豐富句子，提升輸出效果

浙江 彭文國(guó)

文章敘述的最終效果，要體現(xiàn)在語(yǔ)言最基本的單位上。語(yǔ)言最基本的單位是詞匯，其次是句子結(jié)構(gòu)。句子結(jié)構(gòu)使用得好，且和詞匯相輔相成，才能夠很好地渲染故事，增強(qiáng)表現(xiàn)張力，提升表達(dá)的效果。從某種層面上講，詞匯只有在合適的句子結(jié)構(gòu)框架下，才能最大限度地發(fā)揮其作用，才能提升語(yǔ)言的輸出效果。基礎(chǔ)的英語(yǔ)表達(dá)中，有哪些比較好的句子結(jié)構(gòu)？我們?cè)撊绾问褂眠@些句子結(jié)構(gòu)呢？

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

1.敘述故事時(shí)不宜用過(guò)長(zhǎng)或復(fù)雜的句子，可以用條理清晰的含有從句的復(fù)合句，也可以使用非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞、with 的復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)、獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)等，使句子多樣化，從而提升文章的表達(dá)效果。

2.在使用特殊句子或結(jié)構(gòu)的時(shí)候，注意文章結(jié)構(gòu)要均衡。要長(zhǎng)短結(jié)合，使得句子有勻稱、舒服的節(jié)奏感。注意不要堆砌辭藻，也不要濫用句子結(jié)構(gòu)；同時(shí)，盡量少用重復(fù)的句子結(jié)構(gòu)和詞組。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

Jenny was a pretty eight-year-old girl. She had been the pride of her parents before she lost her legs in an accident.

One day when she and her mother were checking out at a grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace, by which she was totally defeated. How eagerly she wanted it! But when she saw the price, her heart sank a little. She gathered up her courage and asked her mother if she would buy it for her. Her mother said,“Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I can buy you the necklace, but when we get home, we should make a list of housework that you can do to pay for the necklace.”Jenny agreed immediately, feeling a burst of joy. So her mother bought the pearl necklace for her. Jenny worked on her housework determinedly and earnestly every day.Soon Jenny paid off the necklace.

Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would read Jenny her favorite story. One night when he finished the story, he said,“Jenny, do you love me?”“Oh,yes. Daddy, you know I love you,”the little girl said delightedly, with a broad smile on her face.“Well, then, can you give me your necklace,”her father asked. Hearing that, Jenny froze there, a worrying expression twisting her face.“Oh! Daddy, not my necklace! But you can have Rosy,my favorite doll.Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday.Okay?”“Oh no,darling,that's okay.”Her father brushed her cheek with a kiss,gently and calmly.“Good night,little one.”

A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story,“Do you love me?”“Oh, yes. Daddy, you know I love you,”the little girl murmured softly, trying to escape from her father's eyes.“Well, then, give me your necklace,”her father said.“Oh, Daddy,not my necklace! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She is my favorite,”the little girl begged.“No, that's okay,”her father said, smiling broadly and sweetly and brushed her cheek again with a kiss.“God bless you,little one.Sweet dreams.”

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to read her a story, Jenny was waiting anxiously for him on the bed.___________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Holding the plastic pearl necklace his daughter offered,the father dragged out a blue box.

一、故事發(fā)展

二、原文中的精彩句子結(jié)構(gòu)

情景意義看到項(xiàng)鏈的時(shí)候用非限制性定語(yǔ)從句表達(dá)珍妮對(duì)那條項(xiàng)鏈的喜愛(ài)看到價(jià)格的時(shí)候媽媽同意買項(xiàng)鏈的時(shí)候爸爸第一次向她索要項(xiàng)鏈的時(shí)候用sank表達(dá)珍妮的失望爸爸第二次向她索要項(xiàng)鏈的時(shí)候等待爸爸講故事的時(shí)候___________句子結(jié)構(gòu)Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace, by which she was totally de-_________________________________________________________________________________________________feated.But when she saw the price,_________________her hea_________________________________________________________rt_sank_a_little.Jenny agreed immediately,feeling a burst of joy.Hearing that, Jenny froze there,a worrying expression twisting her____________________________________________________________face.The little girl murmured softly,trying to escape from her father's____________________________________________________________eyes.Jenny was waiting anxiously for him on the bed._______________________________________________________用現(xiàn)在分詞短語(yǔ)表達(dá)珍妮的快樂(lè)用Hearing that 作時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)，用froze 表達(dá)珍妮的矛盾和不知所措，用獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)渲染珍妮的情緒___________________用動(dòng)詞murmured 表達(dá)珍妮還是有點(diǎn)舍不得的心情，同時(shí)用現(xiàn)在分詞短語(yǔ)補(bǔ)充說(shuō)明當(dāng)時(shí)的情景_____________________此處anxiously給出了續(xù)寫的發(fā)揮空間

三、續(xù)寫中可以使用的句子結(jié)構(gòu)

1. 在聽(tīng)爸爸講故事的時(shí)候，可以用“When listening to the story, Jenny was totally absent-minded, with her hands holding the necklace tightly and firmly.”。此句中，When引導(dǎo)時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句，主句用了一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的“主系表”結(jié)構(gòu)，with的復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)表示伴隨的動(dòng)作。這個(gè)句子長(zhǎng)短結(jié)合，先短再長(zhǎng)，具有很好的平衡性。

2.在描述珍妮把項(xiàng)鏈給她父親的時(shí)候，可以用“When the story came to an end,unexpectedly, Jenny offered her beloved necklace to her father, her fingers trembling automatically.”。此句中，her fingers trembling automatically 是獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)，形象地表達(dá)了珍妮當(dāng)時(shí)的情感特征，她舍不得美麗的項(xiàng)鏈，但是，她對(duì)爸爸的愛(ài)遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超過(guò)了對(duì)項(xiàng)鏈的愛(ài)。

3. 在敘述爸爸的盒子里的東西的時(shí)候，可以用“Much to Jenny's amazement, a beautiful real pearl necklace lay peacefully in the box,which set her heart racing.”。此句中，Much to Jenny's amazement作狀語(yǔ)，which引導(dǎo)非限制性定語(yǔ)從句，說(shuō)明了珍妮當(dāng)時(shí)的情感。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1：

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to read her a story, Jenny was waiting anxiously for him on the bed.When listening to the story,Jenny was totally absent-minded,with her hands holding the necklace tightly and firmly.When the story came to an end,unexpectedly, Jenny offered her beloved necklace to her father, her fingers trembling automatically. No one knew what the necklace meant to her. She whispered to her father, softly and gently,“Daddy, you know I love you more than the necklace.”Then, the necklace slid into her father's hands determinedly.

Paragraph 2：

Holding the plastic pearl necklace his daughter offered, the father dragged out a blue box.Much to Jenny's amazement, a beautiful real pearl necklace lay peacefully in the box,which set her heart racing. Jenny froze there, an expression of thrill twisting her face. Before Jenny was able to say something, her father brushed her face with a warm kiss and gathered her into his arms. The dad said,“Jenny, life is like this pearl necklace. Stay strong and confident enough, and you will glitter like it every day.”Holding the genuine necklace in her hand,Jenny lifted her lip,tears beginning to blur her vision.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

Billy was 15 years old then. He grew up in a very poor neighborhood. No one in his family had gone to college before. Actually, few people around him had received higher education. They all struggled to live a good life. Therefore, Billy knew nothing about college or scholarships and he never thought he would go to college one day.Although he was a smart boy,he didn't study hard at school and often got into trouble with other teenagers in his neighborhood.

One day, while Billy was walking on the playground, a boy of his age started making fun of him. Then that boy pushed him hard and Billy fell onto the ground. Billy became so angry that he stood up and beat that boy.So a fight began.

It happened that Billy's English teacher Mr Smith was walking nearby. He immediately ran to the boys to stop the fight. Billy was a bit worried because he knew his teacher was very strict with students.He was afraid that his teacher would punish him.However,to his astonishment,his teacher didn't do that.

“Billy,let's have a talk,”said his teacher.

Billy,not knowing what his teacher wanted to do,was very worried.But he nodded.So they went to a bench nearby and sat down. After they sat down, Mr Smith began,“Billy, I know you're a smart boy, but you're wasting your life now. Why don't you study hard to go to college so that you can change your life and have a bright future?”

Hearing that, Billy didn't know what to say. He had never thought about it. Billy was in silence. Mr Smith continued,“I know you may have never thought about going to college.But everything is possible.When I was at your age,I was a troublemaker just like you and never thought I'd be able to go to college, either. It was all because of the support and encouragement of Mr Howard,my math teacher in high school.”

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫好。Paragraph 1:

Then,Mr Smith began to tell Billy his story.___________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Billy was greatly touched by Mr Smith's story._________________________________

【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1.原文中用了哪些表現(xiàn)力很強(qiáng)的特殊句子結(jié)構(gòu)？這些句子結(jié)構(gòu)對(duì)語(yǔ)義的表達(dá)有怎樣的提升作用？

2.你的續(xù)寫用了哪些特殊的句子結(jié)構(gòu)？

3.范文中用了哪些精彩的句子結(jié)構(gòu)？你有什么樣的啟發(fā)？