讀后續(xù)寫新嘗試：挖掘照應(yīng)續(xù)寫點(diǎn)

廣東 龍艷琴

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

通常在一篇完整的文章中，作者會圍繞某個(gè)特定的主題展開寫作，并在篇首或篇中埋下相應(yīng)的伏筆，在篇尾再進(jìn)行符合邏輯且合理的照應(yīng)，我們把這樣的伏筆稱為續(xù)寫點(diǎn)。由此可見，續(xù)寫點(diǎn)往往出現(xiàn)在續(xù)寫原文中，如果我們能深入解讀原文，挖掘合理的續(xù)寫點(diǎn)，并在續(xù)寫過程中進(jìn)行照應(yīng)，那么我們所續(xù)寫出來的段落無論在語言、內(nèi)容，還是邏輯上都能更加符合原文的基調(diào)，更能讓閱卷老師眼前一亮。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

Almost all the possessions had been sold to buy food and clothing for the family.At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.At the thought of parting with the little creature,Mrs Grant felt sad because the children loved it very much.Having struggled hard,she had to make up her mind to sell the lamb.But she could not ask any child to go for the butcher.Finally,she went herself with a heavy heart and bargained with the butcher for the sale of Daisy.

While the children were all playing with the lamb,the butcher and his boy came to the door.“You see,I am here for the lamb,”said the butcher in a loud voice.Hearing this,one child ran to her mother's side,and asked what was happening in alarm.Mrs Grant gently pushed the child aside,bent down and was about to tell the truth.

“That's my lamb now,Charlie!”said the butcher's boy in a playful tone,going up to Daisy with a rope in his hand.

“No,it is not your lamb.It is ours!”said Charlie,placing himself in front of it.

But the boy,pushing him aside,threw a rope round Daisy's neck,and began to drag the little creature away.The poor lamb bleated(咩咩叫)very sadly.The cry of grief which fell upon the mother's ears was too much for her,and her heart sank inside her.In a moment,begging with tearful eyes,the children were all around their mother with voices choking with sobs for their little pet.

“Please tell your boy to stop for a moment,”she said in husky(深沉沙啞的)tones to the butcher.The boy,at a word from the butcher,stopped dragging the lamb,and the little creature stopped bleating.

In a trembling voice,Mrs Grant explained to children how badly off they were after their father died.She also added that the kind butcher had given the money for Daisy.With this money,she could buy her children bread to eat.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

But the more she explained,the more strongly her children begged for Daisy.

Paragraph 2:

The butcher,who had been watching all,was touched in his heart.

本文以寵物羊Daisy為線索展開，講述了貧窮的Grant太太在缺衣少食的情況下，決定賣掉孩子們的寵物羊Daisy。但當(dāng)屠夫要帶走Daisy時(shí)，孩子們非常難過，并苦苦哀求，希望能留下寵物羊。屠夫見此情景，受到觸動(dòng)……

根據(jù)文章的具體內(nèi)容和所給的續(xù)寫段落的段首句，在認(rèn)真研讀文章的基礎(chǔ)上，我們可以從以下幾個(gè)方面入手，全面挖掘續(xù)寫段落的續(xù)寫點(diǎn)。

一、挖掘背景續(xù)寫點(diǎn)

背景續(xù)寫點(diǎn)主要指事情發(fā)生的時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)或人物的身份、關(guān)系和事件等。通常，文章的首段會交代故事發(fā)生的背景。研讀文章的首段內(nèi)容，根據(jù)“At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.”可知，Grant太太家里一貧如洗，她不得不賣掉唯一的寵物羊來給孩子們買食物和衣服；根據(jù)“Mrs Grant felt sad because the children loved it very much.”可知，孩子們非常喜愛Daisy，舍不得賣掉它，而Grant太太非常愛她的孩子們，不能讓孩子們挨餓，卻又不忍心奪走孩子們的心中所愛。

●背景續(xù)寫點(diǎn)

人物：Mrs Grant,the children,Daisy(the pet lamb),the butcher,the butcher's boy

事件：There was nothing left but the pet lamb,Daisy.The children loved it very much.

●背景照應(yīng)方式

續(xù)寫第一段可寫孩子們?nèi)绾握埱驡rant太太不要賣掉Daisy：

“No,no,no,”they dashed to Daisy and threw their arms around it,begging,“please,Mother!We would rather go hungry than lose it!”

二、捕捉細(xì)節(jié)續(xù)寫點(diǎn)

細(xì)節(jié)描寫主要包括語言、動(dòng)作和心理描寫，文章對Grant太太的細(xì)節(jié)描寫較多，可以作為續(xù)寫點(diǎn)在續(xù)寫時(shí)進(jìn)行回應(yīng)。

動(dòng)作描寫續(xù)寫點(diǎn)：bargained with the butcher、gently pushed the child aside、bent down and was about to tell the truth、said in husky tones to the butcher。

心理描寫續(xù)寫點(diǎn)：Mrs Grant felt sad、she went herself with a heavy heart。

細(xì)節(jié)描寫照應(yīng)方式：（聽到孩子們的請求之后）Hearing this,Mrs Grant was in great sorrow,her heart bleeding.Having struggled hard,she turned to the butcher and decided that she would not sell Daisy and would return the money.

三、挖掘情節(jié)續(xù)寫點(diǎn)

根據(jù)“She also added that the kind butcher had given the money for Daisy.”可知，Grant太太已經(jīng)收了屠夫的錢，而根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的段首句可知，屠夫受到觸動(dòng)，那么極有可能，最后Daisy并沒有被賣掉，那么之前屠夫已經(jīng)給的錢該怎么處理呢？

情節(jié)續(xù)寫點(diǎn)：She also added that the kind butcher had given the money for Daisy.

情節(jié)照應(yīng)方式：Grant太太把錢退還給屠夫。

四、挖掘矛盾解決續(xù)寫點(diǎn)

原文故事的主要矛盾續(xù)寫點(diǎn)：Grant太太家一貧如洗，不得不賣掉唯一的寵物羊來換錢，而孩子們卻非常喜愛那只羊，故而舍不得賣掉它。續(xù)寫段落應(yīng)圍繞主要矛盾展開，著力解決主要矛盾。

主要矛盾照應(yīng)方式：屠夫被孩子們的請求觸動(dòng)，決定把買來的寵物羊當(dāng)作禮物送給孩子們。

五、尋找主題續(xù)寫點(diǎn)

文章一開始便說“Almost all the possessions had been sold to buy food and clothing for the family.At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.”，據(jù)此可知，家里能賣的都賣了，就剩這只寵物羊，所以到故事最后，寵物羊被賣掉了嗎？

原文主題：Almost all the possessions had been sold to buy food and clothing for the family.At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.Mrs Grant determined to sell Daisy for food but the children begged not to do that.

主題意義：本文的主題語境是人與社會，故事傳遞出來的主題意義是和諧友善。

照應(yīng)（升華）主題續(xù)寫：The butcher promised that he would buy Daisy from their mother and then gave it back to them as a gift.Hearing that,all the children gathered round and stroked the pet,their little hearts filled with joy.

六、解讀續(xù)寫所給首句，安排續(xù)寫邏輯順序

認(rèn)真解讀兩個(gè)續(xù)寫段落所給的首句，根據(jù)首句內(nèi)容以及全文的情節(jié)發(fā)展，合理地安排續(xù)寫的邏輯順序，這是非常重要的一步。該步驟可以通過問題鏈的方式進(jìn)行，即提出一連串有邏輯關(guān)聯(lián)的問題，然后回答?；卮鸬膬?nèi)容即是前五個(gè)步驟里提到的續(xù)寫點(diǎn)，因此，需要把前五個(gè)步驟里找到的各種續(xù)寫點(diǎn)的照應(yīng)方式按照邏輯順序排列。

●續(xù)寫段落的首句

Paragraph 1:But the more she explained,the more strongly her children begged for Daisy.

Paragraph 2:The butcher,who had been watching all,was touched in his heart.

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的首句，結(jié)合前文故事情節(jié)，可設(shè)置問題鏈如下：

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的首句，結(jié)合前文故事情節(jié)并銜接續(xù)寫第一段，可設(shè)置問題鏈如下：

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1:

But the more she explained,the more strongly her children begged for Daisy.“No,no,no,”they dashed to Daisy and threw their arms around it,begging,“please,Mother!We would rather go hungry than lose it!”Hearing this,Mrs Grant was in great sorrow,her heart bleeding.After all,she clearly knew that the children had devoted so much love to Daisy and that Daisy was more than a pet lamb to them;it was,in their eyes,a family member!Having struggled hard,she turned to the butcher and decided that she would not sell Daisy and would return the money.Paragraph 2:

The butcher,who had been watching all,was touched in his heart.When Mrs Grant took out the money and gave it back,he just waved his hand and announced,“I will not rob the children of their pet!”He approached the children,patted them on the shoulders gently and promised that he would buy Daisy from their mother and then gave it back to them as a gift.The word left the children standing stunned.Then,looking up at him,one asked seriously,“Sir,do you really mean that?”The butcher just replied seriously,“I mean every word of it.It is our Daisy.My boy and I will come to see it occasionally.”Hearing this,all the children gathered round and stroked the pet,their little hearts filled with joy.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

My sister Priscilla and I just came back from a week-long vacation in Portugal with lots of photos.I'll remember so many wonderful things about my trip to the cities of Lisbon and Porto,but one experience in particular sticks out,something that happened on our last night in Lisbon.

Before the trip,I put together a very detailed route of places to see.One of the mustvisit places on my list was Livraria do Sim?o,the smallest bookstore in Lisbon.On our very first day in Lisbon,Priscilla and I searched for it.We found the oldest bookstore in the world.But the smallest one was impossible to find!Back at the hotel,where we had Wi-Fi,I looked the bookstore up again,hoping we'd have time to find it on another day.But our schedule was delayed,and we probably wouldn't have time to look for it.

On our last full day in Lisbon,Priscilla and I took a day trip to Cascais,a coastal town outside the city.We decided,at the last minute,to visit a historic flea market(跳蚤市場).We walked for about an hour,up many steep hills.When we finally reached the market,completely out of breath,all the sellers were closing up,not to mention that we were both tired and hungry.Priscilla and I argued over the directions.I insisted we turn right,which ended up being a right decision.We climbed up more steep hills,farther and farther away from any area we recognized.We made another right turn onto a random street and Priscilla stopped to check the map.Meanwhile,I looked up at the street sign,Rua da Madalena.I'd heard that name before.We continued a little farther up the street,and I spotted a few people hanging out in a lane.There was something particularly familiar about the scene.I looked closer.There was a small store practically hidden in the lane.It had books in its windows.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Oh my goodness!The bookstore!

Paragraph 2:

Soon,it was time for us to say goodbye.

【評價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1.請歸納本文中的人物描寫，捕捉體現(xiàn)細(xì)節(jié)續(xù)寫點(diǎn)的詞匯或句子。

2.請根據(jù)所給出的續(xù)寫段落首句，安排續(xù)寫的邏輯順序。

3.對比你的文章和范文，它們有哪些異同？