聚焦語篇銜接，提高續(xù)寫質(zhì)量

吳嘉麗

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

讀后續(xù)寫作為一種全新的高考題型，實(shí)現(xiàn)了閱讀和寫作的有機(jī)結(jié)合。該題型除了要求掌握豐富的詞匯和句式，還注重考查內(nèi)容構(gòu)思和情節(jié)銜接能力。然而，有時(shí)候在續(xù)寫時(shí)，我們找不到重點(diǎn)和邏輯，這導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫內(nèi)容和上文銜接不緊密。過度重視語法錯誤而忽視文章的銜接連貫也是一個(gè)常見的問題。針對以上問題，我們有三個(gè)技巧，希望能提高我們語篇銜接的能力。

一、續(xù)寫第一段首句出現(xiàn)新的人物或者信息點(diǎn)，下一句的銜接以此展開

在讀后續(xù)寫時(shí)，我們難以把握所給段落首句的關(guān)鍵信息，這會導(dǎo)致我們在續(xù)寫故事時(shí)無從下手，或者續(xù)寫內(nèi)容和上文銜接不緊密，行文松散。仔細(xì)分析段落首句的關(guān)鍵信息，是我們進(jìn)行讀后續(xù)寫的重要步驟。若段落首句出現(xiàn)閱讀文本中從未出現(xiàn)過的人物或者信息點(diǎn)，那么下一句的續(xù)寫應(yīng)該圍繞新人物、新信息點(diǎn)展開，這樣才能達(dá)到承上啟下的效果。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

On a Sunday afternoon， Kiana French was having fun fishing with her father and heryounger sister， not knowing the next minute they would struggle not to sink in the freezingwater. Their 12footboat was taking in water little by little， and the wind was picking up.Her father， Gary French， hurried to operate the engine， while Kiana， 16， was in the middlewith Cierrah， her sister， frightened but still able to keep calm.

Kiana asked Cierrah to take off one of her cowboy boots， with which she got some ofthe water out. Hard as she tried， that little effort would not help stop the boat sinking. Momentslater， the unthinkable happened. The boat was full of water and then it flipped over.Kiana and her sister were dumped in the water. Their father， who had had surgery sixmonths ago， managed not to be thrown into the water but seemed to have great pain in the?chest due to the sudden change.

Kiana quickly put on her life jacket and saw Cierrahs and her fathers life jacketsfloating away. She reacted quickly to get them back and held her sister onto the boat. Theywere so far out in the middle of the lake that they could not see the shore clearly. Whatsworse， it was getting harder to stay above the waves. Their father swam over and hugged histwo girls， Cierrah crying silently. Kiana heard her beloved sister murmur，“I cant feel myfeet. ”

Kiana knew the only thing to do was get to shore herself and find help. She looked upat her father， exchanging a concerned glance， turned round and swam as hard as she? couldtowards the shore.

Fighting against the strong currents and cold wind， she screamed for help at the top ofher voice every three minutes or so. A strong wind blew， and she looked back only to seeher sisters and fathers heads bobbing （浮動） in the water. She burst into tears， thinkingher sister and dad were dead， because she was taking too long.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

With desperate tears， she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.__________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

Once rescued， they were rushed to shore， where a concerned group waited for their ar?

rival.________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

文本解讀

本文主要講述了Kiana一家遇到翻船事故，驚險(xiǎn)求生的故事。續(xù)寫第一段中的afigure ， 泛指新人物，由此可推測出他很有可能是救星，來拯救遇險(xiǎn)的一家人。因此續(xù)寫第一段的內(nèi)容應(yīng)重點(diǎn)描述Kiana一家遇險(xiǎn)求生，且被成功救出（可根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的they were rushed to shore推斷出來）。我們來對比下面兩個(gè)續(xù)寫段落：

學(xué)生甲：With desperate tears， she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.With great efforts， she swam as quickly as possible but tiredness seized her and draggedher down to the bottom. She was too exhausted to keep on swimming...

學(xué)生乙：With desperate tears， she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.She waved and cried for help with all her strength to catch the mans attention. Luckily， theman yelled back and immediately came to help her. As the boat was approaching， Kianapointed to her father and her sister...

學(xué)生甲的續(xù)寫基本上都是以Kiana （she）為中心而展開的故事情節(jié)，后兩句的續(xù)寫沒有銜接首句的新人物（a figure），且忽視了文章的銜接與連貫，使得行文松散；學(xué)生乙的續(xù)寫則捕捉到了續(xù)寫首句新出現(xiàn)的人物（a figure），第二句描述了Kiana （she）大聲呼救以獲得新人物的注意，然后新人物開始施救的過程，故事銜接恰當(dāng)流暢，銜接得更緊密。

二、善用銜接詞，增強(qiáng)段內(nèi)銜接

迄今為止，大部分的讀后續(xù)寫以記敘文為主，所以我們在平時(shí)寫作練習(xí)中可以注意正確運(yùn)用句子之間的銜接詞，有意識地使用復(fù)雜句型，以增加文章的亮點(diǎn)：

（1）表示承接、遞進(jìn)：at the very beginning （首先）、whats more （另外）、moreover （此外）、to make things worse/whats worse （使得事情更為糟糕的是）。

（2）表示轉(zhuǎn)折：but、however、otherwise （否則）、though、despite、in spite of （盡管）、onthe other hand （另一方面）、on the contrary （恰恰相反）、nevertheless （盡管如此）。

（3）表示時(shí)間：a few minutes later、not for a while （沒過多久）、then、eventually、all ofa sudden （突然）、at the very moment、at the same time、without thinking twice/without asecond thought/without hesitation （毫不猶豫）、as soon as。

（4）表示總結(jié)：on the whole、in conclusion、in a word、to sum up、in short。

（5）表示伴隨：with+n.（with great effort 吃力地、with hesitation 猶豫地、with greatease 很輕易地）我們來對比下面兩個(gè)續(xù)寫段落：

學(xué)生甲：With desperate tears， she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.She tried her best to swim to the boat and yelled for help. The man on the boat heard her?yelling and came to help. Kiana sighed with a great relief and pointed to her father and hersister， yelling，“They are in the water！ Help！”She was soon picked up and taken to whereher father and her sister were. They were almost drowned. The man and Kiana quicklyhelped them get into the boat.

學(xué)生乙：With desperate tears， she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.With great efforts， she cried for help to catch the mans attention. Luckily， the man yelledback and immediately came to help her. As the boat was approaching， Kiana pointed to herfather and her sister， yelling，“They are in the water！ Help！”She was soon picked up andtaken to where her father and her sister were. Fortunately， they didnt drown but they werealmost on the verge of collapse. At the very moment， the man and Kiana quickly helpedthem get into the boat. What a narrow escape！

學(xué)生乙利用銜接詞，厘清句子間的邏輯關(guān)系，使得語篇更連貫，文章內(nèi)容更加飽滿，情節(jié)更豐富，達(dá)到了承上啟下的效果。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1：

With desperate tears， she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it. She wavedand cried for help with all her strength. It seemed like a century later when she heard someoneyelling back at her. As the boat was approaching， Kiana pointed to her father and hersister and screamed，“They are in the water！ Help！”She was soon picked up and taken towhere her father and her sister were. Fortunately， they didnt drown but her father seemedto be giving out， with one hand holding tight onto the boat and the other holding Cierrah.

Paragraph 2：

Once rescued， they were rushed to shore， where a concerned group waited for their ar?rival. They gave clothes and blankets to the three poor people， and then the ambulance arrived.Kiana， her sister and her father were checked on the spot and finally sent to the nearesthospital. Later， when asked what gave her the strength and perseverance to continue，both in the cold water and in great fear， Kiana said，“I just wanted to save my family， and Ididnt want anything bad to happen to them. So I couldnt spare a second to worry or fear.”

三、續(xù)寫第二段出現(xiàn)特指名詞，前文必有所指

為確保文章行文連貫，續(xù)寫第二段首句有時(shí)會出現(xiàn)特指名詞，用來指代前文提到過的名詞。若閱讀文本中沒有出現(xiàn)過該名詞，我們則需要在續(xù)寫第一段時(shí)，補(bǔ)充說明該名詞。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

During this past year， Ive had three instances of car trouble. Each time it happened， Iwas sick of the way most people hadnt bothered to help. One of those times， I was on theside of the road for close to three hours with my big Jeep. I put signs in the windows， bigsigns that said NEED A JACK （千斤頂）， AND OFFER MONEY. Nothing. Right as I wasabout to give up， a Mexican family in a small truck pulled over， and the father bounded out.

He sized up the situation and called for his daughter， who spoke English. He conveyedthrough her that he had a jack but that it was too small for the Jeep， so we wouldneed something to support it. Then he got a saw （鋸子） from the truck and cut a section outof a big log on the side of the road. We rolled it over and put his jack on top， and we were inbusiness.

I started taking the wheel off， and then， if you can believe it， I broke his tire iron.“Noworries.”He handed it to his wife， and she was gone in a flash down the road to buy a newtire iron. She was back in 15 minutes. We finished the job， and I was a very happy man.

The two of us were dirty and sweaty. His wife prepared a pot of water for us to washour hands. I tried to put a $20 bill in the mans hand， but he wouldn.t take it， so instead Iwent up to the truck and gave it to his wife as quietly as I could. I asked the little girl wherethey lived.“Mexico，”she said. They were in Oregon so her mommy and daddy could workon a fruit farm for the next few weeks. Then they would go home.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

When I was about to say goodbye， the girl asked if Id had lunch.________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

After they left， I got into my Jeep and opened the paper bag.______________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

文本解讀

本文主要講述了在汽車拋錨時(shí)，“我”有幸獲得墨西哥一家人的幫助的故事。續(xù)寫第二段出現(xiàn)了特指名詞the paper bag，閱讀文本中沒有出現(xiàn)此名詞短語，因此可以推斷續(xù)寫第一段最后需要出現(xiàn)a paper bag，這樣才能與續(xù)寫第二段的the paper bag銜接。我們可以根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的墨西哥女孩詢問“我”用餐與否得知，“我”沒用餐，然后他們用紙袋裝了點(diǎn)食物給“我”。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1：

When I was about to say goodbye， the girl asked if Id had lunch. I told her I hadnt hadlunch because Id been waiting here for help for nearly three hours. The girl said they didnthave lunch either. She suggested to her parents that we have lunch together. There happenedto have some food and some things for the picnic in their truck. So we ate together ina vacant lot by the side of the road. During that time， I told them what had happened to meand how I felt. They shared interesting stories about their lives in Mexico and on fruitfarms. After lunch， the girls mother put a paper bag of fruit in my Jeep. I showed my gratitudeagain and we said goodbye to each other.

Paragraph 2：

After they left， I got into my Jeep and opened the paper bag. There were some delicatefruits in the paper bag. I was surprised to find the money I had quietly left them. At thesame time， there was a note written by the girl， which read，“We are very happy to be ableto help you. We have encountered many difficulties and been disappointed. But we met alot of helpful people， which made us feel very warm. To help others with ones own ability is?also a kind of lifting a finger. The beauty of life comes from the help. I hope you have agood life and a happy mood.”This made me very moved， and I would try my best to helpmore people in the future to make our world more beautiful and warmer.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

It took place in a teachers family. One day， Ben was playing basketball in the livingroom after school， when he accidentally threw the ball at a vase sitting on the shelf. Thevase dropped to the floor and a large piece broke off. What made Ben more upset was thatthe vase was not a common decoration but an antique， which was handed down throughgenerations from the 18th century. It was also his mothers favourite possession. To coverhis terrible action， the terrified boy glued the pieces together hastily and put the vase backto its place.

As the mother herself dusted the vase every day， she naturally noticed the cracks （裂紋） that evening. To her surprise， the repair work was actually very good. At dinner time，she asked her boy if he broke the vase. Fearing punishment， the suddenly inspired boy saidthat a neighbours cat jumped in from the window and he couldnt drive it away no matterhow hard he tried. It jumped around the living room and finally knocked the vase off itsshelf. His mother was quite clear that her son was lying， for all the windows were closed beforeshe left for work each morning and opened after she returned. However， in the face ofher sons nervous eyes and the suspicious looks of the other family members， Bens motherremained calm. She realized she shouldnt just simply blame and punish her son for lying.She came up with another idea.

Before going to bed， the boy found a note from his mother in his room， asking him to goto the study at once. The boy thought he would now be punished but， as he had already lied，he was determined to deny everything to the end， no matter how angry his mum became.

In the study， calmly bathed in the light， his mothers face showed no sign of anger. Onseeing her son push open the door and cautiously enter， she took a chocolate box out of adrawer and gave him one.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

The mother said，“This chocolate is a reward for your imagination： a window?opening cat！”__________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

Now with some chocolates in hand， the boys bad attitude disappeared.________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

【評價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1. 你續(xù)寫的段落有沒有根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段首句出現(xiàn)的新人物或者信息點(diǎn)來安排續(xù)寫內(nèi)容？

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

2. 你續(xù)寫的段落有沒有使用合適的銜接詞？

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

3. 對比你的文章和范文，有哪些異同？

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________