我與地壇（節(jié)選）

作者簡介：史鐵生（1951年—2010年），作家。1951年生于北京，1967年畢業(yè)于清華附中，1969年去延安一帶插隊，因雙腿癱瘓于1972年回到北京。后來他又患上腎病并發(fā)展到尿毒癥，靠透析維持著生命。自稱“職業(yè)是生病，業(yè)余在寫作”。2002年獲華語文學傳媒大獎年度杰出成就獎。寫有著名散文《我與地壇》，鼓勵了無數(shù)的讀者。

The first few years after I was crippled， I couldnt find work： I had no future； all of a sudden， it was almost as though I couldnt find anything. And so I wheeled myself to the park almost every day： it was another world， one where I could escape this world. I wrote in one story， “With no place to go， I used to spend the whole day in the park every day： other people went to work； I went to the park. It was an abandoned park. When it was time to go to work or time to go home， people took shortcuts through the park， and it became animated for a while. Afterwards， it was still.”

“In the dazzling golden sunlight， the parks wall provided shade： I wheeled myself over there， put the back of the wheelchair down， and—either sitting or lying down—I read or thought. I would break off a cypress twig and drive away the insects who didnt know any better than I did why they had been born in this world.” “A bee like a tiny piece of mist hung on in midair； an ant was deep in thought， its head wagging and its antennae quivering， and then， all of a sudden， it must have come up with the right answer， for it turned back and scudded off；scudded off； the ladybug climbed around wearily， stopped to pray for a while， and then， flapping its wings， suddenly soared to the sky； on the tree trunk there was one cicada， as lonely as an empty room； dew rolled around on the leaves of weeds， and then coalesced， weighing the leaves down until they broke into thousands of rays of golden light.”

“The whole park was astir with the sound of weeds， bushes， and trees growing， all shattering ceaselessly.” This was all true： the park was a wasteland， but far from going downhill.

Aside from some buildings that I had no way to enter， aside from the altar that I had no way to reach but could only gaze at from every possible vantage point， I had been under every tree in the park， and my chairs wheel-prints were left on almost every meter of grass. I had spent time in this park in all seasons， all kinds of weather， and all times of the day. Sometimes， I stayed only a short time and then went home； sometimes， I stayed until the entire ground was alight with moonbeams. I dont remember which corners of the park I was in then. For several hours in a row， I was totally absorbed in thinking about death， and just as patiently， I pondered why I had to be born. This kind of thinking went on for quite a few years until I finally understood： a persons birth isnt a question for debate， but is the reality handed to him by God. When God hands us this reality， he has already incidentally assured its end， so death is something one neednt be anxious to bring about； death is a festival that is sure to befall you. After thinking this through， I felt greatly relieved： nothing would ever be so frightening again. Let me put it this way： just think， when you get up early and stay up late preparing for an exam， and suddenly it occurs to you that—just ahead—a long vacation is waiting for you， dont you feel a little better？ And arent you happy and grateful for this arrangement？endprint

兩條腿殘疾后的最初幾年，我找不到工作，找不到去路，忽然間幾乎什么都找不到了，我就搖了輪椅總是到它那兒去，僅為著那兒是可以逃避一個世界的另一個世界。我在那篇小說中寫道：“沒處可去我便一天到晚耗在這園子里。跟上班下班一樣，別人去上班我就搖了輪椅到這兒來。園子無人看管，上下班時間有些抄近路的人們從園中穿過，園子里活躍一陣，過后便沉寂下來?！?/p>

“園墻在金晃晃的空氣中斜切下一溜陰涼，我把輪椅開進去，把椅背放倒，坐著或是躺著，看書或者想事，撅一杈樹枝左右拍打，驅(qū)趕那些和我一樣不明白為什么要來這世上的小昆蟲。”“蜂兒如一朵小霧穩(wěn)穩(wěn)地停在半空；螞蟻搖頭晃腦捋著觸須，猛然間想透了什么，轉(zhuǎn)身疾行而去；瓢蟲爬得不耐煩了，累了祈禱一回便支開翅膀，忽悠一下升空了；樹干上留著一只蟬蛻，寂寞如一間空屋；露水在草葉上滾動，聚集，壓彎了草葉轟然墜地摔開萬道金光。”

“滿園子都是草木競相生長弄出的響動，窸窸窣窣片刻不息。”這都是真實的記錄，園子荒蕪但并不衰敗。

除去幾座殿堂我無法進去，除去那座祭壇我不能上去而只能從各個角度張望它，地壇的每一棵樹下我都去過，差不多它的每一米草地上都有過我的車輪印。無論是什么季節(jié)，什么天氣，什么時間，我都在這園子里待過。有時候待一會兒就回家，有時候就待到滿地上都亮起月光。記不清都是在它的哪些角落里了，我一連幾小時專心致志地想關(guān)于死的事，也以同樣的耐心和方式想過我為什么要出生。這樣想了好幾年，最后事情終于弄明白了：一個人，出生了，這就不再是一個可以辯論的問題，而只是上帝交給他的一個事實；上帝在交給我們這件事實的時候，已經(jīng)順便保證了它的結(jié)果，所以死是一件不必急于求成的事，死是一個必然會降臨的節(jié)日。這樣想過之后我安心多了，眼前的一切不再那么可怕。比如你起早熬夜準備考試的時候，忽然想起有一個長長的假期在前面等待你，你會不會覺得輕松一點？并且慶幸而且感激這樣的安排？

Word Study

animated /'?n?me?t?d/ adj. 活躍的；生機勃勃的

Her face suddenly became animated.

quiver /'kw?v?（r）/ v. 抖動；顫抖

Her lip quivered and then she started to cry.

wearily /'w??r?l?/ adv. 疲憊地；疲倦地

He closed his eyes wearily.

shatter /'??t（r）/ v. 碎裂；破碎

He dropped the vase and it shattered into pieces on the floor.

ponder /'p?nd?（r）/ v. 沉思；考慮

She pondered over his words.

relieve /r?'li?v/ v. 緩和；解除

Being able to tell the truth at last seemed to relieve her.endprint