互動平臺

互動平臺

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來稿請寄：430079華中師范大學(xué)外國語學(xué)院《中學(xué)生英語》雜志社收

本期點評名師

陳傳光男，中學(xué)一級教師，江蘇省贛榆縣羅陽中學(xué)，從事教育教學(xué)工作十余載。江蘇省教育學(xué)會會員，連云港市優(yōu)秀教育園丁，贛榆縣優(yōu)秀班主任。有多篇論文在各雜志期刊上發(fā)表并獲獎。曾獲全國中學(xué)生新課程英語語言能力競賽優(yōu)秀輔導(dǎo)教師一等獎。

My Lovely Twin Cousins

My uncle has two little babies.They are twins.Their names are Zi Kang and Zi Jie.They are only two years old.They all①have small eyes and straight black hair.Zi Jie is taller and stronger than Zi Kang,and Zi Jie looks like his dad.They love eating chocolate biscuits.

They are so cute.They like swinging in the park.They get up at seven o’clock.Thenmy grandma takes them to themarket to buy delicious breakfast.After that,they go to the park. In the afternoon,my aunt often takes them to play with the neighbor②kids for a while.Every evening,they do not go to bed until they finish drinking hotmilk.

My lovely twin cousins like smiling.They smile to everyone,even if they don’t know who are they③.So everyone likes them.

江蘇省贛榆縣羅陽中學(xué)九(5)班豐凱強

1.優(yōu)點:

這是一篇別具特色的寫人作品，文章的主角是兩個只有兩歲的雙胞胎嬰兒，通過表哥豐凱強同學(xué)繪聲繪色的描寫，這兩個小寶貝憨態(tài)可掬的樣子躍然紙上，讓人喜愛。本文重點闡述了雙胞胎表弟的生活，細(xì)節(jié)之處，如“喜歡對人微笑”，極富感染力，是一篇極為生動的寫人佳作。

2.需要修改的地方：

①all改為both。all意為“（三者或三者以上）都”，both意為“（兩者）都”。

②neighbor改為neighbor’s。neighbor’s是名詞所有格，修飾kids，意為“鄰居的”。

③are they改為they are。此處是賓語從句，從句應(yīng)使用陳述句語序。

3.評分：

按江蘇省連云港市中考英語作文滿分20分的評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得18分。