一個難忘的兒童節(jié)

周淑涵

“我”在求職的途中撿到了一把精美的雨傘并通過傘上的名字聯(lián)系到了失主，這把雨傘對她而言是非常珍貴的，她很感激并要給“我”酬金，但“我”拒絕了?！拔摇钡木硾r很凄涼， 剛剛離婚又四處打零工。就在兒童節(jié)的前一天，“我”又失去了工作。女兒的兒童節(jié)禮物該怎么辦呢？接下來“我”和女兒要怎樣度日呢？

When I was in my 20s， I just got divorced and had no job. It was a spring rainy day and I was on my way to the employment offices. I sat down in the subway—and there against the seat was a beautiful silk umbrella with a silver handle inlaid with gold. I had never seen anything so lovely. I examined the handle and saw a name engraved among the golden scrolls. After getting off the subway， I searched a telephone book for the name and found it. I called and a lady answered.

Yes， she said in surprise， that was her umbrella， which her parents， now dead， had given her for a birthday present. She was so excited that I forgot I was looking for a job and went directly to her small house. She took the umbrella， her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to give me a reward， but I refused. We talked for a while， and she was a teacher. I must have given her my address.

The next several months were wretched. I was able to obtain only temporary employment here and there， for a small salary. But I put aside twentyfive or fifty cents every month when I could afford it for my little girls present for Childrens Day.

On Childrens Day， the air was full of merriment as I walked from the subway to my small apartment. Many shops were decorated with dolls and boxes of presents， with children running and laughing outside. I stood for a while， wondering if I should step in and buy something for my girl. I had just about reached the lowest point in my life. My last job ended and my rent was soon due， with not much money left—which Peggy and I would need for food. Unless a miracle happened， we would be homeless next month， foodless and jobless.

But I made myself smile when I arrived home so I could greet my little daughter with a pretense of happiness. She opened the door for me and threw herself in my arms， screaming joyously， looking forward to her present. I walked to the kitchen， and fetched three cans that could be our dinner， feeling heartbroken.

Useful sentence patterns

1. There against the seat was a beautiful silk umbrella with a silver handle inlaid with gold.

分析：本句為完全倒裝句。there against the seat為狀語置于句首，句中的主語和謂語的順序互換。正常的語序是“A beautiful silk umbrella with a silver handle inlaid with gold was there against the seat.”。

2. But I put aside twentyfive or fifty cents every month when I could afford it for my little girls present for Childrens Day.

分析：句中when作連詞，連接復(fù)合句，可譯為“我每個月攢25或50分錢，準(zhǔn)備給女兒買兒童節(jié)禮物”。

閱讀上面的文章，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1：

At the moment， the doorbell rang and Peggy ran fleetly to answer it.

Paragraph 2：

Our dinner the night was the most delicious I had ever eaten.

寫作導(dǎo)引

一、語篇研讀

讀后續(xù)寫要求續(xù)寫的部分在情節(jié)和邏輯方面與原文高度契合。為此，我們必須在掌握原文大意和敘述意圖的基礎(chǔ)上，分析所給文章的情境模式。

分析記敘文的情境模式，就需要關(guān)注5個W，即who、what、when、where，以及why。我們在閱讀時要把握故事的情節(jié)線，分析故事的起因、開始、發(fā)展，并歸納出故事的主要矛盾。根據(jù)文章中已知的信息，如情感的線索、行為的線索、時間的線索、空間的線索等來推斷將要發(fā)生的事情，合理構(gòu)思續(xù)寫部分的情節(jié)。

二、情節(jié)構(gòu)思

基于原文和續(xù)寫段落首句提供的信息，采用圍繞中心提問相關(guān)問題的方法，構(gòu)思要續(xù)寫的故事情節(jié)，一般分為四步。

第一步，根據(jù)已給出的文本判斷文章的立意。

文章給出的部分主要記敘的是：“我”在雨天拾到一把精致的雨傘，并把它交還給失主（一名教師），她很感激“我”。“我”的日子艱難，到處打零工，每個月都攢點錢來準(zhǔn)備女兒的兒童節(jié)禮物。結(jié)合文章的第二段“她想給我一些報酬，但是我拒絕了”的內(nèi)容，可推斷出本文的立意是“感恩”和“回報”。

第二步，根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段所給出的段首句倒推續(xù)寫第一段應(yīng)包括什么內(nèi)容。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段段首句“那天晚上的晚餐是我吃過最美味的晚餐”，并結(jié)合已給出的文本的最后一段的尾句“我走進(jìn)廚房拿出晚餐要吃的三個罐頭，傷心極了”可知，在續(xù)寫第一段“我”的心情已經(jīng)發(fā)生了逆轉(zhuǎn)，故續(xù)寫第一段要寫訪客到來的目的，以及給“我”的心情帶來的改變，這樣才能確保續(xù)寫的兩段是相銜接的。

第三步，圍繞續(xù)寫第一段所給出的段首句，以及上面的分析進(jìn)行提問：

1. Who was ringing the doorbell？ Maybe the teacher， or someone else？

2. Whats the reason for the visit？

3. What did we do after the visit？

第四步，圍繞續(xù)寫第二段所給出的段首句進(jìn)行提問：

1. How did I feel about the visit？

2. What did I do after dinner？

3. What did I learn from the experience？

三、潤色成篇

在續(xù)寫的過程中要注意情節(jié)連貫、各部分內(nèi)容相銜接：1. 兩段的續(xù)寫與所給短文的銜接;2. 每段的續(xù)寫與續(xù)寫段段首句之間的銜接;3. 續(xù)寫的兩段之間的銜接。同時要注意語言風(fēng)格的一致和語法、句型、所用詞的準(zhǔn)確性。比如，刻畫人物形象時運(yùn)用恰當(dāng)?shù)男稳菰~使其栩栩如生，描寫人物心理活動時使用一些副詞或介詞短語使其細(xì)微深入。