個‘她?！彼匀伙@得十分迷惑，直到我說，“你記得那時候我努力想要做得像克麗絲嗎？”她戰(zhàn)栗了一下，因為童年的傷疤重新被揭開，“記得，我努力地把那段記憶從我們的生活中抹去?！苯又覀冋務摰剿约号c眾不同的個性，以及如何將其轉化為具有說服力的銷售說辭。最后我扮演“埃及貓王”給她唱了幾段小曲。