硬核解讀，深度續(xù)寫

彭英

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫是一種把閱讀和寫作相結(jié)合的題型。閱讀是寫作的起點，寫作是對閱讀的升華。學(xué)生在續(xù)寫過程中出現(xiàn)的問題主要表現(xiàn)為情節(jié)設(shè)置不合理、與原文的語言風(fēng)格不協(xié)調(diào)、續(xù)寫語篇缺乏連貫性、主題意義升華牽強等。出現(xiàn)上述問題的關(guān)鍵在于學(xué)生缺乏對所給語篇的深度解讀，從而導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫質(zhì)量偏低。那么，在閱讀所給材料的過程中，學(xué)生要如何來解讀文本，從而有效續(xù)寫呢？

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

1.?側(cè)重對故事情節(jié)的解讀。讀后續(xù)寫的體裁一般為記敘文，并在敘述的過程中穿插使用議論的表達(dá)方式，這要求學(xué)生在閱讀的過程中利用閱讀技巧把握原文故事的主旨大意和基本要素。梳理關(guān)鍵信息，從內(nèi)容層面弄清楚文章的題材、中心人物、主要故事、發(fā)展線索、主旨大意等，即解答5W1H（Who、What、When、Where、Why、How）的問題，并緊扣所給的兩個段首句進(jìn)行續(xù)寫。

2.?側(cè)重對主題意義的解讀。讀后續(xù)寫的故事情節(jié)一般分為兩條線：明線，即故事的開端、發(fā)展、高潮、結(jié)局;暗線，即故事角色的情感線。學(xué)生應(yīng)通過對文章明線的探究過渡到情感層面，領(lǐng)悟原文作者的寫作態(tài)度和情感價值觀，把握文章的感情基調(diào)，在續(xù)寫結(jié)尾時進(jìn)行總結(jié)回扣，呼應(yīng)原文主題。

3.?側(cè)重對語言風(fēng)格的解讀。從語言層面感知語篇的語言形式與特點，揣摩原文如何運用準(zhǔn)確又豐富的詞匯（以動詞、形容詞、副詞、介詞短語為主）、修辭、句式等描寫人物的動作、心理等，并通過生動的描寫走進(jìn)人物的內(nèi)心世界，感受故事的情境，在續(xù)寫中盡量與原文在語言風(fēng)格方面保持一致。

4.?側(cè)重對行文邏輯和寫作技能的解讀。從結(jié)構(gòu)、話題、措辭等維度對所給文本進(jìn)行解讀、模仿、創(chuàng)作，并將佳句、銜接關(guān)聯(lián)詞等進(jìn)行系統(tǒng)分類，建立微型語料庫，積累寫作素材。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

The?small?plane?buzzed?high?above?the?fields.?Adam?glanced?at?his?father?Bob?in?the?pilot?s?seat，?frowning.?Bob?had?been?unusually?quiet?on?this?trip，?who?would?normally?thrill?Adam?with?several?stomach?churning?（攪動）?loops.?But?after?take?off，?all?they?had?done?was?follow?the?coastline.

Not?much?fun?today，?thought?Adam.?Then，?without?warning，?Father?was?turning?back.?When?Adam?asked?why，?his?father?murmured?something?about?not?feeling?well.?Adam?was?worried，?feeling?his?father?was?hiding?something.?“I?m?okay，”?his?father?grinned.?“I?m?just?being?careful.”

Trying?not?to?look?disappointed?at?the?short?flight，?Adam?peered?out?of?the?side?window.?Far?below，?Adam?could?see?the?white?spots?of?sheep?and?the?red?roofs?of?homes.?He?loved?them?up?here?in?the?sky，?and?his?father?would?take?him?up?at?least?once?a?week，?on?Saturday.?He?was?the?envy?of?all?his?school?friends.

Suddenly?his?father?banged?his?head?onto?the?lever.?Shocked，?Adam?shook?his?shoulder.?“Dad？”?Adam?shook?him?harder?but?he?gave?no?response.?His?eyes?were?closed.?His?face?was?ash?grey，?sweat?streaming?down?his?cheeks.

A?flood?of?fear?swept?over?Adam.?No?one?was?flying?the?plane！?Quickly，?Adam?grabbed?at?the?lever，?shouting，?“Dad！?Wake?up，?Dad！”

His?father?didn?t?answer.?Keeping?the?lever?steady，?Adam?looked?at?the?altimeter?（高度表），?and?they?were?3，000?feet?above?sea?level?but?dropping?steadily.?He?realized?that?if?his?father?didn?t?wake?up，?he?would?have?to?fly?the?plane?and?land?it！

Suddenly，?he?saw?the?radio，?excitement?written?on?his?face.?He?pressed?the?button?and?yelled?into?the?microphone，?“Mayday！?Mayday！?Mayday！?This?is?an?emergency.?Answer?me！?Answer?me！”?A?man?was?talking?but?Adam?couldn?t?hear?what?he?was?saying.?Annoyed，?he?threw?the?headset?（耳機）?onto?the?floor.?The?plane?was?still?dropping，?and?he?was?close?to?tears，?“Dad，?please?wake?up.”?As?if?he?had?heard?Adam?s?plea?（請求），?Bob?opened?his?eyes.?“What?s?happening？”

Adam?felt?a?surge?of?relief.?He?shouted，?“We?re?about?to?land.?You?have?to?take?the?controls.”?Bob?tried?to?take?the?lever?from?Adam，?but?failed.?“I?can?t，?Adam.?My?head?is?spinning?and?you?ll?have?to?land?it，”?said?Bob.?With?these?words，?he?fainted?again.

注意：

1.?所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2.?續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph?1：

Adam?felt?fear?creep?over?him?again.

Paragraph?2：

He?looked?at?his?father，?finding?a?little?color?had?returned?to?his?father?s?cheeks.

一、原文故事的語篇要素

二、原文故事的情節(jié)發(fā)展脈絡(luò)

三、原文故事的語言風(fēng)格

1.?對比的應(yīng)用

Bob?had?been?unusually?quiet?on?this?trip，?who?would?normally?thrill?Adam?with?several?stomach?churning?loops.?But?after?take?off，?all?they?had?done?was?follow?the?coastline.?鮑勃一路上都一反常態(tài)的安靜，平常他都會俯沖幾圈，讓亞當(dāng)激動得胃里直翻騰，但是今天自起飛后，他們只是沿著海岸線飛行。

往常，父親會俯沖幾圈使亞當(dāng)興奮，但今天父親只是沿著海岸線飛行，顯得異常安靜，主人公亞當(dāng)便隱約感覺到了父親的異常，這為接下來故事情節(jié)的發(fā)展埋下了伏筆。

2.?現(xiàn)在分詞的使用

Trying?not?to?look?disappointed?at?the?short?flight，?Adam?peered?out?of?the?side?window.?亞當(dāng)盡量不表現(xiàn)出對這次短暫飛行的失望，于是他透過側(cè)窗看外面的景色。

Trying這個詞傳遞出亞當(dāng)有著同齡人少有的懂事、顧大局的品質(zhì)，盡管不開心，但他還是尊重父親的選擇，這為下文他表現(xiàn)出來的非同尋常的擔(dān)當(dāng)與果敢做好了鋪墊。

3.?心理、動作等細(xì)節(jié)描寫的使用

文章多處通過心理、動作等細(xì)節(jié)描寫來刻畫人物形象、交代背景知識和表達(dá)人物內(nèi)心活動，這使得讀者仿若身臨其境。例如：

（1）?Shocked，?Adam?shook?his?shoulder.?亞當(dāng)嚇壞了，他搖了搖父親的肩膀。

Shocked表現(xiàn)了亞當(dāng)在父親昏迷后無人掌控飛機時的恐懼。

（2）?His?eyes?were?closed.?His?face?was?ash?grey，?sweat?streaming?down?his?cheeks.他雙目緊閉，面如死灰，汗珠從臉頰上流下來。

此處通過近距離的細(xì)節(jié)描寫表現(xiàn)了父親的極度不適。

（3）?He?realized?that?if?his?father?didn?t?wake?up，?he?would?have?;to?fly?the?plane?and?land?it！他意識到，如果父親不能蘇醒過來，他得操控飛機并讓它著陸。

這段心理旁白表明主人公對形勢的明確分析，have?to表達(dá)了他只能接受臨時任務(wù)的無奈和他在危急關(guān)頭表現(xiàn)出來的責(zé)任與擔(dān)當(dāng)。

（4）?Suddenly，?he?saw?the?radio，?excitement?written?on?his?face.?He?pressed?the?button?and?yelled?into?the?microphone...?突然，他看到無線電收發(fā)報機，他的臉上寫滿了激動。他按下按鈕，然后朝著麥克風(fēng)大喊……

written和yelled傳遞了亞當(dāng)在無助的時候突然看到希望的興奮和激動。

（5）?Annoyed，?he?threw?the?headset?onto?the?floor.?他惱怒地把耳機扔到地板上。

threw表達(dá)了亞當(dāng)在看到希望又變?yōu)槭麜r的惱怒。

四、續(xù)寫故事的設(shè)計與語言運用

續(xù)寫第一段所給的段首句是“Adam?felt?fear?creep?over?him?again.”。根據(jù)前文和段首句中的fear與again可知，本段要重點描述亞當(dāng)在危急時刻的動作和心理活動，在情節(jié)發(fā)展和語言風(fēng)格上都應(yīng)與原文一致。因此，結(jié)合原文故事的情節(jié)發(fā)展和兩個段首句，亞當(dāng)?shù)男睦碜兓癁閒earful—nervous/helpless—terrified—trying?to?calm?down—relieved。動作描寫可使用shout、race、tremble、go?blank、squeeze、concentrate、take?a?deep?breath、push、stamp、sink、sweat等。一連串動詞形象生動地表達(dá)了亞當(dāng)?shù)男睦碜兓^程：臨危受命時的恐懼—努力讓自己鎮(zhèn)定下來進(jìn)行操作的緊張—飛機安全著陸后的如釋重負(fù)和心有余悸。在他和父親的命運掌握在自己手上的危急關(guān)頭，亞當(dāng)將全部注意力都放在如何想辦法讓飛機平穩(wěn)降落上，無暇觀察旁邊的父親。當(dāng)飛機安全著陸了，他才注意到父親的臉又恢復(fù)了血色，因此，第一段的結(jié)尾部分在情節(jié)和情感上應(yīng)設(shè)置為“The?plane?slowed?and?touched?down.?He?sank?back?into?his?seat?with?palms?sweating?and?legs?shaking?uncontrollably.”，這就自然流暢地銜接了下一段首句“He?looked?at?his?father，?finding?a?little?color?had?returned?to?his?father?s?cheeks.”。

第二段的段首句是“He?looked?at?his?father，?finding?a?little?color?had?returned?to?his?father?s?cheeks.”。根據(jù)文章的整個基調(diào)可推知，結(jié)局應(yīng)該是圓滿的。a?little?color?had?returned與上文父親昏迷時的His?face?was?ash?grey形成對比，暗示著父親蘇醒過來。接下來會發(fā)生什么呢？回看原文中的“A?man?was?talking?but?Adam?couldn?t?hear?what?he?was?saying.”。這里向讀者傳遞了一個信息：救援中心應(yīng)該接收了到求救信號，只是由于飛機所處的位置，亞當(dāng)無法接收信息?；谝陨闲畔?，續(xù)寫情節(jié)設(shè)計為Father?came?to?life—firefighters?and?doctors?came—Adam?and?his?father?was?rescued—Adam?was?praised?and?proud?；乜墼闹黝}：青少年應(yīng)有的果敢、責(zé)任和擔(dān)當(dāng)。

【參考范文】

Paragraph?1：

A?dam?felt?fear?creep?over?him?again.?“I?can?t！”?he?shouted.?This?was?something?he?had?long?wished?for，?but?not?like?this.?Not?in?an?emergency.?His?heart?raced，?hands?trembling?on?the?lever.?His?mind?went?blank.?He?squeezed?his?eyes?shut.?“Don?t?panick，”?he?told?himself.?“Concentrate.?You?know?how?to?land?a?plane.?You?ve?seen?it?done?hundreds?of?times?before.?Go?over?the?steps.”?Taking?a?deep?breath，?Adam?pushed?the?lever?forward?and?stamped?harder?on?the?pedals.?The?plane?slowed?and?touched?down.?He?sank?back?into?his?seat?with?palms?sweating?and?legs?shaking?uncontrollably.

Paragraph?2：

He?looked?at?his?father，?finding?a?little?color?had?returned?to?his?father?s?cheeks.?Adam?leaned?over?and?unfastened?his?safety?belt.?His?father?s?eyes?shone?in?surprise.?“The?engine?s?stopped.?Are?we?down？”?Adam?nodded.?His?father?smiled?weakly，?saying?“Well?done，?Adam...?I?knew?you?could?do?it.”?Then?the?door?was?forced?open?and?his?father?was?lifted?into?the?back?of?the?ambulance?by?the?rescuers，?of?whom?a?firefighter?put?an?arm?around?his?shoulder，?“You?re?a?brave?boy.?Had?it?not?been?for?you?keeping?cool?and?landing?the?plane，?it?would?have?been?a?pretty?nasty?crash?landing.”?Adam?smiled，?his?eyes?sparkling?with?pride.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

Sam?was?getting?ready?to?graduate?from?college.?For?many?months?he?had?admired?a?beautiful?sports?car?in?a?dealer?s?showroom，?and?knowing?his?father?could?well?afford?it，?he?told?his?father?that?was?all?he?wanted.

As?his?graduation?day?approached，?Sam?eagerly?anticipated?that?his?father?had?purchased?the?car.?Finally，?on?the?morning?of?his?graduation，?his?father?called?him?to?the?study，?telling?him?how?proud?he?was?to?have?such?a?talented?son?and?how?much?he?loved?him.?He?handed?his?son?a?beautifully?wrapped?box.?Curious，?but?somewhat?disappointed，?Sam?opened?the?box，?only?to?find?a?delicate?leather?bound?book?with?Sam?s?name?carved?in?gold.?Angrily，?he?raised?his?voice，?“With?all?your?money?you?give?me?such?a?book？”?He?then?stormed?out?of?the?house，?throwing?the?book?onto?the?floor.

The?anger?and?grievance?in?his?heart?almost?drowned?him，?and?he?kept?running?as?if?running?could?make?a?difference.?When?he?stopped，?he?realized?that?he?had?come?to?the?secret?place?of?his?childhood—an?old?park.

It?was?getting?dark.?He?looked?at?his?watch?and?noticed?he?had?been?walking?outside?for?an?hour.?He，?still?annoyed?with?his?father?about?not?satisfying?his?needs，?planned?to?spend?the?night?in?the?park.?He?lay?on?the?bench?with?a?cloud?of?gloom?over?his?face.?Exhausted?from?the?day?s?chores，?he?became?drowsy?and?dozed?off，?covering?himself?with?an?overcoat?and?quickly?falling?asleep?beneath?the?stars.?He?had?a?dream?that?he?walked?on?a?foggy?road?where?he?was?attracted?by?the?flash?of?a?scene.?It?was?a?baby?born?scene，?and?soon?he?saw?his?family！?He?realized?that?it?was?him！?He?watched?the?little?baby?grow?up?and?watched?his?father?take?care?of?him?and?accompany?him?until?he?graduated.?He?saw?his?own?ignorance，?the?efforts?of?his?family?and?his?father?s?hard?work.?Looking?back，?he?was?so?ashamed?that?he?didn?t?live?up?to?his?father?s?expectations.?All?of?a?sudden，?everything?around?disappeared?into?a?smoky?blue?haze?and?only?the?book?twinkled?in?the?sun.

注意：

1.?所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2.?續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph?1：

He?felt?the?breeze?against?his?face?and?woke?up?from?the?dream.

Paragraph?2：

His?father?led?him?to?the?study?and?gave?him?the?book.

【評價導(dǎo)思】

1.?對文本的解讀，你是從哪些方面入手的？

2.?對語言風(fēng)格的解讀，你關(guān)注了哪些方面？

3.?與范文相比，你的文章有何亮點與不足？如何改進(jìn)？