螞蟻結(jié)“奇緣”

We met over an anthill in a field between our two back yards. I came out of my back gate to find a little girl exactly my size standing there， watching the ants at work. Suddenly she stomped on a whole group of industrious ants， who were just minding their own business. It made me mad. I put both my hands on her shoulders and pushed her hard， and she went down.

“Ow！ Why did you do that？” Mary Eleanor remembers asking me.

She said she never forgot my response. “You stepped on my favorite ant.” We were three years old.

She already had a baby brother， and I had no one but me. Over the next ten years， her parents produced six more children. I spent every moment I could with the Donovans. It was full of constant chaos， which is the stuff of life.

Back at my house， it was quiet. It took my parents three more years to produce one more child， and she was six years younger， so we were like two only children.

Mary Eleanor and I played dolls in my backyard and when a doll became too broken to play with， we had a funeral and buried her in a shoebox in the field. We held circus events on swings. We put on plays in the basement with a curtain hanging over the clothesline. By age seven we both 1）wobbled our way to balancing on a bicycle.

I went to public school. She went to Catholic school. I loved how the Donovans said Grace every night before dinner. I learned to cross myself.

Back at their house， Mary Eleanor always wanted to play Nuns. I went along with her but it was clear to me that nuns never married， so I wondered why this looked fun to her. When you grow up， you become a mommy and there is a daddy and there is a family. That much was clear from my pals the 2）Mormons.

High school and college separated us even more， but we called each other on our birthdays and went over our lives as if we’d just parted yesterday.

Then she 3）dropped her bomb on me， one day shortly after graduation. “I wanted to call you，” she said， “because I am just about to enter the 4）convent. I am going to become a nun.”

“Oh， no. No， you’re not.”“Yes， I am.”

“But you can’t！ I mean， how can you？”

“It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Didn’t you know that？”

“But Mary！ Family！ Don’t you want a family？”

“I had eight brothers and sisters and tended them all. That was enough.”

I just sat there， absorbing her truth. Finally， I wished her well and hung up. I burst into tears for her， for the life she would not enjoy.

Over the years， her birthday and Christmas cards to me always told me she was saying a special prayer for me that day. When she’d come to town， we’d meet for lunch， I in my mom clothes， she in her black and white 5）habit. My young daughters thought it very cool that I had a nun for a best friend.

Eighteen years later， I had two teenage girls who were 6）giving me hell， my marriage was not the most secure in the world right then， and I wrote Mary Eleanor a letter.

I told her that my life was not half as satisfying as I had planned. My daughters hated me， my husband was always gone， all I did in life was volunteer in our community and give parties.“I am nothing but a shallow housewife who gives parties，” I concluded. I could not have confessed this to any friend except Mary Eleanor， whom I knew would forgive me and understand.

I added the final paragraph： “So I am writing to tell you that you have chosen the right path. Your life has been devoted to helping others， and what could be more satisfying than that？ I love you and respect you so much.”

A couple of weeks later， I got a postcard back. It said， “Dear T.， I am making this short because I have just entered 7）psychiatric counseling. I am not sure I have chosen the right path at all. All my love， Mary Eleanor.”

Last year， she came back to Salt Lake City， and we went on a picnic in the wildflowers of the 8）Wasatch Mountains. Over cold chicken legs and potato salad， we reviewed our choices in life. All in all， we decided， it kind of came out even. My four granddaughters bloom every day， as do the hundreds of African American and 9）Hispanic children Sister Mary has taught and mentored over a lifetime. She no longer wears a habit. She looks like me. Even our white hair matches.

Before I drove her back to the convent she was visiting， we stopped at my old house. I knew the new owners， who were gone， and knew they wouldn’t mind. We walked into the back yard and stood by where we gave circuses on my swing set.

When we were little circus performers， all the promises of life lay before us. We knew we could be anything， and even more important， we could be everything. With that as a 10）yardstick， we’d had so many failures we couldn’t even count them.

“How can you keep forgiving everyone and everything？” I asked her. “I mean， hell， starting with me and the anthill？”

She closed her eyes for a moment， and smiled. “How can we not？”

Hail， Mary. And Happy Birthday， 11）kiddo.

我們?cè)诒舜撕笤洪g一塊地里的蟻丘上相遇。我從后門(mén)走出來(lái)，看到個(gè)子如我一般大的一個(gè)小女孩站在那兒，看著螞蟻們忙活著。突然，她一腳跺在一群勤勞的螞蟻上，而這些螞蟻只不過(guò)是在忙著自己的活兒而已。這讓我氣憤不已。我雙手往她肩上使勁兒一推，她摔倒了。

“哎喲！你這么做是干嘛？”瑪麗·埃莉諾記得自己這么問(wèn)我。

她說(shuō)她永遠(yuǎn)也忘不了我的回答?！澳悴鹊轿易類?ài)的螞蟻了。”我們當(dāng)時(shí)三歲。

那時(shí)她已經(jīng)有個(gè)襁褓中的弟弟，而我還是個(gè)獨(dú)生女。在隨后的十年里，她的父母又生了六個(gè)孩子。我一有時(shí)間就往多諾萬(wàn)斯家里跑，那里總是吵鬧個(gè)不停，生活就該是那樣。

而我家則沒(méi)什么動(dòng)靜。我父母花了三年多的時(shí)間才多添了一個(gè)孩子，她比我小六歲，所以我們也像是兩個(gè)獨(dú)生女。

瑪麗·埃莉諾和我在我家后院玩布娃娃。當(dāng)一個(gè)娃娃舊得不行了，我們就為它舉行一場(chǎng)葬禮，用一個(gè)鞋盒把它裝好埋到地里。我們?cè)谇锴媳硌蓠R戲。我們把一塊窗簾布掛在晾衣繩上，在地窖里表演戲劇。到七歲的時(shí)候，我們一起搖搖晃晃地學(xué)騎自行車。

我上了公立學(xué)校。她上了天主教學(xué)校。我喜歡多諾萬(wàn)斯一家每晚在晚餐前做感恩祈禱的樣子。我學(xué)會(huì)了自己畫(huà)十字。

在他們家里，瑪麗·埃莉諾總是想扮演修女。雖然我隨她一起玩，但我很清楚，修女是終生不嫁的，所以我很疑惑為何她覺(jué)得這樣做很有趣。當(dāng)你長(zhǎng)大后，你就要成為一位媽媽，而且還會(huì)有一位爸爸和一個(gè)家庭。對(duì)我的摩門(mén)教徒伙伴來(lái)說(shuō)，那是很清楚明白的一件事。

高中和大學(xué)讓我們的距離更遠(yuǎn)了，但我們?cè)谏漳翘於紩?huì)給對(duì)方打電話，重溫彼此的生活，就好像我們是昨天才分開(kāi)似的。

然后，在畢業(yè)后不久的某天，她向我講了一個(gè)爆炸性的消息?！拔医o你打電話是因?yàn)?，”她說(shuō)，“我要進(jìn)修道院了。我要成為一名修女了。”

“啊，不會(huì)吧。不是的，你騙我?！?/p>

“不，說(shuō)真的?！?/p>

“但你不能去！我是說(shuō)，你怎么能？”

“那一直是我想做的事。你還不知道嗎？”

“但是瑪麗！家庭??！你不想有一個(gè)家庭嗎？”

“我有八個(gè)兄弟姐妹，并且都一一照料過(guò)了。那就夠了?！?/p>

我只是坐在那里，沉思著她的真實(shí)決定。最后，我祝她過(guò)得好，并且掛了電話。我大哭一場(chǎng)，為了她，為了那種她不會(huì)喜歡的生活。

多年來(lái)，她在寄給我的生日卡和圣誕卡上總會(huì)跟我說(shuō)，在那一天她為我做了特別的祈禱。當(dāng)她到城里來(lái)時(shí)，我們一起相聚午餐，我穿著我的媽媽裝，而她則穿著她的黑白修女服。我年幼的女兒們認(rèn)為，我有一位當(dāng)修女的好友實(shí)在太酷了。

十八年后，我那兩個(gè)十多歲的女兒正讓我不停遭罪，我那時(shí)的婚姻也并非牢不可破。我給瑪麗·埃莉諾寫(xiě)了一封信。

我告訴她，我的人生不如我所計(jì)劃的一半令人滿意。女兒們討厭我，丈夫老不在家，我一輩子干的事就是在社區(qū)里當(dāng)志愿者和搞派對(duì)?！拔抑徊贿^(guò)是個(gè)搞派對(duì)的膚淺家庭主婦，”我總結(jié)道。除了瑪麗·埃莉諾，我不會(huì)向其他任何朋友坦陳心事，我知道瑪麗·埃莉諾會(huì)原諒我，明白我。

我在最后一段加上幾句：“所以我現(xiàn)在寫(xiě)信跟你說(shuō)，你選了那條對(duì)的路。你的人生致力于幫助他人，還有什么比這個(gè)更讓人有滿足感的呢？我愛(ài)你，無(wú)比敬重你?！?/p>

幾周后，我收到了一張明信片。上面寫(xiě)道：“親愛(ài)的特，我長(zhǎng)話短說(shuō)，因?yàn)槲覄倓倕⒓恿司褫o導(dǎo)。我一點(diǎn)也不確定自己是否選擇了正確的路。致我所有的愛(ài)，瑪麗·埃莉諾?！?/p>

去年，她回到鹽湖城。我們?cè)谕呱称嫔降囊盎▍仓幸安?。就著冷雞腿和西紅柿沙拉，我們回顧了人生中的選擇?？偠灾?，我們認(rèn)為，我倆的人生也不相伯仲。我的四個(gè)外孫女每天不斷成長(zhǎng)，就如瑪麗修女傾其一生教導(dǎo)的幾百名非裔美國(guó)及西班牙兒童一樣。她不再穿著修女服了?？雌饋?lái)就跟我一樣。就連我們的白發(fā)也很般配。

在我開(kāi)車送她回其所拜訪的修道院前，我們?cè)谖乙郧暗睦衔萸巴Ａ讼聛?lái)。我認(rèn)識(shí)那里的新屋主，他們不在家，我知道他們不會(huì)介意。我們走進(jìn)后院，站在當(dāng)年我們?cè)谇锴Ъ苌媳硌蓠R戲的地方。

當(dāng)我們是小馬戲演員時(shí)，人生的希望都擺在我們面前。我們知道自己可以成為任何人，更重要的是，我們可以成為一切的可能。以之作為準(zhǔn)繩，我們經(jīng)歷了太多的失敗，多得無(wú)法計(jì)算。

“你怎么能一直原諒每個(gè)人、每件事呢？”我問(wèn)她?！拔沂钦f(shuō)，該死的，從我和那個(gè)蟻丘開(kāi)始？”

她合上眼睛，沉思了一會(huì)兒，笑了起來(lái)。“我們?cè)趺床荒苣?？?/p>

萬(wàn)歲，瑪麗。同時(shí)祝你生日快樂(lè)，老姐。