H o wtod ealw ithyo u r em o tio n s an dtakeco n tro lo fyo u r life

By Wentworth Miller

導(dǎo)讀:該如何控制自己的情緒？如何才能不總生氣？如何才能不總傷心？

Mark Manson,the author of“The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”,explains how to better handle our emotions.Following is a transcript of the video.

Mark Manson:My name is Mark Manson.I am the New York Times best-selling author of“The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.”

How do I control my emotions?How do I stop getting angry so often,or how do I stop being sad?And I think there’s a really important distinction to understand is that you can’t completely control your emotions.What you control is your reaction to your own emotions.And a lot of people don’t ever make that separation for what goes on with them.

Somebody in their family does something.They get really pissed off,and then they react very poorly.And instead of blaming their own behavior,they blame the emotion itself.

馬克·曼森，紐約時(shí)報(bào)暢銷(xiāo)書(shū)《重塑幸?！纷髡哧U述了我們?cè)撊绾慰刂魄榫w，以下是節(jié)目文本：

馬克·曼森：我叫馬克·曼森，是紐約時(shí)報(bào)暢銷(xiāo)書(shū)《重塑幸?！返淖髡?。

該如何控制自己的情緒？如何才能不總生氣？如何才能不總傷心？我認(rèn)為，首先你必須認(rèn)識(shí)到，情緒是沒(méi)有辦法被完全控制地。你能控制的是你對(duì)情緒的反應(yīng)，不過(guò)，大部分人并不區(qū)分此兩者。

家里人有時(shí)候做了一些事情，會(huì)讓你特別生氣，然后你就會(huì)做出一些很糟糕的反應(yīng)。你不會(huì)反思自己的行為，反而是責(zé)怪情緒本身。

關(guān)于情緒，最有意思的事情是，你越想控制它或者抑制它，它就會(huì)越來(lái)越強(qiáng)烈。你越想不要這么傷心，你會(huì)越傷心；你越想不那么焦躁，你會(huì)對(duì)更多的小事情，越來(lái)越抓狂。

And what’s interesting about emotions is that the more you try to control them or to bottle them up,the stronger they get.So,the more I try to stop being sad，the sadder I’m going to get.The more I try to stop being anxious， the more I’m going to freak out over a bunch of little things.

So,it’s very paradoxical,but the key is to actually just let go of trying to control the emotions.Just let them—it sounds super cliche—but flow through you.And then actually focus more on “What are the behaviors that you’re doing to react to however you feel?”

When you’re able to do that the result is that things actually become much simpler.Your emotions—they actually...they don’t go away,they don’t change.It’s just that they’re not as important as they used to be.It’s like “Oh,I’m angry right now.But I’m still doing the thing I want to do.” or “I’m sad right now.But I’m still living my life.I’m still accomplishing the things that I want to accomplish.” It’s getting this separation between your emotions and how you identify or justify you the things that you do in your life.

所以，這可以說(shuō)十分矛盾，而解決問(wèn)題的關(guān)鍵就是不要試圖控制情緒。這聽(tīng)起來(lái)可能有些老套，你要做的就是讓情緒自然發(fā)展，你要做的事情是“專(zhuān)注于你該做些什么，來(lái)回應(yīng)你所感覺(jué)到的”。

如果你能這么做，事情就會(huì)變得很簡(jiǎn)單。你的情緒不會(huì)消散，也不會(huì)改變，它們只是不像以前那么重要了?！艾F(xiàn)在變成了這樣，我現(xiàn)在很生氣，但是，我仍然在做我該做的事情；我很悲傷，但我仍然正常生活?！边@就是你的情緒，和你如何規(guī)劃認(rèn)同自己生活的區(qū)別。