對校園欺凌說“不”

校園生活在大多數(shù)時候是愉快美好的，但也不乏讓人痛苦和煩心的事情。如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己遭到了排擠，受到了孤立，或者經(jīng)常遭到別人的奚落和嘲弄，甚至是暴力威脅，你應該明白，這是一種校園欺凌。這種時候，千萬不要忍氣吞聲，但也切忌“以牙還牙、以暴制暴”。一起來了解如何明智地處理校園欺凌事件吧。

Kayla， 13， thought things were going well at her new school， since all the popular girls were being so nice to her. But then she found out that one of them had posted mean rumors about her on a website. Kayla cried herself to sleep that night and started going to the nurse's office complaining of a stomachache to avoid the girls in study hall.

Unfortunately， the kind of bullying that Kayla experienced is widespread. Most kids say that bullying happens at school.

A bully can turn something like going to the bus stop or recess1) into a nightmare for kids. Bullying can leave deep emotional scars that last for life. And in extreme situations， it can culminate2) in violent threats， property damage， or someone getting seriously hurt.

13歲的凱拉本以為她在新學校里會一切順利，因為所有受歡迎的女孩子都對她非常友好。但是后來她發(fā)現(xiàn)其中有個女孩在一個網(wǎng)站上發(fā)布了針對她的低劣謠言。凱拉那天晚上一直哭到睡著，之后就開始經(jīng)常到學校醫(yī)務室抱怨自己肚子疼，以避開和那些女孩一起自修。

然而不幸的是，像凱拉遭遇的這種欺凌現(xiàn)象非常普遍。大多數(shù)孩子表示，在學校里存在著欺凌行為。

欺凌者會讓一些事情像是去公交車站或課間休息成為孩子的夢魘。欺凌會在情感上留下深深的傷痕，而且這種傷痕會持續(xù)終生。而在極端情況下，校園欺凌會演變成暴力威脅、財產(chǎn)損害，或是有人受到嚴重傷害。

What Is Bullying?

Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it's not usually harmful when done in a playful， friendly， and mutual way， and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful， unkind， and constant3)， it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop.

Bullying is intentional tormenting4) in physical， verbal， or psychological ways. It can range from hitting， shoving， name-calling， threats， and mocking to extorting5) money and treasured possessions. Some kids bully by shunning6) others and spreading rumors about them. Others use email， chat rooms， instant messages， social networking websites， and text messages to taunt7) others or hurt their feelings.

Why Do Kids Bully?

Kids bully for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim—someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker， or just acts or appears different in some way—to feel more important， popular， or in control. Although some bullies are bigger or stronger than their victims， that's not always the case.

Sometimes kids torment others because that's the way they've been treated. They may think their behavior is normal because they come from families or other settings where everyone regularly gets angry， shouts， or calls names. Some popular TV shows even seem to promote meanness—people are \"voted off，\" shunned， or ridiculed for their appearance or lack of talent.

How It Can Affect You?

If you are being bullied， you may feel like you're trapped or alone. You may be finding it harder to make friends or talk to other people of your age. Your school work might also be suffering because you're worried about what might happen at school the next day.

It's important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to \"tough out8).\" The effects can be serious and affect kids' sense of self-worth and future relationships. In severe cases， bullying has contributed to tragedies， such as school shootings.

If you're finding it hard to concentrate9) on your study and live your life normally， or if you're worried that the bullying is getting violent and you're scared for your safety， you must take some actions to stop it.

Advice for Kids

It's important to advise kids not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. It can quickly escalate10) into violence， trouble， and someone getting injured. Instead， it's best to walk away from the situation， hang out with others， and tell an adult.

Here are some other strategies that can help improve the situation and make them feel better.

Avoid the bully and use the buddy11) system. Use a different bathroom if a bully is nearby and don't go to your locker when there is nobody around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you're not alone with the bully. Buddy up with a friend on the bus， in the hallways， or at recess—wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend.

Hold the anger. It's natural to get upset by the bully， but that's what bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice， but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice \"cool down\" strategies such as counting to 10， writing down their angry words， taking deep breaths or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to wear a \"poker face12)\" until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke13) the bully).

Act brave， walk away， and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop， and then walk away. Practice ways to ignore the hurtful remarks， like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cell phone. By ignoring the bully， you're showing that you don't care. Eventually， the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.

Tell an adult. Teachers， principals， parents， and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying.

Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust， such as a guidance counselor， teacher， sibling， or friend. They may offer some helpful suggestions， and even if they can't fix the situation， it may help you feel a little less alone.

Remove the incentives. If the bully is demanding your lunch money， start bringing your lunch. If he's trying to get your music player， don't bring it to school.

And just remember: as upsetting as bullying can be for you， lots of people and resources are available to help.

什么是欺凌?

大多數(shù)孩子都經(jīng)歷過被兄弟姐妹或是朋友在某種程度上的取笑。當這種取笑是以嬉鬧、友好以及互相逗樂的方式進行時，這種取笑通常是無害的，而且孩子雙方都會覺得好玩。但是，當取笑讓人覺得受到了傷害、不友好，并且頻頻發(fā)生時，它就超越界限成了欺凌，必須停止。

欺凌是指任何故意在肢體、語言或心理上攻擊傷害他人的行為。它包括的范圍極其廣泛，從敲打、推撞、辱罵、恐嚇以及嘲弄，到勒索錢財和強取珍愛之物。有的孩子還通過排擠孤立和散播謠言來欺負他人。還有些孩子利用電子郵件、聊天室、即時消息、社交網(wǎng)站和短信來嘲弄奚落他人或傷害他人的感情。

為什么孩子會欺凌他人?

孩子會欺凌他人的原因有很多。有時他們欺負別人是因為他們需要一個受害者——一個在情感或身體上看起來比自己脆弱的人;或僅僅是為了在某些方面表現(xiàn)得或看起來與眾不同——感覺自己更重要、更受歡迎，或是握有掌控權。雖然有些欺凌者比受欺凌者高大或強壯，但也并非都是如此。

有時候，孩子欺負他人是因為自己被別人用同樣的方式對待過。他們可能認為自己的行為是正常的，因為在他們的家庭或其他生長環(huán)境里，每個人都經(jīng)常發(fā)脾氣、互相叫罵。一些流行電視節(jié)目甚至似乎也在宣傳這種欺凌意識——人們因為外表或是天資缺乏而被大家“表決踢出局”、受到排擠孤立，或是被嘲笑奚落。

欺凌會如何影響你?

如果你正遭受他人的欺凌，你可能會覺得自己陷入了困境或是感到孤立無援。你可能會發(fā)覺結交朋友或是與同齡人交談變得更為困難。也有可能你無法安心在學校學習，因為你擔憂著第二天在學?？赡馨l(fā)生的事情。

嚴肅認真地對待欺凌現(xiàn)象十分重要，而不能僅僅把它當作孩子們必須“忍受過去”的事情而將其置之腦后。欺凌會導致嚴重的后果，影響孩子對自我價值和對未來人際關系的理解。在嚴重的情況下，欺凌還會導致悲劇的發(fā)生，如校園槍擊事件等。

如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己很難集中精神學習，而且無法正常地生活，或是如果你擔心這種欺凌會愈演愈烈，威脅到自己的安全，那么，你就必須采取一些行動來制止它。

給孩子的建議

提醒孩子不要以打架或是“以牙還牙”的方式來應對欺凌是很重要的，因為這樣會迅速升級到暴力、糾紛，甚至有人受傷的境地。相反，最好的方式是離開欺凌發(fā)生的地點、和他人一起行動，以及告知成年人。

這里還有一些可以幫助改善這種狀況的應對之策，能讓孩子們感覺好受些。

避開欺凌者，采取和朋友一起行動的策略。如果欺凌者在附近，那么就去其他的衛(wèi)生間;若是周圍沒有其他人，那么就不要單獨去儲物柜。確保一直有人和你在一起，這樣你就不會獨自一人面對欺凌者了。不論是在公共汽車上、走廊上，或是在休息時——只要有欺凌者在的地方，都和朋友結伴而行。同樣，當朋友有需要時，你也要與其結伴同行。

控制憤怒情緒。被欺凌者情緒不安是很正常的，但正是這種不安讓欺凌者越發(fā)起勁，讓他們覺得自己更為強勢。訓練自己不要在被欺負后哭泣或是表現(xiàn)出很生氣或很不安的樣子。雖然這需要大量的練習，但這確實是一種讓你避開欺凌者的“雷達”的有用技巧。有時候，孩子們會發(fā)現(xiàn)訓練自己“冷靜下來”的策略也很有用，諸如從1數(shù)到10，寫下自己憤怒的話，深呼吸或是直接走掉。有時，最好的方法是臉上毫無表情，直到自己遠離了所有危險(微笑或是大笑都有可能會讓欺凌者覺得受到了挑釁)。

表現(xiàn)勇敢，轉身離開，不理睬欺凌者。堅定而且明確地告訴欺凌者停止他們的行為，然后走開。訓練自己采用一些方式，如表現(xiàn)出自己完全不感興趣或是用手機給別人發(fā)短信，來忽視惡言惡語。通過對欺凌者的無視，來表明你完全不在意。最終，欺凌者極有可能會對試圖煩擾你感到無趣。

告知成年人。老師、校長、家長和學校餐廳的工作人員都可以幫助阻止欺凌的發(fā)生。

傾訴。向你信任的人，如輔導員、老師、兄弟姐妹或是朋友傾訴。他們或許能提供一些有用的建議，即使他們無法解決這種狀況，傾訴也可以幫助你感覺到自己沒有那么孤單。

解除誘因。如果欺凌者索要你的午餐錢，那么你就開始自帶午餐。如果他想要你的音樂播放器，那你就不要把它帶到學校來。

只要牢記:盡管欺凌會讓你心煩意亂，但是，你也有大量的人員和資源可以用來幫助自己。