A good read

Read

He was an old man who fished alone in a boat and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. In the first forty days， a boy had been with him. But after forty days without a fish， the boy’s parents had told him that the old man was now exactly and finally salao， which is the worst form of unlucky， and the boy had gone at their orders in another boat which caught three good fish the first week.

It made the boy sad to see the old man come in each day with his boat empty and he always went down to help him carry fishing tools.

The old man was thin with deep wrinkles in the back of his neck. His hands had the deep scars from dealing with heavy fish. But none of these scars were fresh.

Everything about him was old except his eyes and they were the same colour as the sea and were cheerful and full of confidence.

“Santiago，” the boy said to him as they climbed from the bank where the boat was pulled up. “I could go with you again. We’ve made some money.”

The old man had taught the boy to fish and the boy loved him. “No，” the old man said. “You’re with a lucky boat. Stay with them.”

“But remember how you went eighty-seven days without fish and then we caught big ones every day for three weeks.”

“I remember，” the old man said. “I know you did not leave me willingly.”

“It was papa made me leave. I am a boy and I must do what he told me to.”

“I know，” the old man said. “I quite understand that.”

“He hasn’t much faith.”

“No，” the old man said. “But we have. Haven’t we？”

“Yes，” the boy said. “Can I offer you a beer on the Terrace and then we’ll take the fishing tools home.”

“Why not？” the old man said. “Between fishermen.”

They sat on the Terrace and many of the fishermen made fun of the old man and he was not angry. Some other older fishermen looked at him and were sad. But they didn’t show it and they spoke politely about the sea， the weather and of what they had seen.

Adapted from The Old Man and the Sea

Tasks

1. Read and pay attention to the sentences in bold.

2. What does the underlined word “that” refer to？

3. What do you think of other fishermen？

4. What can we learn from the old man？

Writing

Recently you have read some good books. You want to recommend them to your classmates. Pick one and write an article to recommend it.

原文呈現(xiàn)

I’d like to recommend the book Jane Eyre. It’s a novel written by British writer Charlotte Bronte.

The book tells a story about Jane Eyre， a girl who lost her parents when she was young， was treated violently by her aunt and her cousins. Then she was sent to Lowood school and became a tutor at Mr. Rochester’s house after studying there for eight years. Jane gradually knew about the society which was led by men， found that she and Rochester had similar thoughts about the social condition. Jane kept discovering herself and found true love. She married Mr. Rochester and lived happily with him.

Jane Eyre was a typical person fighting for women’s rights and equal rights. She never surrendered to the aristocrats， never reconciled to the cruel reality. She was not afraid of the violence that her cousins gave her， but greatly criticized their unfair behavior. “I’m going to appoint myself as a missionary and tell those who are enslaved， especially women in your harem， that they are born free.” I hope more people can read this book and know more about the social background， so that they can also feel the power of Jane Eyre.

句子冗長，語義表達不清。對故事主要內容的介紹沒有抓住主線，顯得比較零散。

對故事的理解有偏差，女權運動和女性獨立自主概念混淆。

結尾應該單獨成段。

升格展示

During the Victorian era， women were almost controlled by men. Could women fight for themselves to gain respect and freedom？ British writer Charlotte Bronte showed a struggling girl who lived during that time in the book Jane Eyre.

The book tells a story about Jane Eyre， a girl who lost her parents when she was young. She was treated violently by her aunt and her cousins. Then she stayed at Lowood school for eight years and became a tutor at Mr. Rochester’s house. Jane gradually knew that women didn’t have the same right as men in" the society. Jane kept discovering herself and found true love. She married Mr. Rochester and lived happily with him.

Unlike the traditional girls， Jane Eyre was a girl who was independent and not easily compromised. She never surrendered to the aristocrats， never reconciled to the cruel reality. She was not afraid of the violence that her cousins gave her， but greatly criticized their unfair behavior. “I’m going to appoint myself as a missionary and tell those who are enslaved， especially women in your harem， that they are born free.” Jane was a girl who dared to fight for unfairness， and gained real happiness in the end.

After reading the book， I learned a lot about Jane. I hope more people can read this book and know more about the social background， so that they can feel the power of Jane Eyre.

（南京師范大學附屬中學樹人學校 龔晶宜；指導教師 王祎景）

綜合點評

升格文用了“總—分—總”的結構。第一段從小說的創(chuàng)作背景引入，小作者用“struggling”一詞概括出了女主角的經(jīng)歷；第二段介紹了小說的主要內容；第三段深入分析女主角的性格特點；最后一段提煉并升華了整本書的主題。

小作者引用書中的原話，更加直接鮮明地點出了人物的性格特點。小作者還使用了不少用心推敲后的詞匯，如struggling，gradually，power等，為整篇習作增色不少。

主" 持" 人：祖瑞 正高級教師，江蘇省特級教師，任教于江蘇省南京市將軍山中學