小作者大能量

指導(dǎo)老師：謝慧欣

小作者大能量

指導(dǎo)老師：謝慧欣

閱讀一篇美文是一種享受，是文字帶給我們的愉悅時(shí)光。而書寫一篇美文卻是一個(gè)艱辛而偉大的過(guò)程。在謝慧欣老師的指導(dǎo)下，來(lái)自華南理工大學(xué)附屬實(shí)驗(yàn)學(xué)校的小作者們也書寫了屬于自己的作品—

A Beautiful Misunderstanding

There are many misunderstandings in our lives. Some make people keep far away from each other；others can show us love and kindness.

One sunny day， the sky was as pure as a sapphire［藍(lán)寶石］. I went to a general store to buy plasticine［橡皮泥］with my classmate Nancy， a twelve-year-old girl. We were looking around just like two happy birds. At last， we chose a can of plasticine that cost 22 yuan. Then we went forward to the cashier’s［收銀員］.

“Oh no Nancy， it is her！” I murmured［低語(yǔ)］. “Yes， the terrible poker-faced woman！” Nancy answered. The female［女性的］cashier is the boss of this store. We were afraid of her. “22 yuan，” a cool voice came to us. We opened our purses. Unexpectedly， there was just a little small change［零錢］. “Sorry， please wait a second，” I said to the poker face. We felt very anxious and put all money on the ground. “One， two， three…twenty，” we looked at each other in consternation［驚慌失措］. “That is all our money，”Nancy told the poker face awkwardly［難堪地］.

To our surprise， she looked at us with the pitying gaze［凝視］as if we were little match girls and told us gently，“Girls， 20 yuan is OK！” Then she gave us the plasticine. We said thanks to her and went to the subway station. When we looked for our metro cards， we were surprised that there were another 30 yuan in the interlayer［夾層］of my purse. I said， “Wow， it is really a misunderstanding！”Nancy said， “Yes， but it is beautiful！”

It was through the beautiful misunderstanding that we found kindness and warmth behind the poker face. And we believed this kind of kindness and warmth will be passed on from hand to hand.

初一（2）班 鄧穎杉

老師點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章以第一人稱的角度敘事，語(yǔ)言自然樸素，猶如一股清泉。開(kāi)頭簡(jiǎn)潔自然，結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，結(jié)尾點(diǎn)題。語(yǔ)言多利用when和then來(lái)進(jìn)行時(shí)間場(chǎng)景的轉(zhuǎn)換，unexpectedly、to our surprise等詞匯也較為地道地描寫了作者的心理。在一場(chǎng)美麗的誤會(huì)中，小作者發(fā)掘了人性的美好與溫暖，也是因?yàn)檫@種發(fā)掘，美好與溫暖才能夠通過(guò)文字傳遞下去。

Everything Is Possible

Everything is possible， I think.

If I have a dream， I won’t give up. I know as long as I try my best to achieve it， I will succeed one day， no matter how hard it is. But if I don’t work hard， even though the dream is very small， it’s impossible to reach.

I do have a dream. My dream is to be a writer. I like writing things， so when I go out， I would bring my notebook. I think with the continuous［持續(xù)的］efforts， I will realize my dream one day.

For more than 60 years， most people have considered that there can’t be any snow in Guangzhou. But on 24thJanuary， 2016， when I got up and looked out of the window， something floated［飄?。載own from the sky. I was surprised because I had never seen snow in Guangzhou before. Neither had my parents.

I believe everything is possible from then on.

初一（2）班 王伊陽(yáng)

老師點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章結(jié)構(gòu)清晰明了，描述了對(duì)夢(mèng)想這一話題的個(gè)人思考與現(xiàn)實(shí)行動(dòng)。2016年廣州市下的那場(chǎng)雪，也讓小作者再次認(rèn)同了這一說(shuō)法：“一切皆有可能?！?/p>

My Wishes

I wish I were a bird. Because birds can fly freely and sing happily.

I wish I were a college student. Not only my study but also my ability is excellent， then my mother needn’t worry about me.

I wish I were a teacher. Because a teacher can give her knowledge to students， teach them to sing and dance， and help to carve［開(kāi)拓］their paths hand in hand.

I wish I were a singer. I’ll use my songs to move everyone. I hope my songs can give them joy.

I wish I were a nurse. Because if I have some common knowledge in nursing， I needn’t worry when my family are in trouble. If anyone is ill， I can take care of him. I can give him an injection［注射］and let him take medicine on time. I hope my patients can get well soon.

I have many wishes， so I must study hard and I hope my wishes will come true.

初一（1）班 洪承燁

老師點(diǎn)評(píng)：對(duì)于虛擬語(yǔ)氣的運(yùn)用和掌握是整篇文章最大的亮點(diǎn)，在初稿時(shí)就能把時(shí)態(tài)變化寫對(duì)，對(duì)于初中生來(lái)說(shuō)是一件很了不起的事！本文前面每段都用了“I wish I were a”這種結(jié)構(gòu)作為開(kāi)端，讓文章有了詩(shī)一般的美感。文章感情真摯，每個(gè)期望都蘊(yùn)藏著歡樂(lè)與期盼，而“孝”字也貫穿在字句中，這也是老師最喜歡的地方。

I’ma Writer

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