Americans’view on“Chinese Mothers”

By Xu Xunlei

An essay“Why‘The Chinese Mother’is Now a Pejorative Word in American High Schools” has set off a fire storm on the Internet.

In the eyes of American students and parents, Chinese mothers are always making upward social comparisons and evaluating their children based on other kids’achievements. Seeing other kids practicing piano for instance, they force their children to take up lessons. Knowing other kids who have been admitted to Harvard or Yale, they demand the same from their beloved offspring.

Consequently,“The Chinese mother” has become a joke among American high school students.

The way most American students see it, students from Chinese families likely have no independence and self-autonomy,and“mommy” gets the final say in literally every aspect of their life. Chinese mothers are playing the role of the mother hen, and the kids are her chicks. At even the slightest hint of hardship or frustration they run back to hide under her wing. When hearing talk like this, a lot of Chinese mothers feel wronged because they actually believe that they are the world’s greatest moms;whereas after some reflection,others admitted that coddling in the name of love poisons their children’s development.

For the most part, there are only four major types of education one might receive in life,namely, family education, school education, social education, and self-education. Parents, especially mothers, play a major role in early education. As a verse on the subject of the importance of motherhood in a child’s education puts it,“The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.” Americans have stigmatized“The Chinese mother” not to demonize her,but as a word of caution. In most Western families, the parents are happy and supportive when hearing their child has aspiration of being a baker, while in China, if a child’s“ambition” is to become a“cook,” the parents will likely be more than a little dissatisfied,accusing him or her for“not living up to their potential.” Some illtempered parents may even hit their kids.

Too much control and discipline will cause a child to lose all hope. But over-indulgence,social comparison and boxing the child in will make him or her into“another match in a box,” one with a face and figure identical in every way to the others, or in other words, a mindless drone with no individuality. Every man is born a unique animal, so it is with education. Naturally individualized teaching should be practiced in education.Additionally, our society demands individuals to have different talents and specialties. Education in China still has some telltale signs of a planned economy,which trickles down to our family education as well. As a result,both types of education exhibit the characteristics of“planned education.”

Good education encourages children to develop good habits, a good personality,and good morals. Academic achievement should not be the chief concern. Too much control and oversight leaves no room for individual character and moral development. Education based on upward comparison and social climbing could even unleash the ferocious beast of jealousy within students.

For example, a tragedy once occurred where a student killed another one just because both of them wanted to be top student.Their test scores were constantly compared back and forth, so much that one finally put an end to the constant nagging and comparisons permanently, by taking the life of his rival.

Too much control and strictness can easily deprive children of the requisite room for self-development, which might even be worse than scolding. The Chinese parenting model tends to plan out everything for children to the Nth degree, including their day to day activities, life goals and more. It’s by no means helping children to be all they can be.

Chinese parents are definitely more involved in their children’s lives than any other parents in the world, but that might just end up leaving them exhausted and fatigued, what with all their nosing around in their children’s education. However, their children in shackles and chains,with a complete lack of the spirit of adventure and innovation, it’ll be difficult for them to make any significant breakthroughs in their personal life, let alone in society.