無需謊言

By Patty Dann

One April evening， when I came home from teaching， the refrigerator door was wide open， and my husband was sitting at his desk staring at the pen in his hand.

My husband， who spoke six languages and was so 1）meticulous that I called him Dr. 2）Footnote， said very slowly， “I know what this does， but I dont know the name for it.”

When we learned that Willem had 3）glioblastoma， the worst kind of brain cancer， I immediately called our 4）pediatrician. “I was just told my husband is going to die. My son is three-and-a-half years old. I dont know how to tell him—what words to use.”

四月的一個晚上，當(dāng)我結(jié)束教學(xué)回到家，發(fā)現(xiàn)冰箱的門是敞開的，而我的丈夫則坐在桌前盯著他手中的筆。

我的丈夫能說六種語言，他為人處事十分謹(jǐn)慎，所以我叫他腳注博士，他慢悠悠地說，“我知道這是干什么用的，但我不知道它的名字?！?/p>

當(dāng)我們得知威廉患有膠質(zhì)母細(xì)胞瘤，也就是腦癌中最嚴(yán)重的一種，我立刻打電話給我們的兒科醫(yī)生說，“我剛得知我的丈夫沒多少日子了，而我兒子只有三歲半，我不知道該怎么告訴他這件事?！?/p>

“Call Sallie Sanborn，” he said. “I worked with her at 5）Bellevue. She knows this stuff.”

The next wild year， Sallie guided us through a new chapter of our lives， a simple one of a family being tapped by the 6）Grim Reaper.

Sallie said， “One： name the disease. Tell the truth about the 7）prognosis. Two： reassure the children that they didnt cause it. Three： tell them everything the doctors are doing to help. Four： dont hide anything.”

After growing up on the wisdom “Dont tell the children” when anything bad happened， I now believe in the importance of telling them.

One day， early in Willems treatment， a cheerful visiting nurse named Glenn arrived at the house just as I was trying to get our son， Jake， to bed. When Glenn took out a 8）syringe， I held up my hand to stop him， and practically threw Jake into his bedroom so that he wouldnt see what Glenn was doing.

“打電話給薩莉·桑伯恩，”他說，“我曾跟她在貝爾維尤醫(yī)院合作過。她知道怎么處理這類事情?！?/p>

在接下來非比尋常的一年里，薩莉引導(dǎo)我們渡過我們生活中的新篇章，這是一個被死神“眷顧”的家庭要經(jīng)歷的階段。

薩莉說，“首先，告知疾病名稱，并告知孩子其預(yù)后情況；其次，確保讓孩子明白，病情不是因他而起的；第三，把醫(yī)生所做的一切都告訴他們；第四，不要有所隱瞞。”

當(dāng)任何不好的事情發(fā)生的時(shí)候，“不要告訴孩子”這樣的觀念伴隨著我成長，然而此刻，我認(rèn)為告訴他們真相更為重要。

在威廉早期治療的一天，我正準(zhǔn)備讓兒子杰克上床睡覺，一名叫格倫，總是高高興興的上門護(hù)士來到家里。在格倫拿出一支注射器的時(shí)候，我舉手示意他暫停，然后急急忙忙把杰克塞到他的臥室，不讓他看到格倫要做的事情。

The next night when Glenn arrived， he said，“This time I suggest another way.” “Come，” he said to Jake， and Jake took his hand. Jake stood right next to his dad， patting the big scar on his head. Glenn 9）steered Jakes little hand， and they gave the injection together.

My son grew up too quickly. Everybody who loses a parent says that happens， but Sallie helped us find the words to describe that “l(fā)osing.” Not that she took away the pain， but she helped us learn the words to say what it was. And I learned from Glenn how hiding the truth was more upsetting than seeing what was going on.

My son is now nine years old. This year when a dear friend was diagnosed with brain cancer， Jake said to me，“You can talk to the mom. Ill handle the kid.” Jake didnt 10）skip a beat. This was something he knew how to do， just like hed help tie a younger childs shoe.

Last night we were dancing in the kitchen to *The Beach Boys while I made dinner. The phone rang and Jake answered it. “No，” I heard him say， “No， hes not， he died. But my mom and I are here.” It took me a second to realize he was talking to a telemarketer.

Were on a strange journey， my son and I， but its one we all are on. And I believe， now more than ever， in the importance of being honest with children.

第二天晚上格倫上門時(shí)，他說，“這一次我建議采用另一種方式?！皝戆桑彼麑芸苏f，杰克抓著他的手跟過去。杰克就站在他爸爸的旁邊，拍拍他頭上的大傷疤。格倫抓起杰克的小手讓他一起給我丈夫注射。

兒子成長得很快，任何一個失去了一位父母的人都說這很正常，但薩莉幫我們找到了表達(dá)“失去”的語言。并不是說她帶走了我們的痛苦，而是說她幫我們學(xué)會如何表達(dá)自己的感受。我還從格倫那里認(rèn)識到，隱藏

真相比看到事實(shí)更讓人不安。

兒子現(xiàn)在九歲了。今年，當(dāng)我的一個密友被診斷患有腦癌，杰克對我說，“你可以安慰孩子的媽媽，我來搞定孩子?！苯芸藳]有因此而止步不前，因?yàn)樗涝撛趺刺幚恚拖駧兔o比他小的孩子系上鞋帶這么簡單。

昨晚，我一邊做晚餐，一邊和杰克在廚房里伴著沙灘男孩的音樂起舞。電話響了，杰克接起電話?！安?，”我聽到他說，“不，他不在，他過世了，但媽媽和我都在。”我愣了一下才知道他在跟電話銷售員說話。

我和兒子身處一段不一般的旅途中，但我們兩人共同經(jīng)歷這個階段?，F(xiàn)在的我比以往任何時(shí)候更加深信對孩子坦誠的重要性。翻譯：ddung

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The Beach Boys

The Beach Boys 沙灘男孩，美國殿堂級元老搖滾樂隊(duì)。該樂隊(duì)是20世紀(jì)60年代最頂尖的美國迷幻搖滾樂隊(duì)，可惜當(dāng)時(shí)大部分人都被Beatles吸引了，所以這支樂隊(duì)當(dāng)時(shí)并不很出名，不過其專輯的水平仍然是非常高的，尤其是《Pet Sounds》——滾石雜志500張專輯排名第二。