An Unforgettable Day

It was Sunday today. We decided to have a picnic on the top of the mountainnear our school. How exciting we were！ We set out early in the morning. After wegot to the top， we were fascinated by the beautiful scenery. After we had a goodtime on the top of the mountain， we began to collect some dry branches to make afire and got ready to do some cooking. Suddenly a shout came out， “Fire， fire，the mountain is in fire！ ”We were very frightened. It was such a sunny dayand it hadnt rained for several months， so the fire spread quickly. We tried ourbest to put the fire out， but we couldnt. Just then， a group of farmers were workingin the fields at the foot of the mountain. They came up to help us as quickly as theycould. Under their help， the fire was finally put out. We felt very sorry. Wedecided to remember the lesson forever.

安徽省濉溪縣百善中心學(xué)校 謝新煜

本期點評名師

姜經(jīng)志 男，中學(xué)英語高級教師、淮北市優(yōu)秀教師、中國外語學(xué)習(xí)研究會會員、《學(xué)英語》《英語周報》《中學(xué)生英語》特約編輯；曾主編《初中生英語滿分作文大全》《英語奧林匹克》《新目標(biāo)英語八年級暑假作業(yè)》，參編《初中英語題典大全》《21 世紀英語學(xué)習(xí)指南》《初中英語新作文》《中學(xué)生英語水平測試》等10 余冊圖書；輔導(dǎo)的學(xué)生有30 余人次在國家和省級英語競賽中獲獎。

點評

優(yōu)點：這篇文章按時間順序記敘了作者在山上進行野炊，不小心引起山火的經(jīng)歷，情節(jié)跌宕，語言流暢，條理清晰。

需要修改的地方：

①exciting 應(yīng)改為excited。exciting 通常以事物作主語，而excited 通常以人作主語。

②in fire 應(yīng)改為on fire。on fire 意為“著火”。

③Under their help 應(yīng)改為With their help。英語中，with ones help 為固定用法，意為“在某人的幫助下”。

評分：

按中考英語作文滿分25 分的評分標(biāo)準，本文修改前可得22 分。