為父之道：步步驚心

My first regret, or maybe, the first regret I remember I knew going into this “fatherhood” thing that it would be difficult and that I would make mistakes. However, I never knew how right I could be. I have so many mistakes and regrets that I cannot possibly 1)enumerate them all here. I dont think the server has enough space to hold that much text! Still, here are some things Ive done, things I should have done, or things that I wish I never had done in my 11-year 2)tenure as a father. Maybe you can relate to some of these and we can take solace in our mutual company of misery. Or, better still, maybe you can read the 3)bonehead mistakes Ive made and convince yourself not to repeat my stupidity. In this particular article, Ill only mention one. But 4)rest assured, there are many more to come.

我第一個(gè)遺憾，大概是，我記憶中的首個(gè)遺憾，我也知道，為人之父不易，且我也會(huì)犯些錯(cuò)。但我之前不知道，其實(shí)很多事情本來(lái)是可以做好做對(duì)的。我犯過(guò)錯(cuò)誤，走過(guò)彎路，太多太多，我不能在此一一列舉。同樣我也不認(rèn)為服務(wù)器有那么多空間，放下那么長(zhǎng)的“蠢事錄”！盡管如此，在我為人父的十一年間，還是有一些我該做但未做以及我寧愿自己從未做過(guò)的事情?；蛟S這些事會(huì)引起你的共鳴，我們還可以在彼此勉勵(lì)、一吐苦惱之時(shí)獲取安慰。再不然，有個(gè)更好的主意，或許你可以翻閱我以往的累累“笨”行，然后確保自己不再重蹈覆轍。在這篇特別的文章里，我只會(huì)提到一件事。但請(qǐng)放心，以后我會(huì)陸續(xù)告訴你更多。

As a father, my biggest responsibility is keeping my children out of harms way. And yet, I have been the direct cause of harm myself. I remember the first time how I actually brought physical pain to my child. My son was just a baby, not even a year old. I was holding him and 5)reveling in the wonder and 6)awe that one feels when holding ones own offspring. He was (and still is) so cute, I just wanted to “eat him up.” Of course, that is a figure of speech. No one ever really bites their child. And yet, thats exactly what I did. As I was holding him, my excitement grew and grew until it nearly reached a 7)fever pitch. I just couldnt contain my 8)euphoria any longer. So, with teeth bared, I bit his shirt. As my teeth sank into his little outfit, I had the unusual feeling of softness between my 9)incisors. “Wow,” I thought. “This shirt must be 10)padded or something.” Then it happened.

身為人父，我的首要職責(zé)便是確保我的孩子遠(yuǎn)離傷害。然而，我卻成為了那個(gè)“高危元素”。我記得第一次我是如何切實(shí)地讓我的孩子嘗到了皮肉之苦。當(dāng)時(shí)我的兒子還是一個(gè)未足歲的嬰兒。我抱著他，像抱著自己后代的所有人那樣，對(duì)生命的奇妙，我有著無(wú)限的感慨與敬畏。他當(dāng)時(shí)（現(xiàn)在也是）可愛(ài)透了，我只想“把他一口吞掉”。當(dāng)然，這只是打個(gè)比方?；⒍静皇匙勇?。可是，我還真就這么干了。我抱著他的時(shí)候，興奮之情不知所起，極近爆表。我再也無(wú)法控制自己的欣喜之情。于是，我咧開(kāi)嘴，咬了他的衣服。當(dāng)我的牙齒嵌進(jìn)他的小衣服時(shí)，唇齒間體驗(yàn)到了非比尋常的柔嫩感?！安诲e(cuò)，”我想，“這衣服要不是有襯里就是有其他什么東西?！笔虑榫瓦@樣發(fā)生了。

My precious son let out a scream that could have broken a wine glass! I immediately let go of my death 11)grip, shocked out of my dreamy happiness. His face was beet red and all 12)scrunched up like a 13)raisin. He was obviously in a great deal of pain. Just as I began to inspect my sons body to uncover and eradicate the threat, his hand raised up to cover the exact spot where my teeth marks could still be seen on his shirt. “Please, no. Tell me I didnt bite my son!” Alas, I had. I lifted his shirt to see what amounted to a pinch mark with clear 14)indentations in the unmistakable shape of my teeth. “Good Lord. I bit my son!”

我的寶貝兒子發(fā)出一聲尖叫，分貝高到足以震碎一只杯子！我立馬松口，從美夢(mèng)中驚醒。他的小臉漲得通紅，皺得像葡萄干一樣。顯然，他很疼。正當(dāng)我要檢查兒子身體看看怎么回事時(shí)，兒子的小手舉高，恰好遮住了我“留痕”的地方，而在襯衫上依然能看到我的牙印。“天啊，別告訴我是我自己把兒子給咬了！”唉，我的確咬到他了。我撩起他的衣服，看到一小塊痕跡，清清楚楚地顯著我的牙印。“天啊，我剛才咬了我的兒子！”

His skin remained puckered up as if still caught in the grip of my sharp enamel.I instinctively started rubbing his wound hoping to wipe away the pain and soothe the nerve endings that must have been firing 15)at full throttle. My wife, 16)disconcerted by the abrupt 17)squeal from our first born baby, came 18)dashing into the room where she found me 19)on the verge of tears and our son in an 20)all out panic.

“What happened?!” she let out, wondering why she had trusted me to care for him to begin with.

“I bit him! I bit Cameron!”

“What?! Why did you bite him? What were you thinking?!”

God, or the universe, or 21)Allah, or evolution, or whatever you believe constructed this crazy existence we call life gave mothers a fierce instinct to protect their young. I wasnt completely aware of this, but looking back I realize that my own life was, at that moment, in grave danger of coming to an end.

他的皮膚還是紅腫，就好像我的尖牙還在上面一樣。我本能地開(kāi)始摩挲他的傷口，希望能減緩他的痛楚并讓他激痛的神經(jīng)末梢鎮(zhèn)靜下來(lái)。我的妻子，因?yàn)槲覀兩碌念^一個(gè)孩子的驚聲尖叫而驚慌失措，她沖進(jìn)房間，發(fā)現(xiàn)我正淚眼朦朧，兒子則疼痛不已。

“出什么事了？！”她喊道，心里肯定后悔著為什么一開(kāi)始竟然放心讓我來(lái)照顧孩子。

“我咬他了！我咬了卡梅?。　?/p>

“什么？！你為什么咬他？你腦子里想什么來(lái)著？！”

上帝，或者宇宙，或是真主阿拉，或進(jìn)化論，或是其他你相信是造物主的東西，給予母親一種保護(hù)幼崽的本能。我完全沒(méi)有意識(shí)到這些，但回想起來(lái)，我才發(fā)現(xiàn)那時(shí)孩子他娘完全是一副要?dú)⒘宋业臉幼印?/p>

“I didnt mean to! I just got excited because hes so cute!”

My dear wife must have thought I had lost my marbles. So, I was actually admitting that I had bitten her son? And my excuse was, “I didnt mean to? ” What an idiot!

The rest of the night I swung between two emotional extremes: 22)self-loathing for being a 23)moron and rage towards myself for the same reason.

Fortunately, Cameron recovered quickly and well. 24)Inexplicably he continued to let me hold him. I guess he still hadnt discovered cause and effect at such an early age. Had he associated that pain with me, the rightful owner of his misery, that may have been the last time for quite a while in which he allowed me to so much as touch him.

So, what do I take from this experience?

“我不是故意的！他這么可愛(ài)，我只不過(guò)是太興奮了！”

我親愛(ài)的妻子肯定以為我瘋了。我確實(shí)承認(rèn)咬到了她的兒子，而借口竟然是“我不是故意的”？真真兒的一個(gè)蠢貨！

后半夜，我在情緒的兩個(gè)極端間搖擺不定：由于自己的愚蠢行為，我既嫌棄自己又對(duì)自己狂怒不已。

萬(wàn)幸的是，卡梅隆恢復(fù)得非?？欤闆r也不錯(cuò)。奇怪的是，他并未拒絕我的懷抱。我猜他年紀(jì)還小，并沒(méi)發(fā)現(xiàn)其中的因果關(guān)系。要是他把疼痛和我這個(gè)罪魁禍?zhǔn)茁?lián)系起來(lái)，那么他讓我盡情擁抱他的這么一小會(huì)兒以后都將不復(fù)存在。

那么，從這次失敗中，我得到了什么經(jīng)驗(yàn)教訓(xùn)呢？

Dont bite your kids! It hurts them. Well, maybe theres a little more to it than just that. From this moment, and 25)reinforced time and time again, I have understood just how careful fathers must be with their children. Even with the very best intentions, we can hurt our 26)prodigy in ways that we just dont expect. This moment is, of course, way too concrete. The fact is, there exist many more subtle ways in which we can misguide and send mixed messages to our children. How we fathers behave in both 27)jubilation and flat out anger impacts their minds, hearts, and souls greatly. Every moment is a teaching moment. Every action, every word, every facial expression... all of it… is picked up on and imprinted on these marvelous humans just trying to figure out how to make it in this 28)convoluted, messy world. Its overwhelming, really. I cant wrap my mind around it. If I concentrate on the depth of it too much, Im likely to have a panic attack! So, like everyone else I suppose, I trod through the day living moment to moment… just trying to remember to walk in a simple manner. Because those little footsteps I hear behind me will one day be leading another set of little footsteps. Thats a big responsibility… but thats what Ive signed up for.

不要咬自己的孩子！這會(huì)讓他們受傷。好吧，或許還不止這些。此時(shí)此刻，隨著歲月的累積，我明白了身為人父在面對(duì)自己的孩子時(shí)，需要多么小心。即使并無(wú)惡意，我們也很有可能不經(jīng)意間傷害到我們的小寶貝——特別是此刻，我切身體會(huì)到這一點(diǎn)。事實(shí)上，很多時(shí)候，我們會(huì)不經(jīng)意間誤導(dǎo)孩子，向他們傳遞錯(cuò)誤信息。身為人父，無(wú)論是高興還是憤怒，我們的行為舉止都會(huì)對(duì)孩子的思想、心靈，以及靈魂產(chǎn)生巨大影響。時(shí)時(shí)刻刻都是以身作則、言傳身教的機(jī)會(huì)。每一個(gè)舉止，每一句話語(yǔ)，每一個(gè)臉部表情……這一切都將會(huì)對(duì)那些試圖在這個(gè)復(fù)雜混亂世道中成長(zhǎng)起來(lái)的神奇小生命造成影響，鐫刻永生。真的，這些讓我透不過(guò)氣來(lái)。我不能再?lài)@事兒打轉(zhuǎn)了。如果我再過(guò)分沉浸于這些，我馬上就要神經(jīng)衰弱了！所以，跟其他人一樣，我一步一腳印地走到今天……盡力提醒自己要簡(jiǎn)單明白地度日。因?yàn)?，這些我留下的每一小步某天將成為珍貴的經(jīng)驗(yàn)，日后孩子長(zhǎng)大為人父母時(shí)也將受其影響。這是重大的責(zé)任……但對(duì)此，我義不容辭，不會(huì)推卸。