死蔭之谷

Ｌｏｕｉｓａ?。停幔。粒欤悖铮簦?/p>

遠(yuǎn)行的心 譯

The Valley of the Shadow

十四歲那年的整個(gè)暑假，我捧著《小婦人》這本讓我著了迷的書(shū)在閣樓里反復(fù)閱讀著，每每讀到貝思因?yàn)閹椭硕旧闲杉t熱，不久便離開(kāi)人世時(shí)，眼淚就會(huì)止不住地往下掉。那時(shí)我總和媽媽說(shuō)，如果世界可以停下來(lái)就好了，我永遠(yuǎn)不用長(zhǎng)大，你們也會(huì)一直在我身邊。媽媽笑著說(shuō)：“傻孩子，如果永遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)有人死去，那地球就擠得站不下了?！?/p>

愛(ài)，是我們離開(kāi)人世時(shí)唯一能帶著的東西。

把每天當(dāng)作生命的最后一天好好度過(guò)，善待親人朋友，善待自己，善待每一個(gè)陌生人。

——Lavender

好書(shū)推薦—《小婦人》

《小婦人》是一部以美國(guó)南北戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)為背景，以19世紀(jì)美國(guó)新英格蘭地區(qū)一個(gè)普通家庭四個(gè)姐妹之間的生活瑣事為藍(lán)本的帶有自傳色彩的家庭倫理小說(shuō)。馬奇家四姐妹對(duì)自主權(quán)力的追求，以及她們對(duì)家庭的忠誠(chéng)眷顧，成為貫穿全書(shū)的兩條主要線索。在作者筆下，馬奇家的女人個(gè)個(gè)都是藝術(shù)家，喬寫(xiě)作，艾米繪畫(huà)，貝思彈琴，梅格演出、管理家務(wù)，在母親的引導(dǎo)和生活的磨礪下，她們擁有了勤勉、自重、友愛(ài)、向善、堅(jiān)忍、樂(lè)觀的品質(zhì)，一步步走向夢(mèng)想中的殿堂……

小說(shuō)受到當(dāng)時(shí)的大思想家愛(ài)默生的影響，強(qiáng)調(diào)個(gè)人尊嚴(yán)與自立自律的觀念，內(nèi)容平實(shí)細(xì)膩，結(jié)構(gòu)單純而寓意深遠(yuǎn)，富有強(qiáng)烈的感染力，馬奇一家的天倫之愛(ài)深深地感動(dòng)了讀者。那些家庭成員身上體現(xiàn)出來(lái)的對(duì)家的眷戀，對(duì)愛(ài)的忠誠(chéng)以及對(duì)親情的渴望，揭示了生活的真諦，使讀者體驗(yàn)到生活中的真善美。

when the first bitterness was over, the family ac-cepted the inevitable, and tried to bear it cheerfully, helping one another by the increased affection which comes to bind households tenderly together in times of trouble. They put away their grief, and each did his or her part toward making that last year a happy one.

The pleasantest room in the house was set apart for Beth, and in it was gathered everything that she most loved, flowers, pictures, her piano, the little¹⁾worktable, and the beloved²⁾pussies. Fathers best books found their way there, Mothers easy chair, Jos desk, Amys finest sketches.

Here, cherished like a household saint in its³⁾shrine, sat Beth, tranquil and busy as ever, for nothing could change the sweet, unselfish nature, and even while preparing to leave life, she tried to make it happier for those who should remain behind. The feeble fingers were never idle, and one of her pleasures was to make little things for the school children daily passing⁴⁾to and fro, to drop a pair of⁵⁾mittens from her window for a pair of purple hands, a⁶⁾needlebook for some small mother of many dolls, penwipers for young penmen⁷⁾toiling through forests of⁸⁾pothooks,⁹⁾scrapbooks for picture-loving eyes, and all manner of pleasant devices, till the reluctant climbers of the ladder of learning found their way strewn with flowers, as it were, and came to regard the gentle giver as a sort of fairy godmother, who sat above there, and showered down gifts miraculously suited to their tastes and needs. If Beth had wanted any reward, she found it in the bright little faces that always turned up to her window, with nods and smiles, and the¹⁰⁾droll little letters which came to her, full of blots and gratitude.

The first few months were very happy ones, and Beth often used to look round, and say “How beautiful this is!” as they all sat together in her sunny room, the babies kicking and¹¹⁾crowing on the floor, mother and sisters working near, and father reading, in his pleasant voice, the wise old books which seemed rich in good and comfortable words.

By-and-by, Beth said the needle was “so heavy”, and put it down forever. Talking¹²⁾wearied her, faces troubled her, pain claimed her for its own, and her tranquil spirit was sorrowfully perturbed by the ills that¹³⁾vexed her feeble flesh. Those who loved her best were forced to see the thin hands stretched out to them¹⁴⁾beseechingly, to hear the bitter cry, “Help me, help me!” and to feel that there was no help. Then the natural rebellion over, the old peace returned more beautiful than ever. With the wreck of her frail body, Beths soul grew strong, and though she said little, those about her felt that she was ready.

Jo never left her for an hour since Beth had said “I feel stronger when you are here.” She slept on a couch in the room, waking often to renew the fire, to feed and lift. Precious and helpful hours to Jo, for now her heart received the teaching that it needed. Lessons in patience were so sweetly taught her that she could not fail to learn them, charity for all, the lovely spirit that can forgive and truly forget unkindness, the loyalty to duty that makes the hardest easy, and the sincere faith that fears nothing, but trusts undoubtingly.

Often when she woke, Jo found Beth reading in her well-worn little book, heard her singing softly, to¹⁵⁾beguile the sleepless night, or saw her lean her face upon her hands, while slow tears dropped through the fingers, and Jo would lie watching her.

Seeing this did more for Jo than the wisest sermons, the saintliest hymns, the most¹⁶⁾fervent prayers that any voice could utter. For with eyes made clear by many tears, and a heart softened by the tenderest sorrow, she recognized the beauty of her sisters life—uneventful,¹⁷⁾unambitious, yet full of the genuine virtues which “smell sweet, and blossom in the dust.”

“Oh, Beth, so much, so much!” And Jos head went down upon the pillow beside her sisters.

“Then I dont feel as if Id wasted my life. I have tried to do right. And now, when its too late to begin even to do better, its such a comfort to know that someone loves me so much, and feels as if Id helped them.”

“More than any one in the world, Beth. I used to think I couldnt let you go, but Im learning to feel that I dont lose you, that youll be more to me than ever, and death cant part us, though it seems to.”

“I know it cannot, and I dont fear it any longer, for Im sure I shall be your Beth still, to love and help you more than ever. You must take my place, Jo, and be everything to Father and Mother when Im gone. They will turn to you, dont fail them, and if its hard to work alone, remember that I dont forget you, and that youll be happier in doing that than writing splendid books or seeing all the world, for love is the only thing that we can carry with us when we go, and it makes the go easy.”

“Ill try, Beth.” And then and there Jo¹⁸⁾renounced her old ambition, pledged herself to a new and better one, acknowledging the poverty of other desires, and feeling the blessed¹⁹⁾solace of a belief in the immortality of love.

So the spring days came and went, the sky grew clearer, the earth greener, the flowers were up fairly early, and the birds came back in time to say goodbye to Beth.

Seldom except in books do the dying utter memorable words, see visions, or depart with²⁰⁾beatified²¹⁾coun-tenances, and those who have sped many parting souls know that to most the end comes as naturally and simply as sleep. As Beth had hoped, the “tide went out easily”, and in the dark hour before dawn, on the bosom where she had drawn her first breath, she quietly drew her last, with no farewell but one loving look, one little sigh.

When morning came, for the first time in many months the fire was out, Jos place was empty, and the room was very still. But a bird sang²²⁾blithely on a²³⁾budding²⁴⁾bough, close by, the²⁵⁾snowdrops blossomed freshly at the window, and the spring sunshine streamed in like a²⁶⁾benediction over the²⁷⁾placid face upon the pillow, a face so full of painless peace that those who loved it best smiled through their tears.

最初的痛苦過(guò)去了，全家人接受了那不可避免的事實(shí)。他們?cè)噲D達(dá)觀地直面它，用更多的愛(ài)相互幫助。在困境中，這種愛(ài)溫柔地將全家人連在一起。他們拋開(kāi)悲傷，每個(gè)人都盡自己的力量，讓貝思最后一年過(guò)得快樂(lè)。

家里最舒適的屋子被騰出來(lái)給貝思，她最喜歡的東西都集中到那間屋子里——花朵、圖畫(huà)、她的鋼琴、小工作桌以及得寵的貓咪們。爸爸最好的書(shū)本也擺進(jìn)了屋，還有媽媽的安樂(lè)椅、喬的書(shū)桌、艾美最好的素描。

貝思坐在這里，像是供奉在壁龕里的家庭圣賢。她像往常一樣寧?kù)o、忙碌，什么也改變不了她那溫順、無(wú)私的本性，即便準(zhǔn)備告別人世，她也試圖使繼續(xù)活著的人們快樂(lè)一些。她那虛弱的手指從未閑過(guò)，她的樂(lè)事之一便是為每天從屋旁經(jīng)過(guò)的學(xué)童們制作小東西—在窗口放一雙手套，這是為凍紫了的手準(zhǔn)備的；放個(gè)針線包，給某位擁有許多玩具娃娃的小母親；放一些拭筆布，給那些在歪七豎八的筆劃叢林里辛勤勞作的小書(shū)法家們；放一些剪貼簿，給那些喜愛(ài)圖畫(huà)的孩子們；還有各種各樣令人愉快的小玩意，直到那些極不情愿攀登學(xué)問(wèn)階梯的孩子們發(fā)現(xiàn)，他們前進(jìn)的道路上鮮花燦爛。這時(shí)他們把那親切的饋贈(zèng)者看作是童話中的仙女。她坐在那上邊的屋子里，給他們拋投各種奇跡般契合他們品味和需要的禮物。那些帶著微笑的小臉蛋常在她的窗下仰視，朝她點(diǎn)頭笑著。她還收到了一些引人發(fā)笑的小小信件，里面滿是感激，也滿是涂改。倘使貝思企求什么回報(bào)的話，她已從中得到了。

最初幾個(gè)月是非常幸福的。當(dāng)大家都坐在她那灑滿陽(yáng)光的屋子里時(shí)，貝思常常環(huán)視屋內(nèi)，說(shuō)：“這多美妙?。　泵犯竦膬蓚€(gè)孩子在地上踢著、歡鬧著；媽媽和姐姐們?cè)诮宰鲋顑?；爸爸用悅耳的聲音讀著那些古老而充滿智慧的書(shū)，聽(tīng)起來(lái)佳句連篇，給人無(wú)限安慰。

不久，貝思便說(shuō)針“太重了”，她永遠(yuǎn)地放下了針；說(shuō)話使她疲倦，看到人們的臉孔使她心煩；疼痛攫住了她，病痛攪亂了她那平靜的心靈，折磨著她那虛弱的肉體。那些深愛(ài)她的人被迫看著她哀求地向自己伸出瘦弱的雙手，聽(tīng)她痛苦地喊著：“救救我！救救我！”，同時(shí)他們也感受到了絕望的滋味。后來(lái)，那種本能的反抗便結(jié)束了，她又恢復(fù)了以往的平和，比從前更靜美。帶著虛弱的病體，貝思反而愈發(fā)堅(jiān)強(qiáng)了。盡管她很少說(shuō)話，但她身邊的人感到她已做好了遠(yuǎn)行的準(zhǔn)備。

有一次貝思對(duì)喬說(shuō)：“你在這里我感到有力些。”從此，喬離開(kāi)她的時(shí)間再也沒(méi)有超過(guò)一小時(shí)。她睡在屋里的長(zhǎng)沙發(fā)上，夜里常醒來(lái)添柴火，喂她食物，扶她坐起來(lái)。這些時(shí)光對(duì)喬來(lái)說(shuō)既寶貴又有益。現(xiàn)在她真誠(chéng)地接受了她所需要的教導(dǎo)：忍耐，這一人生課程以這樣美好的方式教給了她，她不可能學(xué)不會(huì)；博愛(ài)，這種可貴的精神能寬恕別人并真正地忘卻不善良的行為；盡職，它化艱難為平易；以及那無(wú)所畏懼且毫不懷疑的真誠(chéng)信念。

喬夜里醒來(lái)時(shí)，常發(fā)現(xiàn)貝思在讀著她那本翻得很舊了的小書(shū)，聽(tīng)到她低低地唱著，以打發(fā)不眠之夜，或者看到貝思手捧著臉，眼淚慢慢地順著指間滴下來(lái)。這時(shí)，喬總是躺著注視她。

最有智慧的說(shuō)教、最圣潔的贊美詩(shī)，以及世界上最虔誠(chéng)的禱告，都不及這景象對(duì)喬的影響那么巨大。淚水滌凈眼睛，最易揪心的痛苦軟化心靈，因此她看到了妹妹的生命之美—平淡無(wú)奇、抱負(fù)不大，卻充滿真正的美德，“散發(fā)著芬芳，在塵埃中怒放”。

“哦，貝思，你給我的太多，太多了！”喬的頭落到了妹妹旁邊的枕頭上。

“那么我就不會(huì)感到自己浪費(fèi)了生命。我只想去做正確的事情?，F(xiàn)在，想開(kāi)始做得更好也已經(jīng)晚了?？墒侵懒擞袀€(gè)人這么愛(ài)我，感到自己幫助過(guò)她們，這讓我覺(jué)得很安慰。”

“我愛(ài)你勝過(guò)世上任何人，貝思。我過(guò)去認(rèn)為我不能放你走，可是我現(xiàn)在學(xué)著體會(huì)我并沒(méi)有失去你，將來(lái)你對(duì)我的意義會(huì)更大，盡管死亡好像會(huì)把我們分開(kāi)，但其實(shí)是分不開(kāi)的?！?/p>

“我知道分不開(kāi)的，我不再害怕死亡了。我確信我仍然是你的貝思，我會(huì)比以前更愛(ài)你，更多地幫助你。喬，我走后你得代替我，做爸爸媽媽的貼心人。他們會(huì)依賴你的，別讓他們失望。要是獨(dú)力承擔(dān)一切很難忍受，就想想我沒(méi)有忘記你吧，想想做這件事，你會(huì)感到比寫(xiě)偉大著作或者周游世界更加快樂(lè)。因?yàn)閻?ài)是我們離開(kāi)人世時(shí)唯一能帶著的東西，它使生命的結(jié)束變得輕松。”

“我會(huì)試著去做的，貝思?！眴坍?dāng)即放棄了她以前的抱負(fù)，發(fā)誓實(shí)現(xiàn)這一新的、更好的抱負(fù)。她承認(rèn)了其他愿望的空泛。對(duì)不朽之愛(ài)的信念，使她感受到蒙受神寵一般的慰藉。

就這樣，春天一天天過(guò)去了，天空變得更加晴朗，地上的草愈發(fā)青翠，百花早早盛開(kāi)，候鳥(niǎo)及時(shí)飛回來(lái)向貝思道別。

書(shū)里描寫(xiě)的垂死之人會(huì)說(shuō)出難忘的話語(yǔ)，看到幻象，或帶著極為幸福的神態(tài)辭世，這些在生活中都極少發(fā)生。那些多次送終的人知道，對(duì)大多數(shù)人來(lái)說(shuō)，生命的結(jié)束如同睡眠一般自然、簡(jiǎn)單。正如貝思所希望的那樣，“潮汐輕易地退去了”，黎明前的黑暗時(shí)刻，她偎依在來(lái)到人世第一次呼吸時(shí)所依的那個(gè)胸膛上，靜靜地咽了氣，沒(méi)有道別，只深情地望了一眼，低微地嘆了一聲。

早晨來(lái)臨時(shí)，這許多個(gè)月以來(lái)的第一次，爐火熄滅了，喬的位置空了，屋子里寂靜無(wú)聲。然而，附近一只鳥(niǎo)棲息在新葉初發(fā)的樹(shù)枝上歡快地唱著，窗邊的雪花蓮剛剛綻開(kāi)。春日的陽(yáng)光瀉進(jìn)屋里，照在枕頭上那寧?kù)o的臉龐上，像是為她祝?！菑埬樃‖F(xiàn)著沒(méi)有疼痛的安詳，于是深愛(ài)她的人淚眼婆娑地笑了。