YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS?SHE’S GOT ANSWERS(BUT YOU PROBABLY WON’T LIKE THEM)

Wise Ayi, do you have any traditional tips for healthy eating? I already drink only sugar-free drinks and stay away from fat, carbs, gluten, and red meat.

Healthy Cathy

You spoiled brats with 臭毛病 (chòumáobing, bad habits)!Do you know how hard I had to work on the farm to get a measly bowl of 米飯 (mǐfàn, rice) when I was young? All we knew back then was 人是鐵，飯是鋼 (rén shì tiě, fàn shì gāng, people are iron, food makes them steel)! We ate anything we could get our hands on.Now your lazy, idle generation has nothing better to do but 挑肥揀瘦 (tiāoféi jiǎnshòu, pick the best for oneself); you haven’t 吃苦 (chīkǔ,“eaten bitter,” endured hardship) for a single day! It’s true,飽漢不知餓漢饑 (bǎohàn bù zhī èhàn jī, “the well-fed don’t know the pain of the starving”).You want tips? Try the traditional Daoist practice of 辟谷 (bìgǔ, “eliminate grain,” to stop eating entirely and live solely on theqiof the universe).According to legend, this can make you immortal!

Help! My retired mom is clearly addicted to her phone,watching short videos of family dramas and livestreams of folk songs all day long.Now she thinks she can be a web celebrity, too! What should I do?

Worried Wong

Why don’t you leave her to it! It’s clear that any virtual family life is more 精彩 (jīngcǎi, exciting) than the one you are involved in.You heartless 白眼兒狼 (báiyǎnrláng, “white-eyed wolf,” ungrateful person)! She didn’t 辛辛苦苦 (xīnxīnkǔkǔ,take great pains) raising you to have you 潑冷水 (pōlěngshuǐ,“pour cold water on,” discourage) her.What’s the big deal with livestreaming anyway? In fact, I recently opened my own video channel, showing all my 43 忠實(shí)粉絲 (zhōngshí fěnsī,devoted fans) my every meal.There’s even one handsome young man who sent me a message, saying he wanted to come to see me, his “親愛的大姐 (qīn'ài de dàjiě, dear big sister).” I haven’t heard from him since I transferred him some 路費(fèi) (lùfèi, travel expenses), but I’m sure he’s just busy with work at the moment.Anyway, give your mom a break, she deserves it!

Got questions for our Agony Ayi? Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com

Pine trees on Huangshan Mountain,battered by centuries of wind and rain,are known for their whimsical shapes that inspire poets and photographers alike