The Americans’views on relationships and marriage——a case study of the TV series FRIENDS

Ma Yu－fei

(Zhongnan University of Economics and Law，Wuhan 430074 Hubei)

In the academic field of Americans’values towards marriage and relationship，people always draw conclusions that stress Americans’casual attitudes and irresponsibility in marriage.Many of them attach some negative social phenomenons like high rate of divorce or unmarried mothers to the Americans.In fact，the Americans have their own distinct opinions of marriage and love affairs which are not that indiscreet as people always imagine.

Researches on the TV series FRIENDS mostly focus on its humor or the oral English of the characters.Seldom has any research studied the story of this TV series itself which is a real reflection of the Americans’views on marriage and relationship.

In this paper，the Americans’views on marriage and relationship are analyzed in a case study of the TV series FRIENDS and it is illustrated from three aspects including the views on dating，the views on selecting a mate and the views on marriage.On the basis of researches on several typical cases from the TV series，the paper gives a proper conclusion about Americans’marriage values and points out the serious attitudes towards their marriage and relationship.

1 View on dating

1.1 Foundation of dates

Date is the most regular part in a relationship.When Americans claim that they are dating someone，they mean they are in a relationship.The foundation of a date，or in other words，the very original reason for an American to date someone is the feeling of attraction.Joey， in this TV episode， is a prince Charming who is amazingly popular among different young girls.Although he is weak in economy，he always wins the admiration from the girls he meets with.This phenomenon makes the other two heroes—Ross and Chandler—feel jealous all the time.When comparing this with that situation in China，it is clearly that the Americans place their romantic relationships on the basis of love feelings instead of the qualification or personal situation of the target person.The six characters all have dated large amounts of people who are met by accident.For example，Ross meets one of his girlfriends，Emily，on a train;and Rachel dates a fireman who comes to their apartment to put out a fire;Monica dates her doctor with whom she got familiar during a treatment.Not to mention Joey who has almost ended in dating with every girl he runs into.They rank feeling in the first place and seldom consider other conditions when deciding to date someone.In a word，Americans’date is all about attraction and love feelings.

1.2 Sex in a relationship

Sex is an essential part in a relationship in A-mericans’eyes.Different from most Asians，they seldom object to the sex before marriage;on the contrary，they would pay much importance to the sexual part in a relationship.Generally speaking，most A-mericans experience sex in a quite young age，and have a number of sexual partners before marriage.All these leave people an impression of sexual－open and sexual－ liberty.In fact，this results from the Americans’special understanding about sex.They regard sexual life as a necessity of life as well as a reflection of their honour.They hold the opinion that sex is an important evidence to prove their charms，so a person with a poor sexual life would be regarded as an unpopular person who should feel shame for himself.In FRIENDS，Joey is a man who is talent in seeking for girls.Once，Ross turns to Joey for help in how to ask a girl out，and he feels anxious and worried because he has not had sex for almost half a year and it is regarded as a shame.There is another example which is about Monica.She was a fat girl in her high school age，and not a boy liked her or intended to date her，so she kept a virgin.But she was always looking forward to solving that problem and also attached shame to that fact.Sex is a sensitive topic in many countries，but in USA it is a normal one.The friends in the episode talk about it at any time in any place.Audiences can find the jokes related to sex in almost every single episode.Just like eating，drinking，sleeping，the Americans title the sexual life as a normal part of their lives，especially of their romantic relationships.

However，sex is absolutely not the whole things about relationship，and Americans also have some serious views on it.Joey，a playboy in New York，sleeps with countless women，but when he faces an adult video which he thought is acted by Phoebe，he says definitely NO to it.And Rachel once got very angry with Ross as a result of Ross’one night sleep with another woman right after their break－up.Even in the last season，when Joey falls in love with Rachel，he keeps himself away from having sex with her because he does not want to destroy their friendship as he knows there would be no result between the two friends.In a word，sex is a normal but serious thing for Americans.

2 View on selecting a mate

2.1 Love as the premise

Americans attach great importance to individualism and personal liberty.As a result，when selecting a mate，they rank the love between the two persons first on their list.Love is the premise and the most valuable thing in a marriage.Both men and women could sacrifice everything for it.Marriage is totally based on love，but not other things like family background，age，social class，etc.In the episode，the six characters all have dated lots of people，among them there are some who are proper for marriage，but they always pay more attention to the feelings between them and those dating mates rather than their personal situations.In the very first episode，Rachel runs away from her wedding with a rich dentist.The only reason why she makes such a decision is that she finds no feeling for her fiancé.Monica once has also got a rich boyfriend and she thinks he would propose to her，the six even imagine their beautiful future for many times，but their focus are absolutely not on his fortune.Because they do not notice the fact that the guy is very rich until a visit to the man’s splendid house is paid.As Ross and Rachel，at first，they two enjoy a very different social classes and economic situations，but it does not place any obstacle on their way to love each other.In a word，the Americans’marriage is based only on a kind of love spirit.

2.2 The specific requirements in selecting a mate

When describing their mate，the Americans are always used to using words like funny，kind，smart and beautiful，etc.The Americans’goal in selecting a mate is to find a soul mate，so their requirements are all about personality，common interests，sexual tendency，similar values and norms.The Americans often start their selection from date.In their first date，they talk with each other about their attitudes towards life，love and some other things like the history of relationship and the characteristics about themselves.If the first date proves that the two are proper for each other，they then plan for the second date，the third，and on and on.From these，a conclusion can be drawn that the shared values and feelings of attraction are the most important for Americans in selecting a mate.In the first season，Monica dates a poor person who is said to be live under the shadow of his ex－girlfriend，and Monica falls in sympathy for him and feels interested in him.Ross’admiration to Rachel is also all about her sweet personality，so he ignores the fact that she is just a shabby waitress while he is an honoured professor.In Phoebe’s case，audiences can also see Americans’requirements in selecting a mate.Phoebe has a very miserable childhood and a much wired characteristic.The worst is，as a singer and sometimes a massager，she has no serious job，but she has a lot of guys who are glad to date her as well，and none of them criticizes her for her miserable situation.At last，she marries a rich and nice man without any objection.

3 View on marriage.

3.1 Serious marriage views

Americans behave casually in relationships but quite seriously in marriage.A pair of American lover usually has to date for several years before seeing each others’parents and make sure the idea of stepping into marriage.And it is a necessity for American men to make a serious proposal to their girlfriends with a diamond ring in the hand when asking her to marry him.A warm and sweet wedding is also a must.In the ten－season－episode FRIENDS，the proposals and weddings of each couple must be the most touching parts of the episode.

Americans do not step into marriage until they make sure that they are each other’s soul mate and Mr/Mrs.Right.The time for them to make sure may be long，but once they decide，they would hold a very sound and honest attitude towards their marriage.In the episode，Ross and Rachel once get registration in Las Vegas1after getting drunk，but Rachel insists on getting divorced when she wakes the next day because the marriage is decided in a drunken situation while her love for Ross is not enough for a marriage，and such a marriage is unfair to both of them.

Americans’serious attitude towards marriage could be observed in another aspect.They always keep highly honest to their mate in a relationship and a marriage.Audiences can hardly find a character in this episode that has ever cheated on his or her mate in a relationship or a marriage.Joey，the typical playboy，has dated hundreds of girls but never dates two at the same time;and when he notices his father’s love affair which is unknown to his mother，he gets quite angry and thinks it is unfair to his mother.In season 2，Rachel once casually asks Ross to end their relationship.Rachel regrets and decides to say sorry the next day，but then only to find that Ross has had a one night stand with a laundry girl because he thinks it is a real break－up.Although Ross insists on that he does that on a break－ up，Rachel can not tolerate the cheating.In the following six years never has she turned back into the relationship with Ross.In the last season，Phoebe faces a dilemma as she has to choose one from two men who equally love her;she shows her pain and sorrow but finally makes the decision to choose the one she really loves.

3.2 Love，the basis of marriage

These are many evidences to prove Americans’serious attitude towards marriage.They really attach great importance to love between couples more than anything.Rachel gets pregnant after a night with Ross.However，she decides to give birth to the baby without marrying to her father as the two of them both hold the opinion that their relationship is not mature enough to develop into a marriage.

In Americans’relationship between two persons，sex，child，conditions are not that important，the most significant point is the love between two persons.In Ross’first marriage，his wife Carol is a lesbian who gets divorced with him and then marries her female lover and raises the baby together with Ross.Audiences can easily recognise the lesbian couple’s happiness in their marriage.Americans think love is a kind of holy feeling which should be praised in any occasion without any requirement.

Conclusion

Americans owe a distinct view on relationship and marriage which is not as casual as many people think.When dating someone，they pay much attention to the feelings between themselves and their mates;when selecting a mate，they behave quite seriously;and they would be always honest to their mates once making their decisions.In American marriage，love is the most significant point and honest is the shared value of every American couple.

Notes

1 Las Vegas is an American city in which people can get married at a registry with legal effectiveness.

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