Quarantine Jokes

After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time,this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.

多年來，我一直想徹底打掃房子，苦于沒有時(shí)間。在家隔離了兩周，我發(fā)現(xiàn)原因根本不在這兒。

If I keep stress-eating at this level,the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other.

如果我繼續(xù)保持這個(gè)飲食水平，襯衫上的紐扣都將彼此保持社交距離。

Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

牛仔褲需要每隔幾天試穿一下，看看是否合身。睡衣會(huì)讓你相信這個(gè)國家一切都很好。

I’m not talking to myself,I’m having a parent-teacher conference.

我不是在自言自語，我在開家長會(huì)。

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.I came into my house,told my dog—we laughed a lot.

今天早上，我看到一個(gè)鄰居在和她的貓說話。很明顯，她認(rèn)為她的貓明白她的意思。我趕回家，把這事告訴我的狗狗，我們大笑不止。

Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like,“See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

在家隔離的第121 天，我家狗狗看著我，好像在說：“明白了不？知道我為啥撕咬家具了吧？”

Yeah,I have plans tonight.I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.

是的，我今晚有安排。我可能會(huì)在9 點(diǎn)鐘左右去客廳。