再見，投資銀行

出生，成長，衰老，死亡——生命的歷程并不像你想象的那樣漫長。若不想短暫的生命在嘆息、壓抑、麻木與痛苦中虛度，那就勇敢跨出你最懼怕的一步，做自己想做的事，成為你心目中那個更好的人。

My name is Stephen Ridley. I graduated from a top tier British University with a First Class Honours Degree1） in Philosophy， Politics and Economics in 2010 and went straight into IBD2） at a top tier European Investment Bank， after interning there in 2009. I worked in the top team for 16 months， before quitting in October 2011. I want to tell you about that experience， and about what has happened since then， about how I left the green3） to chase my dream. This will be blunt4） and honest. I do not mean to offend. Quite the opposite， I hope to inspire！ Again， this isn’t an attack on those who choose to be bankers； it’s just me sharing my experience together with the lessons I’ve learnt， and hopefully it speaks to5） a few people.

Banking is brutal6）. I knew this after my internship， but I didn’t care. I wanted money. I wanted respect. I wanted to be a somebody in the eyes of myself and others. But most of all， I wanted money. Why？ Because money is freedom. Money means I can wear what I want， live where I want， eat what I want， be who I want. Money would make me happy. Right？ Well ... not exactly I’m afraid. In fact， money didn’t seem to make any of the bankers happy. Not one person in the roughly 200 I got to know in banking were happy. Yet all earned multiples of the national average salary.

The reality of banking is this： Like everyone there， I worked my ass to the bone， working mind—numbingly boring work. My life was emails， excel， powerpoint， meetings， endless drafts and markups about shit I couldn’t give less of a fuck about， edits， drafts， edits， drafts， edits， send to printers， pick up， courier， meetings， more work， multitasking， boredom， tired， boredom， tired， fucking miserable. 15 hour days were a minimum， 16～17 were normal， 20+ were frequent and once or twice a month there would be the dreaded all—nighter7）. I was never free. I always had my BlackBerry8） with me， and thus I could never truly detach myself from the job. These are the objective facts， contrary to what any “baller9）”wants to tell you.

Though I managed to maintain relationships with certain friends， I never was really “there” and never really relaxed to enjoy their company. I was either preoccupied10）， exhausted， or too self—centred to really have a two way conversation. I was constantly tired， constantly stressed， and I had this constant reoccurring thought. The thought went like this： I’m not happy； These are my golden years， my 20s， the years I want to look back on and talk about with fondness and pride； I should be making interesting stories， having the time of my life11） whilst I have no dependents； I’m richer than I’ve ever been， yet I’m not as happy as I was backpacking around South America on a shoestring12）.

I personally did not find the work interesting， and that placed me in the 95% majority. You’re not golfing with CEOs， talking about strategy. No， you sit at your computer， haven’t spent more than 5 minutes in the sun in weeks. You’re out of shape， bad skin， tired， and overworked. You’re never going to get as rich as the superstars you admire on the TV and watch in films. You’ll be above average， but still pretty average. Sure， you can buy a MacBook Air without really thinking about it， and you can take taxis instead of the bus. But that’s it. I was amazed how modestly people lived in banking given all the hype13） that surrounds it. They were just sad middle class bland14） people， with unexciting lives， and unexciting prospects. A bunch of nerds who got caught up in a cage made of money and dreams and greed and never got out. There had to be more to life than this.

Eventually， I thought fuck this. I had worked hard at university to have a good life， a happy life， a “successful” life. And I wasn’t finding it in IBD. And nobody above me was either. Even the “baller” MDs15） were really just miserable， uninteresting， and often pathetic old farts. I didn’t want to be them. I wanted to be a colourful， shiny person with love in my heart. Someone with passion， happiness， laughter lines， someone who has taken life by the horns16） and lived on the edge， taken risks， had love and loss and seen the world17）.

I made my plan to leave in baby steps. First I started interviewing at other jobs—everything from hedge fund18） analyst to inter—dealer broker to insurance to wealth management and even equity research. These all looked boring. These all involved wasting away the majority of my life at a desk. None of these lit the fire I once had before being crushed by banking. I didn’t want to be a drone19） in a suit and tie.

Eventually I snapped20）. Despite being stuffed up to my eye balls21）， I left the office at 7 p.m. to prepare for an interview I had the next morning at 8： 30 a.m. The next morning， I wasn’t at my desk at 8 am as I should have been. I was at my interview. Just another mind—numbing “opportunity” to work in debt refinancing team at Tesco22）’s head office. There was nothing for me in any spectrum of finance. I’d had enough. I walked into work at 11am， and by 11：01， the AD23） had dragged me into a side room to rip me a new asshole24）. She said that she was going to go and talk to our team head about this. I told her I’d do it for her. I walked over to his desk， and I respectfully told him I’d had enough. I thanked him for his time， he did the same， and we shook hands.

Within 20 minutes of quitting， I was out of the front door. The sun has never shone so bright. The air has never tasted so sweet. I have never felt lighter than that moment. I was free. I was so free I could taste it！

Now， oddly， I chose this moment to go to a shopping centre with a friend. Upon walking around in a slight state of shock I saw a piano in a suit shop， and this was exactly what I needed. To play a little tune and unwind. I didn’t even ask if I could play. I just went in and started playing. A man quickly came up to me， paid me a compliment and then asked me what I did. I responded “I’m a musician.” He asked how much？ I said ￡100 for two hours. He hired me five days a week. Just like that I’d become a musician， working around a ninth of the hours for about the same money.

I quit this in a couple of weeks because I realised I didn’t want to be a background musician in a shop. I wanted to entertain the world. I wanted to try and make it in music. I rolled a piano onto one of the busiest streets in London， and I started playing. Within one month I had nine contract offers and had started recording my first album. It’s now been six months. I’ve travelled around the world. I’ve got an album on iTunes25）， named Butterfly in a Hurricane. I’ve played to literally tens of thousands of people. I’ve felt all the love and beauty of the world. I’ve enjoyed more female attention than I thought a guy with my face could get！ This is the most alive I’ve ever felt.

I used to do something I hated all day. I used to hate myself for doing that. I was bad company around people and nobody really liked me. Now I do something that I love； that makes me bubble with excitement daily. In return for doing the thing I love the most， people are made happy， people are overwhelmingly kind to me， people open their hearts to me， and I do the same to them. I roll my piano around the world sharing this love which grows inside in the soil of my happiness and fulfillment. I never ever thought I’d be this happy. My future is unpredictable， but I know that it will be fine because I’m the one in control. I spent 23 years developing my brain， and now I’m using it.

I just want to reach out to all those people who are in banking and miserable but too scared to leave. I want to reach out to everyone who has got this far reading and I’m telling you to take a leap and do something you love. You might not know what that is， but you sure as hell26） aren’t going to find it if you sit unhappily at your desk trying to multitask all day long. You only progress by taking a leap of faith， not in God necessarily， but in yourself. Know that you have all the tools within you already. You can do and be whoever you want to be， and you deserve to be so much more than a tired suit in an office. Of course if that’s where you get real happiness， then that’s fantastic. I’m just saying that wasn’t my experience， nor was it for the majority of those I met.

Life is short—you’re young， you’re old， you’re dead. React to that knowledge. You have nothing to lose！

我叫斯蒂芬·里德利，于2010年從英國一所名牌大學(xué)畢業(yè)，以優(yōu)異成績獲得哲學(xué)、政治學(xué)和經(jīng)濟學(xué)專業(yè)的一級榮譽學(xué)士學(xué)位，并直接進入歐洲一家頂級投資銀行的投資業(yè)務(wù)部工作，此前的2009年我曾在那里實習(xí)過。我在這個頂級團隊里工作了16個月，后來于2011年10月辭職。我想告訴你這段經(jīng)歷，以及此后發(fā)生的事情，還有我是如何放棄金錢去追求夢想的。我會言語坦率、態(tài)度誠實。我并非有意冒犯什么人，恰恰相反，我希望能對大家有所啟發(fā)。重申一下，我并不是想打擊那些選擇投身銀行業(yè)的人，我只是分享一下我的個人經(jīng)歷和經(jīng)驗教訓(xùn)，希望能為一些人敲響警鐘。

在銀行工作真是要人命，過了實習(xí)期后我就知道了這一點，但我當(dāng)時并不介意。那時我需要錢。我渴望被尊重。我想成為自己和他人眼中的牛人。但最重要的是，我需要錢。為什么？因為有了錢就有了自由。有了錢就意味著我想穿什么就穿什么，想住哪兒就住哪兒，想吃什么就吃什么，想成為什么樣的人都隨我的意。金錢能使我快樂。但果真如此嗎？嗯……恐怕也不盡然。事實上，金錢似乎沒能使任何從事銀行業(yè)的人快樂起來。在我所認識的大約兩百個從事銀行業(yè)的人里，沒有哪個是快樂的，而他們個個賺得都比全國平均收入高出好幾倍。

我來講講真正的銀行工作是什么樣的。和每一個在這里工作的人一樣，我拼命干活，做那些讓人思想麻木的枯燥工作。我的生活就是收發(fā)電郵，制作excel表格，做PPT幻燈片，開會，無休止地起草和編輯那些我毫不在乎的東西，編輯，起草，編輯，起草，編輯，打印，取出，快遞，開會，更多的工作，同時處理多個任務(wù)，厭倦，疲勞，厭倦，疲勞，無比悲催。我每天最少工作15個小時，正常情況下工作16～17個小時，經(jīng)常工作20個小時以上，一個月還總會有那么一兩次可怕的通宵熬夜。我從未自由過。我總是隨身帶著黑莓手機，所以我從未真正擺脫過工作。這些都是客觀事實，和那些“揮金如土的家伙們”想告訴你的完全相反。

雖然我設(shè)法和某些朋友保持著聯(lián)系，可我從未真正將心思放在他們身上，也從未真正放松下來享受他們的陪伴。我要么心事重重、精疲力竭；要么太以自我為中心，無法真正和他們進行雙向交流。我時常感到疲憊不堪、壓力重重，而且我的大腦中總有一個念頭重復(fù)出現(xiàn)。這個念頭大概是這樣的：我不開心；我現(xiàn)在二十幾歲，正處在黃金歲月，我希望以后回首和聊起這段歲月時能夠充滿欣悅和自豪；我應(yīng)該在這段歲月里寫些有趣的故事，在我還沒有家累的時候充分享受我自己的生活；我現(xiàn)在比任何時候都富有，但卻覺得不如以前在南美洲背包窮游時快樂。

我個人沒發(fā)現(xiàn)這份工作有什么樂趣，在這一點上我和95%的大多數(shù)人是一樣的。你不會去和首席執(zhí)行官們打高爾夫，談?wù)搼?zhàn)略問題。不是這樣的。你只能坐在電腦前，幾周之內(nèi)曬不到五分鐘的太陽。你的身材走樣，皮膚變差，力倦神疲，勞累過度。你永遠不會像你所崇拜的影視明星那樣富有。你賺的錢會比平均收入高，但卻又高不到哪兒去。當(dāng)然了，你可以不假思索地就買個蘋果筆記本電腦，也可以打車而不用擠公交。但僅此而已。我吃驚的是雖然銀行業(yè)被吹得天花亂墜，但從事這一行的人們卻生活簡樸。他們就是一群可悲乏味的中產(chǎn)階級，生活單調(diào)，前途暗淡。他們就是一群禁錮在由金錢、夢想、貪婪編織的牢籠里的呆子，永遠逃不出這個圈子。生活本該比這要豐富多彩。

最終，我想，去他的吧。我努力地念大學(xué)就是為了過上好日子，快樂地生活，享受“成功”的人生。可我在投資業(yè)務(wù)部沒有找到這些，那些比我職位高的人也同樣沒有找到。即便是那些“一擲千金”的董事總經(jīng)理們實際上也只是一群悲催、乏味、可憐的老家伙。我不想成為他們那樣的人。我想成為一個富有情趣、光彩奪目、心中有愛的人。我想成為一個充滿熱情、生活幸福、笑口常開的人，一個勇于面對生活、活在風(fēng)口浪尖、敢于冒險的人，一個經(jīng)歷過愛與失去、見多識廣的人。

我做了一個離職的規(guī)劃，打算緩慢、穩(wěn)健地實施。首先我開始面試其他工作——各種各樣的工作，從對沖基金分析師到同業(yè)經(jīng)紀商到保險業(yè)到財富管理甚至是股票研究。這些工作看起來都一樣無聊，都會將我人生的大部分時光虛擲桌前。這些工作沒有一個能點燃我被銀行業(yè)壓垮前曾擁有的激情。我不想成為一個穿西裝、打領(lǐng)帶、干著乏味工作的人。

最后我終于崩潰了。雖然有堆積如山的工作要做，我還是在晚7點離開了辦公室，去準備第二天早晨8： 30的面試。第二天早晨8點，我沒有像往常一樣坐在辦公桌前。我去面試了。這是一份在樂購總部負債再融資組的工作，又是一個令人思想麻木的“工作機會”。我對金融行業(yè)的工作真是提不起一點興趣。我已經(jīng)受夠了。上午11點鐘，我回到辦公室；到了11：01，助理董事把我“拎”到旁邊一個屋子里，開始“修理”我。她說她要去找我們團隊的負責(zé)人告我的狀。我告訴她，我來替她來做這件事。我走到負責(zé)人的辦公桌前，滿懷敬意地告訴他我已經(jīng)受夠了。我感謝他抽出的寶貴時間，他也感謝了我，然后我們握了握手。

不到20分鐘的時間，我就辭掉了工作，走出了辦公樓的大門。陽光從未如此明媚，空氣從未如此芬芳，我從未感到如此輕松。我自由了，我終于嘗到自由的滋味了！

此刻，就在這個美好的時刻，我選擇和一個朋友去逛購物中心，這個舉動說來有點奇怪。逛著逛著，我有些意外地在一家西裝店里看到一架鋼琴，這可正是我想要的：何不彈個小曲放松一下。我甚至都沒問我可不可以彈，就徑直走進了店里彈了起來。很快就有一位男士朝我走來，夸了我?guī)拙洌瑔栁沂亲鍪裁吹?。我說“我是搞音樂的”。他問我如何收費？我說彈兩個小時一百英鎊。他雇我每周彈五天。我儼然成了一個音樂家，工作時間是以前的九分之一，賺的錢卻一樣多。

幾周后我辭去了這份工作，因為我意識到自己不想成為一個為商店演奏背景音樂的人。我想給這個世界帶來快樂。我想嘗試通過音樂達到這個目的。我在倫敦最繁忙的一條街上支起了一架鋼琴，然后開始彈奏。一個月的時間里，我收到了九份簽約單，并且已經(jīng)開始錄制我的第一張專輯?，F(xiàn)在，六個月過去了，我已巡游了世界各地。蘋果的iTunes上收錄了我一張專輯，名為《颶風(fēng)中的蝴蝶》。不夸張地說，我已為數(shù)萬名觀眾演奏過。我感受到了這個世界的所有愛與美好。我吸引了無數(shù)女性的目光，而單憑長相來說，我本不會獲得如此多的關(guān)注。我從未像現(xiàn)在這樣感受到自我的存在。

我曾經(jīng)整天做自己討厭的工作。我曾經(jīng)為此而討厭自己。我曾經(jīng)是他人身旁糟糕的伙伴，沒人真正喜歡過我。而現(xiàn)在，我做自己喜歡的事，這讓我每天都興致勃勃。做自己最喜歡的事讓我得到的回報是，人們因我而快樂，對我分外友好，向我敞開心扉，而對這一切我也報之以李。我?guī)е业匿撉僦苡问澜?，與人們分享我的愛——一份由內(nèi)心的幸福和成就感滋生出的愛。我從未想過自己會這么快樂。我無法預(yù)知自己的未來，但我知道未來一定會很好，因為它就掌握在我手中。我用了23年開發(fā)自己的大腦，現(xiàn)在終于派上用場了。

我只是想把心里話告訴所有那些供職于銀行、工作得很不開心卻又不敢離開的人。我想把心里話告訴所有讀到這里的人，我想告訴你們：跨出那一步，做你喜歡做的事。你也許不知道自己喜歡做什么，但如果你一天到晚愁眉苦臉地坐在辦公桌前，把自己當(dāng)多重任務(wù)處理器忙個四腳朝天，那就肯定發(fā)現(xiàn)不了自己喜歡什么。你只需要改變一下信仰，不是一定要信上帝，而是要信自己。要知道你已經(jīng)擁有做你想做的事所需的所有工具。你可以成為你想成為的人。你理應(yīng)成為更好的人，而不是辦公室里那個疲憊不堪的小白領(lǐng)。當(dāng)然，如果你能在那兒獲得真正的快樂，那就太好了。我只說我沒有在那里獲得快樂，我認識的大多數(shù)從事銀行業(yè)的人也沒有。

生命是短暫的——年輕，衰老，死亡。知道這一點，就開始行動吧。你不會有任何損失！

1.First Class Honours Degree：一等榮譽學(xué)士學(xué)位，要求各科成績?nèi)窟_到A級才可獲得。

2.IBD：投資業(yè)務(wù)部（Investment Bank Division）

3.green [ɡri?n] n. [美，非正式]錢

4.blunt [bl?nt] adj. 直言不諱的

5.speak to：[非正式]當(dāng)面提醒，告誡

6.brutal [bl?nt] adj. 殘酷無情的；難以忍受的

7.all—nighter：徹夜學(xué)習(xí)（或工作）

8.BlackBerry：“黑莓”，加拿大RIM公司推出的一款智能手機

9.baller [?b??l?] n. 生活揮霍的人

10.preoccupied [pri???kj?pa?] adj. 心事重重的

11.have the time of one’s life：充分地享受生活

12.on a shoestring：〈美口〉以極少的資金或不用資金

13.hype [ha?p] n. 天花亂墜的宣傳

14.bland [bl?nd] adj. 枯燥乏味的，無聊的

15.MD：董事總經(jīng)理（Managing Director）

16.take life by the horns：活用自take the bull by the horns，意為“不畏艱險，勇往直前”。

17.see the world：見多識廣，久經(jīng)世故

18.hedge fund：對沖基金，也稱避險基金或套利基金，是指由金融期貨和金融期權(quán)等金融衍生工具與金融組織結(jié)合后，以高風(fēng)險投機為手段，并以盈利為目的的金融基金。

19.drone [dr??n] n. 干乏味工作的人

20.snap [sn?p] vi. 突然精神崩潰，突然失控

21.up to one’s eye balls （in doing）：有大量的事情（要做）；專心埋頭（做某事）

22.Tesco：樂購，英國最大的零售公司，也是世界三大零售商之一，成立于1932年。

23.AD：助理董事或副董事（Associate Director）

24.rip sb. a new asshole：用言語攻擊某人

25.iTunes：蘋果公司在2001年推出的一款數(shù)字媒體播放應(yīng)用程序，是供 Mac 和 PC 使用的一款免費應(yīng)用軟件，能管理和播放數(shù)字音樂和視頻。

26.as hell：非常地，極端地，可怕地