回家

by Rabindranath Tagore

For a boy of fourteen his own home is the only Paradise. To live in a strange house with strange people is 1）little short of torture， while the height of bliss is to receive the kind looks of women， and never to be slighted by them. It was 2）anguish to Phatik to be the unwelcome guest in his aunts house， despised by this elderly woman， and slighted， on every occasion. If his aunt asked him to do anything for her， he would be so overjoyed that he would overdo it； and then she would tell him not to be so stupid， but to get on with his lessons.

The 3）cramped atmosphere of neglect in his aunts house oppressed Phatik so much that he felt that he could hardly breathe. He wanted to go out into the open country and fill his lungs and breathe freely. But there was no open country to go to. Surrounded on all sides by Calcutta houses and walls， he would dream night after night of his village home， and long to be back there. He remembered the glorious meadow where he used to fly his kite all day long； the broad river-banks where he would wander about the livelong day singing and shouting for joy； the narrow brook where he could go and dive and swim at any time he liked. He thought of his band of boy companions over whom he was 4）despot； and， above all， the memory of that tyrant mother of his， who had such a prejudice against him， occupied him day and night. A kind of physical love like that of animals； a longing to be in the presence of the one who is loved； an inexpressible wistfulness during absence； a silent cry of the 5）inmost heart for the mother， like the lowing of a calf in the twilight； this love， which was almost an animal instinct， agitated the shy， nervous， lean， 6）uncouth and ugly boy. No one could understand it， but it preyed upon his mind continually.

There was no more backward boy in the whole school than Phatik. He gaped and remained silent when the teacher asked him a question， and like an over-laden ass patiently suffered all the blows that came down on his back. When other boys were out at play， he stood wistfully by the window and gazed at the roofs of the distant houses. And if by chance he 7）espied children playing on the open terrace of any roof， his heart would ache with longing.

One day he summoned up all his courage， and asked his uncle： “Uncle， when can I go home？”

His uncle answered； “Wait till the holidays come.” But the holidays would not come till November， and there was a long time still to wait.

One day Phatik lost his lesson-book. Even with the help of books he had found it very difficult indeed to prepare his lesson. Now it was impossible. Day after day the teacher would cane him unmercifully. His condition became so 8）abjectly miserable that even his cousins were ashamed to own him. They began to 9）jeer and insult him more than the other boys. He went to his aunt at last， and told her that he had lost his book. His aunt 10）pursed her lips in contempt， and said： “You great clumsy， country 11）lout. How can I afford， with all my family， to buy you new books five times a month？”

That night， on his way back from school， Phatik had a bad headache with a fit of shivering. He felt he was going to have an attack of malarial fever. His one great fear was that he would be a 12）nuisance to his aunt. The next morning Phatik was nowhere to be seen.

All searches in the neighbourhood proved 13）futile. The rain had been pouring in torrents all night， and those who went out in search of the boy got 14）drenched through to the skin. At last Bishamber asked help from the police.

At the end of the day a police van stopped at the door before the house. It was still raining and the streets were all flooded. Two 15）constables brought out Phatik in their arms and placed him before Bishamber. He was wet through from head to foot， muddy all over， his face and eyes flushed red with fever， and his limbs all trembling. Bishamber carried him in his arms， and took him into the inner apartments. When his wife saw him， she exclaimed； “What a heap of trouble this boy has given us. Hadnt you better send him home？”

Phatik heard her words， and sobbed out loud： “Uncle， I was just going home； but they dragged me back again，” The fever rose very high， and all that night the boy was 16）delirious. Bishamber brought in a doctor. Phatik opened his eyes flushed with fever， and looked up to the ceiling， and said vacantly： “Uncle， have the holidays come yet？ May I go home？”

Bishamber wiped the tears from his own eyes， and took Phatiks lean and burning hands in his own， and sat by him through the night. The boy began again to mutter. At last his voice became excited： “Mother，” he cried， “dont beat me like that！ Mother！ I am telling the truth！”

The next day Phatik became conscious for a short time. He turned his eyes about the room， as if expecting someone to come. At last， with an air of disappointment， his head sank back on the pillow. He turned his face to the wall with a deep sigh. Bishamber knew his thoughts， and， bending down his head， whispered：“Phatik， I have sent for your mother.”

The day went by. The doctor said in a troubled voice that the boys condition was very critical.

Phatik began to cry out： “By the mark！—three 17）fathoms. By the mark—four fathoms. By the mark—.” He had heard the sailor on the river-steamer calling out the mark on the plumb-line. Now he was himself plumbing an unfathomable sea.

Later in the day Phatiks mother burst into the room like a whirlwind， and began to toss from side to side and moan and cry in a loud voice. Bishamber tried to calm her agitation， but she flung herself on the bed， and cried： “Phatik， my darling， my darling.”

Phatik stopped his restless movements for a moment. His hands ceased beating up and down. He said： “Eh？”

The mother cried again： “Phatik， my darling， my darling.”

Phatik very slowly turned his head and， without seeing anybody， said： “Mother， the holidays have come.”

對于一個十四歲的男孩來說，自己的家就是唯一的天堂。和陌生人一起住在陌生的房子里簡直就是一種折磨，而最大的欣喜不過是收獲女人們投來的和善目光，且從不被其冷落。讓法提克苦惱的是，作為舅媽家的不速之客，他無時無刻不受到這個老女人的鄙視和冷落。如果他的舅媽吩咐他幫忙做點什么事，他必定欣喜若狂地把事情做過頭；但接著舅媽就會叫他不要這樣犯傻，回去接著做完他的功課。

舅媽家這種備受忽視的狹隘氣氛令法提克深感壓抑，讓他覺得幾乎難以呼吸。他很想去往鄉(xiāng)郊野外，讓肺里充滿新鮮空氣，自由自在地呼吸。但是附近并沒有什么鄉(xiāng)郊野外能去。四周全都是加爾各答的房子和墻壁，而他卻一晚接一晚地夢見他村莊里的家，深深渴望回到那里。他還記得那片美妙的草地，他常常整天在那里放風(fēng)箏；那條寬闊的河岸，他會整天在那里漫步，唱著歌，歡叫著；還有那條狹窄的小溪，他能隨心所欲地去那里跳水游泳。他想起那群由他所統(tǒng)領(lǐng)的男孩幫；而最重要的是，對他抱有滿心偏見的專制母親的記憶如今卻日夜占據(jù)著他的腦海。這是一種如同動物般的本能的愛；一種能夠待在所愛之人身邊的渴望；一種離別期間無可名狀的惆悵；一聲對母親的發(fā)自內(nèi)心最深處的無聲呼喚，如同牛犢在黃昏時刻的哞叫——這種愛幾乎是一種動物的本能，攪得這個羞澀、緊張、瘦削、粗野難看的男孩心神不寧。無人能夠理解這種感受，他的心神不斷受其折磨。

在學(xué)校里再沒有比法提克更加落伍的男孩了。當(dāng)老師向他發(fā)問時，他張口結(jié)舌無言以對，就像一頭負(fù)載過重的驢子，默默忍受著所有降落在他脊背上的鞭打。當(dāng)其他孩子出去玩耍時，他總是若有所思地站在窗邊，久久凝視著遠(yuǎn)方的屋頂。而如果偶爾看見孩子們在哪個屋頂?shù)穆短炱脚_上玩耍時，他會渴慕而致心痛。

有一天他終于鼓起了所有的勇氣，問他舅舅說：“舅舅，我什么時候才能回家？”

舅舅回答道：“等到假期來臨吧?！钡羌倨谝绞辉虏诺絹?，還要等好長一段時間呢。

一天，法提克把課本給弄丟了。即便有課本他都覺得預(yù)習(xí)功課相當(dāng)困難，而現(xiàn)在則是完全不可能了。每天老師都會用教鞭無情地責(zé)打他。他的境況變得如此之凄慘，甚至連他的表兄弟們都以其為恥。他們開始嘲諷辱罵他，比起其他男孩來有過之而無不及。最后他只好找到舅媽并告訴她自己弄丟了課本。他的舅媽輕蔑地撅起嘴唇說：“你這個笨手笨腳的鄉(xiāng)巴佬！即使用盡我的全部家當(dāng)又怎么可能負(fù)擔(dān)得起一個月給你買五次新書？”

那天晚上，在從學(xué)校回家的路上，法提克頭疼欲裂，忍不住發(fā)抖。他覺得自己要得瘧疾了，而他最害怕的事情就是會給舅媽帶來麻煩。第二天早上沒人見到法提克的蹤影。在街坊四鄰到處搜尋都無果。傾盆大雨已接連不斷地下了整整一夜，所有參與搜尋這男孩的人全都被淋得透濕。最后比山博只得向警方求助。

那天將近結(jié)束時，一輛警車停在了屋門外。大雨還在下個不停，街道都被淹沒了。兩名警察從車?yán)锉С隽朔ㄌ峥?，并將他交到了比山博的面前。他從頭到腳全都濕透了，滿身污泥，他的臉龐和雙眼都燒得通紅，他的手腳在不停顫抖。比山博抱起法提克將他帶進(jìn)里屋。當(dāng)他妻子見到他時，大聲驚叫道：“這個孩子給咱們帶來了多少麻煩啊。把他送回家去不是更好嗎？”

法提克聽到了她的話，大聲抽泣著說：“舅舅，我正要回家去呢，但是他們又把我給拽回來了?！庇捎跓脜柡Γ翘焱砩线@男孩一直神志不清。比山博請來了一位醫(yī)生。法提克睜開他那由于高熱而發(fā)紅的眼睛，向上看著花板，神情茫然地說道：“舅舅，假期還沒到來嗎？我可以回家了嗎？”

比山博從自己的眼里擦去了淚水，將法提克瘦小而滾燙的雙手握在了自己手中，坐在他旁邊直到天明。這男孩又開始嘟囔起來。他的聲音終于變得激動起來：“媽媽，”他叫道，“不要那樣打我！媽媽！我說的是真話！”

第二天，法提克變得清醒了一陣子。他打量著那個房間，似乎在期盼著什么人的到來。最后，帶著一絲失望，他又將頭埋進(jìn)了枕頭里。他深深地嘆了口氣，將臉轉(zhuǎn)向了墻壁。比山博明白他的心思，于是垂下頭來低語道：“法提克，我已經(jīng)派人去叫你的母親過來了?！?/p>

那天過去了。醫(yī)生用憂慮的語氣說，這男孩的病情十分危急。

法提克開始高喊道：“水深！——三英尋！水深——四英尋。水深——”他曾聽過江輪上的水手叫喊鉛垂線上的讀數(shù)?，F(xiàn)在他自己正在探索那片深不可測的海洋。

那天晚些時候，法提克的母親像旋風(fēng)般沖進(jìn)了房間，開始一遍又一遍地大聲悲嘆叫喊著。比山博試圖平復(fù)她的激動情緒，但是她猛撲向床上，高喊著：“法提克，我的寶貝，我的寶貝。”

法提克那不斷的顫抖暫停了一小會兒。他的手不再上下拍打。他說道：“嗯？”

他母親又一次喊道：“法提克，我的寶貝，我的寶貝?！?/p>

法提克緩緩地轉(zhuǎn)過頭，沒看見任何人，只是張口說道：“媽媽，假期到來了?！?/p>