從自卑到自信

by Peter Chen

After I came to America when I was 12， I started gaining weight. Back in China， my friends and I walked everywhere. But in New York I was scared to get lost in my neighborhood， so I got into the habit of staying home. I just sat around all day eating.

By the time I was 16， I had stopped growing， but my weight kept increasing. I was 52” and weighed 155 lbs. People began 1）teasing me by calling me “fat guy，”“short guy” and “big head.” I dont think they meant to be cruel， but those words really hurt. Telling them to stop didnt work， so I usually 2）ignored what they said or tried to tease them back.

自從12歲來到美國以后，我的體重便開始增加。以前在中國的時候，我和朋友們總是四處走動，但在紐約，我很怕在附近走丟，所以養(yǎng)成了宅在家里的習慣，整天就坐在家里吃東西。

到16歲時，我就沒有再長高，但體重仍在不斷增加。身高5英尺2英寸（約1.57米），體重卻達155磅（約70.3公斤）。人們開始取笑我，喊我“胖子”、“矮冬瓜”和“大頭”。雖然我覺得他們并非出于惡意，但那些話真的讓我很受傷。我叫他們不要這樣，可是不起作用。所以我通常不去理會他們說什么，或者試著反過來取笑他們。

The truth is that it really hurt my feelings. Sometimes when I see myself in the mirror， I hate myself and ask why I have this body. I want to have a hot body and a handsome face. Being short and 3）chubby makes me sick， and I feel jealous of my friends.

No One I Could Talk to

My heart felt like it was lost in the desert， waiting for someone to offer me water to drink. I had nobody to talk to about my true feelings. I dont talk with my parents when difficult things happen to me， because I dont want them to worry. They work long hours and theyre very tired when they get home late at night.

I wouldnt want a teacher to get 4）involved because I think that could make things worse. And I worry that if I talk to my friends about it， theyll think I cant take a joke. They might stop sharing things with me.

Shaping Up

For a while I blamed my parents. I decided it was my mom and dads fault that I was short since they were short， too.

“Is your height what caused me to be short？” I asked my mom one day.

“What？ It isnt me who caused you to be short， I fed you healthy foods，” she said. “Its your problem that youre too lazy to go outside to get some exercise！”

I thought she was probably right. Although my height was out of my control， I had the power to get more fit. So I asked my mom to sign me up for the YMCA注， where I could 5）work out. She was happy and told me if I worked hard at it， Id see results.

The first day I went to the YMCA， I saw many perfect bodies with 6）six packs and big muscles. I felt ashamed of my body. But I decided to learn to swim. It took me two months to teach myself； I practiced by 7）observing other people.

As I practiced， I could feel myself getting stronger and faster. I thought I was fast enough to try swimming in the fast lane， but after a few 8）laps， a man told me I was too slow. I felt really bad. My first thought was that my short legs and arms prevented me from swimming as fast. I also tried weightlifting， running， and the 9）stationary bicycle. But I didnt know how to use the equipment correctly. I felt hopeless and gave up on the YMCA.

I started staying home every day to play computer games. On the Internet you can create an 10）avatar， or character， that looks any way you want it to. No one called me fat， short， or small. My life online felt better than my real life， and I got 11）addicted to computer games. Soon， Id gained five more pounds. I realized I was sitting in front of the computer too much， trying to forget the real world. I decided to give the YMCA another try.

A 12）Triumphant Moment

Since then， Ive gone to the YMCA more often， and even made a friend there who helps me out with equipment that I dont know how to use. He also taught me how to keep my weight down. Now Im training regularly and I feel good.

It has 13）paid off. One day my friends asked me to go play basketball with them. We separated into two teams. I was the last one to be chosen because I dont play that well. At first， every time I tried to get the ball as it 14）bounced off the 15）backboard after a 16）shot， the other team was like a pack of tigers hunting for food. I couldnt jump in between them and get the ball for my team.

Then， suddenly the ball bounced into my hands. It was like someone hit me with a 17）stun gun—I didnt think I could move， but I took the chance and shot the ball with my arms. The ball flew toward the basket and went in. I was so happy that Id 18）scored for my team.

At that moment I realized that I had the power to achieve. I might have different abilities， and maybe I dont look as good as some others， but my differences are what make me who I am. I started to play different sports and discovered that I like handball. Its fun， and you dont need to be tall to be good at it. I really enjoy it.

然而事實是，他們的做法確實傷害了我的感情。有時候，當我看到鏡子里的自己，我恨自己，會問自己為什么我有這樣的身體。我想有火辣的身材和英俊的相貌，這又矮又胖的模樣讓我惡心。我真嫉妒我的朋友。

無處訴苦

我的心就像在沙漠里迷路了一樣，等著有人給我水喝。沒有誰能傾聽我的心聲。遇到困境，我不會和父母訴說，因為我不想讓他們擔心。他們在外辛勞了一天，晚上很晚才回家，已經(jīng)很累了。

我不想讓老師插手，因為我覺得那樣可能會使情況變得更糟。我也擔心如果我和朋友們說起這事，他們可能會認為我是個開不起玩笑的人，以后可能就不會再和我分享東西了。

振作起來

有一陣子，我把這事怪罪到父母頭上，認定這是父母的錯——我矮是因為他們也很矮。

“是你的身高導致我這么矮的吧？”有一天我這么問媽媽。

“什么？不是我導致你矮，我給你吃的都是健康的食物，”她說。“那是你的問題，因為你連到外面做運動都懶得去！”

我想，或許她說得沒錯。雖然我的身高不是我能掌控的，但我還是有能力讓身材苗條一點。于是我讓媽媽幫我報名參加基督教青年會，在那里我可以進行鍛煉。她很高興，并對我說只要我努力，一定能看到成效。

我去青年會的第一天就看到許多有六塊腹肌和壯碩肌肉的完美身材，我為自己的身體感到羞愧。我決定去學游泳。通過觀察別人，我用了兩個月的時間自學游泳。

隨著不斷的練習，我感覺到自己變得越來越強壯了，速度也越來越快了。我認為我的速度已經(jīng)夠快，可以到快速泳道試試水，可是游了幾個來回之后，有人對我說我的速度太慢了。我感覺很糟。我首先想到的是我的小短腿和小短胳膊制約了我的速度。我也試過舉重、跑步和騎固定自行車，但我不知道如何正確使用那些運動器械。最后，我在絕望之中放棄了青年會。

我又開始每天窩在家里玩電腦游戲。在網(wǎng)上，你可以創(chuàng)造一個替身或角色，把它打造成你想要的任何樣子。在網(wǎng)上，沒有人會喊我胖、矮或小個子。我的網(wǎng)絡生活比我的現(xiàn)實生活感覺好多了，于是我開始沉迷在電腦游戲之中。很快我又胖了5磅（約2.27公斤）。我意識到我坐在電腦前太久了，試圖忘記現(xiàn)實世界。于是，我決定再回青年會試試。

勝利時刻

從那時起，我去青年會的次數(shù)多了起來。我還和那里的一個人成為了朋友，他不僅教我使用運動器械，還教我如何讓體重降下來?，F(xiàn)在我定期去鍛煉，感覺很好。

我的努力已經(jīng)初見成效。有一天，我的朋友們叫我一起去打籃球。我們分成兩隊，我是最后一個被選的人，因為我打得不是很好。一開始，每次我想搶籃板球的時候，另一隊的人就像一群獵食的老虎似的，我一點也插不上手，沒法為我們隊搶到球。

突然，球彈到了我的手中。我就像被電槍擊中一樣——我感覺動彈不得，但我抓住了機會，振臂投籃。球飛向了籃筐，進了！我為我們隊得分了，我高興極了。

那一刻，我意識到我有能力實現(xiàn)目標。也許我的能力和別人不同，或者不像其他一些人看起來那么棒，但我的與眾不同之處才是真實的我。我開始嘗試各種不同的運動，并發(fā)現(xiàn)自己喜歡手球。這運動很好玩，而且你不需要身材高大才能玩得好。我樂在其中呢。