如何給文章增添合理的細(xì)節(jié)

汪海榮

在批閱學(xué)生的英語書面表達(dá)時(shí),常常發(fā)現(xiàn)許多學(xué)生所寫的文章盡管語言點(diǎn)齊全,但給人閱后的感覺仿佛缺少一些內(nèi)容,總顯得不太連貫。其主要原因是學(xué)生往往只注重語言點(diǎn)的齊全,而忽視了必須根據(jù)文章的內(nèi)容增添一些與主題相關(guān)的細(xì)節(jié),或根據(jù)文章內(nèi)容,適當(dāng)加以發(fā)揮。不少學(xué)生在碰到此情況時(shí),總覺得無話可說,因此常常寫上一些與主題脫離的話語。那么如何才能有效地根據(jù)文章的內(nèi)容或漢語的提示,增添一些與文章內(nèi)容或漢語提示較為貼切的話語呢?根據(jù)平時(shí)學(xué)生的習(xí)作,結(jié)合不同題材的文章,可從以下幾方面進(jìn)行改進(jìn)。

一、根據(jù)漢語提示,增添合理細(xì)節(jié)

在一些書面表達(dá)中,作者僅僅提供一些關(guān)鍵性的詞語,要求學(xué)生能根據(jù)提示寫出其主要內(nèi)容,并適當(dāng)增加一些細(xì)節(jié)。此時(shí)學(xué)生應(yīng)根據(jù)這些提示,充分發(fā)揮自己的想象力,所增添的細(xì)節(jié)是否與該提示的含義吻合。現(xiàn)以一篇書面表達(dá)為例,來確定如何對文章進(jìn)行合理的發(fā)揮。

假定你叫李明,是江蘇某中學(xué)高三的學(xué)生,目前正處在緊張復(fù)習(xí)迎考的氛圍中。面對目前的壓力,想和父母說說心里話,請你用英文在你的博客上用書信形式表達(dá)出來。主要內(nèi)容如下:

在該文的漢語提示中,敘述了作者當(dāng)前的狀況,這正是許多考生常常容易忽視的細(xì)節(jié),有的學(xué)生只顧表格中的內(nèi)容要點(diǎn),而不知運(yùn)用何種形式開啟話語。因此在文章的開頭必須用恰當(dāng)?shù)脑捳Z加以闡明,因?yàn)楹玫奈恼峦窍嚷晩Z人,會(huì)給閱卷教師留下較深的印象。本文的開頭可以用這樣的話語論述。

The annual college entrance examination is around the world. As a senior 3 student, I am throwing myself into my tense studies. On this special occasion, how I wish I could have a heart-to heart talk with you. 通過上面細(xì)節(jié)的描寫,既論述了作者緊張的學(xué)習(xí),又概括了表格中想與父母交心的語言要點(diǎn),這樣表達(dá)會(huì)使人對你的文章刮目相看,覺得既合情又合理。

在接下來的語言點(diǎn)中有表示對父母感恩的內(nèi)容,此時(shí)學(xué)生不能僅僅局限與表格中的幾個(gè)詞匯,而應(yīng)增添一些內(nèi)容加以論述。如:Through those years of my growing up, I always feel grateful to you for your help, care and love for me. Thanks to your constant encouragement, I have been making remarkable progress in my studies. I hope to communicate with you and get your frequent help from you because good conditions and timely help will do me a lot of good.

在該段的敘述中,作者表達(dá)了對父母多年來對其的鼓勵(lì)、關(guān)愛的感激,也敘述了自己的學(xué)習(xí)情況以及希望。其中用了幾個(gè)比較好的詞匯進(jìn)行了表達(dá),如:feel grateful to…,Thanks to…,making remarkable progress等。既概括了文中的語言要點(diǎn),又在此基礎(chǔ)上進(jìn)行了擴(kuò)充,使整個(gè)內(nèi)容得到了較好地銜接。

在論述自己的學(xué)習(xí)打算時(shí),根據(jù)要求須寫三點(diǎn),此時(shí)應(yīng)從自己的實(shí)際情況出發(fā)加以論述。如:

Now I am fully aware of the responsibilities I am bearing. For one thing, I will make a detailed study plan and review what I have learned. For another thing, I will do exercises to keep fit. In addition, I will help you with some housework.

二、根據(jù)全文內(nèi)容,增添合理細(xì)節(jié)

有時(shí)在測試中,教師常常要求學(xué)生就某些社會(huì)熱點(diǎn)問題進(jìn)行論述。但提供的漢語提示甚少,此時(shí)學(xué)生應(yīng)在理解主題的基礎(chǔ)上增添某些細(xì)節(jié)內(nèi)容。如:

近期某省教育部門出臺措施嚴(yán)格禁止中小學(xué)利用雙休日集體上課,在社會(huì)上引起強(qiáng)烈反響,尤其是學(xué)生家長反應(yīng)不一……。請根據(jù)以上情況,結(jié)合自身實(shí)際,寫一篇150字左右的短文。文中應(yīng)包括。

1.家長的反應(yīng)。

2.自己的看法。

根據(jù)該文的內(nèi)容提示,可將文章分為三個(gè)部分來寫。首先寫教育部門的措施和社會(huì)反

響,其次為家長的反應(yīng),最后為自己的看法。從而使全文有層次感。第一部分可以這樣表達(dá):

How to reduce the students burden has always been a hot topic. Recently the educational department of a province has launched strict rules to ban classes on weekends, which has aroused heated discussion among students parents.

在此表達(dá)中增加了減負(fù)是熱點(diǎn)問題一句。此句起到了畫龍點(diǎn)睛的作用,為下文的論述作了較好的鋪墊。

文章的第二部分為家長的不同反響,此時(shí)最好從正反兩方面加以論述,否則會(huì)因?yàn)樵捳Z較少而達(dá)不到表達(dá)的效果。該段落可以這樣論述:

Some of the parents are strongly in favor of this decision. They think that after their children have stayed at school the whole week, they should have free time to get relaxed. Besides, free weekends help to fill in the gaps between generations and guarantee the time for the family members to have fun together.

該段落主要論述了贊同的觀點(diǎn),用兩句加以概括,當(dāng)然學(xué)生在寫作時(shí)不應(yīng)拘泥于這些表達(dá),也可用其它的話語闡述,如:可以與父母有更多交流的機(jī)會(huì),得到父母在生活或?qū)W習(xí)上的一些指點(diǎn)等。在表達(dá)時(shí)應(yīng)注意使用適當(dāng)?shù)倪^渡性詞語,使句與句之間形成較好的銜接。

在敘述贊同的觀點(diǎn)后,再將不同的觀點(diǎn)加以敘述,此時(shí)可將兩部分合為一起。如:

On the other hand, some other parents dont think so. They hold the view that schools are supposed to have classes on weekends. In their opinions, if the students are given more free time on weekends, they will not concentrate on their studies. Some of the students might even fall into bad habits.

第三部分主要是闡述自己的觀點(diǎn),學(xué)生在寫作時(shí)最好用三句話加以論述。既可以表示贊同,也可以表示反對。在寫該段落是應(yīng)進(jìn)緊緊圍繞個(gè)人的實(shí)際情況去展開,在文章的最后用一句話進(jìn)行概括。如:

In my opinion, middle school students should be given more free time. Studying lessons at school is not the only goal of our life. It is also important to put what we learn at school into practice. Furthermore, youngsters often have their good habits and interests. It is necessary to have enough time to develop them.

從該段落可以看出此學(xué)生持有反對的觀點(diǎn),認(rèn)為學(xué)校的學(xué)習(xí)不是人生的唯一的目標(biāo),所學(xué)的知識必須運(yùn)用到實(shí)踐中去。值得注意的是不管是贊同還是反對,展開想象的內(nèi)容必須貼切文章的主題,切勿離題太遠(yuǎn)。

三、根據(jù)連貫關(guān)系、增添合理細(xì)節(jié)

在寫作時(shí)有時(shí)為了達(dá)到語句的連貫,也可以通過一些過渡性的詞語的使用增添一些合適的細(xì)節(jié)。使所寫的內(nèi)容在語句上既銜接又符合邏輯關(guān)系?，F(xiàn)通過一篇短文看看是如何利用過渡性詞語的形式來闡述內(nèi)容的。如:

假定你是我市某中學(xué)高三學(xué)生李華,最近你們班對牛津高中英語教材(Advance With English)的使用情況進(jìn)行了一次調(diào)查,調(diào)查結(jié)果如下表。請你根據(jù)調(diào)查內(nèi)容寫一篇短文,并代表全班同學(xué)用e-mail發(fā)給牛津英語出版社編輯,并提出你的建議。字?jǐn)?shù)150。

在實(shí)際寫作時(shí),可通過運(yùn)用一些過渡性的詞語的形式來達(dá)到增加細(xì)節(jié)的效果。如:

…For one thing, it has vivid pictures to match the texts, which will arouse students interests. For another thing, the texts are mostly taken from the latest foreign reading materials and the language used is very standard. In addition, every module is closely related social reality, which can help us know the society better.

On the contrary, other students hold the opposite opinion that there are many shortcomings. On the one hand, there are an ocean of words for students to remember them all. As it is many students have voiced their complaint about it. On the other hand, students find it easy to forget whats been learned as the book lacks repetition in its content. Whats more, it is difficult to fulfill the activities in Task and Project in many schools, especially those remote ones.

該文在敘述其優(yōu)點(diǎn)時(shí)用了好幾個(gè)過渡性的詞語,一層層地加以剖析,如:在第一段用了For another thing, For another thing, In addition, 等,并用了兩個(gè)定語從句進(jìn)行補(bǔ)敘較好地論述了該教材的優(yōu)點(diǎn)。其行文流暢,用詞精辟,句式多樣,讀后耐人尋味。在敘述其缺點(diǎn)時(shí)我們可以看到也采用了幾個(gè)過渡性詞語,如:On the contrary, On the one hand, On the other hand, Whats more, 等。在這些過渡性詞語的后面都有與表格中相應(yīng)的語言點(diǎn)。這些詞語與上段文中的內(nèi)容遙相呼應(yīng),較好地體現(xiàn)全文的銜接。

在文章的最后一段使用了As far as I am concerned, At the same time等,較好地論述了個(gè)人的觀點(diǎn)以及應(yīng)采取的措施,并用if possible一詞巧妙地結(jié)尾,給人以意猶未盡的感覺。綜觀全文可以看出過渡性詞語如果運(yùn)用得當(dāng),全文必然會(huì)銜接得天衣無縫,讓人讀后韻味無窮。