想借一個(gè)千斤頂嗎

梅子 等

One day I went to a lawyer friend for advice. “Im in real trouble，” I said. “My neighbors across the road are going on vacation for a month and instead of boarding their dogs， they are going to keep them locked up and a woman is coming to feed them， if she doesnt forget. Meanwhile theyll be lonely and bark all day and howl all night， and I wont be able to sleep and Ill either have to call the SPCA to haul them away or Ill go berserk.”

My lawyer patted back a delicate yawn. “Let me tell you a story，” he said. “And dont stop me if youve heard it， because it will do you good to hear it again.”

A fellow was speeding down a country road late at night and BANG！ A tire burst. He got out and looked and—drat it—he had no jack. Then he said to himself， “Well， Ill just walk to the nearest farmhouse and borrow a jack！” He saw a light in the distance and said， “Well， Im in luck； the farmers up. Ill just knock on the door and say， ‘Im in trouble. Would you please lend me a jack？ And hell say， ‘Why sure， neighbor， help yourself—but bring it back.”

He walked on a little farther and the light went out so he said to himself， “Now hes gone to bed and hell be annoyed because Im bothering him—so hell probably want some money for his jack. And Ill say，‘All right， it isnt very neighborly， but Ill give you a quarter. And hell say，‘Do you think you can get me out of bed in the middle of the night and then offer me a quarter？ Give me a dollar or get yourself a jack somewhere else.”

By that time the fellow had worked himself into a lather. He turned into the gate and muttered，“A dollar！ All right， Ill give you a dollar. But not a cent more！ A poor devil has an accident and all he needs is a jack. You probably wont let me have one no matter what I give you. Thats the kind of guy you are.”

Which brought him to the door and he knocked—angrily， loudly. The farmer stuck his head out the window above the door and hollered down， “Whos there？ What do you want？” The fellow stopped pounding on the door and yelled up， “You and your damn jack！ You know what you can do with it！”

When I stopped laughing， I started thinking， and I said， “Is that what Ive been doing？”

He said， “Right， and youd be surprised how many people come to a lawyer for advice and， instead of calmly stating the facts， start building up a big imaginary fight—what hell say to his partner， what shell say to her husband， or how theyll tell the old man off about his will. So I tell them the story about the jack and they cool off.

“The next time I hear from them， one tells me that partner was glad to meet him halfway； the gal says she cant understand it—her husband was so reasonable that she thought she must have gotten somebody else on the phone； the relatives found out the old man had already been asking a lawyer how he could give everything to them before he died， to save them inheritance tax.”

I thought， “How true！ Most of us go through life bumping into obstacles we could easily bypass， spoiling for a fight and lashing out in blind rages at fancied wrongs and imaginary foes. And we dont even realize what we are doing until someone startles us one day with a vivid word like a lightning flash on a dark night.”

一天，我去向一位當(dāng)律師的朋友求助。“我真的遇到麻煩了?！蔽艺f，“住在我家馬路對(duì)面的幾位鄰居要去度一個(gè)月的假，他們沒有把自己的狗送去寄養(yǎng)，而是準(zhǔn)備把它們?nèi)i在家里。一個(gè)女人會(huì)過去給它們喂食，如果她記得這個(gè)事的話。這期間，那些狗無人相伴，會(huì)日夜不停地狂吠。這樣一來，我將無法入睡。為此，我要么打電話給防止虐待動(dòng)物協(xié)會(huì)，讓他們派人過來把那些狗運(yùn)走，要么我就會(huì)氣瘋的。”

我的律師朋友輕輕拍了拍自己的嘴巴，止住一個(gè)小哈欠?！拔医o你講個(gè)故事吧?！彼f，“如果你已經(jīng)聽過，那也別打斷我，因?yàn)樵俾犅犨@個(gè)故事對(duì)你有好處?！?/p>

深夜，一個(gè)小伙子正開車在一條鄉(xiāng)間小路上快速行駛。突然，一聲巨響，他的車胎爆了。他一邊下車查看，一邊咒罵——他沒有帶千斤頂，無法換車胎。于是他自言自語道：“嗯，我就去最近的農(nóng)舍借一個(gè)千斤頂來用?！彼吹竭h(yuǎn)處有燈光，繼續(xù)自語道：“噢，我運(yùn)氣不錯(cuò)，有個(gè)農(nóng)場(chǎng)主還沒睡。我這就過去敲開他家的門，告訴他：‘我遇到了麻煩，請(qǐng)借一個(gè)千斤頂給我用用，好嗎？他會(huì)說：‘喲，當(dāng)然沒問題，鄰居，你自己拿，不過得把它送回來?！?/p>

他往前走了一段路后，看到遠(yuǎn)處的燈光熄滅了。于是他自言自語道：“現(xiàn)在那個(gè)農(nóng)場(chǎng)主已經(jīng)睡下了，我此時(shí)前去打擾他，他肯定會(huì)很生氣。這樣一來，他大概要我付點(diǎn)錢才肯借給我千斤頂。我會(huì)說：‘好吧，雖然你這樣做并不是很友好，但是我會(huì)付給你25美分。他會(huì)說：‘你覺得你給我25美分就可以讓我半夜從床上爬起來嗎？給我一美元，不然你就到別處去借千斤頂?！?/p>

至此，這個(gè)小伙子已經(jīng)讓自己變得焦躁不安起來。他一邊走進(jìn)農(nóng)舍的大門，一邊咕噥著：“一美元！好吧，我會(huì)給你一美元，但是不會(huì)再多給一分錢！一個(gè)可憐的人遭遇了意外，他不過是需要一個(gè)千斤頂罷了。無論我給你什么，你可能都不會(huì)把千斤頂借給我。你就是那種吝嗇的家伙。”

小伙子這么想著，來到了農(nóng)場(chǎng)主的屋門前，然后憤怒地把門敲得嘭嘭響。農(nóng)場(chǎng)主從樓上的窗戶里伸出頭來，朝下面大聲叫喊：“是誰呀？你想要什么？”小伙子停止拍門，仰頭大叫：“你和你那可惡的千斤頂！你知道你可以用它來干什么！”

當(dāng)我止住笑聲后，我開始思考，然后我說：“我也一直在這樣做，是吧？”

他說：“是的，你會(huì)驚訝于有多少人來找律師咨詢的時(shí)候，他們不是冷靜地陳述事實(shí)，而是發(fā)起一場(chǎng)大規(guī)模的‘假想戰(zhàn)——商人將要對(duì)他的合伙人說什么，妻子將要對(duì)她的丈夫說什么，或者親屬將要怎樣數(shù)落老人的遺囑安排。于是，我會(huì)給他們講這個(gè)千斤頂?shù)墓适?，他們就?huì)冷靜下來。

“等到下一次聽到他們的音信的時(shí)候，商人告訴我，他的合伙人很愿意對(duì)他作出讓步；那女子說她無法理解為什么她的丈夫那樣通情達(dá)理，以至于她以為在電話那頭的一定是另一個(gè)人；親屬們發(fā)現(xiàn)老人早已咨詢過律師如何在自己去世前把一切財(cái)產(chǎn)分給他們，為他們免去遺產(chǎn)稅。”

我暗自思忖：“的確如此！我們大多數(shù)人在度過一生的時(shí)候，碰見我們本可以輕松繞過的障礙，按捺不住想打架，懷著莫名的怒火，對(duì)臆想的罪惡行為和假想的敵人斥責(zé)一番。而我們甚至沒有意識(shí)到自己正在做什么，直到有一天，有人繪聲繪色地講出一番話，像黑夜里的一道閃電般將我們驚醒?！?/p>