復(fù)盤(pán)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)命題過(guò)程 提升讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)命題水平

浙江

作為新高考題型，讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)對(duì)于廣大考生來(lái)說(shuō)是非常難的，但是實(shí)際上命題教師在命制這一題型時(shí)面臨的困難更加巨大。有鑒于此，筆者將結(jié)合一次印象深刻的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)試題命題經(jīng)歷詳細(xì)復(fù)盤(pán)這一題型的命題過(guò)程，從素材選取、語(yǔ)篇改寫(xiě)和成果呈現(xiàn)三個(gè)具體步驟來(lái)進(jìn)行闡述。下面筆者將逐一講述，希望通過(guò)這一分享能夠?qū)V大命題教師在這一題型命題方面有所啟示，以期能夠幫助大家共同提高讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)命題水平，使更高質(zhì)量的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)試題不斷涌現(xiàn)。

一、讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的素材選取

命制讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)試題的第一步也是至關(guān)重要的一步就是尋找合適的素材。首先，經(jīng)過(guò)統(tǒng)計(jì)，筆者發(fā)現(xiàn)浙江省新高考至今考查的五篇讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)中，沒(méi)有一篇是說(shuō)明文、議論文或者應(yīng)用文，每一篇都是使用一般過(guò)去時(shí)態(tài)的敘事類(lèi)文章，顯而易見(jiàn)，讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的命題文本體裁應(yīng)是記敘文。其次，2016 年10 月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的話題內(nèi)容是“夫妻吵架，別后重逢”，2017 年6 月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的話題內(nèi)容是“旅途遇險(xiǎn)，獲救逃生”，2017 年11 月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的話題內(nèi)容是“母親健忘，愛(ài)心滿滿”，2018 年6 月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的話題內(nèi)容是“農(nóng)場(chǎng)參觀，迷路得返”，2020 年1 月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的話題內(nèi)容仍然是圍繞家庭的，即“寵物情深，克服孤獨(dú)”。綜合來(lái)看，讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的話題一般是貼近個(gè)人生活的，以問(wèn)題產(chǎn)生和方法解決作為邏輯主線，所以在選材時(shí)筆者有意避免政治或者宗教等敏感的內(nèi)容，重點(diǎn)從家庭生活入手，選擇盡量帶有諸如“kindness”“bravery”“creativity”“optimism”等正能量的語(yǔ)料。最后，考慮到如果將歷年高考試題或各省模擬試題中的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)或其他題型，如閱讀理解、完形填空、語(yǔ)法填空進(jìn)行改編，就會(huì)讓做過(guò)相應(yīng)試題的學(xué)生占利，造成一定程度上的不公平，影響考試的信度和效度，所以讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的命題應(yīng)堅(jiān)持原創(chuàng)。因此，筆者把尋找范圍縮小，重點(diǎn)在主流核心英語(yǔ)網(wǎng)站上尋找素材，首先確定主題“optimism”,然后延展出相關(guān)句子“上帝為你關(guān)上一扇門(mén)的同時(shí)會(huì)為你打開(kāi)一扇窗”，通過(guò)檢索關(guān)鍵詞“a door”“opened”，終于在http://www.schwab-stories.com/english/framesets/frameset_Door.html 上找到如下一篇文章：

When a Door Opened...

and a new light came into their lives!

A tribute to our friends

I used to work in Southern California in a fully air-conditioned building without windows.Inside,the neon lights illuminated the linearly arranged workbenches and all the machines.When the workday was over and employees began to leave,the heavy steel door opened for a few moments and the light of the bright California sun came in.When I left,I saw the green,tree-covered hills behind the factory building.Then,driving home,I saw the wide and wonderful,blue Pacific Ocean and the beautifully curving Santa Monica Bay.What a blessing if a door opens on our life and lets new light come in.Most of our lives do not run along the same track or drift slowly to new directions.Sometimes,at a certain moment,a door opens,and a new light falls onto our lives—as if giving us a new life! Leaving high school and entering college was such a moment for me.Or leaving college and starting a real job with interesting work and good colleagues.Much to my surprise,the beginning of retirement was such a moment for me and for many people,but,unfortunately,it is not for all.Let me talk about my friends who can be role models for many.（1）

Paul and Marie lived in Hossegor,a fashionable seaside resort on the Atlantic coast of southern France.They were both in their late fifties.She was petite,with dark eyes and black hair,and a radiant charm.He was a little taller,with gray eyes,rather a type of northern France,and a bit reserved.

They started a small travel agency.Through hard work over many years of their younger life,they established themselves against fierce competition.They always worked many hours every day together in their office,often until late into the night,even on weekends,knowing that only very good work would provide them with loyal customers and success.

After a while,they were able to buy a pretty little apartment in a modern building with a balcony overlooking a large and beautiful,green atrium that featured an undulating lawn,some decorative bushes all around,some trees here and there,a small pond in the middle,and even a decorative fountain.

Inside their apartment,everything was very tidy,yet a bit artistic.There were some nice pictures on the walls—dreams of beauty in nature—and on a glass shelf,Paul’s collection of toy locomotives,symbols of his dreams of exciting travel.（2）

Thus went week after week and year after year.Don’t you have to be grateful for a decent life and harmony?

Eventually,they began to think of retirement—if only they could sell their business at a good price—and hoped for a quiet life in their little apartment.

One day they went to an art exhibit in town.A small picture showed a view of some scenery they knew very well,but they agreed that the picture was not very well done.As they left the show,they passed a stand selling art supplies.Marie stopped and looked,obviously interested.Paul,ever the gentleman,purchased some colors,some brushes,and a canvas for Marie.What a wonderful day! Marie kissed Paul,and they went home hand-in-hand.

After only two weekends,Marie produced quite an acceptable little picture of the same scenery,only a bit nicer.The two promptly hung it in their office,where it earned the applause of several customers.They explained to them that it provided a dream of nature in their matter-of-fact office world.

When the end of the business year came,work overwhelmed them,and Paul and Marie had no time for any distractions.But later,as the beautiful spring of the southern climate progressed,Marie returned to her painting and created two more pictures in quick succession.（3）

Paul took great pleasure in Marie’s work.Being a practical person and in order to contribute something,he began making frames for her pictures.He purchased the proper tools and found a source of artistic moldings.The combination of Marie’s pictures and Paul’s frames was perfect.

One day,it happened that a client of theirs was in the office and wanted to purchase one of Marie’s pictures.At that moment they realized that their lives had taken a turn,and a new light had come into their lives.

Their business finally sold,and their life in retirement began.Marie painted more.She even dared to participate in a local public art exhibit.（4）She was promptly awarded a nice little prize! This encouraged Paul to rent some space in an abandoned store and mount a short exhibit of Marie’s paintings.This turned out to be a considerable success,was written up in the local paper,and many people visited the show.

Later in the year,when a regional art exhibit came along,Marie was invited to exhibit her work,and her paintings garnered yet another prize,this one more prestigious.Not to be overlooked was the fact that Paul’s frames for Marie’s paintings were part of the success.

And more successful exhibits in various parts of France followed.

Then something unexpected occurred.Paul had a dream of traveling on a train pulled by one of his little toy locomotives that he had sitting on that shelf in their apartment.

The next day,Paul took down that specific locomotive,which represented a historic French steam engine of Provence,and held it in his hand for a while.Not too long before,he had read a book of short stories about traveling.His mind began to develop the dream he had had the night before into a wonderful little story.He told Marie about the story.

Later that day,she came home from some errands with a wonderful blank diary book and an equally nice pen.She put them down in front of Paul and smiled at him.Paul kissed Marie,and they held hands for a moment.

By dinnertime,Paul had written out several paragraphs of his story,and he read them to Marie.She approved of them enthusiastically.Had their lives taken a new turn? Had a new light come into their lives?

When Paul finished his story about the historic train,he sent it off to some friends.Their reactions were encouraging.Soon,Paul wrote a second story and a third one.

The modern world offers many surprises.A friend of Marie and Paul put Paul’s stories on a Web site,provided with a suitable title and subtitle to facilitate the stories being found through Google by people interested in travel on historic trains in France,or just by any amateur of historic trains.

Within a short time,many people from different countries—from France,from Canada,from French speakers in the United States,from the area of the former colonies of France,and from vacationers anywhere—read Paul’s stories on the internet.His name became known：when typing only his name into Google,the reader was directed to his stories.

On the side,Paul began to visit and study the areas where those historic trains had circulated or were still in use.He learned all about their history and geography.Soon he was an expert in those fields of knowledge.Most importantly,he met local people in those areas,learning about their lives and,thereby,enriched his stories.

Last summer,Eva and I visited with Marie and Paul.They were perfect hosts for a delightful meal at their apartment.Before we left,I asked if I could take a photo of them.But the light in the apartment was just not bright enough.

We opened the door to their balcony,and the warm,golden rays of a wonderful afternoon sun of Provence came into their apartment.

It almost looked as if the light was then emanating from them.

We cherish this almost symbolic photo and remain fond of our friends.（5）

此素材基本符合命題要求的原因有三：①它是有人物和故事情節(jié)的記敘文；②它的主題比較正能量；③它從未被命制過(guò)任何試題。

二、讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的語(yǔ)篇改寫(xiě)

選好素材后，筆者主要遵循以下三個(gè)命題原則改寫(xiě)語(yǔ)篇，使語(yǔ)篇能夠初步符合命題標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。

1.語(yǔ)篇適當(dāng)原則

語(yǔ)篇適當(dāng)原則指語(yǔ)篇長(zhǎng)度必須符合高考英語(yǔ)的考查要求，既不能過(guò)分冗長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)超詞數(shù)，也不能非常簡(jiǎn)約詞數(shù)不夠，鑒于上述原始素材詞數(shù)達(dá)到了1 368，遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超過(guò)了讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)500 左右的詞數(shù)要求（閱讀部分大約350 詞 +寫(xiě)作部分大約150 詞），筆者刪除了開(kāi)篇部分介紹作者的背景材料（1）和語(yǔ)篇中間一些過(guò)于細(xì)致的描寫(xiě)部分，如描寫(xiě)男主人公Paul 的愛(ài)好的部分（2）和他的愛(ài)好發(fā)展部分（5）以及女主人公作品參加展覽的情節(jié)（4），使語(yǔ)篇整體顯得更加精練。

2.主題適當(dāng)原則

主題適當(dāng)原則是指讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的命題應(yīng)通過(guò)各種情節(jié)起伏凸顯諸如“kindness”“bravery”“creativity”“optimism”等積極向上的主題，從而達(dá)到啟迪學(xué)生、傳播正能量的目的。在命題過(guò)程中我們應(yīng)通過(guò)改編使各類(lèi)原始語(yǔ)篇具備或者強(qiáng)化這一主題。就本語(yǔ)篇來(lái)看，原始主題是Paul 和Marie 這對(duì)夫婦在功成名就后充分享受自己的興趣愛(ài)好，安度晚年（3）。這一主題沒(méi)有偏離社會(huì)的主流價(jià)值觀，但是距離培養(yǎng)學(xué)生積極進(jìn)取的世界觀、人生觀和價(jià)值觀這一育人目標(biāo)還很遠(yuǎn)，所以筆者進(jìn)行大膽改動(dòng)，把主題轉(zhuǎn)變成了Paul 和Marie 在面對(duì)人生困難時(shí)憑借自己的興趣特長(zhǎng)扭轉(zhuǎn)人生命運(yùn)，重點(diǎn)聚焦Marie 的樂(lè)觀和創(chuàng)新，從而使主題更符合高考立德樹(shù)人的目標(biāo)。

3.語(yǔ)言適當(dāng)原則

語(yǔ)言適當(dāng)原則是指高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)題，所選用語(yǔ)篇的語(yǔ)言應(yīng)符合各地區(qū)高中學(xué)生的實(shí)際語(yǔ)言水平。詞匯、句式等的難度既不能遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超過(guò)學(xué)生的實(shí)際掌握水平，也不能過(guò)分降低考查難度，以致難以反映學(xué)生的實(shí)際語(yǔ)言水平。高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)題的原文大多來(lái)自于外網(wǎng)，可能包含一些生僻詞匯或地道用語(yǔ)，但從歷年高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)試題的原文可以看出，除了少數(shù)專有名詞無(wú)法避免外，最后成文所選用的詞匯和句型都符合高中學(xué)生的實(shí)際水平。因此，就本語(yǔ)篇而言，筆者對(duì)原文語(yǔ)言做了如下處理：

①在詞匯方面，給出了resort（度假地）和atrium（中庭）兩個(gè)生僻單詞的中文注釋，刪除了petite,radiant charm,undulating 和promptly 等難度過(guò)高、不符合高考水平的單詞。

②在句型方面，把“Thus went week after week and year after year.Don’t you have to be grateful for a decent life and harmony? ”這兩句簡(jiǎn)單句濃縮為時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句和現(xiàn)在分詞短語(yǔ)結(jié)構(gòu)作結(jié)果狀語(yǔ)的高級(jí)句型：Thus went week after week and year after year until a terrible accident happened to their agency（時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句）,causing a heavy financial loss to them（現(xiàn)在分詞短語(yǔ)結(jié)構(gòu)作結(jié)果狀語(yǔ)）.

在以上三條改寫(xiě)原則的指導(dǎo)下，筆者初步完成了如下讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)試題的命制：

Paul and Marie lived in Hossegor,a fashionable seaside resort（度 假 地）on the Atlantic coast of southern France.They were both in their late fifties.She had dark eyes and black hair while he was a little taller,with gray eyes.

They started a small trade agency.Through hard work over many years of their younger life,they established themselves against fierce competition.They always worked many hours every day together in their office,often until late into the night,even on weekends,knowing that only very good work would provide them with loyal customers and success.①

After a while,they were able to buy a pretty little apartment in a modern building with a balcony overlooking a large and beautiful,green atrium（中 庭） ②that featured a beautiful lawn,some decorative bushes all around,some trees here and there,a small pond in the middle,and even a decorative fountain.③

Inside their apartment,everything was very tidy,yet a bit artistic.There were some nice pictures on the walls—dreams of beauty in nature—and on a glass shelf,Paul’s collection of toy locomotives,symbols of his dreams of exciting travel.Actually Marie had been interested in drawing and painting since she was a little girl ④but her busy work wasapparentlythe barrier for her to seek her enthusiasm.

Thus went week after week and year after year until a terrible accident happened to their agency,⑤causing a heavy financial loss to them.⑥One of their ships,carryinga variety ofgoods,knocked into a floating iceberg on its trip to America.As a result,the ship got wrecked with all its goods and staff on board.When the couple heard the bad news about their ship they burst into tears.Paul became greatly depressed while Marie,who felt less desperate then,tried her best to calm him down by saying that everything would be alright as long as they didn’t lose heart.⑦Gradually,Paul managed to calm himself down and began toface reality.Consequently,they had no choice but to close their agency and stop working.

However,they had some difficulties in supporting themselves.

One day they went to an art exhibit in town.

針對(duì)本語(yǔ)篇的改寫(xiě)，筆者進(jìn)行了以下三方面的具體考慮：

1.從語(yǔ)篇適當(dāng)原則上考慮濃縮語(yǔ)篇，本篇文章詞數(shù)為444，達(dá)到了語(yǔ)篇詞數(shù)要求。

2.從主題適當(dāng)原則上考慮刪除了Paul 和Marie 功成名就安享退休生活的情節(jié)，增加了事業(yè)遇阻⑤⑥和情緒非常沮喪⑦的內(nèi)容，目的是增加故事沖突，凸顯主題“optimism”的重要性。

3.從語(yǔ)言適當(dāng)原則上考慮增加了高級(jí)詞匯，如“apparently”“a variety of ”和“face reality”，也保留或增加了不少高級(jí)句型，如非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞短語(yǔ)①⑥、獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)②、定語(yǔ)從句③、狀語(yǔ)從句④⑤。

三、讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的命題成果

經(jīng)過(guò)了素材選取、語(yǔ)篇改寫(xiě)兩個(gè)步驟后，筆者從語(yǔ)篇內(nèi)容的緊湊性、主題的鮮明正向性、范文語(yǔ)言的高級(jí)性以及范文情節(jié)的合理性四個(gè)角度字斟句酌，最終成文如下：

Paul and Marie lived in Hossegor,a fashionable seaside resort（度 假 地）on the Atlantic coast of southern France.They were both in their late fifties.She had dark eyes and black hair while he was a little taller,with gray eyes,

They started a small trade agency.Through hard work over many years of their younger life,they established themselves against fierce competition.They always worked many hours every day together in their office,often until late into the night,even on weekends,knowing that only very good work would provide them with loyal customers and success.

After a while,they were able to buy a pretty little apartment in a modern building with a balcony overlooking a large and beautiful,green atrium（中庭）that featured a beautiful lawn,some decorative bushes all around,some trees here and there,a small pond in the middle,and even a decorative fountain.

Inside their apartment,everything was very tidy,yet a bit artistic.There were some nice pictures on the walls—dreams of beauty in nature—and on a glass shelf,Paul’s collection of toy locomotives,symbols of his dreams of exciting travel.Actually Marie had been interested in drawing and painting since she was a little girl but her busy work was apparently the barrier for her to seek her enthusiasm.

Thus went week after week and year after year until a terrible accident happened to their agency,causing a heavy financial loss to them.One of their ships,carrying a variety of goods,knocked into a floating iceberg on its trip to America.As a result,the ship got wrecked with all its goods and staff on board.When the couple heard the bad news about their ship they burst into tears.Paul became greatly depressed while Marie,who felt less desperate then,tried her best to calm him down by saying that everything would be alright as long as they didn’t lose heart.Gradually,Paul managed to calm himself down and began to face reality.Consequently,they had no choice but to close their agency and stop working.

However,they had some difficulty in supporting themselves.

One day they went to an art exhibit in town.

【范文】

Paragraph 1

However,they had some difficulty in supporting themselves.In reality they were unable to afford some necessities in life such as food and clothes,let alone the luxuries that they had been used to possessing.Gradually Paul came up with an idea to sell their apartment to overcome the financial obstacles but it was rejected by Marie instantly.After all,the apartment meant a lot to them and selling it was apparently unbearable.However,what other ways could they find to solve the problem?

Paragraph 2

One day they went to an art exhibit in town.There they saw a picture about a scene of their town but they agreed that it was not impressive.No sooner had Marie returned home than she set about drawing a picture about the same scene.Surprisingly Paul praised her for it and encouraged her to draw more,which greatly increased her confidence.What was more satisfying to them was that a friend offered to purchase it at a high price.It was then that the turning point of their life really arrived.(159 words)

讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的命題工作是一項(xiàng)充滿藝術(shù)性，并且需要較高業(yè)務(wù)素質(zhì)的任務(wù)，它要求命題老師既要有扎實(shí)的專業(yè)知識(shí)和較強(qiáng)的英語(yǔ)能力，還要具備水滴石穿的韌性和打破常規(guī)的創(chuàng)新意識(shí)，只有具備以上四項(xiàng)必要素質(zhì)才能最終完成一篇讓人耳目一新的高質(zhì)量讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)試題，殷切期望筆者本次讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)命題的復(fù)盤(pán)過(guò)程能夠起到拋磚引玉的作用，促成更多更高質(zhì)量的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)試題的命制。