In The Park

劉奕希

Today is a suny day. The weather is pretty good. There are a lots of children in the park.

Look！ That girl is playing with her friends under the tree. They are singing and dancing. They look very happy. Those boys are playing soccer. Look！ A basketball is in the small river！ A boy is swiming to get it in the river. It is too dangerous. Oh！ There are many butterflies. They are flying on the grass or flying over the small river. They are really beautiful.

I think all the things in this park are really nice. What do you think of it？

王泉老師點評：

本次作文要求學(xué)生以新學(xué)的進行時態(tài)為主要時態(tài)，介紹某一活動場面。作者著眼點小，抓住出游的小場景，介紹人物與環(huán)境。這樣的處理方便恰當(dāng)?shù)厥褂眠M行時態(tài)。文章筆調(diào)細膩，將那一刻各色人物的活動及景致如徐徐展開的畫面生動形象地展示在讀者面前，值得一贊！

但要注意一些常見錯誤，如重讀閉音節(jié)單詞加后綴未先雙寫最后一個字母、單復(fù)數(shù)混用；注意習(xí)慣用法，避免邏輯問題。

修改稿：

Today is a sunny day. The weather is pretty good. There are lots of children in the park.

Look！ That girl and her friends are playing under the tree. They are singing and dancing. They look very happy. Some boys are playing soccer. Some are playing basketball. Look！ The basketball is rolling in the small river！ One of the boys is swimming to get it. It is too dangerous.

Oh！There are a lot of butterflies. They are flying over the grass and the small river. They are really beautiful. What an attractive picture it is！

I think all the things in this park are really nice. Would you like to come and join them？