廣場恐懼癥曾奪去了我的生活

by Scott Woolley

學(xué)習(xí)小提示：

Phobia（恐懼癥）是一種精神官能癥，特征為發(fā)病者對某些事物或情境產(chǎn)生莫名的恐懼?？v使當(dāng)事者明知不會受到傷害，也無法控制恐懼的情緒。如：

The man had a phobia about flying.（這個(gè)男人有飛行恐懼癥。）

另外，-phobia是后綴，構(gòu)成名詞，表示某種恐懼癥，這些恐懼癥五花八門，如ablutophobia（洗澡恐懼癥）、claustrophobia（幽閉恐懼癥）、cyberphobia（電腦技術(shù)恐懼癥）、frigophobia（寒冷恐懼癥）等。本文作者提到的agoraphobia 就是由agora（廣場，市場）和phobia組成的。

Ive lost count of how many mornings I lay awake， unwilling to move a muscle and unable to crawl out from beneath the sheets. Most days the fear and panic was just too much to take. If I didnt have work， then I didnt wash， or bother to get dressed. I would just lie in bed， wishing I hadnt woken up.

How It All Began

I wasnt always like this. I used to be happy to go anywhere， anytime， but when I was 14 my friends and I 1）got jumped by a 2）gang of 3）lads. That changed everything.

Entirely 4）unprovoked， they started shouting 5）abuse at us then ran over and beat us up. I was repeatedly 6）punched in the face and chest， I was lucky I wasnt seriously injured. But while the physical 7）bruises from the beating healed quickly， the 8）psychological effect of the attack didnt. I became much less willing to leave the house， especially at night. I was well aware I had begun to 9）withdraw， but after what happened it felt like it was in my best interest.

From time to time I was able to 10）fend these feelings off， but the fear never really left me. As soon as I made some progress it would come back with a 11）vengeance. Trying to leave the house was like fighting a losing battle. It was exhausting. By the time I was 22， I had 12）slipped further and further into 13）depression. I would only leave the house when I had to and， when I did， I would have 14）consistent panic attacks. It was unbearable. I stopped seeing my friends as I couldnt even make it across the street to the local shop. After months of suffering， I decided it was time to seek help.

Seeking Help

My 15）GP 16）diagnosed depression and agoraphobia and offered me a choice of 17）counselling 18）sessions over the phone or face-to-face. I went for the phone option but it didnt work out. The counsellors were fantastic， yet I found it difficult to follow their suggestions because of how I was feeling. It was partly due to the fear， but also I think because it was easier to 19）brush off advice made over the phone and take the easier path.

I started to feel better for a short period， but once the sessions ended I 20）regressed completely. So I returned to my GP， determined to give it another go. This time I 21）opted for face-to-face counselling， which was the best decision I ever made.

Getting Better

It was fantastic. About halfway through the course I noticed an 22）instantaneous change in myself. In one session， my counsellor encouraged me to 23）induce a panic attack so I could face my fear of them； being scared of them 24）apparently makes them worse. She had me sit and close my eyes until the feelings 25）dissipated. And ever since that day the fear has been dramatically reduced.

Even though I still suffer with some of the 26）symptoms of agoraphobia， they no longer have anywhere near the same impact on my life. Since completing my course of counselling， Im in a much better position to deal with them. Ive never looked back. However， that wasnt the only thing that helped me along the way.

Dont Do It Alone

I was very lucky to have the full support of my friends and family. My best friend visited me regularly to make sure I was doing OK， my brother came round every Wednesday to watch films and talk， and my sister happily drove me to all of my doctors 27）appointments. Above all， my mum and dad were very supportive. I really dont think I couldve made it through without the love and support of my mum. She told me that one day I would look back on it all as just a bad 28）patch in my life， and she was right. My life is so different now. I started a university course and have been working towards my degree for almost a year. Im not sure Id be able to cope with the pressures of university if I hadnt faced my agoraphobia head on.

Looking Forward

If I could give one piece of advice to anyone in the same position， its that you should seek help. Nobody 29）deserves to feel the way I did. There is help 30）available and it really made all the difference in the world to me.

I still have good days and bad days. Im not sure it will ever disappear completely， but nowadays I wake up ready and willing to face the world. When I think of how I used to feel in the mornings it all seems like a bad dream...one that Im so glad I managed to wake up from.

我已經(jīng)數(shù)不清有多少個(gè)早上我眼睜睜地躺在床上，一點(diǎn)也不想動(dòng)，無法從被單下爬出來。大多數(shù)時(shí)候，這種恐懼和驚慌讓我難以承受。如果我不用去工作，我就不去洗漱，也懶得去換衣服。我就只是躺在床上，希望自己沒有醒來。

一切的起源

我不是一直都是這樣的。我以前很樂意在任何時(shí)候到任何地方去。但在14歲那年，在我和朋友們被一群家伙打了之后，一切隨之改變。

幾乎在沒有任何征兆的情況下，他們開始辱罵我們，還沖過來打我們。我的臉和胸脯不斷被打，好在沒有受很嚴(yán)重的傷。雖然身上的瘀傷可以很快好起來，但精神上的傷害則不然。我變得越來越不愿意走出家門，尤其是在晚上。我很清楚意識到自己開始不斷退縮，但經(jīng)過這件事以后，這似乎是最適合我的做法。

盡管有時(shí)候我能夠抵擋住這些感覺，但內(nèi)心的恐懼從未真正消失。只要稍有好轉(zhuǎn)，它就馬上反撲。想走出家門就像去打一場必輸無疑的仗，令我疲乏不堪。到了22歲，我一步步陷入抑郁的狀態(tài)。只有不得不出門的時(shí)候我才會出去；出門以后，我的恐慌癥會持續(xù)發(fā)作，讓人難以忍受。我不再和朋友見面了，因?yàn)槲疫B走到對面馬路的商店也做不到。就這樣被折磨了幾個(gè)月后，我決定尋求幫助。

尋求幫助

醫(yī)生診斷我得了抑郁癥和廣場恐懼癥，讓我選擇通過電話或面對面的方式進(jìn)行咨詢輔導(dǎo)。我選擇了電話輔導(dǎo)，但情況沒有改善。輔導(dǎo)人員很好，但由于我心里的感覺太糟糕，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己無法執(zhí)行他們的建議。一部分是因?yàn)槟欠N恐懼感，但我認(rèn)為也有一部分是因?yàn)闊o視電話里的建議、選擇輕松一點(diǎn)的路更為簡單。

短時(shí)間內(nèi)，我的感覺漸漸好起來，但只要咨詢一結(jié)束，我又完全倒退回去。于是我又去找醫(yī)生，決定再試一次。這次我選擇了面對面的輔導(dǎo)——這是我有史以來最明智的決定。

情況好轉(zhuǎn)

這次的輔導(dǎo)好極了，輔導(dǎo)大約過半的時(shí)候我感到了一瞬間的變化。在其中一節(jié)咨詢上，輔導(dǎo)員鼓勵(lì)我主動(dòng)引發(fā)一次“恐慌襲擊”，好讓我能面對由此帶來的恐懼感——懼怕它們顯然令情況更糟。她叫我坐下來，閉上眼睛，直到（恐懼的）感覺消散。自從那天以后，我的恐懼真的大大減少了。

雖然廣場恐懼癥的一些癥狀依然困擾著我，但它們對我生活造成的影響和以往大大不同了。完成了輔導(dǎo)后，我能更好地應(yīng)付它們。我從沒往回看。然而，一路上支持我的不止這個(gè)。

不要孤軍作戰(zhàn)

我很幸運(yùn)，得到了親友的全力支持。我最好的朋友會定期過來看看我的情況如何；我的哥哥每周三都會過來陪我看電影和聊天，姐姐也樂意每次開車送我到醫(yī)生那里看病。最重要的，是我的父母都很支持我。沒有了媽媽的愛和支持，我真的覺得自己無法熬過來。她對我說，有朝一日當(dāng)我回想起這段經(jīng)歷，就會發(fā)現(xiàn)它只是我生命中一個(gè)不好的片段，她是對的。我現(xiàn)在的生活大大不同了。我開始修讀大學(xué)課程，為獲取學(xué)位奮斗了將近一年。如果我當(dāng)初逃避廣場恐懼癥，我不知道自己是否有能力應(yīng)付讀大學(xué)的壓力。

展望未來

如果要為和我處境相同的人提供建議，那就是尋求幫助。沒有人生來就要受我這樣的苦。幫助隨處可見，而它徹底改變了我的世界。

我的生活依然時(shí)好時(shí)壞，我不確定廣場恐懼癥是否永遠(yuǎn)消失了，反正我現(xiàn)在一醒來就做好準(zhǔn)備，面對這個(gè)世界。當(dāng)我想到以前早上起床的感覺，那就像一個(gè)噩夢……真高興我成功擺脫了這個(gè)噩夢。