Fate

Cai Chongda

Cai Chongda， a writer， has published the non-fiction work Skin， which was translated into English， Russian， Korean， Portuguese and other languages， and distributed in many countries and regions around the world.

Fate

Cai Chongda

Zhejiang Literature amp; Art Publishing House

September 2022

59.80 （CNY）

This book is a novel written by Cai Chongda eight years after his work Skin. With the life of 99-year-old A-Tai as the thread， this story connects the life stories， choices， and changes of the times in a coastal town of southern Fujian for generations.

That year， I was sixteen.

Nowadays， a 16-year-old person is not young， and should have grown up. But in our time， boys and girls at the age of sixteen were still children.

People developed late but married early. I think our ancestors who had this idea should have prepared a thoughtful way of living： a person got married before he or she was fully developed. In other words， you knew the answer before being given the question. When your mind began to develop， you might be restless. But you saw the answer. As long as the answer did not go too far， you had got along with hesitation.

But people are different now.

Nowadays， people develop early and get married late. All the questions are placed in front of you. You have to answer all these questions before getting married. After marriage， you will witness the emerging problems one after another， and get along by fighting with them.

In the past， your grandma said to me that she was worried about your mother. A few days earlier， your mother said to me that she was worried about you. What I said to your grandma was the same to your mother.

I said： “The kids don’t know， but I do. In your time， life didn’t give so many questions to you. Life now always digs into everyone’s heart， and must dig out all the hidden problems. These problems need to be solved by several generations together. There’s nothing to make a fuss about when a child cannot give the answer.”

Your mother -- my granddaughter -- didn’t agree with me. She asked： “How could I let my children bump into the problems abruptly？”

I asked her： “Then what can you do？”

I said： “If one can find the answers to all the questions in this life， it needn’t be reborn in the next life. After this life， it should immediately apply to be a god.”

I cannot say such reasons until I live to this age. At that time， I was much dumber than your grandma， your mother and you. I didn’t know what would happen in the future， why people should get married， and how to have a child.

But I didn’t have mother， and I couldn’t talk to ghosts and gods. My sister was so young. I thought it over and asked Yang Wanliu secretly when we were on the bed at night.

I asked Yang Wanliu： “Do you know it？”

I said nothing else. Yang Wanliu immediately said： “Perhaps I do.”

He continued： “Shall we have a try？”

Then he came near me. As soon as he get close， I was flurried， and I kicked him out of the bed.

The next day， my mother-in-law saw a swell on Yang Wanliu’s head. She grinned and said nothing， but her facial expression seemed to say a lot.

But she said nothing at last， so I couldn’t explain to her.

In those days， a wife began to know her husband after getting married. A husband also began to know his wife after marriage.

As we knew each other after getting married， the process was much faster. Within three months， I thought I knew Yang Wanliu. I knew that although his mother was a witchy woman， his life was not so different from others in this town. I knew that his father’s death was carved in Yang Wanliu’s heart， so the first thing he did after growing up was to make a living by fishing. He should have earned his bread. Otherwise， how could he get married as soon as he returned？

Then I clearly knew that Yang Wanliu wanted a child， and it was best to have a son.

Yang Wanliu couldn’t hide his thoughts. When we went out together， his eyes couldn’t move away as soon as he saw a child. I thought he wanted to take care of his childhood or replace it and help his father to be a good father or both.

I guess Yang Wanliu also knew me within a few months. Therefore， he would suddenly say to me： “Remember， you have a family， and you are not alone. Remember， wife and husband may have known each other in the previous life， and in the life before the previous life. Perhaps I knew you before your mother.”

I knew， Yang Wanliu understood I had no life goals in my mind at that time， and he wanted to become the life goal in my heart. He was worried that he was not important enough in my heart， so he had another idea： having a child with me as soon as possible.

Therefore， Yang Wanliu was always staring at my belly.

Every night， before going to bed， Yang Wanliu would suddenly sit up and stare at my belly， thinking. Then he would even touch it. Every morning， the first thing he did before I got up was to look for my belly. He was different from my younger sister. He wouldn’t ask anything. But my face always felt hot when he stared at and touched my belly like this.

Then we got familiar， and I could fight back. Once I found he was staring at me and going to touch my belly， I would kick him. Then he would escape with grins. After he ran away， I spared no time to secretly check whether something changed in my belly.

It’s a pity that you are not a woman. You don’t know what it’s like. It was interesting.

Every time I felt my belly， it was like I was looking for an abalone in the depths of the sea -- all the subtle feelings covered me like the sea in no time. I desperately swam downwards， downwards to the bottom and to the most delicate place. I checked one organ after another to see whether there was a subtle change.

There is something I didn’t tell anyone. Now I’m leaving， and I can say it： actually， I once found it.

I have thought about it again and again for 83 years. I think after I died， I must ask a god about it， though I wouldn’t ask anything else. It was the third month after we got married. Though my belly didn’t change， I felt， and I was sure that something was in my belly， though I was not sure where it was.

Subsequently， the menses didn’t arrive， and I felt like vomiting sometimes. I even began to feel something moving in my belly. It felt wonderful， as if a part of my body had gotten its consciousness， and as if another oneself had been growing. At that moment， I loved to put my hand on my belly， trying to feel the tiny movements in my body， like slight waves coming from the depths of the sea. I still remember the feeling. I think shooting forth might be like it.