Connect with Empathy, But Lead with Compassion憑同理心相聯(lián)，以同情心領(lǐng)軍

拉斯穆斯·霍高等

For close to two years， leaders have been thrust into the role of Counselor in Chief， helping teams recover from the grief and loss of the pandemic， buoying1 the declining mental health of their employees， being sensitive to peoples anxieties and often publicly sharing their own vulnerabilities along the way. In short， they have been shouldering a big emotional burden.

在接近兩年的時間里，領(lǐng)導(dǎo)們被迫扮演起了首席顧問的角色。他們幫助團(tuán)隊(duì)從流行病帶來的悲痛及其造成的損失中恢復(fù)過來，提升員工們?nèi)諠u減退的心理健康，體諒他們的煩惱，并且在這期間不時公開談?wù)撟约旱拇嗳??？傊?，他們一直肩?fù)著情緒的重?fù)?dān)。

Of course， this kind of empathy is important for good leadership. But too much of it can be a problem， weighing you down.

這種同理心對于優(yōu)秀的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力來說當(dāng)然是重要的，但過度了就會成為問題，讓你不堪重負(fù)。

Instead of carrying that burden of empathy， you can learn to experience the uplifted2 experience of compassion. This is a massive shift in how leaders engage with their teams， a shift that greatly benefits all sides.

與其背負(fù)同理心負(fù)擔(dān)，倒不如學(xué)會感受振奮的同情體驗(yàn)。這是領(lǐng)導(dǎo)與團(tuán)隊(duì)互動方式的重大轉(zhuǎn)變，將極大地造福所有人。

Empathy and compassion： whats the difference？

同理心與同情心：區(qū)別在哪里？

The words “empathy” and “compassion，” as well as “sympathy，” are sometimes used interchangeably. They all represent positive， altruistic traits， but they dont refer to the exact same experience. It is helpful to consider the two distinct qualities of compassion： understanding what another is feeling， and the willingness to act to alleviate3 suffering for another.

“同理”“同情”和“憐憫”這三個詞在某些情況下是通用的。它們都代表積極、利他的特質(zhì)，但是并不指代完全相同的體驗(yàn)。不妨想一想同情心的兩個顯著特質(zhì)：理解對方的感受，愿意采取行動減輕對方的痛苦。

When we experience pity， we have little willingness to act and little understanding of anothers experience. We simply feel sorry for them. When we experience sympathy， there is a small increase in our willingness to help and our understanding of the other. We feel for the other person.

當(dāng)我們感受到遺憾的時候，我們并沒有多少行動的意愿，也并不能完全體會對方的經(jīng)歷。我們僅僅為他們感到惋惜。當(dāng)我們感受到憐憫的時候，我們想要幫助對方的意愿會有小小的上升，我們也更能理解對方。我們設(shè)身處地地為對方考慮。

With empathy， we have a close， visceral understanding of the other persons experience. We feel with the person. We literally take on the emotions of the other person and make those feelings our own. Though a noble thing to do， it does not necessarily help the other person， except for possibly making them feel less lonely in their experience.

而同理心是指我們深切并發(fā)自肺腑地理解對方的體驗(yàn)，和對方感同身受。我們實(shí)實(shí)在在地承擔(dān)起對方的情緒并將之內(nèi)化成自己的情緒。雖然這么做非常高尚，但除了有可能幫助對方減輕當(dāng)前處境下的孤獨(dú)感外，并不一定能夠切實(shí)地幫到對方。

Compassion occurs when we take a step away from empathy and ask ourselves what we can do to support the person who is suffering. In this way， compassion is an intention versus an emotion.

當(dāng)我們避免產(chǎn)生同理心，自問能做些什么去鼓勵遇到困難的員工，同情心就開始發(fā)揮作用了。從這個意義上來說，同情心是一種意圖而非情緒。

Why does this matter？

為什么這很重要？

Paul Polman， former CEO of Unilever， puts it this way： “If I led with empathy， I would never be able to make a single decision. Why？ Because with empathy， I mirror the emotions of others， which makes it impossible to consider the greater good.”

聯(lián)合利華的前首席執(zhí)行官保羅·波爾曼是這樣描述的：“如果我用同理心領(lǐng)導(dǎo)團(tuán)隊(duì)，我就絕對無法做出哪怕一個決定。為什么？因?yàn)槿绻煌硇闹鲗?dǎo)，我就成了映射他人情緒的一面鏡子，再也不可能顧全大局?！?/p>

As leaders， empathy may cloud our judgment， encourage bias， and make us less effective at making wise decisions. However， it should not be completely avoided. A leader without empathy is like an engine without a spark plug4—it simply wont engage. Empathy is essential for connection and then we can leverage5 the spark to lead with compassion.

對于領(lǐng)導(dǎo)來說，同理心會影響判斷、助長偏見，還會妨礙有效地做出明智的決定。然而，不應(yīng)徹底將其拒之門外。缺乏同理心的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)好比缺少火花塞的發(fā)動機(jī)——根本發(fā)動不起來。同理心對于建立人與人之間的關(guān)系是必不可少的，在此之后我們就可以借助燃起的火花，懷著同情心領(lǐng)導(dǎo)團(tuán)隊(duì)。

Avoiding the empathy trap—and leading with compassion

避開同理心陷阱——以同情心領(lǐng)導(dǎo)團(tuán)隊(duì)

Overcoming an empathetic hijack is a critical skill for any leader. In mastering this skill， you must remember that shifting away from empathy does not make you less human or less kind. Rather， it makes you better able to support people during difficult times. Here are four key strategies for using empathy as a catalyst6 for leading with more compassion.

對于任何一個領(lǐng)導(dǎo)來說，避免被同理心綁架都是一項(xiàng)重要的技能。在學(xué)習(xí)掌握此項(xiàng)技能的過程中，你必須牢記：不以同理心論事并不意味著你不夠人性或不夠友善。正相反，它讓你更能幫人渡過難關(guān)。這里列舉四個關(guān)鍵的策略，教你在以同情心領(lǐng)導(dǎo)團(tuán)隊(duì)的時候，如何把同理心作為催化劑。

Take a mental and emotional step away.

在精神和情緒層面，后退一步。

To avoid getting caught in an empathetic hijack when you are with someone who is suffering， try to take a mental and emotional step away. Step out of the emotional space to get a clearer perspective of the situation and the person. Remember you are not stepping away from the person. Instead， you are stepping away from the problem so you can help solve it.

在與遭遇困境的員工共處時，為了避免被同理心綁架，試著在精神和情緒層面后退一步。超越情緒的桎梏，用更清晰的視角去看待面臨的人和事。記住，你并沒有從遇到困難的員工身邊漠然走開。恰恰相反，你是在與問題保持一段距離，只有這樣，你才能夠解決問題。

Remember the power of non-action.

記住無為的力量。

In many instances people do not need your solutions; they need your ear and your caring presence. Many problems just need to be heard and acknow-ledged. In this way， taking “non-action” can often be the most powerful means of helping.

很多情況下，員工并不需要你提供解決方案；他們需要的是你在場傾聽并表達(dá)關(guān)切。很多問題需要的只是被聽見、被了解。就此而言，“無為”常常成為最強(qiáng)有力的支持手段。

Coach the person so they can find their own solution.

培訓(xùn)員工，讓他們自己找到解決方案。

Leadership is not about solving problems for people. It is about growing and developing people， so they are empowered to solve their own problems. Avoid taking this life-learning opportunity away from people by straight-up solving their issues. Instead， coach them and mentor them. Show them a pathway to finding their own answers.

領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力并不意味著為員工解決問題。它意味著幫助員工成長，讓他們獲得力量從而自己解決問題。不要直接出手替員工把難題搞定，這樣只會讓他們失去歷練的機(jī)會。你應(yīng)該做的是培訓(xùn)他們、指導(dǎo)他們。給他們指出路徑，讓他們自己找到答案。

Practice self-care.

學(xué)會照顧自己。

Often called emotional labor， the task of absorbing， reflecting， and redir-ecting the feelings of other people can be overwhelming. Because of this， we as leaders must practice self-care： take breaks， sleep， and eat well， cultivate meaningful relationships， and practice mindfulness7. We need to find ways of staying resilient8， grounded9， and in tune with ourselves. When we show up in the workplace with these qualities， people can lean on us and find solace and comfort in our well-being.

對他人的情緒加以吸收、做出反應(yīng)并進(jìn)行疏導(dǎo)的差事常常被稱作情緒勞動，這種勞動帶來的壓力往往讓人難以承受。正因?yàn)槿绱?，作為領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，我們必須學(xué)會照顧自己：休息一下、睡上一覺、好好吃飯、培養(yǎng)有意義的人際關(guān)系并練習(xí)正念減壓法。我們需要找到辦法讓自己保持堅(jiān)韌、理智和自在。只有當(dāng)我們以這樣的精神面貌出現(xiàn)在職場，員工才能夠依靠我們，從我們的良好狀態(tài)中得到安心和寬慰。

1 buoy鼓勵。? 2 uplifted意氣昂揚(yáng)。

3 alleviate減輕，緩解。

4 spark plug火花塞。? 5 leverage利用，借助。? 6 catalyst催化劑。

7 mindfulness正念減壓法。? 8 resilient有彈性的，可迅速復(fù)原的。? 9 grounded明智的，理智的。