雅思寫作題材解析及習(xí)作修改（四）
——旅游類

文/唐老雅

雅思寫作題材解析及習(xí)作修改（四）
——旅游類

文/唐老雅1

“旅游類”話題一直是雅思作文的寵兒，僅在2015—2016年就出現(xiàn)過四次。主要涉及如下內(nèi)容：

1. 出國旅游的利弊，包括：（1）出國旅游使人偏見加深的原因和解決辦法；（2）有些人覺得出國旅游不好，怎么改變他們思想；（3）出國旅游越來越容易是好是壞；（4）人們會不會從國際旅游中受益以及如何增進對其他國家的了解。

2. 旅游收費問題，如：（1）外國人參觀旅游景點時是否應(yīng)該比本國人支付更多的費用；（2）把文化景點開放給旅游收費是否有利于保護這些文化景點？

3. 旅游者素質(zhì)問題，如：不能成為一個負責(zé)任的旅游者的原因和解決方法。

關(guān)于支持或不支持旅游，以下思路可供大家參考。

支持的理由：（1）旅游可以讓人放松身心（make us relax both physically and mentally）；（2）旅游可以讓我們接觸不同的文化，開闊視野（open up/broaden our vision）；（3）旅游可以讓我們接觸自然，激發(fā)我們熱愛自然（inspire our love for nature）；（4）旅游業(yè)能帶來收入（increase the income）。

反對的理由：（1）旅游浪費時間和金錢（a huge waste of time and money），尤其是節(jié)假日旅游；（2）旅游往往污染環(huán)境（pollute the environment），破壞生態(tài)（ruin the eco-system）；（3）在網(wǎng)絡(luò)時代，可以通過網(wǎng)絡(luò)坐在家里看世界，不需要旅游了（Travel is no longer necessary when we can sit at home in front of the computer and tour around the world）。

以下是雅思旅游類經(jīng)典考題。

It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn about their cultures. We can learn from books, fi lms and internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2016/08/04)

Some think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aiming at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. (2015/12/19)

International travel makes people more prejudiced rather than broad-minded. Why? How to improve the understanding of countries they visit? (2015/08/13)

Many people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for them. Why do they think so? How to change their views? (2015/05/03)

現(xiàn)在，唐老雅將提供一篇旅游類學(xué)生習(xí)作，并對其進行詳細修改。各位請先閱讀學(xué)生習(xí)作，看它的問題在多大程度上也是自己的問題，然后結(jié)合唐老雅對它從5分到7分的修改，揣摩唐老雅在思路、論點、論據(jù)、語言等方面做了哪些調(diào)整。唐老雅認為，從錯誤修改中學(xué)習(xí)雅思寫作也許是最有效的。只要你緊跟唐老雅的步伐，期期閱讀《英語世界》刊登的雅思系列修改作文，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)，你的雅思寫作水平不知不覺就提高了！比不惜重金到所謂名師那里學(xué)習(xí)的效果要好得多！不信，你可以試試。

題目

Some people think that people can not bene fi t from international travel. Why is this case? How can people improve their understanding of other countries?

學(xué)生習(xí)作

Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose go travel abroad, but some people think that is not bene fi t from travel to the other counties. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understanding other countries.

Personally, some people think why people cannot bene fi t from international travel is they might never go travel abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have been travel to 10 countries. I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the country which I go there for the second time. I totally disagree people just use book or Internet to understand the other counties.

Firstly, before I went to Singapore, I knew the of fi cial language in Singapore is English, but when I been there I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish. Singlish is the language that include English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example they call milk tea ‘Teh’ and coffee as ‘kopi’. I haven’t known that on the book or Internet before I went to Singapore. The overseas information are very limit on the book or internet and the most book has similar content to describe a country. We have to stay their to real understanding the local customs and habits. Secondly, the process of travel is the best moment for me. I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better. I prefer independent travel to guide tour. The time and schedule is freer for Independent travel.

Admittedly, book and Internet are both the good way for people to understanding other counties. But real travel to the counties can know the local culture more understanding.

評分：5

唐老雅評改

本題要求分析為什么出國旅行對某些人來說沒有益處，并提出更好了解其他國家的辦法。

現(xiàn)在出國旅游蔚然成風(fēng)，那么為什么有些人覺得出國旅游沒有什么好處呢？其原因無非是出國旅游花費巨大，耗時很多，同時，了解其他國家也可以通過報刊或者網(wǎng)絡(luò)來進行，不必非要親身到這些國家去。當(dāng)然，你也可以分析，如果不親身去這些國家，我們就很難真正理解這些國家，從而強調(diào)出國旅游的重要性。

本學(xué)生習(xí)作圍繞題目要求，結(jié)合自己經(jīng)歷，因此內(nèi)容比較充實、具體。基本能夠用英語表達自己的意思，詞匯使用顯示出一定的幅度，但無論詞匯使用還是復(fù)雜句型使用，都出現(xiàn)了較多錯誤，有些甚至影響了理解。老雅建議該生進一步練習(xí)英語句子的基本結(jié)構(gòu)，確保先不犯大的語法錯誤。在用漢語思考的時候，想辦法將比較復(fù)雜的漢語轉(zhuǎn)化為更簡單的漢語，然后用英語去表達。多練習(xí)寫，并找人修訂語法錯誤，總結(jié)出自己錯誤傾向，并專門予以改正。

第1段

Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose go travelabroad, but some people think that is not bene fi t from travel to the other counties. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understanding other countries.

[修改] Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose to travel abroad, but some people do not think they can bene fi t from travel to other countries. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understand other countries.

[評析] 本段是開頭段，先引出話題，然后重述題目觀點，最后點出自己的觀點。結(jié)構(gòu)沒有問題，但在語言表達上有瑕疵。bene fi t這個詞是雅思作文中出境頻率很高的詞，一定要確保正確使用。bene fi t可用作動詞，意思是“獲益”，也可用名詞，意思是“好處”，其形容詞形式為bene fi cial，意思是“對……有好處的”。比如：

Both sides have bene fi ted from the talk. 雙方都從這次談判中獲益。

We need people working for the bene fi t of the community. 我們需要為社區(qū)利益工作的人。

第2段

Personally, some people think why people cannot bene fi t from international travel is they might never go travel abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have been travel to 10 countries. I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the country which I go there for the second time. I totally disagree people just use book or Internet to understand the other counties.

[修改] Personally, I think the reason why people think they cannot bene fi t from international travel is that they have never gone abroad or will never. Travel is my favorite thing. I have traveled to 10 countries. I met a lot of interesting things during my each travel, even when I went to a country for the second time. I totally disagree that people just use books or Internet to understand other countries.

[評析] 本段分析為什么有人認為出國旅游沒有意義：因為他們從來沒出國，將來也不打算出國。然后作者從自己的經(jīng)歷談起，認為書和網(wǎng)絡(luò)不是了解其他國家的最好辦法。（1）第一句think引導(dǎo)的賓語從句中沒有主語，正確的句型應(yīng)該是the reason why... is that...；（2）“ I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the country which I go there for the second time”是比較大的表達錯誤，很難讓人讀懂，尤其是后半部分。

第3段

Firstly, before I went to Singapore, I knew the of fi cial language in Singapore is English, but when I been there I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish. Singlish is the language that include English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example they call milk tea ‘Teh’ and coffee as ‘kopi’. I haven’t known that on the book or Internet before I went to Singapore. The overseas information are very limit on the book or internet and the most book has similar content to describe a country. We have to stay their to real understanding the local customs and habits. Secondly, the process of travel is the best moment for me. I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better. I prefer independent travel to guide tour. The time and schedule is freer for Independent travel.

[修改] For example, before I went to Singapore, I thought that of fi cial language in Singapore is English, but when I visited this country I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish, a language that combines English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example, they call tea ‘Teh’ and coffee ‘kopi’. I had not known that on books or Internet before I went to Singapore. The information is usually very limited on books or Internet and they often offer similar information about a country, so we have to stay in a foreign country in order to really understand the local customs and styles. In addition, when I am traveling, I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better.

[評析] 本段用具體例子證明為什么親身出國旅游才能真正理解別人的文化。這樣用一整段來舉例的情況并不多見，也有一定風(fēng)險，但寫作就是這樣，沒有任何成規(guī)，只要符合題意就可以。一定要從理論上去講為什么出國旅游才能理解別人文化，也許對這位學(xué)生來說有一定困難，或者說理不是其擅長，因此她舉實際例證也可以說是一種合理的選擇。這個例子很具體，而且相當(dāng)個性化，因此給文章帶來了出其不意的新穎。當(dāng)然，由于這位學(xué)生的語言表達能力（尤其是語法）比較有限，在很大程度上抵消了這種新穎性帶來的優(yōu)勢。

第4段

Admittedly, book and Internet are both the good way for people to understanding other counties. But real travel to the counties can know the local culture more understanding.

[修改] Admittedly, books and Internet are both the good ways for people to understand other countries, yet traveling to these countries in person, we will know, feel and taste their authentic culture.

[評析] 本段為總結(jié)段。內(nèi)容沒有問題，首先承認書和因特網(wǎng)是了解其他國家的好辦法，但隨即總結(jié)自己的觀點，即只有親身出國旅游才能了解其他的國家的真實文化。習(xí)作最后一句是語法大錯誤，應(yīng)該避免。

[與唐老雅繼續(xù)交流，請加微信號ieltswriting4u（唐老雅英語寫作工作室）]

美國社會流行語

Sleep tattoo refers to the markings on the body from sleeping for an extended period of time, caused by blankets, clothing, or any other thing one would sleep on. Commonly found on the chest, face, and arms. (Source: urbandictionary.com)

睡眠紋身指睡了很長一段時間醒來后，睡覺時蓋的毯子、穿的衣服或碰巧在床上的任何物品在身上留下的印記，多見于胸口、臉部及胳膊。

Workjack occurs when you complete an assignment, project, or other accomplishment and a co-worker, supervisor, executive or other employee either

a. claims the credit for the work accomplished

b. discredits the work accomplished for no apparent reason

c. requests a lot of useless modifications or asks a lot of pointless questions to make the work seem inadequate

工作劫持發(fā)生的情況有以下三種：當(dāng)你完成了一項任務(wù)或項目，一個同事或主管——

（1）將功勞占為己有；

（2）毫無道理地質(zhì)疑工作成果；

（3）要求做許多毫無用處的修改，或是問許多沒有意義的問題，完全是挑刺兒。

1 唐偉勝，廣東外語外貿(mào)大學(xué)教授，博士，英美文學(xué)研究專家。