Ｍｙ Ｔｒｉｐ

Last year， I went to Beijing. That was a wonderful experience and I will never forget it.

My parents and I went there by train. On the train， I saw the green field①and the blue sky through the windows and I was very excited about that trip. When we arrived， it wasalready afternoon. So we stayed at②hotel and had a rest. The next day， we got up early and started our trip. We climbed up the Great Wall. How high it is!When I stood on it， I could see nearly all the mountains around it. It made me think of a saying—“If you don’t go up to the mountains， you won’t see the beautiful view.” Then， I tried my best to climb up it.

After we went down from the Great Wall， we also tried Beijing Roast Duck that is famous all over china and it was really delicious.

Of course， we went to the Nature Zoo， too. There were many animals like③ elephants， pandas and zebras. I even took photos with a tiger!

I had quite a good time in Beijing. I hope I could go there again.

點(diǎn)評:

本文不失為一篇佳作，文章小作者語言功底深厚。開頭簡明扼要，敘述自然生動、結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊，銜接自然連貫，中心突出。

小作者正確運(yùn)用了時(shí)間狀語從句，條件狀語從句、定語從句、感嘆句等多種結(jié)構(gòu)，使語言豐富。

當(dāng)然了其中也有一些錯誤表達(dá)。例如: ①field→fields。小作者看到的應(yīng)該不是一塊田地。②at hotel→at a hotel。單數(shù)可數(shù)名詞前應(yīng)加冠詞，而且此處應(yīng)指在某一個賓館，不特指，因此用不定冠詞。③like→such as。like當(dāng)“例如”講時(shí)相當(dāng)于“for example”，其后只接一個例子。