孤獨的益處

我并不比湖中高聲大笑的潛水鳥更孤獨，我并不比瓦爾登湖更寂寞；我倒要問問這孤獨的湖有誰作伴？……我并不比一朵毛蕊花或牧場上的一朵蒲公英寂寞；我不比一張豆葉，一枝醉醬草，或一只馬蠅，或一只大黃蜂更孤獨。我不比密爾溪，或一只風信雞，或北極星，或南風更寂寞；我不比四月的雨或正月的融雪，或新屋中的第一只蜘蛛更孤獨。

—梭羅《瓦爾登湖》

In the 80s， the Italian journalist and author Tiziano Terzani， after many years of reporting across Asia， holed himself up in a cabin in Ibaraki Prefecture， Japan. “For a month I had no one to talk to except my dog Baoli，” he wrote in his travelogue A Fortune Teller Told Me. Terzani passed the time with books， observing nature， “l(fā)istening to the winds in the trees， watching butterflies， enjoying silence.” For the first time in a long while he felt free from the incessant anxieties of daily life： “At last I had time to have time.”

But Terzanis embrace of seclusion was relatively unusual： Humans have long stigmatized1） solitude. It has been considered an inconvenience， something to avoid， a punishment， a realm of loners. Science has often aligned2） it with negative outcomes. Freud， who linked solitude with anxiety， noted that， “in children the first phobias3） relating to situations are those of darkness and solitude.” John Cacioppo， a modern social neuroscientist who has extensively studied loneliness—contends that， beyond damaging our thinking powers， isolation can even harm our physical health. But increasingly scientists are approaching solitude as something that， when pursued by choice， can prove therapeutic4）.

This is especially true in times of personal turbulence， when the instinct is often for people to reach outside of themselves for support. “When people are experiencing crisis its not always just about you： Its about how you are in society，” explains Jack Fong， a sociologist at California State Polytechnic University who has studied solitude. “When people take these moments to explore their solitude， not only will they be forced to confront who they are， they just might learn a little bit about how to outmaneuver5） some of the toxicity that surrounds them in a social setting.”

In other words， when people remove themselves from the social context of their lives， they are better able to see how theyre shaped by that context.

Much of this self-reconfiguring happens through what Fong calls “existentializing moments，” mental flickers of clarity which can occur during inward-focused solitude. Fong developed this idea from the late German-American sociologist Kurt Wolffs “surrender and catch” theory of personal epiphany. “When you have these moments， dont fight it. Accept it for what it is. Let it emerge calmly and truthfully and dont resist it，” Fong says. “Your alone time should not be something that youre afraid of.”endprint

Yet， at the same time， it is not only about being alone. “Its a deeper internal process，” notes Matthew Bowker， a psychoanalytic political theorist at Medaille College who has researched solitude. Productive solitude requires internal exploration， a kind of labor which can be uncomfortable， even excruciating6）. “It might take a little bit of work before it turns into a pleasant experience. But once it does it becomes maybe the most important relationship anybody ever has， the relationship you have with yourself.”

Yet today， in our hyper-connected society， Bowker believes that solitude is “more devalued than it has been in a long time.” He points to a recent study at the University of Virginia in which several participants—a quarter of the women and two-thirds of the men—chose to subject themselves to electric shock rather than be alone with their thoughts.

And even though many great thinkers have championed the intellectual and spiritual benefits of solitude—Lao Tzu， Emerson， Woolf （“How much better is silence； the coffee cup， the table”）—many modern humans seem hell-bent on avoiding it. “Every time we have a chance to go running we plug in our headphones. Every time we sit in the car we listen to NPR，” laments Bowker. “I mean， my students today tell me they cant go to the bathroom without their phone on.”

This is not to say that true solitude necessarily requires an absence of stimuli. Rather， “the value of solitude depends on whether an individual can find an interior solitude” within themselves， says Bowker. Everyone is different in that regard： “Some people can go for a walk or listen to music and feel that they are deeply in touch with themselves. Others cannot.”

Generally， Bowker contends that our “mistrust of solitude” has consequences. For one， “weve become a more groupish society，” he says. “Were drawn to identity-markers and to groups that help us define [ourselves]. In the simplest terms， this means using others to fill out our identities， rather than relying on something internal， something that comes from within，” Bowker says. “Separating from the group， I would argue， is one thing that universities should be facilitating more.”

That is where solitude comes in. Such a separation requires what psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott called the “capacity to be alone.” This is key to Bowkers idea of solitude as self-strengthening. “You have to have that capacity： the ability to know that youre gonna survive， that youre gonna be okay if youre not supported by this group，” Bowker says. “Put another way， a person who can find a rich self-experience in a solitary state is far less likely to feel lonely when alone.”endprint

There is a catch7） to all of this： For solitude to be beneficial， certain preconditions must be met. Kenneth Rubin， a developmental psychologist at the University of Maryland， calls them the “ifs.” Solitude can be productive only： if it is voluntary， if one can regulate ones emotions “effectively，” if one can join a social group when desired， and if one can maintain positive relationships outside of it. When such conditions arent met， yes， solitude can be harmful. Consider the hikikomori8） phenomenon in Japan， where hundreds of thousands of depressed or troubled young people quarter themselves away， sometimes for years， often requiring extensive reintegration therapy to move on. The difference between solitude as rejuvenation9） and solitude as suffering is the quality of self-reflection that one can generate while in it， and the ability to come back to social groups when one wants to.

When preconditions are met， solitude can be restorative. For Fong， who meditates 15 minutes a day and takes monthly solo camping trips， it is at least as essential as exercise or healthy eating. Possibly， he says， it is necessary for a truly healthy mind. “It really lifts you out of problems. It really， really has a powerful function for making you understand your predicament10） in this universe，” he says.

Yet， because the study of solitude as a positive force is new， its hard to speak in precise scientific terms about it： We dont know what the ideal amount is， for instance， or even if there is one. Most likely， such measures are different for everybody. But researchers recommended taking it where you can get it， by meditating， taking solo walks or going on camping trips alone. Bowker makes a point of driving in silence. The point is to be away from social interaction and looking inward， however this may be achieved for you. “Solitude does not have form，” says Fong. “It is amorphous11）.”

After his month-long seclusion in Japan， during which he “put [himself] back together，” Terzani， already a well-known reporter in Italy， went on to build a successful career as an author. Though he was an atheist， Terzani gained an almost religious following for his later writings， much of which interweaved reportage with personal experience and philosophical musings. After his death in 2004 from stomach cancer， the adoption of him as a guru-like figure was something which some intellectuals bemoaned， calling it a disservice to his message. “The only real teacher is not in a forest， or a hut or an ice cave in the Himalayas，” he once remarked. “It is within us.” One imagines him reaching the conclusion alone.endprint

20世紀80年代，意大利記者兼作家帝奇亞諾·坦尚尼結(jié)束了多年在亞洲地區(qū)的報道，把自己幽禁在日本茨城縣的一個小木屋里閉關(guān)?！耙粋€月的時間里，除了我的小狗保利，我沒有人可以說話?！彼谟斡洝端忝壬嬖V我》里寫道。坦尚尼以書為伴打發(fā)時間，他還觀察大自然，“在林間聽風吟，觀察蝴蝶，享受靜寂”。這么久以來，他第一次從日常生活不斷的焦慮中解脫出來：“我終于有時間來享受閑暇了。”

可是相較而言，坦尚尼這種欣然接受隱居生活的態(tài)度有些非比尋常：人類一直認為獨居是可恥的。人們認為離群索居多有不便，應該避免，是一種懲罰，是孤獨者才過的生活?？茖W界通常把獨居和消極后果相提并論。弗洛伊德把孤獨和焦慮連在一起，他就指出，“孩子們最初的恐懼就源于那些和黑暗與孤獨相關(guān)的情境”。約翰·卡喬波是一位現(xiàn)代神經(jīng)科學家，曾深入研究過孤寂。他辯稱：孤獨不僅會摧毀我們的思維能力，而且危害我們的身體健康。但是漸漸地，科學家們認為，如果是我們主動選擇獨居生活，那么獨處被證明有治療的效果。

在個人生活發(fā)生動蕩的時候尤為如此。這時人們總是出于直覺向外界尋求幫助和支持?！爱斎藗兘?jīng)歷危機時，危機就不一定是只跟你有關(guān)了：危機與你在社會中的存在狀態(tài)有關(guān)，”加州州立理工大學研究孤獨的社會學家杰克·方解釋說，“當人們趁此機會去探討自己所陷入的孤獨時，就不得不面對他們是誰這個問題，而且可能還會學到一些在社會場景中如何用智謀戰(zhàn)勝周圍一些消極因素的技巧?！?/p>

換句話說，就是當人們從自己所處的社會環(huán)境中抽身出來，就更能看明白他們是如何被環(huán)境塑造的了。

許多自我重構(gòu)就是在社會學家方所稱的“存在的瞬間”里發(fā)生的，這樣的瞬間是頓悟般的靈光，一般會在觀照內(nèi)心的孤獨時刻出現(xiàn)。方的這種想法是在已故德裔美國社會學家?guī)焯亍の譅柗蛴嘘P(guān)個人頓悟的理論基礎(chǔ)上發(fā)展而來的，該理論叫做“屈服再抓住”理論?！爱斈泱w會到這些瞬間時，不要抗爭。接受它的現(xiàn)狀。讓其平靜如實地出現(xiàn)，并欣然接受，”方說，“你的獨處時光不應該讓你有所畏懼?！?/p>

然而，與此同時，自我重構(gòu)又不只與獨處有關(guān)?！斑@是個繼續(xù)通往內(nèi)心深處的過程?！?曾在梅達爾學院研究孤獨的精神分析政治理論學家馬修·鮑克指出。富有成效的孤獨需要內(nèi)在探索，這是種苦役般的探尋，會不舒服，甚至會是痛苦的?！霸谧兂闪钊擞淇斓慕?jīng)歷之前，可能要下點功夫。可是一旦做到了，就會成為一個人曾擁有的最重要的關(guān)系——你和自己的關(guān)系?！?/p>

孤獨的價值在很長一段時間里都被低估了，而鮑克認為在我們今天這個緊密連接的社會里，孤獨的價值比以往更被低估。他指的是最近弗吉尼亞大學的一項研究。參與該研究的受訪者中有四分之一的女性和三分之二的男性情愿接受電擊，也不愿意與自己的想法獨處。

而且即使許多偉大的思想家曾支持捍衛(wèi)孤獨所帶來的智力和精神上的益處——比如老子、艾默生、伍爾夫（“寂靜多好啊；一杯咖啡，坐在桌前”）——可是許多現(xiàn)代人好像還是要不顧一切地避免獨處?！拔覀冎灰袡C會去跑跑步，就要頭戴耳機。每次我們坐在車里，都要去聽國家公共電臺的廣播，”鮑克遺憾地說，“我的意思是，如今我的學生告訴我，去上洗手間都必帶手機。”

這并不是說真正的獨處就不需要一點外界刺激。相反的，“獨處的價值取決于一個人是否能在內(nèi)心找到內(nèi)在的孤獨”，鮑克說。每個人在這一點上是有所不同的：“有的人可以在散步或聽音樂時就能與自我進行深入的交流。有的人卻不行?！?/p>

鮑克認為，通常情況下我們“對獨處的不信任”是會造成后果的。一方面，“我們已經(jīng)發(fā)展成更加人以群分的社會，”他說?！吧矸輼擞浐腿后w對我們有吸引力，因為這樣有助于我們確定自己的身份。用最通俗的話來講，就是說用他人來實現(xiàn)我們自己的身份認同，而不是靠內(nèi)在的或者發(fā)自內(nèi)心的某種東西，”鮑克說，“我認為，大學應更多促進學生認識的一件事是脫離群體?！?/p>

脫離群體才能迎接孤獨的到來。實現(xiàn)這種脫離需要具備精神分析師唐納德·溫尼科特所稱的“獨處能力”。這一點是鮑克的理念“孤獨即自強”的關(guān)鍵所在。“你必須具備這種能力：知道即使沒有群組的支持，你也會活下來，也會好好的，”鮑克說，“換句話說，一個在孤獨狀態(tài)下能找到充實自我體驗的人，才不會在獨處時感到孤獨?！?/p>

所有這些都是有條件的：為使孤獨有益，必須滿足一定的前提條件。美國馬里蘭大學的發(fā)展心理學家肯尼思·魯賓把這些條件稱為“只有”。孤獨只有這樣才會有成效：只有在自愿時，只有一個人能“有效”控制情緒時，只有當一個人想融入社群就能融入時，只有當一個人脫離社群后仍能保持積極關(guān)系時。倘若無法滿足這些前提條件，獨處可能會是有害的?？紤]下日本的蜇居族現(xiàn)象。在日本有幾十萬抑郁的或有問題的年輕人離群索居，有時甚至幾年都不出門。他們通常需要長期的整合治療來幫助康復。區(qū)分獨處是恢復活力之方還是承受煎熬之苦的重點在于一個人身處其中時反省的質(zhì)量，以及當一個人想回歸社會群體時是否有能力回來。

當這些前提條件得到滿足時，獨處可以讓人恢復元氣。在方看來，每天冥想15分鐘，或者每個月獨自野營幾次，至少就跟鍛煉和健康飲食一樣重要。他說，或許這對于真正的心理健康很有必要?！斑@樣做確實能幫你擺脫困境，獨處的的確確有一種強大功能，可以使你理解自我在這個宇宙中所面臨的困境?！彼f。

但是，由于把孤獨當做一種積極力量來研究還是全新的領(lǐng)域，所以很難用精確的科學術(shù)語來談論它：比如，我們不知道獨處多久是理想的，或者到底有沒有理想的獨處時間。很有可能，這些標準因人而異。但是研究人員建議你能獨處時就獨處一下，方式可以是冥想、獨自漫步或獨自野營。鮑克特別強調(diào)靜靜地開車。重點是遠離社交互動并觀照內(nèi)心，不管用什么方式，只要能實現(xiàn)這一點就行。“獨處是沒有形式的，”方說，“獨處是無形的?！?/p>

在日本長達一個月的閉關(guān)期間，坦尚尼“讓自己恢復了元氣”。閉關(guān)結(jié)束后，已是意大利知名記者的他繼而打造了又一個成功職業(yè)——作家。雖然是無神論者，坦尚尼卻憑借后期作品贏得了讀者幾乎是宗教狂熱般的追捧。他的很多后期作品把新聞報告跟個人經(jīng)歷與哲學冥思交織在一起。2004年因胃癌去世之后，他被奉為類似精神領(lǐng)袖的人物，一些知識分子為此感到惋惜，說這樣做對于坦尚尼理念的傳播是不利的?！罢嬲膶煵辉谏掷?，不在茅屋中，也不在喜馬拉雅山上的冰窖里，”他曾指出，“而是在我們的心中。”我們可以想象，他是在獨處時得出這一結(jié)論的。

1. stigmatize [?st?ɡm(xù)?ta?z] vt. 視……為可恥，使受到蔑視

2. align [??la?n] vt. 使一致

3. phobia [?f??bi?] n. 恐懼（癥）

4. therapeutic [?θer??pju?t?k] adj. 治療的；有益于健康的

5. outmaneuver [?a?tm??nu?v?（r）] vt. 以計謀勝過；運用策略擊敗

6. excruciating [?k?skru??i?e?t??] adj. 折磨人的；使苦惱的

7. catch [k?t?] n. 限制（或保留）條件

8. hikikomori：蟄居族，形容那些脫離社會、有些自閉的年輕人

9. rejuvenation [r??d?u?v??ne??（?）n] n. 復壯，恢復活力

10. predicament [pri?d?k?m?nt] n. 窘?jīng)r，困境

11. amorphous [??m??（r）f?s] adj. 無定形的endprint