你的關(guān)注，我的煩惱

by Katherine Goldstein 譯/周穎

社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)不是年輕人的專(zhuān)屬，一些不甘落后的父母也在追趕這一潮流。突然之間，長(zhǎng)大離家的孩子似乎又變得近在咫尺，指尖一觸，他們每天的生活狀態(tài)盡在眼前。社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)仿佛為父母架起了一臺(tái)超級(jí)望遠(yuǎn)鏡，他們因重新參與子女的生活而興奮不已?？稍谇Ю镏?，孩子們卻在心里大聲說(shuō)——Stop following me！

Ishould have known I was in trouble. Before I arrived home for a regular family visit， my dad asked a special request of me： “Katherine， since you are such an expert on social media， I need to sit down with you for a tutorial1） when youre in town.”

“Sure，” I agreed. “Ill be happy to show you some things.”

My dad， while perhaps not always great at operating gadgets， has always been an early adopter. He was the first person I knew to have a BlackBerry， and he rushed out to buy an iPad when it came on the market. And hes always been keenly interested in the influence of technology. While I have friends who giggle about parents who share a joint email address and find text messaging wildly complicated， I thought： “Good for Dad. Hes really making an effort to learn.”

My dad had signed up for Twitter but was a little baffled by some of the finer points. Would I mind showing him if there was a way to see all of his followers clearly？ And how does one retweet？ As promised， I sat down with him and set him up with TweetDeck. I showed him how to use the retweet button， and linked his Twitter and Facebook accounts. “This is so cool！ And helpful！ I really feel totally set up now. Thanks so much， Katherine，” he gushed. All in a days work2）.

When I set up Dads account， I noticed that because he followed so few people， it was mostly just filled with my tweets. Some time shortly after that， I realized that my dad seemed to be reading every single thing I tweeted. If I tweeted something that had anything to do with my life， like asking for a restaurant recommendation， mentioning I was going to a concert， or making an observation about a business meeting， Id receive a prompt email with his two cents3） about where I should go， or telling me to have a grea0t time， or asking me how the meeting went.

I initially found it funny that my dad seemed to be watching my movements so closely， and it was sort of sweet how I would receive an email rather than a message back on Twitter. I asked him how he managed to always see every one of my tweets and respond so promptly. “Oh， I set up an alert to get a message to my BlackBerry every time you tweet.” It was then that I realized I had created a monster. His interest in Twitter had gone from curiosity to enthusiastic parental monitoring tool.

The idea of my dad hovering over my electronic movements perplexed me. My parents have never been prying helicopter parents. Theyve always encouraged my brother and me to be independent， travel alone， and make life decisions for ourselves without their nitpicking4）. They are always enthusiastic to talk about anything， but Id never describe either of them as nosy5）. Twitter quickly changed that. My boyfriend and I were toying with6） the idea of taking a vacation to Beirut， Lebanon. I tweeted a question if anyone had visited or had recommendations. I quickly received an email from my dad， “I hope you mean Lebanon， Pennsylvania！ You cant seriously want to go to Lebanon.”

Our phone calls increasingly began with a 10-minute rundown7） of everything that hed seen me tweet about since we last talked. My dad has always been an indefatigable8） cheerleader and PR agent to the point of embarrassment to his children， and it became clear that he was less trying to hover and more using Twitter to mine exciting life details that he was， perhaps， overly enthused by： “You met Norah Ephron??！” “You got to go to Facebook headquarters?。?！” “You had a picnic this Sunday?。?！” “You made roasted duck?。?！”

While I mainly tweet things related to work and the news， the one in every 10 tweets that had something to do with my life seemed to provide my dad with a steady stream of insight that hed been deprived of since I left for college.

Ive never had any illusions that Twitter was private， and Ive always been acutely aware that I should never tweet something unprofessional. But all of a sudden Twitter felt a little less fun： Anything I tweeted Id likely have to discuss with my dad later， even if it was as harmless as going to a gallery. If I wanted to tell him about it， I would. Living in a city hundreds of miles away provides a grown daughter with the privacy to selectively edit your weekend plans， or not have to tell Dad whether or not your scintillating9） comments lit up the conference room. Anything that I hinted at on Twitter I had to be prepared to answer for later. I couldnt block him. I didnt have the heart to do so. Instead I applied the test “Will I want to talk to Dad about this later？” to anything I tweeted.

Even as I became more aware of the degree of my dads Twitter stalking and started gently teasing him about it， he was not deterred. When I saw him in person， hed make a point to ask me in front of other people， “So how many Twitter followers do you have now， Katherine？ Its over a 1，000 now， isnt it？ Is it over 1，500？ She has OVER 1，500 followers！” Hed brag to anyone in earshot. He loved the idea that this number somehow denoted a kind of status. “I only have 200！” he would add. Isnt the dream of every father for his children to be more successful than himself？

I think the pinnacle10） of my dads Twitter mania came when Slate11） launched our newsblog， “The Slatest，” which I oversee. Since hed sort of gotten the hang of12） the retweeting thing， anything I tweeted related to the launch hed retweet within minutes. He became one of the first followers of the newly created Slatest Twitter account， and because it had few followers in the beginning， when you looked at the list of @ mentions， seven out of 10 of them were from my dad. I knew he thought that he was helping me succeed. I imagined he concluded that if he retweeted all of the stories， it would noticeably bring the site more readers. Thats how social media works， right？ All he had to do to show his support was push a button.

He was in such a flurry13） about “The Slatest” that he even called me during the middle of the workday to discuss it. Twice. For my dad， there are few things more sacred than hard work. Calling me during office hours was the sort of thing I thought hed only consider if someone had died. But Twitter also changed that. The tweets were so instant he couldnt hold back his responses. “I saw your tweet and I was just so excited that I wanted to say congratulations again！ Hows everything going？”

I found myself using the service less and less， keeping it mostly to news links that caught my interest. I started relegating14） my increasingly fewer updates about my life to Facebook. Dad seemed less into Facebook， and there wasnt any easy option for him to get real-time updates sent to his phone. While he still brings up things he sees me tweet， over time he started to tone it down since there was less fodder15）. Maybe a bit of the novelty wore off. Maybe he started following more people so it became harder to focus solely on me.

My mom， although she has a Twitter account， for the most part had stayed out of the whole frenzy. She sheepishly16） admitted that she didnt read all of my tweets and just let my dad fill her in17） on the most important ones. （Fine by me?。?As my dads intensity waned， I thought the chapter on parental Twitter stalking had come to a close. Recently， I tweeted out to my followers that I was taking suggestions of possible topics for a fourweek project. I immediately got an email about it， but it wasnt from my dad. It was from my mom. “I just saw your tweet， and I wanted and I wanted to tell you …”

我早就該知道我有麻煩了。在一次例行回家探望父母時(shí)，還沒(méi)到家，老爸就向我提出了一個(gè)特殊的請(qǐng)求：“凱瑟琳，既然你是社交媒體方面的專(zhuān)家，等你回來(lái)了，我得坐下來(lái)向你求教一番。”

“沒(méi)問(wèn)題，”我答應(yīng)道，“我很高興能教你點(diǎn)什么?！?/p>

對(duì)于新玩意兒，我老爸也許并不總是非常懂操作，但他總是早早開(kāi)始使用。在我認(rèn)識(shí)的人中，他是最早使用黑莓手機(jī)的。iPad剛一上市，他就趕緊跑去買(mǎi)了一部。他對(duì)技術(shù)產(chǎn)品所帶來(lái)的影響總是充滿濃厚的興趣。當(dāng)我的朋友們嬉笑著談?wù)撍麄兊母改腹灿靡粋€(gè)電子信箱，而且覺(jué)得發(fā)短信無(wú)比復(fù)雜時(shí)，我就會(huì)想：“還是我老爸好。他真的在很努力地學(xué)習(xí)?！?/p>

老爸早先已經(jīng)注冊(cè)了推特賬號(hào)，但他對(duì)其中的某些細(xì)節(jié)問(wèn)題感到有些迷惑。他想讓我教他是否有辦法能清楚地看到他所有的粉絲，還有該怎樣轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)推文。既然答應(yīng)了他， 我就和他一塊坐下來(lái)， 幫他設(shè)置了TweetDeck客戶端（編注：一款推特客戶端， 在其中用戶可以將推特信息分類(lèi)展示）。我教他怎樣使用轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)按鈕，并將他的推特和Facebook賬戶關(guān)聯(lián)起來(lái)?！斑@真是太棒了！太有用了！我真覺(jué)得現(xiàn)在完全設(shè)置到位了。非常感謝，凱瑟琳?！彼d奮地說(shuō)。其實(shí)這沒(méi)什么稀奇的。

在設(shè)置老爸的賬號(hào)時(shí)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)因?yàn)樗P(guān)注的人太少，他的推特上大多只有我的推文。就在此后不久，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我所發(fā)布的每一條推文老爸似乎都讀了。如果我在推文里提到任何和我生活有關(guān)的事，比如請(qǐng)大家推薦一家餐館，或者提到我要去聽(tīng)音樂(lè)會(huì)，或者對(duì)某個(gè)商業(yè)會(huì)議發(fā)表了看法，我就會(huì)立刻收到他的郵件，主動(dòng)提議我該去哪里，或者祝我玩得開(kāi)心，或者問(wèn)我會(huì)議進(jìn)行得怎么樣。

一開(kāi)始我覺(jué)得這很有趣，老爸似乎在密切注視著我的一舉一動(dòng)。而且，我收到的并不是推特上的一條回復(fù)，而是一封電子郵件，這多少讓我感覺(jué)到幾分貼心。我問(wèn)他怎么總能看到我的每一條推文，而且能如此迅速地回應(yīng)我?！班蓿以O(shè)置了一個(gè)提醒功能，你每次發(fā)表推文，我的黑莓手機(jī)都能收到一條信息?！敝钡侥菚r(shí)，我才意識(shí)到自己惹下了麻煩。他對(duì)推特的興趣起初只是出于單純的好奇，現(xiàn)在他卻把它當(dāng)成了狂熱父母監(jiān)督子女的工具。想到老爸在監(jiān)視著我在電子世界的一舉一動(dòng)，我感到很困惑不解。我父母從來(lái)就不是那種喜歡窺探和監(jiān)視子女的父母。他們總是鼓勵(lì)哥哥和我獨(dú)立，獨(dú)自去旅行，自己生命中的大事自己做決定，而不要他們指手畫(huà)腳。雖說(shuō)他們一直以來(lái)對(duì)任何話題都很感興趣，但我從來(lái)都不認(rèn)為他們兩個(gè)是那種愛(ài)管閑事的人。但推特迅速改變了這一切。我和男朋友半開(kāi)玩笑地商量著要去黎巴嫩的貝魯特度假，于是我發(fā)了一條推文，問(wèn)有沒(méi)有人去過(guò)或者有什么建議。我立刻收到了老爸的一封郵件：“我希望你說(shuō)的是賓夕法尼亞州的黎巴嫩！你不是真的想去黎巴嫩吧?！?/p>

逐漸地，我們之間的電話都要有一個(gè)十分鐘的開(kāi)場(chǎng)白，梳理和總結(jié)自上次通話以來(lái)他所看到的我在推特上發(fā)布的一切。老爸一直是個(gè)不知疲倦的拉拉隊(duì)長(zhǎng)和公關(guān)顧問(wèn)，甚至?xí)屪优械骄狡取Ｎ议_(kāi)始明白，與其說(shuō)他是在試圖監(jiān)視我，倒不如說(shuō)他是在利用推特來(lái)發(fā)掘生活中那些激動(dòng)人心的細(xì)節(jié)，那些令他興奮得也許有點(diǎn)過(guò)頭的細(xì)節(jié)：“你見(jiàn)到了諾拉·艾芙隆?。?！”“你要去Facebook總部?。。?！”“你這個(gè)周日去野餐了啊?。?！”“你做了烤鴨?。。。　?/p>

雖然我主要發(fā)布與工作和新聞?dòng)嘘P(guān)的推文，但十篇里面也會(huì)有一篇是關(guān)于我個(gè)人生活的，這似乎給老爸提供了穩(wěn)定而源源不斷的洞悉我生活的機(jī)會(huì)——自從我上大學(xué)以來(lái)他就被剝奪了這種機(jī)會(huì)。

我從未幻想過(guò)推特是私密的，也總是十分清醒地知道我決不該發(fā)布不專(zhuān)業(yè)的推文。但突然之間，推特變得不那么好玩了：我所發(fā)布的任何內(nèi)容以后都可能得和老爸一起討論，哪怕是去看畫(huà)展這樣無(wú)關(guān)痛癢的小事。如果我想要告訴他的話，我會(huì)告訴他的。生活在千里之外的城市里，一個(gè)成年的女兒就有了一份隱私，可以有選擇地制定自己的周末計(jì)劃，也不必告訴老爸你的真知灼見(jiàn)是不是讓會(huì)議室變得生機(jī)盎然。我在推特上不管提到些什么，都必須做好以后和老爸談?wù)摰臏?zhǔn)備。我又不能把他拉黑。我不忍心這么做。相反，我采取的辦法是不管我發(fā)布什么，我都要先問(wèn)自己：“我以后想和老爸談?wù)撨@個(gè)嗎？”

雖然我越來(lái)越清楚老爸在推特上對(duì)我的跟蹤程度，并且也開(kāi)始就此事和他開(kāi)一些小玩笑，可他依然如故。見(jiàn)到他本人時(shí)，他常常會(huì)當(dāng)著別人的面特意問(wèn)我：“凱瑟琳，你的推特上現(xiàn)在有多少粉絲了？有1000多個(gè)了，不是嗎？超過(guò)1500了嗎？她的粉絲都超過(guò)1500個(gè)了！”他會(huì)對(duì)能聽(tīng)到此話的所有人都夸耀一番。這個(gè)數(shù)字不管怎樣也是一種地位的顯示吧，他喜歡這樣認(rèn)為?！岸抑挥?00個(gè)！”他會(huì)補(bǔ)充說(shuō)。孩子比自己更成功，這不是每個(gè)父親的夢(mèng)想嗎？

當(dāng)《S l a t e》雜志推出由我負(fù)責(zé)的新聞博客“T h eSlatest”時(shí)，我覺(jué)得老爸對(duì)推特的狂熱也達(dá)到了登峰造極的地步。由于他已經(jīng)差不多掌握了轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)的方法，我所發(fā)布的任何關(guān)于推出新聞博客的推文，他都會(huì)在幾分鐘內(nèi)進(jìn)行轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)。他成為剛剛創(chuàng)建的Slatest推特賬戶最早的粉絲之一。由于一開(kāi)始這個(gè)賬戶的粉絲很少，當(dāng)你查看“@提到我的”消息列表時(shí)，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)十有七八都是來(lái)自我老爸。我知道他認(rèn)為他是在幫助我獲得成功。我想他肯定認(rèn)為如果他轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)了所有的報(bào)道，這就能給網(wǎng)站帶來(lái)數(shù)量可觀的更多讀者。這就是社交網(wǎng)站運(yùn)營(yíng)的方式，不是嗎？要表示支持，他要做的只是點(diǎn)一下按鈕。

他對(duì)“The Slatest”如此緊張，甚至在上班時(shí)間他也會(huì)打電話來(lái)跟我討論。這樣的事已經(jīng)發(fā)生過(guò)兩次了。在老爸看來(lái)，沒(méi)有什么事比努力工作更神圣。我本以為，只有當(dāng)有人去世的時(shí)候，他才會(huì)考慮在上班時(shí)間給我打電話。但推特連這一點(diǎn)都改變了。由于推文具有很強(qiáng)的即時(shí)性，他往往克制不住自己的反應(yīng)。“我看到你的推文了，我太激動(dòng)了，我要再次向你表示祝賀！一切還順利嗎？”

我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己使用推特的次數(shù)越來(lái)越少，大多只是發(fā)布一些我感興趣的新聞鏈接。關(guān)于我個(gè)人生活的更新越來(lái)越少，而且我開(kāi)始將它們轉(zhuǎn)移到Facebook上。老爸對(duì)Facebook似乎不那么入迷，而且也沒(méi)有什么簡(jiǎn)便的方式將實(shí)時(shí)更新發(fā)送到他的手機(jī)上。雖然他還會(huì)提起他看到的我的推文，但漸漸地，他開(kāi)始說(shuō)得少了，因?yàn)橐褯](méi)有多少談資。也許是他的新鮮感已慢慢消失。也許是他開(kāi)始關(guān)注更多的人，所以只盯著我一個(gè)變得不那么容易了。

我老媽雖然也有推特賬號(hào)，但她此前基本都置身于這所有的狂熱之外。她不好意思地承認(rèn)并不是我所有的推文她都讀過(guò)，只是讓老爸把最重要的一些講給她聽(tīng)。（這對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)沒(méi)什么不好的?。╇S著老爸興趣的減弱，我以為“家長(zhǎng)推特監(jiān)視”這一章已經(jīng)翻過(guò)去了。最近，我對(duì)粉絲們發(fā)布了一條推文，說(shuō)我在為一個(gè)為期四周的項(xiàng)目征求話題建議。我立刻就收到了一封關(guān)于此事的郵件，但那不是老爸發(fā)的。發(fā)信的人是老媽?zhuān)骸拔覄倓偪吹侥愕耐莆模蚁敫嬖V你……”

1. tutorial [tju??t??ri?l] n. 大學(xué)導(dǎo)師的個(gè)別指導(dǎo)時(shí)間；大學(xué)導(dǎo)師的輔導(dǎo)課

2. all in a days work：不足為奇的，很平常的

3. two cents：（未經(jīng)邀請(qǐng)而發(fā)表的）意見(jiàn)

4. nitpick [?n?t?p?k] vi. 〈口〉挑剔，吹毛求疵

5. nosy [?n??zi] adj. 〈口〉愛(ài)打聽(tīng)的，好管閑事的

6. toy with：不太認(rèn)真地考慮

7. rundown [?r?n?da?n] n. 概要，總結(jié)

8. indefatigable [??nd??f?t?ɡ?b（?）l] adj. 不倦的；不屈不撓的

9. scintillating [?s?nt??le?t??] adj. 煥發(fā)才智的

10. pinnacle [?p?n?k（?）l] n. 頂點(diǎn)，頂峰

11. Slate：美國(guó)知名網(wǎng)絡(luò)雜志，1996年創(chuàng)刊，以其政治評(píng)論、離

奇新聞和藝術(shù)特寫(xiě)等內(nèi)容而聞名。

12. get the hang of：〈口〉掌握……的竅門(mén)，熟悉……的用

13. flurry [?fl?ri] n. 慌張；激動(dòng)

14. relegate [?rel?ɡe?t] vt. 交付，托付

15. fodder [?f?d?（r）] n. 素材

16. sheepishly [??i?p??li] adv. 羞怯地，靦腆地

17. fill sb. in：向某人提供詳情