My name is Xu Yanfeng. I have a busy day every day. I usually get up at sevenoclock and get dressed at ten to seven淤in the morning. Then I brush my teeth andhave the breakfast于. I go to school at seven thirty and I get to school at eightoclock. At half past eight we have our classes. Every day we have six classes.Sometimes I have my lunch at school.
In order to keep healthy, I do exercises盂for half an hour after school in theafternoon, and then I go home. At about half past six, I do my homework. I oftenwatch TV at eight oclock every evening. I go to bed at nine forty in the evening.
This is my day. I have a very healthy life. How about you?
河北省阜城縣第四中學(xué)許彥峰
優(yōu)點(diǎn):
本文是一篇記敘文。首先,本文以三段式結(jié)構(gòu)安排布局,使文章層次分明。同時(shí),本文巧妙地運(yùn)用usually、often、sometimes 等頻率副詞恰當(dāng)表達(dá)了作息習(xí)慣。其次,本文以時(shí)間為主線,使文章脈絡(luò)更加清晰。此外,本文的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)符合英語(yǔ)習(xí)慣,且準(zhǔn)確運(yùn)用了時(shí)態(tài)、主謂一致等語(yǔ)法知識(shí)??傊@是一篇值得推薦的優(yōu)秀習(xí)作。
需要修改的地方:
①ten to seven 改為ten past ten。根據(jù)前文可知,“穿好衣服”時(shí)間應(yīng)為“七點(diǎn)十分”。
②去掉the。英語(yǔ)表三餐的單詞前面不使用冠詞。
③exercises 改為exercise。exercise 作“運(yùn)動(dòng)、鍛煉”時(shí),是不可數(shù)名詞。
評(píng)分:
按中考英語(yǔ)作文滿分20 分的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn),本文修改前可得17 分。
本期點(diǎn)評(píng)名師
張超男,河北省衡水市阜城縣第四中學(xué)高級(jí)英語(yǔ)教師、縣骨干教師、市優(yōu)秀英語(yǔ)教師,從事英語(yǔ)教育教學(xué)工作30 多年;多年來(lái),在省級(jí)以上報(bào)刊發(fā)表文章數(shù)百篇,并有多篇文章獲獎(jiǎng);曾參與多本教輔資料的編寫(xiě)工作;曾榮獲“中央教育科學(xué)研究所全國(guó)基礎(chǔ)教育科研先進(jìn)個(gè)人”榮譽(yù)稱(chēng)號(hào);曾多次輔導(dǎo)多名學(xué)生在市、省和國(guó)家級(jí)英語(yǔ)競(jìng)賽中獲獎(jiǎng)。