Two notes of five dollars 兩張五美元

譚茜

蘇珊像往常一樣去農(nóng)場主湯普森的旅館收取媽媽給旅館客人洗衣服的五美元報酬，沒想到農(nóng)場主在忙亂之間竟無意中給了她兩張五美元，小女孩既感到興奮卻又意識到這樣不對，內(nèi)心一陣糾結(jié)……

OneSaturdayevening，whenSusanwent，asusual，tofarmerThompson ，sinn，to receive the price of her mother，s washing for the boarders， which amounted to five dollars， she found the farmer in the stable yard. He was apparently in a terrible rage with some horse dealers. He held in his hand an open pocketbook， full of bills. Scarcely noticing the child as she made her request， except to swear at her for troubling him when he was busy， he handed her the money.

Glad to escape so easily， Susan hurried out of the gate. Pausing to pin the money safely in the folds of her shawl， she discovered that he had given her two bills instead of one. Nobody was near to share her discovery， and her first impulse was joy at the unex- pected prize.“It is mine， all mine！”said she to herself.“I will buy mother a new cloak with it， and she can give the old one to sister Mary so that Mary can go to Sunday school with me next winter. ”

At that moment， it occurred to her that he must have given it by mistake， and therefore she had no right to it. But again the voice of the tempter whispered，“Keep it; he will never know it， even if it should be a mistake， for he had too many such bills in that great pocket- book to miss one. ”

While this conflict was going on in her mind between good and evil， she was hurryinghomeward as fast as possible. Yet， before she came in sight of her home， she had repeatedlybalanced the comforts which the money would buy against the sin of wronging her neighbor.? As she crossed the little bridge over the narrow creek， her eyes fell upon a rustic seat whichher mother had occupied during a conversation with her. Instantly， the words said by hermother，“Whatsoever you would that peopleshoulddo to you，doitevenso to them， ” sounded in her ears like a trumpet.

閱讀上面的短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為 150 左右;

2. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1：

Turning suddenly round， Susan hastened along the road until she found herself once more atfarmer Thompson，s gate.

Paragraph 2：

With her tears rolling down the cheeks， he seemed touched by her distress.

Step 1語篇研讀

本文是一篇記敘文。要做到續(xù)寫內(nèi)容與所給材料內(nèi)容連貫、銜接緊密，必須充分了解所給材料的大意。文章分析如下：

Step 2情節(jié)構(gòu)思

我們可以基于原文和續(xù)寫段落首句提供的信息，構(gòu)思續(xù)寫部分的故事情節(jié)，這一 過程分為四步。

第一步，根據(jù)已給出的文本判斷文章的立意。

文章開頭介紹蘇珊像往常一樣去農(nóng)場主湯普森的旅館收取媽媽為旅館客人洗衣 服的五美元，卻因農(nóng)場主忙于與人爭執(zhí)，意外多得到了一張五美元。她內(nèi)心經(jīng)歷了一 陣掙扎：一方面有了這五美元她就能給媽媽添置新衣服，妹妹也能一起去上學(xué);但另 一方面蘇珊知道這錢本不屬于她。從已給出的文章內(nèi)容來看，這個故事很有可能是 圍繞“誠實”這個主題展開的。

第二步，根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段所給出的段首句以設(shè)問的方式推測情節(jié)發(fā)展。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的段首句“Turning suddenly round， Susan hastened along the road until she found herself once more at farmer Thompson，s gate. ”，我們可以推測出蘇珊急匆 匆地回到了農(nóng)場主的旅館門口準(zhǔn)備歸還這五美元。 因此，我們可以在設(shè)計情節(jié)時提出以下幾個問題：

（1）How would Susan return the five dollars？

（2）What might be the farmer，s reaction？

（3）How would Susan explain to the farmer？

第三步，根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段所給出的段首句倒推續(xù)寫第一段要寫什么。

根 據(jù) 續(xù) 寫 第 二 段 的 段 首 句“With her tears rolling down the cheeks， he seemed touched by her distress. ”，我們從其中的關(guān)鍵詞 tears 可以推測出蘇珊的還錢過程并不 順利。結(jié)合前文對農(nóng)場主的描寫“swear at her for troubling him when he was busy”，我 們可以猜測出農(nóng)場主應(yīng)該沒有欣然接受蘇珊的道歉，反倒指責(zé)了她。后半句“he seemed touched by her distress”暗示了在續(xù)寫第二段中農(nóng)場主的態(tài)度會有所改變。結(jié) 合文章“誠實”的主題，為了使續(xù)寫的兩段銜接自然，我們可以推測續(xù)寫第一段的最后 要寫農(nóng)場主指責(zé)蘇珊，她極力解釋，忍不住哭了出來。

第四步，圍繞續(xù)寫第二段所給出的段首句，根據(jù)下面的提問進(jìn)行構(gòu)思：

（1）What would the farmer do next？

（2）How would the farmer accept the apology or even encourage and reward Susan？

（3）How would Susan react to it？

（4）How can the ending reflect the theme？

Step 3語言打磨

一、語言特色

1. At that moment， it occurred to her that he must have given it by mistake， and there- fore she had no right to it. 在那一刻，她突然想到這些錢肯定是他不小心多給了，因此 她沒有權(quán)利去使用它。

【點(diǎn)石成金】It occurs/occurred to sb that... 是常用的 it 作形式主語的句型 ，表示 “某人突然想到……”;另外，right 在這里不是表示“正確的”，而是表示“權(quán)利”。

2. Yet， before she came in sight of her home， she had repeatedly balanced the comforts which the money would buy against the sin of wronging her neighbor. 然而，在她看到自己 的家之前，她已經(jīng)反復(fù)權(quán)衡過金錢可以買到的舒適和欺瞞鄰居的罪過。

【點(diǎn)石成金】before 引導(dǎo)時間狀語從句，in sight of 指“看見”;comforts 由 which 引導(dǎo) 的定語從句修飾。

二、語言模式

（一）生動的動作描寫

1. He held in his hand an open pocketbook， full of bills.

2. Except to swear at her for troubling him when he was busy， he handed her the money.

3. Susan hurried out of the gate.

4. As she crossed the little bridge over the narrow creek， her eyes fell upon a rustic seat.

5. She was hurrying homeward as fast as possible.

（二）豐富的心理描寫

1.“It is mine， all mine！”said she to herself.

2. Her first impulse was joy at the unexpected prize.

3. But again the voice of the tempter whispered，“Keep it; he will never know it... ”

4. The words said by her mother，“Whatsoever you... ”sounded in her ears like a trum - pet.

5. This conflict was going on in her mind between good and evil.

（三）經(jīng)典句型

Scarcely noticing the child as she made her request， he handed her the money. 當(dāng)孩子提出要求時，他幾乎沒有注意到她，就把錢遞給了她。

【點(diǎn)石成金】本句是一個使用非謂語的典型例子，noticing 表示伴隨。當(dāng)句子中要 表達(dá)兩個動作且有主次之分時，可考慮借助非謂語形式增強(qiáng)語言表達(dá)的多樣性。當(dāng) 動作與主語之間是主動關(guān)系時用現(xiàn)在分詞形式，是被動關(guān)系時用過去分詞形式，表目的時則使用不定式。例：

Lying in bed， he was reading a book. （lie 與 he 之間為主動關(guān)系）

Trapped in trouble， he was reading a book to find out the answer. （trap 與 he 之間為被動關(guān)系）

To find out the answer， he was reading a book. （to find out 表示目的）

Step 4潤色成篇

在續(xù)寫的過程中，我們要注意“續(xù)”的原則，做到續(xù)寫內(nèi)容在主題、情節(jié)、語言風(fēng)格上與原文保持一致。具體如下：

（1）通過分析，本文的主題是弘揚(yáng)積極正面的價值觀，比如誠信、正直、拒絕誘惑 等，續(xù)寫時應(yīng)注意結(jié)局的正能量走向;

（2）續(xù)寫的情節(jié)應(yīng)和前面的開始和發(fā)展吻合，可根據(jù)人物的性格特點(diǎn)進(jìn)行合理的 預(yù)測，譬如農(nóng)場主最開始的反應(yīng)和蘇珊誠實善良的品質(zhì)特點(diǎn);

（3）原文中有多處心理描寫和動作描寫，且使用了非謂語 doing/done 作狀語，定語 從句及豐富、生動的動詞，續(xù)寫時應(yīng)盡量模仿并運(yùn)用這些語言特色;

（4）續(xù)寫時注意句子長短相間，句型豐富，以及語法、用詞、標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號的準(zhǔn)確性。