一匹掉毛的馬

廣東 鄭 嵐

一匹叫作波特的馬誤以為自己要變禿，于是用了主人的護發(fā)素。接下來，故事會如何發(fā)展呢？

A horse named Potter and his family lived together with Mr Sam and Mrs Harvey.Pot?ter loved to watch TV. Every day, Mrs Harvey watched her favorite show on the television and Potter often listened to the sounds from the open window.

One winter afternoon, a commercial came on.“Worried about hair loss?”said the television.“Whoever gets Miracle Hair Tonic can fight back!”“I should get some of that for Sam. He has a bald spot at the top of his head,”Mrs Harvey said.

“Potter!”Mrs Harvey asked.“Come on. I'm going to clean you up.”“You're going bald, too, Potter,”said Mrs Harvey. Potter looked around.The ground was full of hair.More hair was falling down from his side. Potter could not believe it. Bald! Just like Sam. Potter pictured himself losing all his hair.How the other horses would laugh at him!

Potter was so embarrassed that he stayed silent the whole day.“What's wrong,Pot?ter?”asked Sam when he brought Potter some food. Potter shook his head. Several hairs floated off his neck.“Soon you'll be as bald as me!”Sam said and laughed loudly.

Three days later, Mrs Harvey came into the kitchen with a box. Potter stretched out his neck to keep watching her open it.It was Miracle Hair Tonic that caught his atten?tion! After Mrs Harvey put it on the floor and left, Potter tried his best to touch the bottle from the window. It rocked and then landed in his mouth. Potter broke the bottle into the water trough (水槽). The water turned green. Potter put his feet on the trough and lowered his body into the water again and again.

“What are you doing, Potter?”Mrs Harvey suddenly asked. Potter stood up quickly.Mrs Harvey's mouth was open.“Sam, come quick!”“The broken bottle of Miracle Hair Tonic is beside him,”said Sam.“I got it for your baldness,”said Mrs Harvey.“Oh,Potter,”said Sam,“I was just making a joke with you. You're not going bald. You're just losing your winter coat.In fact,it helps you get sunlight to keep you warm,and your new hair will grow again.”

Language Study

Ⅰ.Difficult sentences

1.Whoever gets Miracle Hair Tonic can fight back!

譯文：誰使用了神奇護發(fā)素，誰就能逆襲。

分析：本句中的Whoever引導主語從句，表示anyone who或者everyone who。

2.Potter was so embarrassed that he stayed silent the whole day.

譯文：波特感到如此尷尬，以至于他整天都保持沉默。

分析：本句中的so...that...意為“如此……以至于”，引導結果狀語從句，其基本結構為“主語+謂語動詞+so+adj./adv.+that從句”。

Ⅱ.Useful expressions for emotion and environment

1.Potter could not believe it.

2.Potter was so embarrassed that he stayed silent the whole day.

3.Potter shook his head.

4.Sam said and laughed loudly.

5.Mrs Harvey's mouth was open.

6.Potter felt very surprised.

7.The ground was full of hair.

8.The broken bottle of Miracle Hair Tonic is beside him.

Ⅲ.Sentence for writing

It was Miracle Hair Tonic that caught his attention!

【信息提取】“It was/is+被強調部分+that”是一個強調句式。

【句式仿寫】就是這名志愿者幫助我擺脫困難的。

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Reading Check

閱讀上面的短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

Potter felt very surprised.

_________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Therefore,Potter didn't worry about losing his hair any more.

_________________________________________

?寫作指導

一、語篇研讀

要想續(xù)寫內容與所給材料內容連貫、銜接緊密，必須充分了解所給材料大意。本文是一篇記敘文，文章分析如下：

二、情節(jié)構思

我們可以基于標題、原文和續(xù)寫段落首句提供的信息，構思要續(xù)寫的故事情節(jié)。這一過程分為四步。

第一步，根據(jù)已給出的文本判斷文章的立意。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的段首句“Potter felt very surprised.”，我們可以推測出波特從主人口中得知了答案。根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的段首句“Therefore, Potter didn't worry about losing his hair any more.”，我們可以推測出續(xù)寫第一段中波特應該會想辦法再次去了解馬冬季掉毛的原因。故事的開頭介紹了波特無意中聽到護發(fā)素的廣告，然后它因看到自己身上的毛發(fā)在脫落而擔心自己會變禿。故事的轉折點是波特嘗試了主人的護發(fā)素。主人發(fā)現(xiàn)波特在使用護發(fā)素后，說出了真相，波特感到十分驚訝。那么接下來，波特會不會去尋找答案呢？譬如去詢問自己家庭中的長輩，以此體現(xiàn)波特面對問題時呈現(xiàn)出來的求知精神。

第二步，圍繞續(xù)寫第一段所給出的段首句“Potter felt very surprised.”進行提問構思：

（1）Why did Potter feel surprised?

（2）How did Potter react after knowing the truth?

（3）Who would Potter turn to for help?

第三步，根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段所給出的段首句倒推續(xù)寫第一段一定要寫什么。

分析一下續(xù)寫第二段所給出的段首句“Therefore,Potter didn't worry about losing his hair any more.”，我們可以推斷，第一段需要敘述波特是如何進一步知道馬冬季掉毛的原因，所以它才能不再擔憂等內容。這樣方能確保續(xù)寫的兩段之間銜接合理，情節(jié)連貫。

第四步，圍繞題目“A horse losing hair”以及續(xù)寫第二段段首句“Therefore,Potter didn't worry about losing his hair any more.”進行提問構思：

（1）What did Potter do after knowing the truth?

（2）What would be the ending?

三、潤色成篇

在續(xù)寫的過程中要注意“續(xù)”的原則，做到主題、情節(jié)、語言風格一致。具體如下：

（1）通過分析，我們可以發(fā)現(xiàn)本文的主題是弘揚積極正面的價值觀，如文章主角面對問題時所呈現(xiàn)出來的求知精神。續(xù)寫時應注意結局的設計。

（2）續(xù)寫的情節(jié)應和前面的開始和發(fā)展吻合，根據(jù)人物的性格特點進行合理的預測。

（3）文章中有多處心理描寫和環(huán)境描寫，還使用了狀語從句和強調句，續(xù)寫時應關注并模仿這些語言風格。

（4）續(xù)寫時應注意句子長短相間，句型豐富，語法、詞匯、標點符號使用準確。