多角度解讀文本，快速構思微型故事

廣東 聶凌云

【問題導讀】

讀后續(xù)寫要求我們依據(jù)原文的內容和所給段落開頭語，寫一篇與給定材料有邏輯銜接的、情節(jié)架構自然的而且結構完整的短文。在續(xù)寫前，首先要多角度解讀原文，關注故事的四要素，了解人物性格，抓住文章線索；在構思故事時，時間、地點要具體，人物要有沖突，情節(jié)要有懸念，敘事要有畫面感，結尾要升華主題。這就要求我們在短時間內迅速構思微型故事并合情合理地展開續(xù)寫，這樣才能寫出佳作，得到高分。

【名師導學】

所給語篇是我們續(xù)寫的依托和根本。閱讀和理解語篇后，我們怎么才能快速構思和續(xù)寫呢？作為基礎階段的學生，我們可以用關鍵詞法、框架法和“五所”寫篇法開始創(chuàng)作，同時加以環(huán)境烘托和人物動作、心理描寫。在創(chuàng)作過程中，我們要學會從原文中提取關鍵詞和情節(jié)構思續(xù)寫段落和主題，利用段首提示句定好續(xù)寫框架，并采用“五所”寫篇法豐富人物形象和合理推進故事情節(jié)，在保證語篇連貫性和簡潔性的同時做到有話可寫、有情可推、快速構思。

【案例導引】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。

“Ada!Milk!”Mama called.

Milk.It was Ada's turn to get it.Ada sighed and shut her first-aid book.Her head hurt from reading in the dim morning light,but how else was she going to learn?

Ada tied the cow close to a tree.Somewhere down the mountain, some volunteer doctors were teaching medical skills to village doctors.Ada heard Doctor Betty drive off hoursago.“She should have taken me with her.She thinks I'm too young, but she's wrong.I am already 16!”Ada thought.

Ada carried the milk back to Mama, and then wandered up the road.Roy, a village boy,had gotten a donkey,and some kids had gathered around to see it.Roy was always doing something to get attention,like now:he was trying to stand on the animal's bare back.

“No wonder they don't trust kids with anything important,”Ada thought, sighing.She had just turned away when she heard a thud and a few screams.Roy lay on the ground nearby moaning in pain.The donkey stood several meters away.“Roy!”The kids nearby ran towards him.“Get Betty,”one said.Ada shook her head,“Betty's gone to the city.”The other kids seemed frozen in place.

Ada ran to where Roy was lying.She dropped to her knees on the dusty road.“Roy!Can you hear me?”Roy moaned in agony.Ada saw that one of his legs was crooked, and bent a little sideways between the knee and the ankle.A broken leg!

She remembered what the first-aid book had said about broken legs:if there is no ambulance,straighten the bone before moving the victim.There certainly wouldn't be any ambulances here.Ada looked back up the road.The other kids were still standing there,watching.“Victor!”Ada called to one of the boys.“Get Roy's mama,and find someone with a truck.”She turned to the others,“Give me your shirts.We need something to tie his leg with.”

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Ada then found a strong stick,which she would use to keep his leg straight.

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The next day,Betty came to Ada's home._______________________

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文本解讀

一、原文的語篇要素

Who When What Where Why How Ada,doctors,Doctor Betty,Roy,the other kids and Roy's mama in the morning Roy's leg was broken.on the road Doctor Betty drove off.Ada helped Roy with his broken leg using her first-aid knowledge.

二、原文的主題

本文講述了偏遠貧困山區(qū)的一個孩子在沒有醫(yī)生的情況下，運用自己學到的急救知識，成功地幫助了一個受傷的同伴，得到了貝蒂醫(yī)生的認可和實現(xiàn)夢想的機會。

三、原文的情節(jié)發(fā)展：線索和情感

四、構思微型故事

（一）關鍵詞法

在構建段落時，我們可以先從文中提取關鍵詞和情節(jié)，這樣續(xù)寫內容才能更貼近原文，我們才能更快確定文章主題和后續(xù)走向。

1.Ada sighed and shut her first-aid book.

2.Ada heard Doctor Betty drive off hours ago.“She should have taken me with her.”

3.he was trying to stand on the animal's bare back

4.“No wonder they don't trust kids with anything important,”Ada thought,sighing.

5.The other kids seemed frozen in place.

6.A broken leg!

7.straighten the bone before moving the victim

8.“Get Roy's mama,and find someone with a truck.”

根據(jù)以上關鍵詞和原文情節(jié)（已在文中畫線標注），我們可以迅速概括出續(xù)寫情節(jié)：在沒有醫(yī)生的情況下，艾達用她的急救知識正確地實施了急救，得到了貝蒂醫(yī)生的認可，最后貝蒂醫(yī)生帶她去學習更多的急救知識，呼應原文的“She should have taken me with her.”。

（二）框架法

仔細閱讀所給的段首句，提取句中關鍵詞，構思段落銜接句并結合呼應原文和正能量結尾的原則，思考大致框架。

續(xù)寫第一段段首句：Ada then found a strong stick, which she would use to keep his leg straight.

根據(jù)畫線關鍵詞可知，第一段是艾達在進行急救。段落銜接句可寫“She gently explained what she was going to do,and then carefully wrapped the shirts around Roy's leg and the stick.”。根據(jù)第二段的首句和情節(jié)發(fā)展可知急救成功，所以第一段的段末句可以寫“Ada helped them lift Roy into the truck,and then they drove down the hillside towards the hospital.”。

續(xù)寫第二段段首句：The next day,Betty came to Ada's home.

根據(jù)畫線關鍵詞可知，第二段是貝蒂醫(yī)生對艾達的急救行為做出反饋，呼應原文，得出正能量主題。段落銜接句可寫“‘I heard what you did,’Betty said.‘You kept your head in an emergency.That's an important skill.’”，段末呼應前文，升華主題可寫“Ada smiled.‘I'll bring my first-aid book.’With a firm look on her face, she knew she would learn more and help more people who were in need.”。

（三）“五所”寫篇法

“五所”是指所說、所見、所做、所想和所感。在推理情節(jié)的過程中，要把握故事情節(jié)的發(fā)展脈絡，用“何人何時何地做了何事，是何心情，有何感想”的寫作方式來構思情節(jié)，在框架法的基礎上采用“五所”寫篇法拓展和豐富段落情節(jié)。續(xù)寫第一段時，我們可以設計的情節(jié)有“艾達做了什么？說了什么？感受如何？”“羅伊說了什么？感受如何？”“其他孩子說了什么？做了什么？感受如何？”。續(xù)寫第二段時，我們可以設計的情節(jié)有“貝蒂說了什么？做了什么？艾達說了什么？做了什么？感受如何？”。

（四）側面描寫法

側面描寫在續(xù)寫中的作用不容忽視。運用側面描寫，我們可以對人物進行多角度映照和多層次烘托，這樣，對人物的描寫就會達到“橫看成嶺側成峰”的豐富境界。如果從一個側面去描寫，人物形象往往單薄。如果從多個側面去描寫，人物形象就比較豐滿。在寫作中，我們可以嘗試以下幾種側面描寫法：景物烘托法——通過對自然景物的描繪來烘托人物的心情；他人反映法——聽聽他人的反映，了解主人公的個性特征。例如：艾達急救時和完成急救后，我們可以通過描寫他人的反應和景物烘托讓人物更生動、更立體。

（五）動作、心理描寫法

動作、心理描寫法是指通過對人物動作和心理的描寫來豐富人物形象，推動故事情節(jié)發(fā)展。恰當?shù)膭幼?、心理描寫能使我們的續(xù)寫錦上添花、飽滿生動。通常而言，我們可以從人的身體部位展開動作描寫來表達人的情緒和心理。例如：第二段續(xù)寫中艾達在與醫(yī)生貝蒂談話時，我們可以加入動作和心理描寫來表達她高興又擔心的心情。例如：

Ada's face turned red,with cheeks burning with shyness,“I was afraid...”Betty shook her head.

Ada replied at once,eyes sparkling with excitement.

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1:

Ada then found a strong stick, which she would use to keep his leg straight.She gently explained what she was going to do,and then carefully wrapped the shirts around Roy's leg and the stick.（所做)Roy cried out in pain.“I know it hurts,”Ada said softly.“But this will hold it still until you get to the hospital.”（所說）When Ada was done, she looked up and saw Roy's mama watching from a few meters away, worried about Roy.Behind her was a neighbor in a pickup truck.（所見）When Ada stepped away, Roy's mama ran over and held Roy's face in her hands.“Thank you, Ada,”she said, with tears in eyes.（側面描寫）Ada helped them lift Roy into the truck, and then they drove down the hillside towards the hospital.（所做）There was cheer in every face and the air was filled with an admiringsmell.（側面描寫）Ada looked into the distance,with relief and determination.Paragraph 2:

The next day,Betty came to Ada's home.“I heard what you did,”Betty said.“You kept your head in an emergency.That's an important skill.”（所說）Ada's face turned red, with cheeks burning with shyness,“I was afraid...”Betty shook her head.（動作、心理描寫）“It's OK for a nurse to be afraid,as long as she has a clear head.The volunteer doctors are coming tomorrow with vaccines.We need some more hands.Can you help?”（所說）“I'd love to,”Ada replied at once, eyes sparkling with excitement.（動作、心理描寫）“Come early,then.There is a lot to learn.”Ada smiled,“I'll bring my first-aid book.”（呼應原文）With a firm look on her face, she knew she would learn more and help more people who were in need.（主題）

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。

Kent was a manager of a furniture agency.His establishment nearly went bankrupt(倒閉) because of the wrong decision he had made.He was so regretful and depressed that he planned to drive to a bar alone to release his emotions.

It was near midnight in an extremely cold winter,and the temperature was minus 9 degrees centigrade.There were few people in the street.Suddenly, a figure of an old madam entered his line of sight.She was standing sideways near a platform, dressed in a plain coat,dragging a suitcase and holding a plastic bag.The slight old lady was seemingly more than 80.She was trembling in the cutting wind.Now she kept motioning Kent for a ride.Although Kent was somewhat angry about the old madam's disturbing, he wouldn't like to leave her on a cold night.He noticed she coughed violently and thought that she might be ill and really needed help.So he braked near her.

The madam said,“Would you please take me for a ride? I can offer double fare...”Kent interrupted her,“I will charge you nothing!Come on!”The madam pointed to her luggage and said,“Could you put my suitcase into the car?”Kent stepped out and put it into the car.

Kent proceeded to drive.He stopped at a petrol station where he wanted to purchase gallons of gasoline (汽油).During the interval they waited in a queue.The madam beganher narration,“Could you please send me to the charity house in the suburbs? I want to send them something.I was given help there 50 years ago.The president and workers were all good guys.”She burst into tears.“Now they've all passed away.Life was tough at that time,but we all loved and cared about each other.I've held a desire to be back there again for a long time.”Kent realized the madam was recalling a section of the good missing days.A complicated feeling surrounded him,and he decided to cancel his plan and stay with the old madam.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

After a two-hour drive,they came to the gate of their destination.______

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Hearing this, Kent lapsed into silence, because he knew the rest home was for patients with incurable diseases.____________________________________

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【評價導思】

1.請?zhí)崛∥恼玛P鍵詞并概括情節(jié)。

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2.請利用框架法寫好段落銜接句和主題句。

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3.采用“五所”寫篇法寫作，并對比你的文章和范文，它們有哪些異同？

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