為了理想，我中途轉(zhuǎn)專業(yè)

by Steven Dowshen

入讀大學(xué)后，你有過這樣的想法嗎——你討厭當(dāng)初選的專業(yè)，又不敢轉(zhuǎn)，因?yàn)橹型巨D(zhuǎn)專業(yè)意味著過去的時(shí)間和金錢都打水漂了。英國大學(xué)生肯尼在經(jīng)過深思熟慮之后終于鼓起勇氣，放棄醫(yī)學(xué)專業(yè)，決心當(dāng)一名作家。一起來看看他的故事——

Getting to watch 1）cochlear 2）implant 3）surgery should be exciting for any medical student. But in my case， while two doctors were 4）fiddling around in a human 5）skull， I was checking my phone every 20 seconds to see how much longer until I could leave. I didnt belong there； I was only pretending to belong there. The truth was， halfway through university， I knew I didnt want to be a doctor. And I had to decide whether to keep lying to myself， or change 6）course.

Before university， I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Id always wanted to do English but my parents didnt 7）approve， saying there was no money in it. So I 8）figured Id just pick a career that looked wellpaid， satisfying， and would make my parents proud.“Doctor” hit all three， so I decide to do medicine. I knew all the coursework wouldnt be easy， but didnt expect to find it as hard as I did. I spent many late nights and weekends studying my brains out， but still didnt get good grades. I just couldnt get the material to stick to my brain. By exam time， my grades were 9）crap and I felt like crap， but I thought maybe a medical 10）internship would help 11）boost my spirits. Ironically， my internship was where I realized how little I wanted to be a doctor.

有機(jī)會(huì)觀看耳蝸植入手術(shù)對(duì)于很多醫(yī)科學(xué)生來說應(yīng)該是件很令人興奮的事情。但對(duì)于我來說，當(dāng)兩名醫(yī)生對(duì)著一個(gè)頭蓋骨亂搞一通的時(shí)候，我卻每20秒看一次手機(jī)，看看還有多久才能離開。我不屬于那里；我只是假裝自己屬于那里而已。事實(shí)上，大學(xué)生活過半之后，我知道自己不想當(dāng)醫(yī)生。究竟是繼續(xù)騙自己，還是改專業(yè)？我必須做出決定。

上大學(xué)之前，我對(duì)人生沒有什么打算。我一直很想修讀英語，但父母不同意，說學(xué)英語賺不了錢。所以我認(rèn)為找一份稱心、表面上很賺錢、又能令父母自豪的工作就行了?！搬t(yī)生”這個(gè)職業(yè)完全符合以上三點(diǎn)，于是我決定學(xué)醫(yī)。我知道課程不容易，但沒料到會(huì)這么難。我每天深夜和周末都絞盡腦汁地學(xué)習(xí)，但成績還是不好。我就是記不住那些資料。到了考試的時(shí)候，我的成績一塌糊涂，我也覺得糟透了，但我以為醫(yī)學(xué)實(shí)習(xí)會(huì)幫我提升信心。諷刺的是，正是實(shí)習(xí)讓我意識(shí)到自己有多不想當(dāng)醫(yī)生。

Every day Id just go into work and do exactly what I was told， go where I was told to go， and watch what I was told to watch. And then Id go home. It was fun whenever I got to play with expensive 12）microscopes or watch crazy surgeries， but the rest of the time I struggled to get through the day. The other interns， though， practically 13）broke their backs they worked so hard. They were so 14）driven. I thought， “Wow， these other interns really want to be doctors. I obviously dont.” It was a sad realisation that led to a sadder， scarier question： If I didnt want to be a doctor， what did I want to do？

I had two choices—either keep lying to myself or do a different degree. Changing course would make the past two years of university a waste of time and money. I had thought maybe I could 15）hang on a bit longer until I made it to saving lives and making big money. But 16）eventually I realised that though Id hate myself for quitting， Id hate myself more if I ended up being a crap doctor.

After a lot of long walks on the beach， I decided that the last two years were a 17）worthwhile waste of time and money， because they led to me finding out what I really wanted to do with my life. Despite my parents 18）cynicism， all I want to do is write.

It wasnt an easy decision. I was glad to be moving onto something new， but was also disappointed in myself for giving up. My parents took it pretty well—there wasnt any yelling or tears. But I do have to deal with their 19）constant disappointment and 20）nagging about my future. My dad still tries to 21）convince me to go back to medicine. Its okay， though—theyre just trying to look out for me.

I changed my course to English writing and suddenly I was enjoying university. I was still studying my brains out， writing all night and through the weekend， but， this time， enjoying the pain. Id spend hours 22）perfecting a single paragraph until I was happy with it. I was 23）hooked on lectures and class work. I started looking for internships that would give me experience in professional writing.

These past six weeks， Ive been interning at a website as an 24）editorial 25）assistant. I get up every morning， excited to get into work. The day goes by quick as anything. Five hours feels like 20 seconds because Im having so much fun 26）banging my head on the keyboard until good words come out. My editors tell me that I dont need to do any writing for them outside of work， but I do it anyways because I love writing.

Changing course is a major decision， and it can seem like the last one you want to make. But， if you figure out what you really want to do， then it can be the one of the most important decisions you ever make. I needed a couple of years and a lot of thinking to realize that. My advice is to accept the risks and regrets but to focus much more on the benefits. If you are anywhere close to thinking you need to change course， just do it.

每天，我只是去工作，別人叫我做什么我就做什么，叫我去哪里我就去哪里，叫我看什么就看什么，然后就回家。有機(jī)會(huì)玩弄昂貴的顯微鏡或者觀看夸張的手術(shù)，確實(shí)挺有趣的，但其他時(shí)候我簡直是度日如年。而其他實(shí)習(xí)生則名副其實(shí)地賣力工作，相當(dāng)投入。我想：“哇，其他實(shí)習(xí)生是真的想當(dāng)醫(yī)生，我顯然不是。”這個(gè)結(jié)論引發(fā)了另一個(gè)更可悲、更可怕的問題：如果我不想當(dāng)醫(yī)生，那我想干什么呢？

我有兩個(gè)選擇——繼續(xù)欺騙自己或者修讀另一個(gè)學(xué)位。轉(zhuǎn)專業(yè)意味著過去的兩年大學(xué)所花費(fèi)的時(shí)間和金錢都付諸東流。我原本想，也許我能多撐一陣子，直到自己可以救死扶傷，賺大錢。但我最終意識(shí)到雖然我討厭放棄（醫(yī)科），但如果我成了一名蹩腳的醫(yī)生，我將會(huì)更痛恨自己。

在海邊進(jìn)行了多次長時(shí)間散步后，我最終決定過去兩年的時(shí)間和金錢雖然是浪費(fèi)了，但還是值得的，因?yàn)樗鼈冏屛艺业搅宋艺嬲胱龅氖虑椤ｋm然父母對(duì)寫作（這個(gè)職業(yè)）冷嘲熱諷，但這是我想做的事情。

做出這個(gè)決定并不容易。能夠轉(zhuǎn)向新鮮的事情固然讓我高興，但對(duì)自己放棄原來的專業(yè)也感到失望。父母很快就接受了我這個(gè)決定——沒有大吵大鬧，也沒有眼淚。但我確實(shí)要面對(duì)他們長久的失望以及對(duì)我未來的嘮叨。我爸爸依然想說服我轉(zhuǎn)回醫(yī)科。沒關(guān)系——他們只是關(guān)心我而已。

轉(zhuǎn)到英語寫作專業(yè)后，我突然間就愛上大學(xué)了。盡管我依然要絞盡腦汁地學(xué)習(xí)，晚上和周末都在寫作，但這次，我很享受這種痛苦。我會(huì)為修改一段話而花上數(shù)小時(shí)，直到滿意為止。我迷上了講座和課業(yè)，我還開始尋找能增加我專業(yè)寫作經(jīng)驗(yàn)的實(shí)習(xí)。

過去的六周里，我在一家網(wǎng)站實(shí)習(xí)，當(dāng)助理編輯。每天起床我都懷著興奮的心情去工作。時(shí)間一下子就過了。五個(gè)小時(shí)就像20秒，因?yàn)槲衣耦^苦干，敲擊著鍵盤直到好詞出現(xiàn)，這太有趣了。編輯們對(duì)我說工作以外的時(shí)間不需要我再寫東西，但我還是寫了，因?yàn)槲覠釔蹖懽鳌?/p>

轉(zhuǎn)專業(yè)是一個(gè)重大的決定，似乎也是你最不想做的決定。但如果你弄清楚自己真正想做的事情，那么它可能是你做出的最重要的決定之一。我用了幾年時(shí)間，并想了很多才意識(shí)到這一點(diǎn)。我的建議是：接受風(fēng)險(xiǎn)以及后悔的心情，但更要著眼于（日后的）好處。如果你覺得真的有需要轉(zhuǎn)專業(yè)，就行動(dòng)吧。