留學(xué)文書寫作方法之?dāng)[事實(shí)

谷約

《史蒂夫·喬布斯傳》（Steve Jobs： A Biography）的序言里有這樣一段話：

我認(rèn)識他是在1984年，當(dāng)時他來曼哈頓的時代-生活大廈（Time-Life Building）與編輯們共進(jìn)午餐，順帶夸耀他的麥金塔電腦（Macintosh）。那個時候他的脾氣就不太好，他攻擊《時代》雜志的一名記者，因?yàn)閷Ψ綀蟮赖囊粋€故事暴露了太多事實(shí)而讓他覺得受到了傷害。但后來，通過與他的對話，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己被他的強(qiáng)烈情感所吸引，就如同其他很多人多年來受到的吸引一樣。自那以后，我們就一直保持聯(lián)系，即便在他被迫離開蘋果公司時也未中斷。當(dāng)他需要推銷某樣產(chǎn)品時，比如一臺NeXT電腦或者一部皮克斯（Pixar）出品的電影，他的個人魅力就會突然間再次聚焦到我的身上，他會帶我去曼哈頓下城的一家壽司餐廳，告訴我他正在兜售的東西是他制造出的最棒的產(chǎn)品。我喜歡這個家伙。

其實(shí)，作者通過這段話想說的是“我喜歡這個家伙”，但是他并不只是簡單地說出這個結(jié)論，而是羅列出若干事實(shí)或具體事例來展現(xiàn)喬布斯的可愛、直率，甚至暴躁，這些事例匯聚在一起就構(gòu)成了喬布斯獨(dú)特的個人魅力，從而使“我喜歡這個家伙”的結(jié)論顯得順理成章。筆者將這種寫作方法稱為擺事實(shí)。擺事實(shí)是留學(xué)文書Essay （短文）寫作中經(jīng)常要用到的寫作方法之一。簡單地說，擺事實(shí)就是我們在說一個人好時，不能只簡單說一句“他真是個好人”，而要把他做過的好事一件件寫出來，通過具體的事例讓人知道他是如何好。

方法分析

在簡單了解何為擺事實(shí)的寫作方法之后，下面筆者主要談?wù)勗贓ssay寫作中如何運(yùn)用這種方法。

第一，要實(shí)事求是。Essay的內(nèi)容要真實(shí)可信，申請者不能為了追求效果而夸大其詞，比如，所舉事例要與申請者的身份相符。有位中學(xué)生在Essay中提到自己樂于助人，幫助他人就業(yè)。這樣的例子稍稍想一下就知道不真實(shí)，因?yàn)閹腿私鉀Q就業(yè)問題顯然超出了中學(xué)生的能力范圍。還有位中學(xué)生在Essay中提到了自己去參加實(shí)習(xí)的經(jīng)歷，他寫道“在實(shí)習(xí)中負(fù)責(zé)協(xié)助業(yè)務(wù)經(jīng)理處理日常郵件，跟蹤訂單，參與客戶商談”。他列舉的這些經(jīng)歷也經(jīng)不起推敲，不要說他只是一位中學(xué)生，就算是研究生，在實(shí)習(xí)階段也未必能有這樣的實(shí)習(xí)機(jī)會。所以，在寫Essay時，申請者首先要問一下自己：“這事兒我信嗎？”如果連你自己都不相信，就別指望招生官相信。

第二，要注重細(xì)節(jié)。既然是寫一件事情，那么內(nèi)容就應(yīng)該包括最基本的5W1H要素（when、where、what、who、why、how），否則很難把一件事情（特別簡單的除外）講清楚。在此基礎(chǔ)之上，申請者再輔以更為具體和必要的細(xì)節(jié)，文章就會豐滿起來，人物也會變得更立體。很多學(xué)生寫的Essay很空泛，真實(shí)的事情寫出來卻像假的一樣。還有的學(xué)生不知道應(yīng)該如何提供細(xì)節(jié)，文章看似面面俱到，但實(shí)則外強(qiáng)中干，讀來如同嚼蠟。例如，有學(xué)生寫自己幫助爺爺干農(nóng)活的事，他這樣寫道：“I live with parents in the city， but my grandparents still live a simple farming life in the countryside. In the fall， a harvest and seeding season， my grandparents asked me to lend a hand. Out on the field the first time， I was eager but clueless. My grandfather asked me to sow the seeds of winter wheat while he fertilized the soil with some “special fertilizer”—chicken and cow manure. I looked at Grandpa. Eighty years old， with a wrinkled face， he bent like a bow， working meticulously. I followed his footsteps trying to imitate him. Next came plowing， sowing and weeding. I gradually got used to manual labor and was glad that I learned some farming skills.”原稿最大的問題在于，有些地方描寫太過抽象，缺乏細(xì)節(jié)描寫。按照擺事實(shí)的寫作方法，我們對上文劃線部分做如下修改：“But when I began working， I breathed deeply and what came at me was the most disgusting thing I had ever experienced！ I turned around and found my grandfather was carrying a basket filled to the brim with chicken and cow manure. He was scattering them about with his hands， and I screamed in horror. My grandfather smiled and said to me： ‘That which stinks is the root of the delicious wheat. I was dumbfounded.”在修改稿中，我們補(bǔ)充了具體、形象的細(xì)節(jié)，從“我”聞到肥料時的反應(yīng)到對肥料桶的描寫，再到對爺爺?shù)幕貞?yīng)，不管是事件還是人物，一下子都鮮活了起來。

第三，切忌浮夸。既然是擺事實(shí)，那就要用事實(shí)說話，不要在語言上進(jìn)行過多不必要的雕琢或粉飾。真實(shí)的事件本身就蘊(yùn)含著一種打動人心的力量，這種力量不需要通過華麗的詞藻來表現(xiàn)。比如，上文所舉的例文中提到“My grandfather smiled and said to me”，這句話里只用一個簡單詞匯smile就把爺爺親切的形象表現(xiàn)了出來。有些同學(xué)卻喜歡把自己說成a person who is dedicated to helping the poor、an angel或a knight，這樣的描寫效果會大打折扣。

實(shí)例講解

下面我們通過對一篇Essay例文的分析，在實(shí)戰(zhàn)中了解如何運(yùn)用擺事實(shí)的寫作方法。

原稿： My Knightly Life

My family has a proud tradition of rewarding the good and punishing the wrong. As the general manager in a state-owned enterprise， my grandpa has spent his life helping employees to live more prosperous lives. My father is the President of the XXX Bank in Qinghai Province， one of the poorest in China. He devotes himself to helping lift poor families out of poverty. God knows what I am going to do in the future， but I hope I can influence others in an equally positive way.

During high school， I met several “backward students” who often skipped classes. We were all fond of playing basketball. My teacher started worrying because I was now hanging out with “bandits.” Rumors spread. The teacher summoned my father to school and reported my “devastating and crucial changes.” Fortunately， my dad and I had a man-to-man conversation. I told him how these kids often played basketball and chatted about their experiences outside school. For example， Hanyang often worked and carried things on his motorbike for his father， and Futao bought a mobile phone for his mother. Moreover， they could not choose their current lives； they were not born in families full of love or money. In the end， my father and I decided we would help them one-by-one. Yangli asked， “What can we do？ We dont have any degree or skill.” I said， “My father works in the bank. Can you count？ Can you keep records？” He asked， “Do they require any degree？” I said， “No， the only requirement is working hard. Its better than sitting idle.” They took my advice and worked on the service staff in the bank.

After a few months， Hanyang said， “I have a long way to go before becoming a formal employee.” He plucked up his courage to go back to high school and then entered Beijing Information Science and Technology University.

Trust me！ This isnt a fairytale. What I said is true. After I entered senior high school， everyone pursued their own goals. Gaoyun went to the military academy； Zhaochi went to XXX University to study oil painting； Futao is now a project manager in the bank and earns 8000 RMB per month. Chuanmin majored in medicine and works in the radiology department at XXX Union Medical College Hospital， and Zhaohan went to the forestry bureau. Lilei didnt find a job fitting his major， but went to the Traffic Police Brigade.

Dad told me how， owing to my insistence， he had the chance to affect these peoples lives. They had become inspiring stories， instead of the opposite.

I am happy and proud to walk on my own path， even though I may be misunderstood and suspected by the others. I will insist on treating every one with a fair attitude， and lending them a hand when they need.

點(diǎn)評：這篇文章的問題比較大。首先，第一段談到父親做好人好事時，并沒有舉出具體事例，劃線部分的表達(dá)都顯得比較浮夸，第二段劃線部分也是缺乏細(xì)節(jié)描寫，沒有交代清楚前后關(guān)系。其次，在舉自己和父親幫助同學(xué)的具體事例時，最后幫助的結(jié)果不能令人信服。倒數(shù)第三段劃線部分所列出的都是“壞學(xué)生”們后來的出色表現(xiàn)，但這很難證明都是作者和父親幫助的結(jié)果。再次，作者寫幫助他人就業(yè)這樣的例子也難讓人信服。針對以上問題，我們做如下修改。

修改稿：I consider myself a basketball buff. I watch quite a lot of American NBA basketball and CBA， the Chinese version of NBA， on TV. Not only do I watch the games， I spend much of my leisure time playing on the court too. Then came the final year of my middle school. All of my regular teammates stopped showing up on the court because they were simply too busy preparing for high school qualifying exam to play. I was， of course， under much pressure myself， like everyone else. A good exam result meant a good high school； a mediocre score meant a mediocre school to match. Much was at stake. However， I loved basketball so much I still found time to play， this time with a bunch of guys who were not as interested in academics and who were said to have skipped classes before.

Some of my teachers started worrying about me. They summoned my father to school to let him know that I was hanging out with problem kids. When my father returned home that day， he wanted to talk to me. Knowing the purpose of his visit to the school， I half expected him to lash out at me for befriending those bad guys. To my surprise， he was not angry at me at all. He wanted to hear my side of the story. So， I told him about what I knew of Hanyang and Futao， and a couple of others. Hanyangs parents were divorced， that I knew； Futaos father had lost his job； one guy was considering quitting school to earn money to support his ailing parents. They all seemed to me to be normal kids， except that they were poor； some were desperately poor. My father thought for a moment， then proceeded to say that he was okay with me playing basketball with them and that he and I should think of ways to help these kids.

In the days and weeks that followed， my dad and I did come up with a plan. We suggested some different part-time jobs to Hanyang and Futao， which they accepted and we paid the medical bills for the other. I count my blessings often： my father is a successful， albeit very busy man； he allows me to make judgment calls and trusts that I will make them to the best of my ability； he is a generous person who cares deeply about those who are less fortunate.

My basketball friends and I have moved on to different places， but we still keep in touch. I know Futao is now a fulltime project manager of a local bank： the same bank my dad and I got him a part-time position in； Hanyang is currently a freshman at XXX Information Science and Technology University. Sadly， it is now next to impossible to get together to play basketball again， but whenever we get on the phone we talk about it all the time.

點(diǎn)評：原稿中作者為了表揚(yáng)自己不惜夸大其詞，修改稿中我們把難以令人信服的贊美之詞去掉，剩下一個真實(shí)可信的故事。由于作者的父親比較有實(shí)力也有能力去幫助貧困學(xué)生，所以修改稿中我們把“功勞”歸功于父親，即便這樣，我們也沒有夸大作者父親的作為。這從一個側(cè)面反映了作者本人的低調(diào)和謙虛。