吉米的紙上馬場

莫艷

吉米是一個貧窮的馴馬師的兒子。有一天，他的老師要求全班同學(xué)寫一篇有關(guān)夢想的作文，他便在作文里詳細地描述了他希望有朝一日能擁有一個馬場的夢想……

Jimmy?was?a?little?boy?who?lived?in?San?Sedro，?where?there?were?a?lot?of?big?horse?ranches（馬場），?farms?and?stables?（馬廄）.?However，?none?of?these?belonged?to?him.

The?boy?was?the?son?of?a?poor?horse?trainer.?He?lived?in?a?small?shabby?cottage?with?his?father，?and?his?father?only?owned?an?old?horse.?His?father?loved?his?job?very?much，?though.?Training?horses?was?the?dream?of?his?father?from?an?early?age.?His?father?would?go?from?stable?to?stable，?farm?to?farm?and?ranch?to?ranch，?training?horses?happily.?As?a?result，?the?boy?loved?horses?very?much.?However，?his?big?dream?was?not?training?horses，?but?owning?a?horse?ranch.

One?day，?the?boy?s?school?teacher?asked?all?the?students?to?write?a?paper?about?what?they?wanted?to?be?when?they?grew?up.?That?night，?he?was?so?excited?that?he?wrote?a?seven?page?paper?describing?his?dream?of?someday?owning?a?horse?ranch.?He?wrote?about?his?dream?in?great?details?and?he?even?drew?a?diagram?of?a?200?acre?ranch，?showing?the?location?of?all?the?buildings，?the?stables?and?the?tracks（跑道）.?Then?he?drew?a?detailed?floor?plan?for?a?4，000?square?foot?house?that?would?sit?on?the?200?acre?dream?ranch.

He?put?a?great?deal?of?his?heart?into?the?paper?and?the?next?day?he?handed?it?in?to?his?teacher?with?great?confidence.?However，?to?his?disappointment，?when?he?received?his?paper?back?two?days?later，?on?the?front?page?was?a?large?red?F?with?a?note?that?read，?“See?me?after?class.”026C0DA3-D836-487D-89D0-01A23CF54ED8

The?boy?went?to?see?the?teacher?after?class?and?asked?sadly，?“Why?did?I?receive?an?F？”?The?teacher?replied?coldly，?“This?is?an?unrealistic?dream?for?a?young?boy?like?you.?You?come?from?a?poor?family.?Owning?a?horse?ranch?requires?a?lot?of?money.?No?matter?how?hard?you?try，?there?s?no?way?you?could?ever?do?it.”?Then?the?teacher?added?in?a?low?voice，?“?If?you?rewrite?your?paper?with?a?more?realistic?dream?and?hand?it?in?tomorrow，?I?will?reconsider?your?grade.”

Ⅰ.?Difficult?sentences

1.?Jimmy?was?a?little?boy?who?lived?in?San?Sedro，?where?there?were?a?lot?of?big?horse?ranches，?farms?and?stables.

譯文：吉米是一個生活在圣塞德羅的小男孩，那里有許多大馬場、農(nóng)場和馬廄。

分析：本句中where引導(dǎo)定語從句，where是關(guān)系副詞，在從句中充當(dāng)?shù)攸c狀語。

2.?He?wrote?about?his?dream?in?great?details?and?he?even?drew?a?diagram?of?a?200?acre?ranch，?showing?the?location?of?all?the?buildings，?the?stables?and?the?tracks.

譯文：他很詳細地描述了他的夢想，甚至畫了一張關(guān)于占地200英畝的馬場設(shè)計圖，上面標有所有建筑物、馬廄和跑道的位置。

分析：本句的showing為現(xiàn)在分詞作伴隨狀語，in?great?details意為“很詳細地”。

Ⅱ.?Expressions?for?emotions

1.?That?night，?he?was?so?excited?that?he?wrote?a?seven?page?paper?describing?his?dream?of?someday?owning?a?horse?ranch.

那天晚上，他非常興奮，寫了一篇長達七頁的文章，描述了他希望有朝一日能擁有一個馬場的夢想。

2.?He?put?a?great?deal?of?his?heart?into?the?paper?and?the?next?day?he?handed?it?in?to?his?teacher?with?great?confidence.

他在這篇文章上花了很多心思，第二天，他很有信心地把它交給了老師。

3.?However，?to?his?disappointment，?when?he?received?his?paper?back?two?days?later，?on?the?front?page?was?a?large?red?F?with?a?note?that?read，?“See?me?after?class.”026C0DA3-D836-487D-89D0-01A23CF54ED8

然而，令他失望的是，兩天后當(dāng)他收到他的文章時，文章第一頁有一個又大又紅的F，上面還寫著：“下課后來見我?！?/p>

4.?The?boy?went?to?see?the?teacher?after?class.

這個男孩下課后去找老師。

5.?The?teacher?replied?coldly.

老師冷漠地回答。

Ⅲ.?Pattern?to?learn

On?the?front?page?was?a?large?red?F?with?a?note?that?read，?“See?me?after?class.”

分析：“地點狀語+謂語+主語”是一個倒裝的表達，強調(diào)了地點狀語。

仿寫：桌子上放著一個大信封。

閱讀上面的短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

注意：

1.?所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2.?續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

When?the?boy?arrived?home?with?tears?in?his?eyes，?his?father?was?brushing?his?old?horse.

20?years?later，?sitting?on?the?sofa?in?a?4，000?square?foot?house，?Jimmy?was?lost?in?thought?while?looking?at?the?school?paper?with?an?F?framed?over?the?fireplace.

寫作導(dǎo)引

一、語篇研讀

要想續(xù)寫內(nèi)容與所給材料內(nèi)容連貫、銜接緊密，我們必須充分了解所給材料的大意。本文是一篇記敘文，文章分析如下：

二、情節(jié)構(gòu)思

我們可以基于標題、原文和續(xù)寫段落首句提供的信息，構(gòu)思要續(xù)寫的故事情節(jié)。這一構(gòu)思分為三步。

第一步，根據(jù)已給出的文本判斷文章的立意。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的首句“When?the?boy?arrived?home?with?tears?in?his?eyes，?his?father?was?brushing?his?old?horse.”，我們可以推測出男孩很難過。男孩回家后看見爸爸會怎么做？他的心情如何？根據(jù)前文可知，他的老師讓他第二天把修改后的作文交過去，他無法拿定主意的時候，是否會向他的爸爸征求意見？他最終是否會改變他的夢想？他又會跟老師說點什么呢？接下來這些應(yīng)該會有所交代。續(xù)寫第二段的首句“20?years?later，?sitting?on?the?sofa?in?a?4，000?square?foot?house，?Jimmy?was?lost?in?thought?while?looking?at?the?school?paper?with?an?F?framed?over?the?fireplace.”中出現(xiàn)的a?4，000?square?foot?house是吉米在作文中描寫的內(nèi)容，且裱起來的school?paper也是獲得“F”的。所以我們可以推測出續(xù)寫的第一段中，吉米沒有改變他的夢想。吉米看著school?paper陷入沉思，那么接下來應(yīng)該交代沉思的內(nèi)容，從而體現(xiàn)主人公吉米堅持夢想的故事主題。

第二步，圍繞續(xù)寫第一段所給出的段首句“When?the?boy?arrived?home?with?tears?in?his?eyes，?his?father?was?brushing?his?old?horse.”進行提問構(gòu)思：

（1）When?the?boy?saw?his?father，?what?would?the?boy?do？

（2）How?would?his?father?react？026C0DA3-D836-487D-89D0-01A23CF54ED8

（3）What?was?the?boy?s?final?decision？?Would?he?change?his?dream?or?not？

（4）What?would?the?boy?say?to?his?teacher？

第三步，根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段所給出的段首句倒推續(xù)寫第一段要寫什么。

分析一下第二段所給出的段首句“20?years?later，?sitting?on?the?sofa?in?a?4，000?square?foot?house，?Jimmy?was?lost?in?thought?while?looking?at?the?school?paper?with?an?F?framed?over?the?fireplace.”，可以推斷續(xù)寫第一段中那篇得了“F”的作文被保留了下來，也就是吉米堅持了他的夢想。如此安排，確保兩段之間銜接合理、情節(jié)連貫，體現(xiàn)了堅持夢想的正面價值觀。

根據(jù)前文吉米對自己夢想的詳細描述以及續(xù)寫第二段段首句進行提問構(gòu)思：

（1）When?Jimmy?was?lost?in?thought，?what?was?he?thinking?about？

（2）How?did?he?feel？

（3）Outside?the?house，?what?was?there？

三、潤色成篇

在續(xù)寫的過程中要注意“續(xù)”的原則，做到主題、情節(jié)、語言風(fēng)格一致。具體如下：

（1）通過分析可知，本文的主題是弘揚積極正面的價值觀，如堅持夢想，故續(xù)寫時應(yīng)注意結(jié)局的設(shè)計;

（2）續(xù)寫的情節(jié)應(yīng)和前面的開始和發(fā)展吻合，可根據(jù)人物的性格特點進行合理的預(yù)測;

（3）前文中有多處心理描寫和動作描寫，且用了大量的分詞短語、介詞短語、副詞，以及一些倒裝句和定語從句，續(xù)寫時應(yīng)注意并模仿這些語言風(fēng)格;

（4）續(xù)寫時注意長短句相結(jié)合，句型豐富，以及語法、用詞、標點符號的準確性。026C0DA3-D836-487D-89D0-01A23CF54ED8