Make Your Topic Shared

By Cui Yongyuan

One day, I had dinner with a host of friends mostly from the art and literature circles,but one from the financial field. When everyone was ready to enjoy the meal, the financial friend rose up and went to the next room. He lightened a cigar and smoked there. I wondered if something was wrong, so I went up to him. “We're all waiting for you, but you enjoyed yourself here.What's up?” I asked. “They surely will talk about films and literature with me. I don't know how to deal with that as I know nothing about these topics.Maybe it is better for you to do the talking for me.”

“No way! I can't help at all.”

A tinge of worry flickered in his eyes.

“Listen, I'm showing you how to join in,” I consoled him. I asked him about his highestper forming field, which was, according to him, the banking business. “Whatever they discuss, you just try to guide it to your field of interest,” I told him. “If they know nothing about what you say, you're the keynote speaker； if someone happens to know it,both of you will feel matched, and the conversation will be fun.” He followed my advice, and that night ended up with his speech being the highlight of the party. Thanks to his active participation, all the guests found his presence charming and his eloquence alluring.

With my recommended formula—channeling the unfamiliar topic to his familiar one—he became confident and relaxed, so the situation gradually turned to his advantage. As a matter of fact, it is true the other way around. If the other side does not understand, nor know anything about what you say,this apply-to-all method also works wonders. You can divert the topic to the other party's interest so that a comfortable communication takes place.

Jiang Wen, an influential Chinese actor and film director, is reputed in the film world as camerashy, and has avoided many interviews. People say that he is arrogant, but as far as I know, he was mistaken. He just denies easy acquaintance. At the premiere of his movie Let the Bullets Fly, Jiang paid special attention to the first question posed for him. After that, the interviewers would need to ponder over how to trigger his interest in further questions.We all know that movies are his specialty, and music and pictures in the movies are the tools he adopts to communicate with his audience.

I have interviewed him twice now. The first time we met, he asked me how long our conversation would last. I told him it would be almost two hours.He thought it was too long for him. I eased him by saying that all he needed to do was just answer my questions. In my memory,both of us took several sips of liquor in order to relax before we found ourselves in the studio where I played some film footage I clipped from his early works. I asked him how he liked them. He commented, “No matter how well you rate them, they are just some coarse hotchpotch, nothing to compare with my work.” He then continued reviewing my clippings with a note of sarcasm. Later, I showed him some canon excerpts from Chinese film history, such as one starring Shi Hui (1915-1957),a renowned Chinese actor and film director. I think of Shi as the best film actor ever in China, and Jiang also showed his admiration for Shi to the effect that nobody else could do better than him in the area of performance.Naturally, my question followed,“You're an actor and film director yourself, can you explain why Shi's performance is fantastic?” In so doing, Jiang's desire to speak was sparkled, and we spent the whole night conversing, proving Jiang was not actually shy, he just needed a topic of interest.

This well-tried method, for your own sake or for others'benefit, not only helps you find a seat at the table on unfamiliar topics, but also bring others to a comfortable place.Try putting this method into practice whenever you are in a communication dilemma!

With this method, we are at home with an awkward situation in which unfamiliar topics are met, and we can also cultivate our brain. This linguistic weapon can boost our confidence, turn a condition to our favor, and help us explore more topics, At the same time, it also teaches us a lesson—what matters is not to raise a topic, but, more importantly, to share a topic.

(FromMy Voice Heard,Zhejiang People's PublishingHouse. Translation: Wang Wen)